Why_RRQ We_PPIS2 Love_VV0 Who_PNQS We_PPIS2 Love_VV0 The_AT real_JJ reasons_NN2 why_RRQ we_PPIS2 choose_VV0 that_CST special_JJ someone_PN1 ._. 
Your_APPGE Parents_NN2 '_GE Influence_NN1 Have_VH0 you_PPY ever_RR known_VVN a_AT1 married_JJ couple_NN1 that_CST just_RR did_VDD n't_XX seem_VVI as_CS21 though_CS22 they_PPHS2 should_VM fit_VVI together_RL --_JJ yet_RR they_PPHS2 are_VBR both_RR happy_JJ in_II the_AT marriage_NN1 ,_, and_CC you_PPY ca_VM n't_XX figure_VVI out_RP why_RRQ ?_? 
I_PPIS1 know_VV0 of_IO one_MC1 couple_NN1 :_: He_PPHS1 is_VBZ a_AT1 burly_JJ ex-athlete_NN1 who_PNQS ,_, in_II31 addition_II32 to_II33 being_VBG a_AT1 successful_JJ salesman_NN1 ,_, coaches_NN2 Little_JJ League_NN1 ,_, is_VBZ active_JJ in_II his_APPGE Rotary_JJ Club_NN1 and_CC plays_VVZ golf_NN1 every_AT1 Saturday_NPD1 with_IW friends_NN2 ._. 
Meanwhile_RR ,_, his_APPGE wife_NN1 is_VBZ petite_JJ ,_, quiet_JJ and_CC a_AT1 complete_JJ homebody_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 does_VDZ n't_XX even_RR like_VVI to_TO go_VVI out_RP to_II dinner_NN1 ._. 
What_DDQ mysterious_JJ force_NN1 drives_VVZ us_PPIO2 into_II the_AT arms_NN2 of_IO one_MC1 person_NN1 ,_, while_CS pushing_VVG us_PPIO2 away_II21 from_II22 another_DD1 who_PNQS might_VM appear_VVI equally_RR desirable_JJ to_II any_DD unbiased_JJ observer_NN1 ?_? 
Of_IO the_AT many_DA2 factors_NN2 influencing_VVG our_APPGE idea_NN1 of_IO the_AT perfect_JJ mate_NN1 ,_, one_MC1 of_IO the_AT most_RGT telling_JJ ,_, according_II21 to_II22 John_NP1 Money_NN1 ,_, professor_NN1 emeritus_JJ of_IO medical_JJ psychology_NN1 and_CC pediatrics_NN1 at_II Johns_NP1 Hopkins_NP1 University_NN1 ,_, is_VBZ what_DDQ he_PPHS1 calls_VVZ our_APPGE "_" love_NN1 map_NN1 "_" --_NN1 a_AT1 group_NN1 of_IO messages_NN2 encoded_VVD in_II our_APPGE brains_NN2 that_CST describes_VVZ our_APPGE likes_NN2 and_CC dislikes_NN2 ._. 
It_PPH1 shows_VVZ our_APPGE preferences_NN2 in_II hair_NN1 and_CC eye_NN1 color_NN1 ,_, in_II voice_NN1 ,_, smell_VV0 ,_, body_NN1 build_VV0 ._. 
It_PPH1 also_RR records_VVZ the_AT kind_NN1 of_IO personality_NN1 that_CST appeals_NN2 to_II us_PPIO2 ,_, whether_CSW it_PPH1 's_VBZ the_AT warm_JJ and_CC friendly_JJ type_NN1 or_CC the_AT strong_JJ ,_, silent_JJ type_NN1 ._. 
In_RR21 short_RR22 ,_, we_PPIS2 fall_VV0 for_IF and_CC pursue_VV0 those_DD2 people_NN who_PNQS most_RGT clearly_RR fit_VV0 our_APPGE love_NN1 map_NN1 ._. 
And_CC this_DD1 love_NN1 map_NN1 is_VBZ largely_RR determined_VVN in_II childhood_NN1 ._. 
By_II age_NN1 eight_MC ,_, the_AT pattern_NN1 for_IF our_APPGE ideal_JJ mate_NN1 has_VHZ already_RR begun_VVN to_TO float_VVI around_RP in_II our_APPGE brains_NN2 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 lecture_VV0 ,_, I_PPIS1 often_RR ask_VV0 couples_NN2 in_II the_AT audience_NN1 what_DDQ drew_VVD them_PPHO2 to_II their_APPGE dates_NN2 or_CC mates_NN2 ._. 
Answers_NN2 range_VV0 from_II "_" She_PPHS1 's_VBZ strong_JJ and_CC independent_JJ "_" and_CC "_" I_PPIS1 go_VV0 for_IF redheads_NN2 "_" to_II "_" I_PPIS1 love_VV0 his_APPGE sense_NN1 of_IO humor_NN1 "_" and_CC "_" That_DD1 crooked_JJ smile_NN1 ,_, that_DD1 's_VBZ what_DDQ did_VDD it_PPH1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 believe_VV0 what_DDQ they_PPHS2 say_VV0 ._. 
But_CCB I_PPIS1 also_RR know_VV0 that_CST if_CS I_PPIS1 were_VBDR to_TO ask_VVI those_DD2 same_DA men_NN2 and_CC women_NN2 to_TO describe_VVI their_APPGE mothers_NN2 ,_, there_EX would_VM be_VBI many_DA2 similarities_NN2 between_II their_APPGE ideal_JJ mates_NN2 and_CC their_APPGE moms_NN2 ._. 
Yes_UH ,_, our_APPGE mothers_NN2 --_NN1 the_AT first_MD real_JJ love_NN1 of_IO our_APPGE lives_NN2 --_NN1 write_VV0 a_AT1 significant_JJ portion_NN1 of_IO our_APPGE love_NN1 map_NN1 ._. 
When_CS we_PPIS2 're_VBR little_JJ ,_, our_APPGE mother_NN1 is_VBZ the_AT center_NN1 of_IO our_APPGE attention_NN1 ,_, and_CC we_PPIS2 are_VBR the_AT center_NN1 of_IO hers_PPGE ._. 
So_RR our_APPGE mother_NN1 's_GE characteristics_NN2 leave_VV0 an_AT1 indelible_JJ impression_NN1 ,_, and_CC we_PPIS2 are_VBR forever_RT after_CS attracted_VVN to_II people_NN with_IW her_APPGE facial_JJ features_NN2 ,_, body_NN1 type_NN1 ,_, personality_NN1 ,_, even_RR sense_NN1 of_IO humor_NN1 ._. 
If_CS our_APPGE mother_NN1 was_VBDZ warm_JJ and_CC giving_VVG ,_, as_CSA adults_NN2 we_PPIS2 tend_VV0 to_TO be_VBI attracted_VVN to_II people_NN who_PNQS are_VBR warm_JJ and_CC giving_VVG ._. 
If_CS our_APPGE mother_NN1 was_VBDZ strong_JJ and_CC even-tempered_NN1 ,_, we_PPIS2 are_VBR going_VVGK to_TO be_VBI attracted_VVN to_II a_AT1 fair-minded_JJ strength_NN1 in_II our_APPGE mates_NN2 ._. 
The_AT mother_NN1 has_VHZ an_AT1 additional_JJ influence_NN1 on_II her_APPGE sons_NN2 :_: she_PPHS1 not_XX only_RR gives_VVZ them_PPHO2 clues_NN2 to_II what_DDQ they_PPHS2 will_VM find_VVI attractive_JJ in_II a_AT1 mate_NN1 ,_, but_CCB also_RR affects_VVZ how_RRQ they_PPHS2 feel_VV0 about_II women_NN2 in_RR21 general_RR22 ._. 
So_RR if_CS she_PPHS1 is_VBZ warm_JJ and_CC nice_JJ ,_, her_APPGE sons_NN2 are_VBR going_VVGK to_TO think_VVI that_DD1 's_VBZ the_AT way_NN1 women_NN2 are_VBR ._. 
They_PPHS2 will_VM likely_RR grow_VVI up_RP warm_JJ and_CC responsive_JJ lovers_NN2 and_CC also_RR be_VBI cooperative_JJ around_II the_AT house_NN1 ._. 
Conversely_RR ,_, a_AT1 mother_NN1 who_PNQS has_VHZ a_AT1 depressive_NN1 personality_NN1 ,_, and_CC is_VBZ sometimes_RT friendly_JJ but_CCB then_RT suddenly_RR turns_VVZ cold_JJ and_CC rejecting_VVG ,_, may_VM raise_VVI a_AT1 man_NN1 who_PNQS becomes_VVZ a_AT1 "_" dance-away_JJ lover_NN1 ._. "_" 
Because_CS he_PPHS1 's_VHZ been_VBN so_RG scared_JJ about_II love_NN1 from_II his_APPGE mother_NN1 ,_, he_PPHS1 is_VBZ afraid_JJ of_IO commitment_NN1 and_CC may_VM pull_VVI away_II21 from_II22 a_AT1 girlfriend_NN1 for_IF this_DD1 reason_NN1 ._. 
While_CS the_AT mother_NN1 determines_VVZ in_II large_JJ part_NN1 what_DDQ qualities_NN2 attract_VV0 us_PPIO2 in_II a_AT1 mate_NN1 ,_, it_PPH1 's_VBZ the_AT father_NN1 --_NN1 the_AT first_MD male_NN1 in_II our_APPGE lives_NN2 --_NN1 who_PNQS influences_VVZ how_RRQ we_PPIS2 relate_VV0 to_II the_AT opposite_JJ sex_NN1 ._. 
Fathers_NN2 have_VH0 an_AT1 enormous_JJ effect_NN1 on_II their_APPGE children_NN2 's_GE personalities_NN2 and_CC chances_NN2 of_IO marital_JJ happiness_NN1 ._. 
Just_RR as_CSA mothers_NN2 influence_VV0 their_APPGE son_NN1 's_GE general_JJ feelings_NN2 toward_II women_NN2 ,_, fathers_NN2 influence_VV0 their_APPGE daughter_NN1 's_GE general_JJ feelings_NN2 about_II men_NN2 ._. 
If_CS a_AT1 father_NN1 lavishes_VVZ praise_NN1 on_II his_APPGE daughter_NN1 and_CC demonstrates_VVZ that_CST she_PPHS1 is_VBZ a_AT1 worthwhile_JJ person_NN1 ,_, she_PPHS1 'll_VM feel_VVI very_RG good_JJ about_II herself_PPX1 in_II31 relation_II32 to_II33 men_NN2 ._. 
But_CCB if_CS the_AT father_NN1 is_VBZ cold_JJ ,_, critical_JJ or_CC absent_JJ ,_, the_AT daughter_NN1 will_VM tend_VVI to_TO feel_VVI she_PPHS1 's_VBZ not_XX very_RG lovable_JJ or_CC attractive_JJ ._. 
In_RR21 addition_RR22 ,_, most_DAT of_IO us_PPIO2 grow_VV0 up_RP with_IW people_NN of_IO similar_JJ social_JJ circumstances_NN2 ._. 
We_PPIS2 hang_VV0 around_RP with_IW people_NN in_II the_AT same_DA town_NN1 ;_; our_APPGE friends_NN2 have_VH0 about_II the_AT same_DA educational_JJ backgrounds_NN2 and_CC career_NN1 goals_NN2 ._. 
We_PPIS2 tend_VV0 to_TO be_VBI most_RGT comfortable_JJ with_IW these_DD2 people_NN ,_, and_CC therefore_RR we_PPIS2 tend_VV0 to_TO link_VVI up_RP with_IW others_NN2 whose_DDQGE families_NN2 are_VBR often_RR much_RR like_II our_APPGE own_DA ._. 
Complementary_JJ Needs_NN2 What_DDQ about_II opposites_NN2 ?_? 
Are_VBR they_PPHS2 really_RR attracted_VVN to_II each_PPX221 other_PPX222 ?_? 
Yes_UH and_CC no_UH ._. 
In_II many_DA2 ways_NN2 we_PPIS2 want_VV0 a_AT1 mirror_NN1 image_NN1 of_IO ourselves_PPX2 ._. 
Physically_RR attractive_JJ people_NN ,_, for_REX21 example_REX22 ,_, are_VBR usually_RR drawn_VVN to_II a_AT1 partner_NN1 who_PNQS 's_VBZ equally_RR attractive_JJ ._. 
Robert_NP1 Winch_NP1 ,_, a_AT1 longtime_JJ sociology_NN1 professor_NN1 at_II Northwestern_JJ University_NN1 ,_, stated_VVN in_II his_APPGE research_NN1 that_CST our_APPGE choice_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 marriage_NN1 partner_NN1 involves_VVZ a_AT1 number_NN1 of_IO social_JJ similarities_NN2 ._. 
But_CCB he_PPHS1 also_RR maintained_VVD that_CST we_PPIS2 look_VV0 for_IF someone_PN1 with_IW complementary_JJ needs_NN2 ._. 
A_AT1 talker_NN1 is_VBZ attracted_VVN to_II someone_PN1 who_PNQS likes_VVZ to_TO listen_VVI ,_, or_CC an_AT1 aggressive_JJ personality_NN1 may_VM seek_VVI out_RP a_AT1 more_RGR passive_JJ partner_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ rather_RR like_II the_AT old_JJ ,_, but_CCB perceptive_JJ ,_, saying_VVG on_II the_AT subject_NN1 of_IO marriage_NN1 that_CST advises_VVZ future_JJ partners_NN2 to_TO make_VVI sure_JJ that_CST the_AT holes_NN2 in_II one_PN1 's_GE head_NN1 fit_VV0 the_AT bumps_NN2 in_II the_AT other_NN1 's_GE ._. 
Or_CC ,_, as_CSA Winch_NP1 observed_VVD ,_, it_PPH1 's_VBZ the_AT balancing_NN1 out_II21 of_II22 sociological_JJ likenesses_NN2 and_CC psychological_JJ differences_NN2 that_CST seems_VVZ to_TO point_VVI the_AT way_NN1 for_IF the_AT most_RGT solid_JJ lifelong_JJ romance_NN1 ._. 
However_RR ,_, there_EX are_VBR instances_NN2 where_RRQ people_NN of_IO different_JJ social_JJ backgrounds_NN2 end_VV0 up_RP getting_VVG married_VVN and_CC being_VBG extremely_RR happy_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 know_VV0 of_IO one_MC1 man_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 factory_NN1 worker_NN1 from_II a_AT1 traditional_JJ Irish_JJ family_NN1 in_II Chicago_NP1 ,_, who_PNQS fell_VVD in_II love_NN1 with_IW an_AT1 African_JJ American_JJ Baptist_NN1 ._. 
When_CS they_PPHS2 got_VVD married_VVN ,_, their_APPGE friends_NN2 and_CC relatives_NN2 predicted_VVD a_AT1 quick_JJ failure_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB 25_MC years_NNT2 later_RRR ,_, the_AT marriage_NN1 is_VBZ still_RR strong_JJ ._. 
It_PPH1 turns_VVZ out_RP that_CST the_AT woman_NN1 was_VBDZ like_II her_APPGE mother-in-law_NN1 --_NN1 a_AT1 loving_JJ and_CC caring_JJ person_NN1 ,_, the_AT type_NN1 who_PNQS rolls_VVZ up_RP her_APPGE sleeves_NN2 and_CC volunteers_NN2 to_TO work_VVI at_II church_NN1 or_CC help_VV0 out_RP people_NN in_II need_NN1 ._. 
This_DD1 is_VBZ the_AT quality_NN1 that_CST her_APPGE husband_NN1 fell_VVD for_IF ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 made_VVD color_NN1 and_CC religion_NN1 and_CC any_DD other_JJ social_JJ factors_NN2 irrelevant_JJ to_II him_PPHO1 ._. 
