All_DB this_DD1 talk_NN1 about_II terror_NN1 has_VHZ me_PPIO1 pooped_VVN Today_RT we_PPIS2 have_VH0 some_DD urgent_JJ breaking_NN1 news_NN1 ,_, defined_VVN as_CSA "_" news_NN1 that_CST happened_VVD at_II some_DD point_NN1 in_II the_AT past_JJ year_NNT1 and_CC we_PPIS2 just_RR now_RT found_VVD out_RP because_CS we_PPIS2 're_VBR way_RR behind_RL in_II our_APPGE mail_NN1 ._. "_" 
Our_APPGE first_MD breaking_NN1 item_NN1 is_VBZ an_AT1 alarming_JJ report_NN1 in_II the_AT Erie_NP1 (_( Pa_NP1 ._. )_) 
Times-News_NN1 ,_, which_DDQ devoted_VVD most_DAT of_IO its_APPGE front_JJ page_NN1 ,_, and_CC an_AT1 entire_JJ inside_II page_NN1 ,_, to_II this_DD1 story_NN1 ._. 
What_DDQ happened_VVD ,_, in_RR21 brief_RR22 ,_, was_VBDZ that_CST an_AT1 18-year-old_JJ male_NN1 got_VVD sick_JJ and_CC defecated_VVD in_RP ..._... well_RR ,_, in_II his_APPGE briefs_NN2 ._. 
He_PPHS1 then_RT changed_VVD at_II a_AT1 friend_NN1 's_GE house_NN1 ,_, put_VVD his_APPGE soiled_JJ clothes_NN2 in_II a_AT1 black_JJ garbage_NN1 bag_NN1 and_CC threw_VVD it_PPH1 away_RL ._. 
Now_RT ,_, in_II normal_JJ times_NNT2 ,_, this_DD1 would_VM not_XX be_VBI front-page_JJ news_NN1 ,_, even_RR in_II Erie_NP1 ._. 
But_CCB of_RR21 course_RR22 ,_, we_PPIS2 do_VD0 not_XX live_VVI in_II normal_JJ times_NNT2 ._. 
The_AT day_NNT1 before_II the_AT man_NN1 soiled_VVD his_APPGE undies_NN2 in_II Erie_NP1 ,_, the_AT U.S._NP1 attorney_NN1 general_JJ had_VHD issued_VVN one_MC1 of_IO those_DD2 vague_JJ yet_RR unhelpful_JJ terrorism_NN1 warnings_NN2 that_CST boil_VV0 down_RP to_II :_: "_" Be_VBI afraid_JJ !_! 
Be_VB0 very_RG afraid_JJ !_! "_" 
So_RR the_AT nation_NN1 was_VBDZ on_II High_JJ Random_JJ Fear_NN1 Alert_VV0 when_RRQ the_AT young_JJ man_NN1 disposed_VVN of_IO his_APPGE briefs_NN2 ._. 
Unfortunately_RR ,_, he_PPHS1 tossed_VVD the_AT garbage_NN1 bag_NN1 next_II21 to_II22 a_AT1 municipal_JJ reservoir_NN1 and_CC was_VBDZ spotted_VVN by_II a_AT1 water_NN1 works_NN employee_NN1 ,_, who_PNQS reported_VVD the_AT bag_NN1 to_II the_AT police_NN2 ,_, who_PNQS called_VVD out_RP the_AT Bomb_NN1 Squad_NN1 and_CC the_AT Hazardous_JJ Materials_NN2 Response_NN1 Team_NN1 ._. 
After_CS several_DA2 tense_JJ hours_NNT2 ,_, police_NN2 apprehended_VVD the_AT young_JJ man_NN1 ,_, who_PNQS told_VVD them_PPHO2 what_DDQ was_VBDZ in_II the_AT garbage_NN1 bag_NN1 ._. 
This_DD1 was_VBDZ confirmed_VVN by_II the_AT Bomb_NN1 Squad_NN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 think_VV0 we_PPIS2 can_VM all_DB agree_VVI that_CST no_RGQV31 matter_RGQV32 how_RGQV33 much_RR those_DD2 officers_NN2 get_VV0 paid_VVN ,_, it_PPH1 is_VBZ not_XX enough_RR ._. 
So_RR life_NN1 in_II Erie_NP1 returned_VVD to_II normal_JJ for_IF everybody_PN1 except_II the_AT young_JJ man_NN1 ,_, who_PNQS is_VBZ currently_RR in_II a_AT1 Guantanamo_NN1 Bay_NN1 cell_NN1 surrounded_VVN by_II irate_JJ military_JJ dogs_NN2 ._. 
No_UH ,_, seriously_RR ,_, he_PPHS1 faced_VVD minor_JJ charges_NN2 ,_, and_CC we_PPIS2 're_VBR sure_JJ he_PPHS1 's_VBZ doing_VDG just_RR as_RG well_RR as_CSA you_PPY 'd_VM be_VBI doing_VDG if_CSW you_PPY were_VBDR the_AT subject_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 front-page_JJ newspaper_NN1 story_NN1 informing_VVG the_AT world_NN1 that_CST you_PPY managed_VVD to_TO paralyze_VVI your_APPGE city_NN1 after_II doodifying_VVG your_APPGE drawers_NN2 ._. 
But_CCB let_VV0 this_DD1 story_NN1 serve_VVI as_II a_AT1 reminder_NN1 to_II all_DB of_IO us_PPIO2 :_: If_CS we_PPIS2 ever_RR have_VH0 a_AT1 similar_JJ accident_NN1 ,_, we_PPIS2 should_VM NOT_XX dispose_VVI of_IO our_APPGE underwear_NN1 in_II a_AT1 careless_JJ manner_NN1 ._. 
Instead_RR ,_, we_PPIS2 should_VM --_JJ to_TO quote_VVI the_AT U.S._NP1 Department_NN1 of_IO Homeland_NN1 Security_NN1 director_NN1 --_NN1 "_" mail_NN1 it_PPH1 to_II whoever_PNQV is_VBZ responsible_JJ for_IF the_AT TV_NN1 show_NN1 'Wife_NN1 Swap_NN1 ._. '_" "_" 
Our_APPGE next_MD piece_NN1 of_IO breaking_VVG news_NN1 is_VBZ a_AT1 brief_JJ newspaper_NN1 article_NN1 from_II California_NP1 headlined_VVD ,_, "_" Officials_NN2 Crack_VV0 Down_NN1 on_II 'Bathtub'_JJ Cheese_NN1 ._. "_" 
It_PPH1 begins_VVZ :_: "_" San_NP1 Diego_NP1 County_NN1 health_NN1 officials_NN2 warned_VVN against_II buying_VVG or_CC eating_VVG cheeses_NN2 made_VVN in_II bathtubs_NN2 that_CST were_VBDR being_VBG sold_VVN door_NN1 to_II door_NN1 ._. "_" 
It_PPH1 is_VBZ not_XX clear_JJ ,_, from_II this_DD1 wording_NN1 ,_, whether_CSW it_PPH1 is_VBZ the_AT cheese_NN1 that_CST is_VBZ being_VBG sold_VVN door_NN1 to_II door_NN1 ,_, or_CC the_AT bathtubs_NN2 ._. 
To_TO be_VBI on_II the_AT safe_JJ side_NN1 ,_, we_PPIS2 urge_VV0 residents_NN2 of_IO San_NP1 Diego_NP1 County_NN1 to_TO avoid_VVI both_RR bathing_VVG AND_CC eating_VVG suspicious_JJ cheese_NN1 ,_, lest_CS you_PPY wind_VV0 up_RP becoming_VVG ill_JJ and_CC producing_VVG what_DDQ gastroenterologists_NN2 refer_VV0 to_II as_II an_AT1 "_" Erie_NP1 Special_JJ ._. "_" 
In_II international_JJ news_NN1 ,_, we_PPIS2 have_VH0 a_AT1 disturbing_JJ item_NN1 from_II the_AT Daily_NP1 Yomiuri_NP1 ,_, an_AT1 English-language_JJ Japanese_JJ newspaper_NN1 ,_, which_DDQ says_VVZ "_" an_AT1 83-year-old_JJ professor_NN1 emeritus_JJ was_VBDZ arrested_VVN after_II attacking_VVG a_AT1 salesman_NN1 with_IW a_AT1 sword_NN1 after_II the_AT man_NN1 offered_VVD to_TO 'fix_VVI his_APPGE sewage_NN1 pipes_NN2 ._. '_" "_" 
The_AT professor_NN1 was_VBDZ arrested_VVN on_II suspicion_NN1 of_IO violating_VVG the_AT "_" Firearms_NN2 and_CC Swords_NN2 Control_VV0 Law_NN1 ._. "_" 
This_DD1 story_NN1 should_VM remind_VVI all_DB Americans_NN2 how_RRQ lucky_JJ we_PPIS2 are_VBR to_TO live_VVI in_II a_AT1 nation_NN1 where_RRQ we_PPIS2 have_VH0 a_AT1 constitutional_JJ right_NN1 to_TO keep_VVI and_CC bear_VVI swords_NN2 to_TO protect_VVI ourselves_PPX2 from_II those_DD2 who_PNQS would_VM repair_VVI our_APPGE sewage_NN1 pipes_NN2 ._. 
We_PPIS2 also_RR have_VH0 the_AT right_NN1 to_TO vote_VVI for_IF our_APPGE leaders_NN2 ,_, which_DDQ leads_VVZ us_PPIO2 to_II our_APPGE final_NN1 breaking_VVG news_NN1 item_NN1 :_: Apparently_RR there_EX was_VBDZ some_DD kind_NN1 of_IO presidential_JJ election_NN1 recently_RR ._. 
Somebody_PN1 should_VM look_VVI into_II this_DD1 ._. 
