The_AT Time_NNT1 of_IO My_APPGE Life_NN1 In_II late_JJ December_NPM1 2007_MC ,_, life_NN1 was_VBDZ looking_VVG pretty_RG good_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD just_RR wrapped_VVN shooting_VVG on_II the_AT pilot_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 new_JJ TV_NN1 series_NN ,_, The_AT Beast_NN1 ._. 
My_APPGE wife_NN1 ,_, Lisa_NP1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 were_VBDR enjoying_VVG a_AT1 second_MD honeymoon_NN1 of_IO sorts_NN2 after_II a_AT1 long_JJ ,_, difficult_JJ period_NN1 in_II which_DDQ we_PPIS2 had_VHD grown_VVN painfully_RR apart_RL ._. 
And_CC I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ feeling_VVG excited_JJ about_II new_JJ work_NN1 ,_, new_JJ directions_NN2 ,_, and_CC the_AT promise_NN1 of_IO the_AT future_NN1 ._. 
Lisa_NP1 and_CC I_PPIS1 were_VBDR planning_VVG to_TO spend_VVI New_JJ Year_NNT1 's_GE Eve_NNT1 at_II our_APPGE ranch_NN1 in_II New_NP1 Mexico_NP1 ,_, as_CSA we_PPIS2 'd_VHD done_VDN for_IF the_AT past_JJ few_DA2 years_NNT2 ._. 
But_CCB first_MD ,_, we_PPIS2 stopped_VVD off_RP in_II Aspen_NP1 to_TO visit_VVI a_AT1 couple_NN1 of_IO friends_NN2 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ there_RL that_CST I_PPIS1 got_VVD the_AT first_MD hint_NN1 that_CST something_PN1 was_VBDZ wrong_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD been_VBN having_VHG some_DD digestive_JJ trouble_NN1 ,_, mostly_RR acid_JJ reflux_NN1 and_CC a_AT1 kind_NN1 of_IO bloated_JJ feeling_NN1 ,_, for_IF a_AT1 few_DA2 weeks_NNT2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 've_VH0 had_VHN a_AT1 sensitive_JJ stomach_NN1 my_APPGE whole_JJ life_NN1 ,_, so_CS I_PPIS1 had_VHD n't_XX thought_VVN much_DA1 of_IO it_PPH1 ,_, but_CCB lately_RR I_PPIS1 just_RR could_VM n't_XX shake_VVI the_AT constant_JJ discomfort_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ n't_XX hungry_JJ and_CC felt_VVD sick_JJ whenever_RRQV I_PPIS1 did_VDD eat_VVI ,_, but_CCB I_PPIS1 'd_VHD always_RR been_VBN pretty_RG healthy_JJ ,_, so_CS I_PPIS1 figured_VVD the_AT feeling_NN1 would_VM pass_VVI eventually_RR ._. 
In_II Aspen_NP1 ,_, we_PPIS2 all_DB raised_JJ glasses_NN2 of_IO champagne_NN1 for_IF a_AT1 toast_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 took_VVD a_AT1 sip_NN1 ,_, and_CC as_II the_AT champagne_NN1 began_VVD to_II course_NN1 through_II my_APPGE esophagus_NN1 to_II my_APPGE stomach_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 nearly_RR choked_VVD --_NN1 it_PPH1 burned_VVD like_II acid_NN1 going_VVG down_RP ._. 
It_PPH1 felt_VVD like_CS I_PPIS1 'd_VHD drunk_JJ lye_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 sharp_JJ ,_, searing_JJ pain_NN1 that_CST brought_VVD tears_NN2 to_II my_APPGE eyes_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 'd_VM never_RR felt_VVN anything_PN1 like_II it_PPH1 ,_, but_CCB not_XX wanting_VVG to_TO ruin_VVI the_AT festivities_NN2 ,_, I_PPIS1 said_VVD nothing_PN1 to_II Lisa_NP1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ used_JJ to_II ignoring_VVG pain_NN1 ,_, so_CS I_PPIS1 just_RR did_VDD n't_XX drink_VVI any_DD more_DAR champagne_NN1 that_DD1 night_NNT1 ,_, and_CC did_VDD n't_XX think_VVI anything_PN1 more_DAR about_II it_PPH1 ._. 
Three_MC weeks_NNT2 later_RRR ,_, in_II January_NPM1 2008_MC ,_, I_PPIS1 learned_VVD that_CST the_AT burning_JJ in_II my_APPGE stomach_NN1 was_VBDZ n't_XX some_DD minor_JJ irritation_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ the_AT result_NN1 of_IO blockage_NN1 in_II my_APPGE bile_NN1 ducts_NN2 ,_, which_DDQ was_VBDZ caused_VVN by_II pancreatic_JJ cancer_NN1 --_NN1 just_RR21 about_RR22 the_AT most_RGT deadly_JJ ,_, untreatable_JJ cancer_NN1 you_PPY can_VM get_VVI ._. 
When_CS my_APPGE doctor_NN1 at_II Cedars-Sinai_NP1 in_II Los_NP1 Angeles_NP1 said_VVD the_AT words_NN2 "_" pancreatic_JJ cancer_NN1 ,_, "_" a_AT1 single_JJ thought_NN1 popped_VVN into_II my_APPGE mind_NN1 :_: I_PPIS1 'm_VBM a_AT1 dead_JJ man_NN1 ._. 
That_DD1 's_VBZ what_DDQ I_PPIS1 had_VHD always_RR thought_VVN when_CS I_PPIS1 heard_VVD someone_PN1 had_VHD pancreatic_JJ cancer_NN1 ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 usually_RR turned_VVN out_RP to_TO be_VBI true_JJ ._. 
My_APPGE doctor_NN1 told_VVD me_PPIO1 that_CST my_APPGE chances_NN2 of_IO surviving_VVG for_IF more_DAR than_CSN a_AT1 few_DA2 months_NNT2 were_VBDR n't_XX high_RR ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 had_VHD no_AT reason_NN1 to_TO doubt_VVI him_PPHO1 ._. 
A_AT1 lot_NN1 of_IO things_NN2 go_VV0 through_II your_APPGE head_NN1 when_CS you_PPY get_VV0 a_AT1 death_NN1 sentence_NN1 handed_VVN to_II you_PPY ,_, starting_VVG with_IW Why_RRQ me_PPIO1 ?_? 
What_DDQ did_VDD I_PPIS1 do_VDI to_TO deserve_VVI this_DD1 ?_? 
Once_CS the_AT shock_NN1 wears_VVZ off_RP ,_, it_PPH1 's_VBZ hard_RR not_XX to_TO sink_VVI into_II bitterness_NN1 ,_, to_TO feel_VVI that_CST you_PPY 've_VH0 been_VBN singled_VVN out_RP in_II a_AT1 way_NN1 that_CST 's_VBZ not_XX fair_JJ ._. 
For_IF me_PPIO1 ,_, that_DD1 initial_JJ shock_NN1 quickly_RR turned_VVN to_II selfcriticism_NN1 and_CC blame_NN1 ._. 
Did_VDD I_PPIS1 do_VDI this_DD1 to_II myself_PPX1 ?_? 
What_DDQ could_VM I_PPIS1 have_VHI done_VDN differently_RR ?_? 
Is_VBZ it_PPH1 my_APPGE fault_NN1 ?_? 
In_II those_DD2 first_MD few_DA2 weeks_NNT2 after_II my_APPGE diagnosis_NN1 ,_, amid_II the_AT whirlwind_NN1 of_IO figuring_VVG out_RP treatments_NN2 and_CC medication_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 struggled_VVD ,_, with_IW Lisa_NP1 's_GE help_NN1 ,_, to_TO make_VVI sense_NN1 of_IO what_DDQ was_VBDZ happening_VVG to_II me_PPIO1 ._. 
Trying_VVG to_TO counteract_VVI all_DB the_AT negative_JJ emotions_NN2 that_CST kept_VVD welling_VVG up_RP --_JJ anger_NN1 ,_, bitterness_NN1 ,_, despair_NN1 --_NN1 I_PPIS1 began_VVD thinking_VVG to_II myself_PPX1 ,_, I_PPIS1 've_VH0 had_VHN more_DAR lifetimes_NNT2 than_CSN any_DD ten_MC people_NN put_VV0 together_RL ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 's_VHZ been_VBN an_AT1 amazing_JJ ride_NN1 ._. 
So_RR this_DD1 is_VBZ okay_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ trying_VVG to_TO find_VVI a_AT1 way_NN1 to_TO accept_VVI what_DDQ was_VBDZ going_VVG on_RP ,_, but_CCB then_RT a_AT1 funny_JJ thing_NN1 happened_VVD ._. 
I_PPIS1 just_RR could_VM n't_XX ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ n't_XX ready_JJ to_TO go_VVI ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ damned_VVN if_CS this_DD1 disease_NN1 was_VBDZ going_VVGK to_TO take_VVI me_PPIO1 before_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ good_JJ and_CC ready_JJ ._. 
So_RR I_PPIS1 said_VVD to_II my_APPGE doctor_NN1 ,_, "_" Show_VV0 me_PPIO1 where_RRQ the_AT enemy_NN1 is_VBZ ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 will_VM fight_VVI him_PPHO1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 wanted_VVD to_TO understand_VVI exactly_RR what_DDQ I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ up_RP against_II so_RR I_PPIS1 could_VM go_VVI after_II this_DD1 cancer_NN1 rather_II21 than_II22 waiting_VVG for_IF it_PPH1 to_TO beat_VVI me_PPIO1 ._. 
And_CC in_II the_AT year_NNT1 and_CC a_AT1 half_NN1 since_CS my_APPGE diagnosis_NN1 ,_, that_DD1 's_VBZ exactly_RR what_DDQ I_PPIS1 've_VH0 done_VDN ,_, with_IW every_AT1 ounce_NNU1 of_IO energy_NN1 I_PPIS1 have_VH0 ._. 
Fighting_VVG cancer_NN1 has_VHZ been_VBN the_AT most_RGT challenging_JJ and_CC eyeopening_VVG experience_NN1 I_PPIS1 've_VH0 ever_RR had_VHN ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 has_VHZ sent_VVN me_PPIO1 on_II an_AT1 emotional_JJ journey_NN1 deeper_RRR than_CSN anything_PN1 I_PPIS1 've_VH0 felt_VVN before_RT ._. 
Facing_VVG your_APPGE own_DA mortality_NN1 is_VBZ the_AT quickest_JJT way_NN1 possible_JJ to_TO find_VVI out_RP what_DDQ you_PPY 're_VBR made_VVN of_IO ._. 
It_PPH1 strips_VVZ away_RL all_DB the_AT bullshit_NN1 and_CC exposes_VVZ every_AT1 part_NN1 of_IO you_PPY --_JJ your_APPGE strengths_NN2 and_CC weaknesses_NN2 ,_, your_APPGE sense_NN1 of_IO self_NN1 ._. 
Your_APPGE soul_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 also_RR leads_VVZ you_PPY to_TO confront_VVI life_NN1 's_GE hardest_JJT questions_NN2 :_: Is_VBZ there_EX a_AT1 heaven_NN1 ?_? 
Will_VM I_PPIS1 make_VVI it_PPH1 in_RP ?_? 
Has_VHZ this_DD1 life_NN1 counted_VVN for_IF something_PN1 other_II21 than_II22 just_RR my_APPGE own_DA narcissism_NN1 ?_? 
Have_VH0 I_PPIS1 lived_VVN a_AT1 good_JJ life_NN1 ?_? 
Am_VB0 I_PPIS1 a_AT1 good_JJ person_NN1 ?_? 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ easy_JJ to_TO dismiss_VVI these_DD2 difficult_JJ questions_NN2 when_CS you_PPY have_VH0 your_APPGE whole_JJ life_NN1 ahead_II21 of_II22 you_PPY ._. 
But_CCB when_CS you_PPY 're_VBR faced_VVN with_IW your_APPGE own_DA mortality_NN1 ,_, they_PPHS2 suddenly_RR take_VV0 on_RP a_AT1 whole_JJ new_JJ meaning_NN1 ._. 
There_EX 's_VBZ a_AT1 scene_NN1 at_II the_AT end_NN1 of_IO Saving_VVG Private_NNB Ryan_NP1 that_CST really_RR resonated_VVD with_IW me_PPIO1 when_RRQ I_PPIS1 first_MD saw_VVD it_PPH1 ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 does_VDZ now_RT more_DAR than_CSN ever_RR ._. 
As_II an_AT1 old_JJ man_NN1 ,_, Private_NNB Ryan_NP1 muses_NN2 aloud_RR about_II whether_CSW he_PPHS1 's_VBZ lived_VVN a_AT1 good_JJ life_NN1 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 tried_VVD to_TO live_VVI my_APPGE life_NN1 the_AT best_RRT I_PPIS1 could_VM ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 says_VVZ ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 hope_VV0 that_DD1 was_VBDZ enough_RR ._. "_" 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ so_RG hard_JJ to_TO judge_VVI your_APPGE own_DA life_NN1 ,_, to_TO know_VVI whether_CSW you_PPY 've_VH0 made_VVN a_AT1 mark_NN1 in_II this_DD1 world_NN1 ._. 
Doing_VDG this_DD1 book_NN1 was_VBDZ ,_, in_RR21 part_RR22 ,_, a_AT1 quest_NN1 to_TO find_VVI that_DD1 out_RP for_IF myself_PPX1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 've_VH0 never_RR been_VBN one_PN1 to_TO spend_VVI a_AT1 lot_NN1 of_IO time_NNT1 dwelling_NN1 in_II the_AT past_NN1 ,_, so_RG spending_JJ time_NNT1 with_IW Lisa_NP1 looking_VVG back_RP at_II our_APPGE lives_NN2 has_VHZ been_VBN really_RR illuminating_VVG ._. 
Especially_RR in_II31 light_II32 of_II33 what_DDQ our_APPGE future_NN1 now_RT holds_VVZ ,_, it_PPH1 has_VHZ also_RR been_VBN cathartic_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 never_RR felt_VVD like_CS I_PPIS1 had_VHD all_DB the_AT answers_NN2 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 certainly_RR do_VD0 n't_XX claim_VVI to_II now_RT ._. 
Yet_RR the_AT one_MC1 thing_NN1 I_PPIS1 realized_VVD as_CSA Lisa_NP1 and_CC I_PPIS1 retraced_VVD the_AT arc_NN1 of_IO our_APPGE lives_NN2 is_VBZ that_CST no_DDQV31 matter_DDQV32 what_DDQV33 happened_VVD ,_, we_PPIS2 never_RR ,_, ever_RR gave_VVD up_RP --_NN1 on_II each_PPX221 other_PPX222 ,_, or_CC on_II our_APPGE dreams_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 'm_VBM far_RG21 from_RG22 perfect_JJ ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 've_VH0 made_VVN a_AT1 lot_NN1 of_IO mistakes_NN2 in_II my_APPGE life_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB that_DD1 's_VBZ one_MC1 thing_NN1 we_PPIS2 both_DB2 got_VVD right_RR ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 's_VBZ the_AT one_MC1 thing_NN1 that_CST 's_VBZ keeping_VVG me_PPIO1 going_VVG today_RT ._. 
As_CSA I_PPIS1 write_VV0 this_DD1 ,_, sitting_VVG in_II our_APPGE beautiful_JJ ranch_NN1 home_RL in_II New_NP1 Mexico_NP1 with_IW the_AT sun_NN1 beaming_VVG down_RP on_II the_AT mountains_NN2 ,_, I_PPIS1 realize_VV0 yet_RR again_RT how_RRQ much_DA1 more_DAR I_PPIS1 want_VV0 to_TO do_VDI in_II this_DD1 life_NN1 ._. 
Together_RL with_IW Lisa_NP1 ,_, I_PPIS1 'll_VM keep_VVI on_RP pushing_VVG ,_, keep_VV0 on_RP believing_VVG ._. 
Because_CS that_DD1 ,_, in_II the_AT end_NN1 ,_, is_VBZ the_AT greatest_JJT gift_NN1 we_PPIS2 have_VH0 ._. 
In_II late_JJ December_NPM1 2007_MC ,_, life_NN1 was_VBDZ looking_VVG pretty_RG good_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD just_RR wrapped_VVN shooting_VVG on_II the_AT pilot_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 new_JJ TV_NN1 series_NN ,_, The_AT Beast_NN1 ._. 
My_APPGE wife_NN1 ,_, Lisa_NP1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 were_VBDR enjoying_VVG a_AT1 second_MD honeymoon_NN1 of_IO sorts_NN2 after_II a_AT1 long_JJ ,_, difficult_JJ period_NN1 in_II which_DDQ we_PPIS2 had_VHD grown_VVN painfully_RR apart_RL ._. 
And_CC I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ feeling_VVG excited_JJ about_II new_JJ work_NN1 ,_, new_JJ directions_NN2 ,_, and_CC the_AT promise_NN1 of_IO the_AT future_NN1 ._. 
Lisa_NP1 and_CC I_PPIS1 were_VBDR planning_VVG to_TO spend_VVI New_JJ Year_NNT1 's_GE Eve_NNT1 at_II our_APPGE ranch_NN1 in_II New_NP1 Mexico_NP1 ,_, as_CSA we_PPIS2 'd_VHD done_VDN for_IF the_AT past_JJ few_DA2 years_NNT2 ._. 
But_CCB first_MD ,_, we_PPIS2 stopped_VVD off_RP in_II Aspen_NP1 to_TO visit_VVI a_AT1 couple_NN1 of_IO friends_NN2 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ there_RL that_CST I_PPIS1 got_VVD the_AT first_MD hint_NN1 that_CST something_PN1 was_VBDZ wrong_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD been_VBN having_VHG some_DD digestive_JJ trouble_NN1 ,_, mostly_RR acid_JJ reflux_NN1 and_CC a_AT1 kind_NN1 of_IO bloated_JJ feeling_NN1 ,_, for_IF a_AT1 few_DA2 weeks_NNT2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 've_VH0 had_VHN a_AT1 sensitive_JJ stomach_NN1 my_APPGE whole_JJ life_NN1 ,_, so_CS I_PPIS1 had_VHD n't_XX thought_VVN much_DA1 of_IO it_PPH1 ,_, but_CCB lately_RR I_PPIS1 just_RR could_VM n't_XX shake_VVI the_AT constant_JJ discomfort_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ n't_XX hungry_JJ and_CC felt_VVD sick_JJ whenever_RRQV I_PPIS1 did_VDD eat_VVI ,_, but_CCB I_PPIS1 'd_VHD always_RR been_VBN pretty_RG healthy_JJ ,_, so_CS I_PPIS1 figured_VVD the_AT feeling_NN1 would_VM pass_VVI eventually_RR ._. 
In_II Aspen_NP1 ,_, we_PPIS2 all_DB raised_JJ glasses_NN2 of_IO champagne_NN1 for_IF a_AT1 toast_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 took_VVD a_AT1 sip_NN1 ,_, and_CC as_II the_AT champagne_NN1 began_VVD to_II course_NN1 through_II my_APPGE esophagus_NN1 to_II my_APPGE stomach_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 nearly_RR choked_VVD --_NN1 it_PPH1 burned_VVD like_II acid_NN1 going_VVG down_RP ._. 
It_PPH1 felt_VVD like_CS I_PPIS1 'd_VHD drunk_JJ lye_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 sharp_JJ ,_, searing_JJ pain_NN1 that_CST brought_VVD tears_NN2 to_II my_APPGE eyes_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 'd_VM never_RR felt_VVN anything_PN1 like_II it_PPH1 ,_, but_CCB not_XX wanting_VVG to_TO ruin_VVI the_AT festivities_NN2 ,_, I_PPIS1 said_VVD nothing_PN1 to_II Lisa_NP1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ used_JJ to_II ignoring_VVG pain_NN1 ,_, so_CS I_PPIS1 just_RR did_VDD n't_XX drink_VVI any_DD more_DAR champagne_NN1 that_DD1 night_NNT1 ,_, and_CC did_VDD n't_XX think_VVI anything_PN1 more_DAR about_II it_PPH1 ._. 
Three_MC weeks_NNT2 later_RRR ,_, in_II January_NPM1 2008_MC ,_, I_PPIS1 learned_VVD that_CST the_AT burning_JJ in_II my_APPGE stomach_NN1 was_VBDZ n't_XX some_DD minor_JJ irritation_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ the_AT result_NN1 of_IO blockage_NN1 in_II my_APPGE bile_NN1 ducts_NN2 ,_, which_DDQ was_VBDZ caused_VVN by_II pancreatic_JJ cancer_NN1 --_NN1 just_RR21 about_RR22 the_AT most_RGT deadly_JJ ,_, untreatable_JJ cancer_NN1 you_PPY can_VM get_VVI ._. 
When_CS my_APPGE doctor_NN1 at_II Cedars-Sinai_NP1 in_II Los_NP1 Angeles_NP1 said_VVD the_AT words_NN2 "_" pancreatic_JJ cancer_NN1 ,_, "_" a_AT1 single_JJ thought_NN1 popped_VVN into_II my_APPGE mind_NN1 :_: I_PPIS1 'm_VBM a_AT1 dead_JJ man_NN1 ._. 
That_DD1 's_VBZ what_DDQ I_PPIS1 had_VHD always_RR thought_VVN when_CS I_PPIS1 heard_VVD someone_PN1 had_VHD pancreatic_JJ cancer_NN1 ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 usually_RR turned_VVN out_RP to_TO be_VBI true_JJ ._. 
My_APPGE doctor_NN1 told_VVD me_PPIO1 that_CST my_APPGE chances_NN2 of_IO surviving_VVG for_IF more_DAR than_CSN a_AT1 few_DA2 months_NNT2 were_VBDR n't_XX high_RR ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 had_VHD no_AT reason_NN1 to_TO doubt_VVI him_PPHO1 ._. 
As_CSA Patrick_NP1 and_CC I_PPIS1 have_VH0 been_VBN writing_VVG this_DD1 book_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 could_VM n't_XX help_VVI but_CCB be_VBI amazed_VVN by_II all_DB the_AT stories_NN2 of_IO things_NN2 we_PPIS2 've_VH0 done_VDN and_CC been_VBN through_RP ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ surprising_JJ to_II me_PPIO1 how_RGQ hard_RR we_PPIS2 've_VH0 both_DB2 worked_VVN our_APPGE whole_JJ lives_NN2 ,_, how_RRQ focused_VVN and_CC single-minded_JJ we_PPIS2 could_VM be_VBI ._. 
It_PPH1 must_VM be_VBI the_AT dancer_NN1 in_II us_PPIO2 ._. 
Always_RR striving_VVG to_TO be_VBI more_RRR ,_, do_VD0 better_RRR ,_, never_RR settle_VV0 ._. 
And_CC that_CST drive_VV0 to_TO be_VBI better_RRR has_VHZ served_VVN us_PPIO2 well_RR ,_, particularly_RR with_IW all_DB that_CST we_PPIS2 're_VBR going_VVG through_RP now_RT ._. 
Looking_VVG back_RP now_RT ,_, I_PPIS1 wish_VV0 I_PPIS1 had_VHD done_VDN more_RRR of_IO the_AT proverbial_JJ "_" stop_NN1 and_CC smell_VV0 the_AT roses_NN2 ._. "_" 
So_RG many_DA2 gorgeous_JJ ,_, beautiful_JJ things_NN2 have_VH0 happened_VVN in_II my_APPGE life_NN1 and_CC I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ too_RG busy_JJ moving_VVG forward_RL to_II really_RR ,_, truly_RR recognize_VV0 and_CC enjoy_VV0 them_PPHO2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 'm_VBM feeling_VVG different_JJ these_DD2 days_NNT2 ._. 
Today_RT I_PPIS1 find_VV0 myself_PPX1 much_RR more_RGR willing_JJ to_TO take_VVI luxurious_JJ ,_, selfish_JJ pleasure_NN1 in_II how_RGQ beautiful_JJ a_AT1 day_NNT1 is_VBZ ,_, the_AT wonderful_JJ smell_NN1 of_IO my_APPGE favorite_JJ mare_NN1 's_GE hair_NN1 ,_, and_CC how_RGQ much_DA1 overflowing_VVG love_NN1 I_PPIS1 feel_VV0 for_IF my_APPGE husband_NN1 ._. 
After_CS Patrick_NP1 was_VBDZ first_MD diagnosed_VVD ,_, I_PPIS1 found_VVD myself_PPX1 wanting_VVG to_TO go_VVI back_RP in_II time_NNT1 and_CC fix_VVI all_DB the_AT bumps_NN2 that_CST we_PPIS2 had_VHD ever_RR encountered_VVN ._. 
I_PPIS1 wished_VVD we_PPIS2 could_VM start_VVI all_RR over_II again_RT so_CS21 that_CS22 this_DD1 time_NNT1 we_PPIS2 could_VM do_VDI it_PPH1 differently_RR ._. 
We_PPIS2 could_VM be_VBI wiser_JJR ,_, avoid_VV0 all_DB those_DD2 wrong_JJ turns_NN2 we_PPIS2 made_VVD ,_, and_CC not_XX waste_VV0 so_RG much_DA1 time_NNT1 ._. 
This_DD1 time_NNT1 we_PPIS2 would_VM laugh_VVI more_RRR ,_, touch_VV0 each_PPX221 other_PPX222 more_RRR ,_, and_CC simply_RR love_VV0 each_PPX221 other_PPX222 in_II the_AT way_NN1 our_APPGE true_JJ selves_NN2 always_RR have_VH0 ._. 
And_CC of_RR21 course_RR22 ,_, if_CS this_DD1 daydream_NN1 came_VVD true_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 'd_VM get_VVI a_AT1 chance_NN1 to_TO live_VVI our_APPGE lives_NN2 together_RL all_RR over_II again_RT ,_, fulfilling_VVG my_APPGE greatest_JJT wish_NN1 --_NN1 to_TO have_VHI more_DAR time_NNT1 with_IW him_PPHO1 ._. 
In_II some_DD ways_NN2 ,_, getting_VVG to_TO do_VDI this_DD1 book_NN1 gave_VVD me_PPIO1 a_AT1 passport_NN1 into_II the_AT past_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB not_XX in_II the_AT way_NN1 I_PPIS1 had_VHD thought_VVN ._. 
It_PPH1 could_VM n't_XX elongate_VVI my_APPGE time_NNT1 with_IW him_PPHO1 ,_, but_CCB it_PPH1 did_VDD show_VVI me_PPIO1 that_CST some_DD of_IO those_DD2 bumps_NN2 I_PPIS1 wished_VVD I_PPIS1 could_VM get_VVI rid_VVN of_IO do_VD0 n't_XX look_VVI so_RG bad_JJ when_CS we_PPIS2 keep_VV0 coming_VVG out_RP on_II the_AT other_JJ side_NN1 ._. 
And_CC they_PPHS2 're_VBR a_AT1 testament_NN1 to_II the_AT strength_NN1 of_IO what_DDQ we_PPIS2 are_VBR together_RL ._. 
You_PPY 'd_VM think_VVI that_CST when_CS someone_PN1 close_RR to_II you_PPY receives_VVZ a_AT1 death_NN1 sentence_NN1 it_PPH1 would_VM inspire_VVI amazing_JJ insights_NN2 and_CC lessons_NN2 about_II life_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 know_VV0 that_DD1 's_VBZ what_DDQ I_PPIS1 thought_VVD ._. 
But_CCB after_CS his_APPGE diagnosis_NN1 ,_, and_CC after_CS I_PPIS1 started_VVD to_TO recover_VVI from_II feeling_VVG I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ trapped_VVN in_II a_AT1 perpetual_JJ nightmare_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 looked_VVD around_RP and_CC could_VM n't_XX see_VVI a_AT1 damn_JJ lesson_NN1 in_II sight_NN1 ._. 
Yet_RR slowly_RR ,_, as_CSA I_PPIS1 've_VH0 been_VBN dealing_VVG with_IW getting_VVG past_II the_AT initial_JJ grief_NN1 and_CC fear_NN1 ,_, living_VVG each_DD1 day_NNT1 that_CST comes_VVZ and_CC running_VVG around_RP preparing_VVG for_IF all_DB the_AT things_NN2 one_PN1 ca_VM n't_XX possibly_RR prepare_VVI for_IF ,_, the_AT lessons_NN2 have_VH0 started_VVN to_TO ease_VVI out_RP into_II the_AT open_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 could_VM n't_XX force_VVI them_PPHO2 out_RP any_RR sooner_RRR ._. 
They_PPHS2 come_VV0 in_II their_APPGE own_DA time_NNT1 when_RRQ they_PPHS2 ,_, and_CC you_PPY ,_, are_VBR good_JJ and_CC ready_JJ ._. 
There_EX 's_VBZ a_AT1 lot_NN1 of_IO wisdom_NN1 in_II the_AT idea_NN1 of_IO living_VVG one_MC1 day_NNT1 at_II a_AT1 time_NNT1 ._. 
And_CC when_CS you_PPY might_VM not_XX have_VHI someone_PN1 for_RR21 long_RR22 ,_, that_DD1 's_VBZ what_DDQ starts_VVZ to_TO happen_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 used_VMK to_TO be_VBI afraid_JJ of_IO time_NNT1 --_NN1 that_CST I_PPIS1 'd_VM run_VVI out_II21 of_II22 it_PPH1 ,_, that_CST I_PPIS1 would_VM n't_XX have_VHI time_NNT1 to_TO do_VDI all_DB the_AT things_NN2 I_PPIS1 wanted_VVD ._. 
Now_RT I_PPIS1 'm_VBM seeing_VVG each_DD1 minute_NNT1 that_CST passes_VVZ as_II a_AT1 victory_NN1 ._. 
As_CSA something_PN1 I_PPIS1 'm_VBM proud_JJ of_IO ._. 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ like_RR I_PPIS1 can_VM gather_VVI all_DB these_DD2 minutes_NNT2 into_II my_APPGE arms_NN2 as_CS21 if_CS22 they_PPHS2 're_VBR an_AT1 enormous_JJ mass_NN1 of_IO jewels_NN2 ._. 
