The_AT New_NP1 York_NP1 Regional_JJ Mormon_NN1 Singles_VVZ Halloween_NNT1 Dance_NN1 :_: A_AT1 Memoir_NN1 I_PPIS1 am_VBM at_II the_AT New_NP1 York_NP1 Regional_JJ Mormon_NN1 Singles_VVZ Halloween_NNT1 Dance_NN1 ._. 
That_DD1 's_VBZ right_JJ --_NN1 it_PPH1 's_VBZ a_AT1 Halloween_NNT1 dance_VV0 not_XX just_RR for_IF all_DB the_AT single_JJ Mormons_NN2 between_II the_AT ages_NN2 of_IO eighteen_MC and_CC thirty_MC who_PNQS live_VV0 in_II Manhattan_NP1 ,_, it_PPH1 's_VBZ for_IF all_DB the_AT single_JJ Mormons_NN2 in_II the_AT tristate_NN1 area_NN1 ._. 
That_DD1 's_VBZ a_AT1 lot_NN1 of_IO virgins_NN2 in_II one_MC1 room_NN1 ._. 
And_CC I_PPIS1 'm_VBM one_MC1 of_IO them_PPHO2 ._. 
Tonight_RT I_PPIS1 'm_VBM dressed_VVN like_II a_AT1 Queen_NNB Bee_NP1 ._. 
The_AT best_JJT part_NN1 of_IO my_APPGE costume_NN1 is_VBZ my_APPGE stinger_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 bought_VVD a_AT1 black_JJ funnel_NN1 from_II the_AT hardware_NN1 store_NN1 and_CC stuck_VVD it_PPH1 on_II my_APPGE butt_NN1 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 walk_VV0 ,_, it_PPH1 wiggles_VVZ back_RP and_CC forth_RR ._. 
Genius_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ certain_JJ that_CST some_DD Mormon_JJ guy_NN1 was_VBDZ going_VVGK to_TO see_VVI me_PPIO1 and_CC fall_VV0 head_NN1 over_II heels_NN2 in_II love_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 joked_VVD to_II my_APPGE friends_NN2 that_CST the_AT Queen_NNB Bee_NP1 was_VBDZ going_VVGK to_TO find_VVI a_AT1 drone_NN1 ._. 
Instead_RR ,_, I_PPIS1 'm_VBM by_II myself_PPX1 at_II the_AT punch_NN1 bowl_NN1 stocking_VVG up_RP on_II generic-brand_JJ Oreo_NN1 cookies_NN2 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 'm_VBM wrong_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 'm_VBM wrong_JJ and_CC strong_JJ ._. 
The_AT worst_JJT part_NN1 is_VBZ ,_, I_PPIS1 should_VM 've_VHI known_VVN better_RRR ._. 
This_DD1 is_VBZ my_APPGE fourth_MD New_NP1 York_NP1 Regional_JJ Mormon_NN1 Singles_VVZ Halloween_NNT1 Dance_NN1 in_II a_AT1 row_NN1 ._. 
Every_AT1 year_NNT1 ,_, I_PPIS1 come_VV0 hoping_VVG to_TO meet_VVI "_" The_AT One_PN1 ._. "_" 
And_CC every_AT1 year_NNT1 ,_, I_PPIS1 leave_VV0 by_II myself_PPX1 ,_, vowing_VVG never_RR to_TO come_VVI again_RT ._. 
But_CCB by_II the_AT time_NNT1 365_MC days_NNT2 have_VH0 passed_VVN ,_, I_PPIS1 've_VH0 completely_RR forgotten_VVN this_DD1 commitment_NN1 ._. 
In_II the_AT end_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 am_VBM here_RL for_IF one_MC1 reason_NN1 and_CC one_MC1 reason_NN1 only_RR :_: I_PPIS1 want_VV0 very_RG much_DA1 to_TO fall_VVI in_II love_NN1 ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 would_VM be_VBI nice_JJ if_CS I_PPIS1 could_VM fall_VVI for_IF another_DD1 Mormon_NN1 ._. 
Cue_NN1 :_: this_DD1 place_NN1 ._. 
And_CC by_II this_DD1 place_NN1 I_PPIS1 mean_VV0 a_AT1 lame_JJ dance_NN1 held_VVN in_II a_AT1 church_NN1 gym_NN1 ._. 
Although_CS ,_, to_II her_APPGE credit_NN1 ,_, the_AT church_NN1 activities_NN2 '_GE committee_NN1 director_NN1 has_VHZ made_VVN a_AT1 halfhearted_JJ attempt_NN1 to_TO disguise_VVI the_AT gym_NN1 ._. 
Black_JJ and_CC orange_JJ streamers_NN2 are_VBR taped_VVN to_II the_AT basketball_NN1 hoop_NN1 and_CC silly_JJ monster_NN1 feet_NN2 cover_VV0 the_AT lines_NN2 on_II the_AT linoleum_NN1 floor_NN1 ._. 
Since_CS we_PPIS2 're_VBR all_RR over_II the_AT age_NN1 of_IO five_MC ,_, no_PN121 one_PN122 is_VBZ fooled_VVN ;_; clearly_RR this_DD1 is_VBZ still_RR the_AT gym_NN1 ._. 
Let_VM21 's_VM22 not_XX forget_VVI tonight_RT 's_GE DJ_NN1 ,_, Brother_NNB Mo_NP1 ,_, who_PNQS 's_VBZ wearing_VVG a_AT1 polyester_NN1 suit_NN1 and_CC tie_VV0 with_IW no_AT trace_NN1 of_IO irony_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 occupies_VVZ the_AT stage_NN1 at_II the_AT far_JJ end_NN1 of_IO the_AT gym_NN1 ._. 
To_II his_APPGE left_NN1 there_EX 's_VBZ a_AT1 long_JJ plastic_NN1 table_NN1 for_IF refreshments_NN2 :_: lemonade_NN1 and_CC cookies_NN2 ,_, as_CS21 if_CS22 we_PPIS2 're_VBR a_AT1 little_JJ league_NN1 soccer_NN1 team_NN1 ._. 
Then_RT there_EX are_VBR the_AT dance_NN1 rules_NN2 ._. 
The_AT most_RGT important_JJ one_PN1 ,_, announced_VVN over_II the_AT pulpit_NN1 on_II Sunday_NPD1 ,_, is_VBZ that_DD1 there_EX is_VBZ to_TO be_VBI no_AT cross-dressing_NN1 or_CC wearing_NN1 of_IO masks_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 understand_VV0 the_AT logic_NN1 behind_II no_AT cross-dressing_NN1 ,_, though_CS I_PPIS1 doubt_VV0 that_CST if_CS a_AT1 man_NN1 were_VBDR to_TO dress_VVI like_II a_AT1 woman_NN1 at_II this_DD1 function_NN1 he_PPHS1 would_VM suddenly_RR realize_VVI his_APPGE true_JJ identity_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB masks_NN2 ?_? 
I_PPIS1 personally_RR have_VH0 never_RR put_VVN on_II a_AT1 mask_NN1 and_CC suddenly_RR felt_VVD the_AT urge_NN1 to_TO hold_VVI up_RP a_AT1 convenience_NN1 store_NN1 or_CC reenact_VV0 the_AT orgy_NN1 scene_NN1 from_II Eyes_NN2 Wide_RR Shut_VV0 ._. 
But_CCB that_DD1 's_VBZ just_JJ me_PPIO1 ._. 
The_AT other_JJ rules_NN2 are_VBR unspoken_JJ ._. 
There_EX is_VBZ to_TO be_VBI no_AT inappropriate_JJ dancing_NN1 or_CC lascivious_JJ behavior_NN1 at_II the_AT church_NN1 dance_NN1 ._. 
No_AT grinding_NN1 ._. 
No_AT Levi-loving_NN1 ._. 
And_CC the_AT only_JJ "_" humpty_NN1 "_" allowed_VVN is_VBZ a_AT1 costume_NN1 of_IO an_AT1 egg_NN1 ._. 
That_DD1 's_VBZ why_RRQ there_EX are_VBR too_RG many_DA2 lights_NN2 overhead_RL and_CC only_RR "_" safe_JJ "_" songs_NN2 like_II "_" Cotton-eyed_JJ Joe_NP1 "_" on_II the_AT sound_NN1 system_NN1 ._. 
When_CS slow_JJ songs_NN2 do_VD0 play_VVI ,_, people_NN joke_VV0 that_CST you_PPY should_VM be_VBI able_JK to_TO fit_VVI "_" the_AT standard_JJ works_NN "_" between_II you_PPY and_CC your_APPGE partner_NN1 ._. 
The_AT standard_JJ works_NN is_VBZ a_AT1 Mormon_JJ term_NN1 referring_VVG to_II all_DB of_IO the_AT religious_JJ books_NN2 we_PPIS2 study_VV0 ._. 
So_RR when_CS you_PPY 're_VBR slow_RR dancing_VVG ,_, the_AT Old_JJ Testament_NN1 ,_, New_JJ Testament_NN1 ,_, The_AT Book_NN1 of_IO Mor-mon_NN1 ,_, Doctrine_NN1 and_CC Covenants_NN2 ,_, and_CC Pearl_NN1 of_IO Great_JJ Price_NN1 should_VM be_VBI able_JK to_TO fit_VVI in_II the_AT space_NN1 between_II you_PPY and_CC your_APPGE dance_NN1 partner_NN1 --_NN1 or_CC you_PPY 're_VBR dancing_VVG too_RG close_JJ ._. 
If_CS it_PPH1 were_VBDR n't_XX already_RR painfully_RR obvious_JJ ,_, these_DD2 events_NN2 are_VBR organized_VVN to_TO facilitate_VVI marriage_NN1 ._. 
How_RGQ else_RR would_VM we_PPIS2 Manhattan_NP1 Mormons_NN2 meet_VV0 ,_, marry_VV0 ,_, then_RT make_VV0 more_DAR Mormons_NN2 ?_? 
(_( Take_VV0 that_DD1 ,_, Sally_NP1 and_CC your_APPGE seashells_NN2 on_II the_AT seashore_NN1 ._. )_) 
No_PN121 one_PN122 acknowledges_VVZ this_DD1 ,_, though_RR ;_; that_DD1 's_VBZ another_DD1 unspoken_JJ rule_NN1 of_IO the_AT Mormon_JJ dance_NN1 ._. 
We_PPIS2 're_VBR all_DB just_RR here_RL to_TO "_" have_VHI fun_JJ ._. "_" 
The_AT effect_NN1 is_VBZ pretty_RG horrifying_JJ ._. 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ like_II watching_VVG a_AT1 bunch_NN1 of_IO assembly-line_NN1 workers_NN2 at_II a_AT1 factory_NN1 pretending_VVG they_PPHS2 're_VBR there_RL because_CS they_PPHS2 love_VV0 screwing_VVG nuts_NN2 on_II bolts_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 want_VV0 to_TO shout_VVI ,_, "_" Ca_VM n't_XX we_PPIS2 just_RR acknowledge_VVI that_CST we_PPIS2 are_VBR here_RL to_TO eventually_RR screw_VVI a_AT1 nut_NN1 on_II a_AT1 bolt_NN1 ?_? "_" 
But_CCB no_PN121 one_PN122 would_VM get_VVI the_AT joke_NN1 ,_, and_CC the_AT ones_NN2 who_PNQS do_VD0 would_VM be_VBI terribly_RR offended_VVN ._. 
Contrary_II21 to_II22 popular_JJ belief_NN1 ,_, there_EX are_VBR Mormons_NN2 who_PNQS live_VV0 in_II New_NP1 York_NP1 City_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX know_VVI how_RGQ many_DA2 of_IO us_PPIO2 there_EX are_VBR all_DB together_RL ,_, but_CCB there_EX are_VBR probably_RR eight_MC hundred_NNO single_JJ Mormons_NN2 and_CC at_RR21 least_RR22 twenty_MC thousand_NNO former_DA Mormons_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 've_VH0 been_VBN in_II the_AT city_NN1 for_IF four_MC years_NNT2 now_RT ._. 
I_PPIS1 moved_VVD to_II New_NP1 York_NP1 to_TO go_VVI to_II NYU_NN1 for_IF acting_VVG ,_, I_PPIS1 graduated_VVD in_II May_NPM1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 started_VVD work_NN1 as_II a_AT1 toy_NN1 demonstrator_NN1 at_II FAO_NP1 Schwarz_NP1 ._. 
While_CS I_PPIS1 am_VBM Mormon_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 'm_VBM not_XX from_II Utah_NP1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ born_VVN in_II Seattle_NP1 ,_, but_CCB I_PPIS1 grew_VVD up_RP in_II Madrid_NP1 and_CC London_NP1 because_CS my_APPGE father_NN1 's_GE job_NN1 moved_VVD my_APPGE family_NN1 overseas_RL ._. 
My_APPGE dad_NN1 works_VVZ for_IF Boeing_NP1 ;_; it_PPH1 's_VBZ not_XX that_RG exciting_JJ ._. 
But_CCB it_PPH1 meant_VVD we_PPIS2 moved_VVD around_RP a_AT1 lot_NN1 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ nine_MC we_PPIS2 moved_VVD to_II Madrid_NP1 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ thirteen_MC we_PPIS2 moved_VVD to_II London_NP1 ;_; when_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ fifteen_MC we_PPIS2 moved_VVD to_II Seattle_NP1 ;_; and_CC when_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ seventeen_MC we_PPIS2 moved_VVD back_RP to_II London_NP1 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 finished_VVD high_JJ school_NN1 at_II the_AT American_JJ School_NN1 in_II London_NP1 ,_, my_APPGE parents_NN2 wanted_VVD me_PPIO1 to_TO go_VVI to_II BYU_NP1 ,_, Brigham_NP1 Young_NP1 University_NN1 ,_, in_II Provo_NP1 ,_, Utah_NP1 ._. 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ where_RRQ they_PPHS2 went_VVD to_II school_NN1 ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 's_VBZ where_RRQ my_APPGE older_JJR sister_NN1 went_VVD ._. 
They_PPHS2 were_VBDR worried_VVN that_CST if_CS I_PPIS1 did_VDD n't_XX go_VVI to_II BYU_NP1 I_PPIS1 'd_VM stop_VVI being_VBG Mormon_JJ ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 would_VM n't_XX meet_VVI anyone_PN1 to_TO marry_VVI --_JJ well_NN1 ,_, they_PPHS2 were_VBDR right_JJ about_II the_AT second_MD part_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 remember_VV0 when_RRQ I_PPIS1 got_VVD my_APPGE acceptance_NN1 letter_NN1 from_II BYU_NP1 via_II the_AT British_JJ Royal_JJ Mail_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 opened_VVD the_AT thick_JJ envelope_NN1 ,_, looked_VVN at_II the_AT emblem_NN1 of_IO the_AT busy_JJ honeybees_NN2 all_DB working_VVG together_RL ,_, and_CC then_RT read_VV0 the_AT word_NN1 Congratulations_NN2 ._. 
It_PPH1 felt_VVD good_JJ ._. 
Any_DD letter_NN1 of_IO acceptance_NN1 makes_VVZ you_PPY feel_VVI good_JJ ._. 
But_CCB when_CS I_PPIS1 got_VVD my_APPGE letter_NN1 of_IO acceptance_NN1 to_II NYU_NP1 ,_, something_PN1 was_VBDZ different_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 opened_VVD the_AT package_NN1 on_II my_APPGE way_NN1 up_II21 to_II22 my_APPGE room_NN1 ,_, read_VVD the_AT word_NN1 Congratulations_NN2 ,_, and_CC started_VVD to_TO sob_VVI ,_, right_RR there_RL on_II the_AT stairs_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 sat_VVD down_RP and_CC I_PPIS1 cried_VVD ._. 
I_PPIS1 did_VDD n't_XX realize_VVI how_RGQ much_DA1 getting_VVG into_II NYU_NP1 meant_VVD to_II me_PPIO1 until_CS I_PPIS1 had_VHD those_DD2 huge_JJ tears_NN2 pouring_VVG down_RP my_APPGE cheeks_NN2 ._. 
And_CC that_DD1 's_VBZ when_RRQ I_PPIS1 knew_VVD I_PPIS1 had_VHD to_TO go_VVI to_II New_NP1 York_NP1 City_NN1 ._. 
My_APPGE mother_NN1 was_VBDZ terrified_VVN ._. 
She_PPHS1 's_VBZ the_AT more_DAR conservative_NN1 of_IO my_APPGE parents_NN2 ,_, and_CC when_RRQ she_PPHS1 's_VBZ not_XX busy_JJ being_VBG a_AT1 mom_NN1 ,_, she_PPHS1 spends_VVZ her_APPGE time_NNT1 forwarding_VVG cheesy_JJ e-mails_NN2 about_II Christian_JJ miracles_NN2 ,_, or_CC signing_VVG petitions_NN2 against_II Abercrombie_NP1 &;_NULL Fitch_NP1 's_GE pornographic_JJ ads_NN2 ._. 
To_II her_PPHO1 ,_, New_NP1 York_NP1 was_VBDZ the_AT city_NN1 from_II the_AT movies_NN2 made_VVN in_II the_AT seventies_MC2 ,_, where_CS you_PPY heard_VVD gunshots_NN2 out_RP your_APPGE window_NN1 and_CC pimps_NN2 screaming_VVG at_II hos_NN2 ._. 
Not_XX that_CST there_EX were_VBDR many_DA2 scenes_NN2 like_II that_DD1 in_II the_AT PG-rated_JJ movies_NN2 my_APPGE mother_NN1 was_VBDZ inclined_JJ to_TO watch_VVI ._. 
But_CCB still_RR ,_, New_NP1 York_NP1 was_VBDZ a_AT1 scary_JJ ,_, dangerous_JJ place_NN1 ._. 
A_AT1 month_NNT1 before_CS I_PPIS1 went_VVD off_RP to_II college_NN1 ,_, she_PPHS1 sat_VVD me_PPIO1 down_RP for_IF a_AT1 mother-daughter_JJ talk_NN1 ._. 
"_" Elna_NN1 ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD nervously_RR ._. 
"_" The_AT first_MD thing_NN1 that_CST will_VM happen_VVI when_RRQ you_PPY move_VV0 to_II New_NP1 York_NP1 is_VBZ ,_, you_PPY might_VM start_VVI to_TO swear_VVI ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 wanted_VVD to_TO say_VVI ,_, "_" Oh_UH shit_NN1 ,_, really_RR ?_? "_" 
But_CCB I_PPIS1 knew_VVD that_CST only_RR my_APPGE dad_NN1 would_VM think_VVI that_DD1 was_VBDZ funny_JJ ._. 
Instead_RR I_PPIS1 nodded_VVD my_APPGE head_NN1 and_CC said_VVD ,_, "_" Mmm_UH hmm_UH ._. "_" 
"_" And_CC Elna_NP1 ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 continued_VVD ,_, "_" swearing_NN1 will_VM lead_VVI to_II drinking_NN1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD somehow_RR missed_VVN the_AT connection_NN1 ._. 
"_" And_CC drinking_NN1 will_VM lead_VVI to_II doing_VDG drugs_NN2 ._. "_" 
The_AT conversation_NN1 was_VBDZ starting_VVG to_TO get_VVI more_RGR amusing_JJ than_CSN even_RR I_PPIS1 had_VHD anticipated_VVN ._. 
"_" And_CC Elna_NP1 ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD ,_, pursing_VVG her_APPGE lips_NN2 and_CC looking_VVG directly_RR into_II my_APPGE eyes_NN2 ,_, "_" what_DDQ would_VM you_PPY do_VDI if_CS a_AT1 lesbian_NN1 tried_VVD to_TO make_VVI out_RP with_IW you_PPY ?_? "_" 
I_PPIS1 did_VDD n't_XX think_VVI double_JJ takes_NN2 existed_VVD outside_II21 of_II22 Threes_MC2 Company_NN1 until_CS that_DD1 moment_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ used_JJ to_II her_PPHO1 saying_VVG words_NN2 like_II church_NN1 calling_VVG ,_, relief_NN1 society_NN1 ,_, and_CC bishopric_NN1 meeting_NN1 ._. 
Not_XX the_AT word_NN1 lesbian_NN1 ,_, let_II21 alone_II22 lesbian_NN1 and_CC make_VV0 out_RP in_II the_AT same_DA sentence_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ awesome_JJ ._. 
But_CCB I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ also_RR slightly_RR offended_VVN ._. 
If_CS you_PPY followed_VVD my_APPGE mother_NN1 's_GE logic_NN1 ,_, each_DD1 step_NN1 was_VBDZ a_AT1 progression_NN1 toward_II becoming_VVG more_DAR of_IO a_AT1 sinner_NN1 ._. 
First_MD I_PPIS1 'd_VM swear_VVI ,_, then_RT I_PPIS1 'd_VM drink_VVI ,_, then_RT I_PPIS1 'd_VM do_VDI drugs_NN2 ._. 
By_II that_DD1 point_NN1 I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ getting_VVG used_JJ to_II the_AT narrative_NN1 ,_, so_CS I_PPIS1 assumed_VVD sex_NN1 with_IW men_NN2 would_VM be_VBI next_MD ._. 
But_CCB no_AT --_NN1 my_APPGE mother_NN1 skipped_VVD that_CST altogether_RR and_CC jumped_VVD to_II my_APPGE becoming_VVG a_AT1 lesbian_NN1 ._. 
Did_VDD my_APPGE mother_NN1 honestly_RR think_VVI that_CST I_PPIS1 had_VHD a_AT1 better_JJR chance_NN1 of_IO getting_VVG action_NN1 from_II a_AT1 woman_NN1 than_CSN a_AT1 man_NN1 ?_? 
These_DD2 are_VBR all_DB questions_NN2 I_PPIS1 did_VDD n't_XX ask_VVI her_PPHO1 directly_RR ._. 
But_CCB at_II this_DD1 point_NN1 I_PPIS1 'd_VM almost_RR forgotten_VVN she_PPHS1 'd_VHD asked_VVN me_PPIO1 anything_PN1 :_: What_DDQ would_VM I_PPIS1 do_VDI if_CS a_AT1 lesbian_NN1 tried_VVD to_TO make_VVI out_RP with_IW me_PPIO1 ?_? 
She_PPHS1 was_VBDZ sitting_VVG there_RL ,_, arms_NN2 folded_VVN ,_, waiting_VVG for_IF an_AT1 answer_NN1 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 'd_VM say_VVI ,_, 'No_NN1 ,_, thank_VV0 you_PPY ..._... lesbian_JJ ._. '_" "_" 
My_APPGE mother_NN1 rolled_VVD her_APPGE eyes_NN2 ._. 
"_" There_EX 's_VBZ one_MC1 more_DAR thing_NN1 ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD ,_, resuming_VVG our_APPGE heart-to-heart_NN1 ._. 
Sex_NN1 with_IW men_NN2 ,_, sex_NN1 with_IW men_NN2 ,_, sex_NN1 with_IW men_NN2 ._. 
"_" There_EX are_VBR these_DD2 clubs_NN2 in_II New_NP1 York_NP1 where_RRQ men_NN2 pay_VV0 larger_JJR women_NN2 to_TO dance_VVI with_IW very_RG little_DA1 clothing_NN1 on_RP ;_; do_VD0 n't_XX do_VDI that_DD1 ._. "_" 
Our_APPGE mother-daughter_JJ talk_NN1 ended_VVN with_IW that_DD1 golden_JJ nugget_NN1 of_IO wisdom_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 left_VVD thinking_VVG ,_, Great_JJ ,_, my_APPGE mom_NN1 thinks_VVZ I_PPIS1 'm_VBM moving_VVG to_II the_AT big_JJ city_NN1 to_TO become_VVI a_AT1 lesbian_JJ stripper_NN1 ._. 
Apparently_RR ,_, when_CS she_PPHS1 told_VVD me_PPIO1 I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ "_" special_JJ ,_, "_" this_DD1 is_VBZ what_DDQ she_PPHS1 meant_VVD ._. 
My_APPGE father_NN1 sat_VVD me_PPIO1 down_RP a_AT1 few_DA2 days_NNT2 later_RRR for_IF another_DD1 leaving-the-nest_JJ talk_NN1 ._. 
His_APPGE advice_NN1 was_VBDZ a_RR21 little_RR22 different_JJ ._. 
"_" Elna_NN1 ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 began_VVD ,_, "_" never_RR forget_VV0 these_DD2 three_MC things_NN2 ._. "_" 
He_PPHS1 paused_VVD for_IF dramatic_JJ effect_NN1 ._. 
"_" Number_NN1 One_MC1 :_: Never_RR wear_VV0 a_AT1 dead_JJ man_NN1 's_GE socks_NN2 ._. 
Number_NN1 Two_MC :_: Never_RR let_VV0 em_PPHO2 see_VVI you_PPY sweat_VVI ._. 
And_CC Number_NN1 Three_MC :_: Never_RR touch_VV0 a_AT1 fat_JJ man_NN1 's_GE stomach_NN1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 waited_VVD for_IF him_PPHO1 to_TO clarify_VVI ,_, to_TO add_VVI a_AT1 line_NN1 that_CST would_VM somehow_RR make_VVI all_DB the_AT other_JJ words_NN2 he_PPHS1 'd_VHD said_VVN make_VV0 sense_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB he_PPHS1 just_RR patted_VVD me_PPIO1 on_II the_AT shoulder_NN1 and_CC left_VVD me_PPIO1 in_II the_AT living_NN1 room_NN1 to_TO contemplate_VVI his_APPGE wisdom_NN1 ._. 
That_DD1 was_VBDZ all_DB the_AT advice_NN1 I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ given_VVN before_II moving_VVG to_II New_NP1 York_NP1 City_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 wanted_VVD more_RRR ,_, or_CC at_II the_AT very_RG least_RRT a_AT1 tender_JJ good-bye_NN1 ._. 
Only_RR this_DD1 was_VBDZ interrupted_VVN when_CS the_AT check-in_NN1 clerk_NN1 announced_VVD that_CST my_APPGE bag_NN1 was_VBDZ too_RG heavy_JJ ._. 
My_APPGE father_NN1 opened_VVD it_PPH1 in_II the_AT middle_NN1 of_IO the_AT terminal_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 watched_VVD as_CSA he_PPHS1 pulled_VVD out_RP items_NN2 of_IO sentimental_JJ value_NN1 ,_, told_VVD me_PPIO1 I_PPIS1 did_VDD n't_XX need_VVI them_PPHO2 ,_, and_CC threw_VVD them_PPHO2 away_RL ._. 
That_DD1 's_VBZ when_RRQ my_APPGE mother_NN1 saw_VVD it_PPH1 ,_, among_II my_APPGE tightly_RR folded_JJ clothes_NN2 :_: a_AT1 rainbow_NN1 scarf_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ n't_XX keeping_VVG it_PPH1 from_II her_PPHO1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 'd_VHD owned_VVN it_PPH1 for_IF several_DA2 years_NNT2 ,_, and_CC had_VHD purchased_VVN it_PPH1 because_CS it_PPH1 reminded_VVD me_PPIO1 of_IO Punky_JJ Brewster_NN1 in_II a_AT1 retro_JJ eighties_MC2 sort_NN1 of_IO way_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 snatched_VVD it_PPH1 out_II21 of_II22 my_APPGE suitcase_NN1 ._. 
"_" You_PPY ca_VM n't_XX wear_VVI this_DD1 in_II New_NP1 York_NP1 !_! "_" she_PPHS1 exclaimed_VVD ._. 
"_" Why_RRQ not_XX ?_? "_" 
I_PPIS1 asked_VVD ._. 
"_" Everyone_PN1 will_VM think_VVI that_CST you_PPY 're_VBR gay_JJ ._. "_" 
My_APPGE mother_NN1 thought_VVD gay_JJ people_NN had_VHD a_AT1 monopoly_NN1 on_II rainbows_NN2 ._. 
In_II my_APPGE opinion_NN1 rainbows_NN2 were_VBDR for_IF everyone_PN1 ,_, just_RR like_II unicorns_NN2 ._. 
"_" Mom_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 'm_VBM not_XX gay_JJ ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 responded_VVD ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 know_VV0 ,_, but_CCB you_PPY should_VM avoid_VVI the_AT appearance_NN1 ._. "_" 
"_" That_DD1 's_VBZ why_RRQ I_PPIS1 bleach_VV0 my_APPGE mustache_NN1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 tried_VVD to_TO get_VVI my_APPGE scarf_NN1 back_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 told_VVD her_PPHO1 how_RGQ much_DA1 I_PPIS1 liked_VVD it_PPH1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 explained_VVD how_RGQ cold_JJ I_PPIS1 would_VM be_VBI without_IW it_PPH1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 even_RR tried_VVD to_TO usher_VVI her_PPHO1 into_II this_DD1 century_NNT1 by_II explaining_VVG that_CST wearing_VVG rainbows_NN2 did_VDD n't_XX automatically_RR mean_VVI a_AT1 person_NN1 was_VBDZ gay_JJ ._. 
The_AT Lucky_JJ Charms_NN2 leprechaun_NN1 was_VBDZ not_XX necessarily_RR a_AT1 homosexual_NN1 ._. 
The_AT Care_NN1 Bear_NN1 with_IW the_AT rainbow_NN1 on_II his_APPGE tummy_NN1 did_VDD not_XX have_VHI a_AT1 life_NN1 partner_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 did_VDD n't_XX even_RR have_VHI genitals_NN2 ._. 
Eventually_RR my_APPGE mom_NN1 gave_VVD me_PPIO1 money_NN1 to_TO buy_VVI a_AT1 new_JJ scarf_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB she_PPHS1 was_VBDZ not_XX ,_, under_II any_DD circumstances_NN2 ,_, going_VVGK to_TO let_VVI me_PPIO1 take_VV0 the_AT rainbow_NN1 scarf_NN1 to_II New_NP1 York_NP1 City_NN1 ._. 
Both_DB2 of_IO my_APPGE parents_NN2 walked_VVD me_PPIO1 to_II the_AT security_NN1 gate_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 hugged_VVD them_PPHO2 good-bye_NN1 ,_, swung_VVD my_APPGE backpack_NN1 over_II my_APPGE shoulder_NN1 ,_, and_CC joined_VVD the_AT line_NN1 ._. 
Just_RR as_CSA I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ about_RPK to_TO go_VVI through_II the_AT metal_NN1 detector_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 turned_VVD around_RP ._. 
Good-bye_UH ,_, I_PPIS1 waved_VVD ._. 
I_PPIS1 am_VBM forever_RT grateful_JJ for_IF my_APPGE mentor_NN1 Elizabeth_NP1 Swados_NP1 ,_, who_PNQS taught_VVD me_PPIO1 to_TO "_" Just_RR tell_VV0 the_AT story_NN1 ._. "_" 
Liz_NP1 ,_, without_IW the_AT countless_JJ hours_NNT2 you_PPY spent_VVD nurturing_VVG my_APPGE voice_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 could_VM not_XX have_VHI done_VDN any_DD of_IO this_DD1 ._. 
