An_AT1 Actor_NN1 and_CC a_AT1 Gentleman_NN1 As_II the_AT Harlem_NP1 Renaissance_NN1 project_NN1 fell_VVD apart_RL ,_, I_PPIS1 could_VM feel_VVI the_AT last_MD spurts_NN2 of_IO energy_NN1 leaking_VVG out_II21 of_II22 me_PPIO1 like_II air_NN1 oozing_VVG from_II a_AT1 torn_JJ balloon_NN1 ._. 
When_CS my_APPGE agent_NN1 somehow_RR got_VVD me_PPIO1 a_AT1 part_NN1 on_II Cold_JJ Case_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 knew_VVD I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ too_RG sick_JJ to_TO pass_VVI the_AT physical_JJ ._. 
Rather_CS21 than_CS22 embarrass_VVI producer_NN1 Jerry_NP1 Bruckheimer_NP1 and_CC CBS_NP1 head_NN1 Les_NP1 Moonves_NP1 ,_, for_IF whom_PNQO I_PPIS1 had_VHD the_AT utmost_JJ respect_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 decided_VVD not_XX to_TO show_VVI up_RP for_IF the_AT medical_JJ exam_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ completely_RR sober_JJ at_II the_AT time_NNT1 ,_, but_CCB my_APPGE agency_NN1 ,_, Paradigm_NN1 ,_, refused_VVD to_TO accept_VVI that_DD1 explanation_NN1 and_CC fired_VVD me_PPIO1 on_II the_AT spot_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ finished_VVN with_IW fighting_NN1 ._. 
Profoundly_RR empty_JJ ,_, not_XX surrendering_VVG but_CCB feeling_VVG defeated_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ certain_JJ that_CST God_NP1 was_VBDZ now_RT ready_JJ to_TO call_VVI me_PPIO1 away_II21 from_II22 this_DD1 world_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD placed_VVN my_APPGE last_MD phone_NN1 call_NN1 ,_, pleaded_VVD my_APPGE last_MD case_NN1 ,_, endured_VVD my_APPGE last_MD embarrassment_NN1 ,_, received_VVD my_APPGE last_MD rejection_NN1 ._. 
So_RR weak_JJ I_PPIS1 could_VM barely_RR get_VVI to_II the_AT bathroom_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 sat_VVD in_II my_APPGE house_NN1 ,_, not_XX living_VVG and_CC not_XX dying_VVG ,_, unaware_JJ of_IO the_AT toxic_JJ mold_NN1 growing_VVG around_II me_PPIO1 ,_, wreaking_VVG havoc_NN1 on_II my_APPGE already_RR weakened_VVN body_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 concentrated_VVD my_APPGE final_JJ reserve_NN1 of_IO energy_NN1 on_II trying_VVG to_TO figure_VVI out_RP the_AT right_JJ combination_NN1 of_IO drugs_NN2 and_CC alcohol_NN1 to_TO end_VVI what_DDQ was_VBDZ left_VVN of_IO my_APPGE life_NN1 ,_, so_CS21 that_CS22 I_PPIS1 could_VM go_VVI out_RP with_IW a_AT1 bang_NN1 ._. 
Finally_RR ,_, after_CS the_AT mixture_NN1 I_PPIS1 meticulously_RR created_VVN did_VDD not_XX kill_VVI me_PPIO1 ,_, I_PPIS1 waited_VVD a_AT1 few_DA2 more_DAR days_NNT2 and_CC then_RT ,_, on_II July_NPM1 4_MC ,_, 2004_MC ,_, cold_JJ sober_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 called_VVD my_APPGE sons_NN2 ,_, who_PNQS were_VBDR both_DB2 living_VVG about_RG twenty_MC minutes_NNT2 away_RL in_II L.A._NP1 I_PPIS1 asked_VVD them_PPHO2 to_TO drive_VVI me_PPIO1 to_II Promises_NN2 ,_, a_AT1 private_JJ residential_JJ drug_NN1 and_CC alcohol_NN1 rehab_NN1 center_NN1 ._. 
If_CS I_PPIS1 could_VM not_XX die_VVI ,_, I_PPIS1 'd_VM have_VHI to_TO figure_VVI out_RP a_AT1 way_NN1 to_TO live_VVI what_DDQ was_VBDZ left_VVN of_IO my_APPGE life_NN1 ._. 
Recovery_NN1 at_II Promises_NN2 seemed_VVD like_II the_AT only_JJ possible_JJ solution_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 will_VM never_RR forget_VVI the_AT looks_NN2 on_II my_APPGE two_MC sons_NN2 '_GE faces_NN2 when_CS they_PPHS2 walked_VVD into_II the_AT house_NN1 and_CC saw_VVD me_PPIO1 ._. 
Their_APPGE sadness_NN1 and_CC pain_NN1 hurt_VVD me_PPIO1 more_RRR than_CSN I_PPIS1 had_VHD already_RR hurt_VVN myself_PPX1 ._. 
From_II the_AT moment_NN1 I_PPIS1 arrived_VVD at_II Promises_NN2 ,_, I_PPIS1 found_VVD it_PPH1 a_AT1 tough_JJ adjustment_NN1 ._. 
Some_DD of_IO the_AT attendants_NN2 giggled_VVD when_CS they_PPHS2 saw_VVD me_PPIO1 ;_; others_NN2 cried_VVD ._. 
Yet_RR I_PPIS1 knew_VVD every_AT1 time_NNT1 I_PPIS1 looked_VVD at_II those_DD2 faces_NN2 that_CST as_RG low_JJ as_CSA I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ ,_, somehow_RR I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ miraculously_RR beginning_VVG an_AT1 unexpected_JJ resurrection_NN1 ._. 
As_CSA it_PPH1 turned_VVD out_RP ,_, my_APPGE delivery_NN1 to_II the_AT door_NN1 of_IO this_DD1 recovery_NN1 center_NN1 saved_VVD my_APPGE life_NN1 ,_, not_XX only_RR from_II the_AT effects_NN2 of_IO drugs_NN2 and_CC alcohol_NN1 ,_, but_CCB from_II the_AT insidious_JJ disease_NN1 that_CST was_VBDZ destroying_VVG the_AT insides_NN2 of_IO my_APPGE body_NN1 ._. 
When_CS my_APPGE blood_NN1 pressure_NN1 became_VVD dangerously_RR uncontrollable_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ rushed_VVN to_II the_AT nearby_JJ Queen_NN1 of_IO Angels_NN2 Hospital_NN1 ._. 
By_II some_DD miracle_NN1 ,_, there_RL I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ seen_VVN by_II an_AT1 Asian_JJ doctor_NN1 who_PNQS specialized_VVD in_II toxic_JJ mold_NN1 ._. 
"_" Are_VBR you_PPY who_PNQS I_PPIS1 think_VV0 you_PPY are_VBR ?_? "_" she_PPHS1 asked_VVD when_RRQ she_PPHS1 saw_VVD me_PPIO1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 said_VVD ,_, "_" Yeah_UH ,_, "_" and_CC she_PPHS1 ordered_VVD me_PPIO1 to_TO stick_VVI out_RP my_APPGE tongue_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 ran_VVD a_AT1 few_DA2 more_DAR tests_NN2 to_TO confirm_VVI her_APPGE immediate_JJ diagnosis_NN1 of_IO toxic_JJ mold_NN1 syndrome_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 explained_VVD that_CST toxic_JJ mold_NN1 attacks_VVZ the_AT weakest_JJT parts_NN2 of_IO the_AT body_NN1 ,_, in_II my_APPGE case_NN1 ,_, my_APPGE lungs_NN2 ,_, stomach_NN1 ,_, and_CC kidneys_NN2 ,_, and_CC said_VVD that_CST she_PPHS1 had_VHD never_RR before_RT seen_VVN such_DA a_AT1 concentration_NN1 of_IO the_AT disease_NN1 in_II one_MC1 body_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 now_RT understood_VVD why_RRQ my_APPGE cats_NN2 had_VHD died_VVN and_CC why_RRQ I_PPIS1 had_VHD grown_VVN so_RG devastatingly_RR tired_VVN every_AT1 time_NNT1 I_PPIS1 walked_VVD into_II my_APPGE house_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 could_VM be_VBI cured_VVN ,_, she_PPHS1 assured_VVD me_PPIO1 ,_, but_CCB my_APPGE house_NN1 ,_, which_DDQ certainly_RR no_PN121 one_PN122 would_VM buy_VVI in_II its_APPGE present_JJ condition_NN1 ,_, would_VM have_VHI tome_NN1 torn_VVN down_RP to_II its_APPGE basic_JJ structure_NN1 ._. 
The_AT professionals_NN2 explained_VVD the_AT year-long_JJ process_NN1 to_II me_PPIO1 ._. 
When_CS the_AT meters_NN2 revealed_VVD that_CST the_AT mold_NN1 was_VBDZ finally_RR gone_VVN ,_, the_AT house_NN1 would_VM be_VBI rebuilt_VVN ,_, its_APPGE plumbing_NN1 changed_VVD ,_, its_APPGE foundation_NN1 restored_VVD ,_, and_CC the_AT entire_JJ structure_NN1 rewired_VVD and_CC repainted_VVD ,_, then_RT imbued_VVN with_IW a_AT1 special_JJ substance_NN1 that_CST would_VM prevent_VVI the_AT mold_NN1 from_II returning_VVG ._. 
I_PPIS1 saw_VVD an_AT1 image_NN1 of_IO my_APPGE house_NN1 ,_, infected_VVN at_II its_APPGE innermost_JJ core_NN1 with_IW a_AT1 barely_RR detected_VVN disease_NN1 ,_, needing_VVG to_TO be_VBI torn_VVN down_RP to_II its_APPGE very_JJ foundation_NN1 ,_, as_CSA being_VBG similar_JJ to_II what_DDQ was_VBDZ happening_VVG to_II me_PPIO1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 ,_, too_RR ,_, was_VBDZ being_VBG rebuilt_VVN ,_, after_CS so_RG many_DA2 years_NNT2 of_IO being_VBG unaware_JJ of_IO what_DDQ was_VBDZ going_VVG on_RP inside_II myself_PPX1 ._. 
Now_RT ,_, like_II this_DD1 house_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ not_XX destined_VVN to_TO disappear_VVI ,_, to_TO be_VBI razed_VVN ,_, to_TO die_VVI ._. 
Now_RT I_PPIS1 wanted_VVD to_TO live_VVI ._. 
Yet_RR I_PPIS1 knew_VVD it_PPH1 would_VM be_VBI an_AT1 enormous_JJ task_NN1 to_TO make_VVI myself_PPX1 whole_JJ and_CC stronger_JJR than_CSN before_RT ._. 
My_APPGE wiring_NN1 ,_, my_APPGE plumbing_NN1 ,_, my_APPGE structure_NN1 needed_VVD to_TO be_VBI redone_NN1 ,_, and_CC that_DD1 would_VM be_VBI a_AT1 far_RG more_RGR difficult_JJ job_NN1 than_CSN rebuilding_VVG my_APPGE house_NN1 ._. 
The_AT cost_NN1 for_IF redoing_VVG the_AT house_NN1 ,_, however_RR ,_, was_VBDZ staggering_VVG :_: $_NN 1.5_MC million_NNO ,_, all_DB of_IO which_DDQ would_VM have_VHI to_TO be_VBI paid_VVN for_IF with_IW a_AT1 high_JJ --_JJ interest_NN1 loan_NN1 that_CST I_PPIS1 might_VM well_RR spend_VVI the_AT rest_NN1 of_IO my_APPGE life_NN1 repaying_VVG ._. 
But_CCB I_PPIS1 would_VM do_VDI it_PPH1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 am_VBM still_RR repaying_VVG it_PPH1 today_RT ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD no_AT choice_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ worth_II the_AT price_NN1 ._. 
The_AT more_RRR I_PPIS1 thought_VVD about_II it_PPH1 ,_, I_PPIS1 could_VM recognize_VVI the_AT parallel_NN1 between_II the_AT housebreaking_VVG down_RP and_CC my_APPGE own_DA reconstruction_NN1 ._. 
So_RG many_DA2 possessions_NN2 that_CST represented_VVD my_APPGE old_JJ life_NN1 ,_, such_II21 as_II22 my_APPGE guitars_NN2 and_CC camera_NN1 collections_NN2 ,_, were_VBDR already_RR gone_VVN ._. 
They_PPHS2 had_VHD vanished_VVN at_II the_AT hands_NN2 of_IO strangers_NN2 who_PNQS '_" d_ZZ1 easily_RR removed_VVD them_PPHO2 from_II my_APPGE house_NN1 ,_, along_II21 with_II22 stealing_VVG my_APPGE money_NN1 and_CC jewelry_NN1 ,_, as_CSA I_ZZ1 '_GE d_ZZ1 watched_VVD helplessly_RR from_II the_AT couch_NN1 ._. 
That_DD1 entire_JJ lifestyle_NN1 was_VBDZ gone_VVN ,_, all_DB of_IO the_AT trappings_NN2 I_PPIS1 no_RR21 longer_RR22 cared_VVN about_II ._. 
Meanwhile_RR ,_, this_DD1 capable_JJ doctor_NN1 treated_VVN the_AT toxic_JJ mold_NN1 syndrome_NN1 ,_, while_CS the_AT equally_RR phenomenal_JJ staff_NN at_II Promises_NN2 helped_VVD me_PPIO1 combat_VVI my_APPGE addictions_NN2 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ unquestionably_RR the_AT most_RGT difficult_JJ and_CC painful_JJ month_NNT1 of_IO my_APPGE life_NN1 as_CSA I_PPIS1 stared_VVD down_RP my_APPGE devils_NN2 and_CC ,_, once_RR21 again_RR22 ,_, made_VVD the_AT first_MD crucial_JJ steps_NN2 of_IO the_AT long_JJ ,_, slow_JJ climb_NN1 to_II recovery_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ not_XX that_DD1 different_JJ from_II the_AT way_NN1 new_JJ recruits_NN2 are_VBR inducted_VVN into_II the_AT Marine_JJ Corps_NN :_: I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ being_VBG taken_VVN apart_RL and_CC would_VM now_RT start_VVI from_II scratch_NN1 as_CSA I_PPIS1 made_VVD the_AT move_NN1 not_XX into_II the_AT world_NN1 of_IO the_AT marines_NN2 ,_, but_CCB rather_RR from_II the_AT insane_JJ place_NN1 to_II which_DDQ I_PPIS1 had_VHD descended_VVN ,_, back_RP to_II sanity_NN1 ._. 
As_CSA my_APPGE counselors_NN2 told_VVD me_PPIO1 over_RP and_CC over_RP ,_, I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ no_RR21 longer_RR22 a_AT1 father_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 boyfriend_NN1 ,_, an_AT1 actor_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 friend_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ simply_RR a_AT1 man_NN1 trying_VVG to_TO build_VVI a_AT1 better_JJR house_NN1 ,_, one_MC1 brick_NN1 at_II a_AT1 time_NNT1 ,_, in_II which_DDQ to_TO live_VVI my_APPGE life_NN1 ._. 
Only_RR this_DD1 time_NNT1 ,_, the_AT house_NN1 I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ building_NN1 would_VM have_VHI a_AT1 stronger_JJR foundation_NN1 than_CSN any_DD other_JJ in_II which_DDQ I_PPIS1 might_VM have_VHI lived_VVN ._. 
I_PPIS1 heard_VVD the_AT message_NN1 clearly_RR and_CC was_VBDZ determined_VVN to_TO follow_VVI it_PPH1 to_II fruition_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 understood_VVD that_CST unlike_II ten_MC years_NNT2 earlier_RRR ,_, when_CS I_ZZ1 '_GE d_ZZ1 left_JJ Cyndi_NP1 in_II31 charge_II32 of_II33 my_APPGE family_NN1 while_CS I_PPIS1 entered_VVD recovery_NN1 ,_, this_DD1 was_VBDZ my_APPGE final_JJ chance_NN1 to_TO make_VVI the_AT necessary_JJ changes_NN2 to_TO get_VVI well_RR ._. 
My_APPGE body_NN1 was_VBDZ too_RR weakened_VVN by_II the_AT effects_NN2 of_IO my_APPGE alcohol_NN1 and_CC drug_NN1 addiction_NN1 and_CC of_IO toxic_JJ mold_NN1 syndrome_NN1 to_TO survive_VVI another_DD1 relapse_NN1 ._. 
If_CS I_PPIS1 wanted_VVD to_TO live_VVI ,_, and_CC now_RT I_PPIS1 certainly_RR did_VDD ,_, this_DD1 time_NNT1 I_PPIS1 had_VHD to_TO make_VVI my_APPGE recovery_NN1 last_MD ._. 
From_II the_AT beginning_NN1 and_CC long_RR after_CS I_PPIS1 left_VVD Promises_NN2 ,_, my_APPGE boys_NN2 were_VBDR part_NN1 of_IO this_DD1 recovery_NN1 ,_, and_CC our_APPGE sessions_NNT2 together_RL were_VBDR often_RR putting_VVG the_AT demons_NN2 to_II rest267nearly_FO unbearable_JJ ._. 
The_AT onslaught_NN1 of_IO my_APPGE sons_NN2 '_GE anger_NN1 ,_, some_DD justified_JJ and_CC some_DD not_XX ,_, along_II21 with_II22 knowledge_NN1 of_IO the_AT pain_NN1 I_PPIS1 had_VHD caused_VVN those_DD2 I_PPIS1 loved_VVD ,_, was_VBDZ inestimable_JJ ._. 
There_EX were_VBDR times_NNT2 when_RRQ I_PPIS1 felt_VVD that_CST I_PPIS1 would_VM never_RR be_VBI strong_JJ enough_RR to_TO survive_VVI these_DD2 attacks_NN2 ,_, but_CCB with_IW the_AT help_NN1 of_IO the_AT staff_NN and_CC some_DD painful_JJ soul_NN1 searching_VVG ,_, I_PPIS1 did_VDD ._. 
It_PPH1 had_VHD never_RR been_VBN easy_JJ for_IF my_APPGE two_MC boys_NN2 to_TO be_VBI my_APPGE sons_NN2 ._. 
Though_CS Christina_NP1 died_VVD from_II cancer_NN1 some_DD years_NNT2 later_RRR ,_, in_II 2008_MC ,_, she_PPHS1 had_VHD planted_VVN so_RG much_DA1 poison_NN1 in_II Satie_NP1 ,_, feelings_NN2 of_IO anger_NN1 that_CST were_VBDR certainly_RR inflamed_VVN by_II all_DB of_IO the_AT times_NNT2 I_PPIS1 had_VHD not_XX been_VBN around_RP for_IF him_PPHO1 ._. 
And_CC Sharron_NP1 had_VHD his_APPGE own_DA unique_JJ set_NN1 of_IO problems_NN2 ,_, stemming_VVG from_II his_APPGE early_JJ years_NNT2 and_CC the_AT adoption_NN1 issue_NN1 and_CC made_VVD worse_JJR by_II my_APPGE relationship_NN1 with_IW Cyndi_NP1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 will_VM never_RR forget_VVI the_AT time_NNT1 a_AT1 reporter_NN1 came_VVD up_RG21 to_RG22 one_MC1 of_IO my_APPGE sons_NN2 during_II an_AT1 award_NN1 ceremony_NN1 and_CC said_VVD ,_, "_" You_PPY must_VM be_VBI so_RG proud_JJ of_IO your_APPGE father_NN1 ,_, for_IF all_DB the_AT good_JJ things_NN2 he_PPHS1 has_VHZ done_VDN ._. "_" 
My_APPGE son_NN1 said_VVD nothing_PN1 for_IF a_AT1 long_JJ minute_NNT1 and_CC then_RT finally_RR responded_VVN ._. 
"_" Are_VBR you_PPY sure_JJ about_II that_DD1 ?_? "_" 
When_CS the_AT reporter_NN1 related_VVD those_DD2 words_NN2 to_II me_PPIO1 ,_, the_AT words_NN2 were_VBDR a_AT1 cold_JJ knife_NN1 in_II my_APPGE heart_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ hard_JJ to_TO believe_VVI that_CST either_RR the_AT boy_NN1 who_PNQS had_VHD once_RR fallen_VVN asleep_JJ on_II my_APPGE shoulder_NN1 ,_, soothed_VVN by_II the_AT songs_NN2 I_PPIS1 sang_VVD into_II his_APPGE hot_JJ little_JJ ear_NN1 ,_, or_CC the_AT one_PN1 who_PNQS had_VHD followed_VVN me_PPIO1 so_RG trustingly_RR back_RP to_II L.A._NP1 could_VM feel_VVI that_DD1 way_NN1 about_II me_PPIO1 ._. 
But_CCB many_DA2 years_NNT2 had_VHD passed_VVN since_II then_RT ,_, and_CC many_DA2 mistakes_NN2 had_VHD been_VBN made_VVN ._. 
There_EX had_VHD been_VBN just_RR as_RG many_DA2 good_JJ times_NNT2 ,_, but_CCB it_PPH1 was_VBDZ what_DDQ I_PPIS1 had_VHD not_XX done_VDN or_CC had_VHD done_VDN poorly_RR that_CST remained_VVD rooted_VVN in_II my_APPGE sons_NN2 '_GE minds_NN2 ._. 
Many_DA2 of_IO my_APPGE counselors_NN2 were_VBDR African_JJ Americans_NN2 who_PNQS had_VHD survived_VVN the_AT nightmare_NN1 I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ now_RT living_VVG ._. 
The_AT patients_NN2 ran_VVD the_AT gamut_NN1 of_IO ages_NN2 and_CC lifestyles_NN2 ,_, but_CCB we_PPIS2 shared_VVD a_AT1 common_JJ disease_NN1 and_CC desire_NN1 to_TO cure_VVI ourselves_PPX2 ._. 
Liz_NP1 Lopresti_NP1 and_CC Ted_NP1 Snyder_NP1 ,_, who_PNQS became_VVD my_APPGE lifelong_JJ friends_NN2 ,_, were_VBDR my_APPGE two_MC early_JJ lifesavers_NN2 and_CC gave_VVD their_APPGE all_DB to_TO aid_VVI my_APPGE recovery_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 took_VVD me_PPIO1 a_AT1 long_JJ time_NNT1 to_TO get_VVI to_II the_AT root_NN1 of_IO why_RRQ I_PPIS1 had_VHD abused_VVN my_APPGE body_NN1 and_CC mind_NN1 with_IW alcohol_NN1 and_CC drugs_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 searched_VVD back_RP through_II my_APPGE childhood_NN1 and_CC saw_VVD myself_PPX1 as_II a_AT1 little_JJ boy_NN1 ,_, loving_VVG my_APPGE father_NN1 and_CC all_DB of_IO my_APPGE uncles_NN2 ,_, the_AT strong_JJ men_NN2 who_PNQS had_VHD taught_VVN me_PPIO1 how_RRQ to_TO play_VVI ball_NN1 and_CC lavished_VVD me_PPIO1 with_IW love_NN1 and_CC hugs_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 watched_VVD them_PPHO2 play_VV0 ball_NN1 together_RL and_CC was_VBDZ ecstatic_JJ when_CS they_PPHS2 gave_VVD me_PPIO1 a_AT1 chance_NN1 to_TO bat_VVI ._. 
They_PPHS2 were_VBDR so_RG much_DA1 fun_NN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 loved_VVD them_PPHO2 so_RG dearly_RR ._. 
I_PPIS1 watched_VVD them_PPHO2 get_VV0 drunk_JJ ,_, but_CCB it_PPH1 always_RR seemed_VVD to_TO be_VBI a_AT1 fun_JJ drunk_JJ ._. 
One_MC1 of_IO my_APPGE uncles_NN2 would_VM start_VVI staggering_JJ ,_, and_CC they_PPHS2 would_VM all_DB laugh_VVI ,_, and_CC so_RR would_VM I._NP1 I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ always_RR entertaining_VVG my_APPGE uncles_NN2 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ around_RG six_MC ,_, they_PPHS2 took_VVD me_PPIO1 to_TO see_VVI Slim_JJ and_CC Slam_VV0 at_II the_AT Apollo_NP1 in_II Harlem_NP1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 learned_VVD to_TO sing_VVI and_CC dance_VVI like_II those_DD2 two_MC stars_NN2 ._. 
My_APPGE uncles_NN2 applauded_VVN and_CC cheered_VVN me_PPIO1 on_RP as_CSA I_PPIS1 performed_VVD for_IF them_PPHO2 ._. 
"_" Do_VD0 the_AT buck_NN dance_VVI ,_, "_" they_PPHS2 often_RR told_VVD me_PPIO1 before_CS I_PPIS1 went_VVD to_II bed_NN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 would_VM do_VDI it_PPH1 and_CC then_RT drift_VV0 off_RP to_TO sleep_VVI with_IW the_AT sounds_NN2 of_IO their_APPGE laughter_NN1 in_II my_APPGE ears_NN2 ._. 
As_CSA I_PPIS1 got_VVD older_JJR ,_, things_NN2 seemed_VVD to_TO change_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 saw_VVD that_CST the_AT men_NN2 who_PNQS came_VVD from_II the_AT war_NN1 were_VBDR unhappy_JJ that_CST they_PPHS2 could_VM n't_XX find_VVI jobs_NN2 ,_, while_CS the_AT white_JJ men_NN2 they_PPHS2 had_VHD served_VVN with_IW obtained_VVN work_VV0 easily_RR ._. 
The_AT parties_NN2 seemed_VVD suddenly_RR harsher_JJR ,_, and_CC an_AT1 air_NN1 of_IO violence_NN1 hung_VVN over_II them_PPHO2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 heard_VVD my_APPGE aunts_NN2 crying_VVG but_CCB was_VBDZ unable_JK to_TO understand_VVI what_DDQ my_APPGE uncles_NN2 had_VHD done_VDN to_TO upset_VVI them_PPHO2 ._. 
In_II high_JJ school_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 had_VHD determined_VVN that_CST I_PPIS1 would_VM be_VBI a_AT1 doctor_NN1 and_CC help_VV0 all_DB of_IO my_APPGE relatives_NN2 feel_VV0 better_RRR ._. 
I_PPIS1 also_RR wanted_VVD to_TO understand_VVI what_DDQ was_VBDZ happening_VVG and_CC why_RRQ these_DD2 men_NN2 I_PPIS1 loved_VVD so_RG much_RR were_VBDR acting_VVG the_AT way_NN1 they_PPHS2 did_VDD ._. 
At_II the_AT beginning_NN1 of_IO college_NN1 ,_, when_CS I_PPIS1 had_VHD gravitated_VVN toward_II soft_JJ drugs_NN2 like_II marijuana_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 brought_VVD a_AT1 little_JJ home_NN1 to_II my_APPGE father_NN1 ._. 
"_" Try_VV0 some_DD of_IO this_DD1 ,_, Dad_NN1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 told_VVD him_PPHO1 ._. 
"_" It_PPH1 will_VM help_VVI you_PPY relax_VVI ,_, and_CC you_PPY wo_VM n't_XX have_VHI to_TO stagger_NN1 ._. "_" 
He_PPHS1 slapped_VVD me_PPIO1 hard_RR across_II the_AT face_NN1 ,_, yelling_VVG ,_, "_" How_RRQ dare_VV0 you_PPY bring_VVI this_DD1 dirty_JJ stuff_NN1 home_RL !_! "_" 
Although_CS alcohol_NN1 might_VM have_VHI been_VBN his_APPGE drug_NN1 of_IO choice_NN1 ,_, he_PPHS1 could_VM not_XX tolerate_VVI my_APPGE using_VVG any_DD soft_JJ or_CC hard_JJ drugs_NN2 at_RR21 all_RR22 ._. 
The_AT older_JJR I_PPIS1 became_VVD ,_, the_AT more_RRR I_PPIS1 sought_VVD out_RP jazz_NN1 musicians_NN2 ,_, many_DA2 of_IO whom_PNQO were_VBDR addicts_NN2 and_CC alcoholics_NN2 ._. 
Perhaps_RR they_PPHS2 were_VBDR a_AT1 visceral_JJ link_NN1 to_II the_AT men_NN2 I_PPIS1 had_VHD loved_VVN so_RG much_DA1 in_II my_APPGE childhood_NN1 ._. 
Yet_RR there_EX was_VBDZ no_AT way_NN1 to_TO forget_VVI that_CST I_PPIS1 had_VHD seen_VVN my_APPGE father_NN1 dying_VVG of_IO alcoholism_NN1 on_II the_AT couch_NN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 came_VVD to_TO accept_VVI that_CST if_CS I_PPIS1 did_VDD not_XX stop_VVI myself_PPX1 now_RT ,_, with_IW my_APPGE very_RG last_MD chance_NN1 to_TO get_VVI and_CC stay_VVI sober_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 would_VM be_VBI doing_VDG the_AT same_DA thing_NN1 to_II my_APPGE own_DA sons_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 now_RT understood_VVD how_RRQ the_AT disease_NN1 of_IO alcoholism_NN1 had_VHD been_VBN deep_RR inside_II me_PPIO1 ,_, years_NNT2 before_CS I_PPIS1 began_VVD to_TO abuse_VVI alcohol_NN1 ._. 
