The_AT Vast_JJ Fields_NN2 of_IO Ordinary_JJ My_APPGE father_NN1 ,_, Ned_NP1 ,_, ran_VVD Cedarville_NP1 's_GE only_JJ luxury_JJ car_NN1 dealership_NN1 ,_, and_CC my_APPGE mother_NN1 ,_, Peggy_NP1 ,_, was_VBDZ an_AT1 art_NN1 teacher_NN1 at_II St._NP1 Jude_NP1 's_GE ,_, the_AT smaller_JJR of_IO the_AT two_MC Catholic_JJ schools_NN2 in_II town_NN1 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ thirteen_MC we_PPIS2 moved_VVD from_II the_AT country_NN1 to_II Cedarview_NP1 Estates_NN2 ,_, a_AT1 new_JJ housing_NN1 development_NN1 in_II the_AT eastern_JJ part_NN1 of_IO Cedarville_NP1 ._. 
The_AT houses_NN2 were_VBDR all_DB painted_VVN safe_JJ colors_NN2 ._. 
Taupe_NN1 ,_, beige_JJ ,_, and_CC dusty_JJ blue_JJ ._. 
At_II night_NNT1 their_APPGE windows_NN2 glowed_VVD with_IW a_AT1 soft_JJ golden_JJ light_NN1 ._. 
My_APPGE mother_NN1 hated_VVD it_PPH1 there_RL ._. 
"_" It_PPH1 's_VBZ like_II a_AT1 village_NN1 of_IO futuristic_JJ lighting_NN1 fixtures_NN2 ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD ._. 
She_PPHS1 was_VBDZ out_RP on_II the_AT front_JJ porch_NN1 smoking_VVG a_AT1 rare_JJ Marlboro_NP1 Light_NN1 ._. 
"_" Sometimes_RT I_PPIS1 feel_VV0 like_II if_CSW I_PPIS1 stare_VV0 at_II them_PPHO2 for_IF long_JJ enough_RR I_PPIS1 'll_VM start_VVI to_TO see_VVI them_PPHO2 moving_VVG real_JJ slow_JJ ._. 
Like_II glaciers_NN2 ._. "_" 
My_APPGE parents_NN2 had_VHD initially_RR moved_VVN out_II21 of_II22 Cedarville_NP1 and_CC into_II the_AT country_NN1 when_CS they_PPHS2 found_VVD out_RP they_PPHS2 were_VBDR having_VHG me_PPIO1 ._. 
My_APPGE mother_NN1 wanted_VVD to_TO raise_VVI her_APPGE kid_NN1 in_II a_AT1 farmhouse_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 wanted_VVD an_AT1 unnamed_JJ cat_NN1 and_CC a_AT1 few_DA2 chickens_NN2 that_CST she_PPHS1 did_VDD n't_XX know_VVI what_DDQ to_TO do_VDI with_IW ._. 
She_PPHS1 wanted_VVD the_AT space_NN1 and_CC the_AT sunsets_NN2 ,_, the_AT weird_JJ bugs_NN2 in_II the_AT yard_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 spent_VVD my_APPGE days_NNT2 wandering_VVG off_II the_AT porch_NN1 into_II the_AT cornfields_NN2 that_CST ran_VVD behind_II the_AT house_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 would_VM stand_VVI in_II the_AT middle_NN1 of_IO the_AT field_NN1 ,_, close_VV0 my_APPGE eyes_NN2 ,_, and_CC spin_VV0 myself_PPX1 around_RP to_TO try_VVI to_TO make_VVI myself_PPX1 as_RG lost_JJ as_CSA possible_JJ ._. 
One_MC1 evening_NNT1 at_II dinner_NN1 my_APPGE father_NN1 told_VVD us_PPIO2 that_CST he_PPHS1 'd_VHD heard_VVN good_JJ things_NN2 about_II the_AT new_JJ Cedarview_NN1 Estates_NN2 being_VBG built_VVN in_II town_NN1 and_CC that_CST maybe_RR we_PPIS2 should_VM think_VVI about_II moving_VVG ._. 
"_" It_PPH1 'll_VM be_VBI great_JJ to_TO move_VVI back_RP into_II town_NN1 ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" We_PPIS2 'll_VM be_VBI closer_JJR to_II everything_PN1 ._. 
Plus_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 guy_NN1 from_II work_NN1 knows_VVZ a_AT1 couple_NN1 of_IO the_AT guys_NN2 behind_II the_AT development_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 said_VVD it_PPH1 's_VBZ going_VVGK to_TO be_VBI gorgeous_JJ ._. 
Real_JJ state-of-the-art_JJ living_JJ style_NN1 ._. "_" 
"_" I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX see_VVI anything_PN1 gorgeous_JJ about_II cracker-box_JJ houses_NN2 ,_, "_" my_APPGE mother_NN1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" Well_RR ,_, we_PPIS2 're_VBR not_XX twenty-five_MC anymore_RR ,_, Peggy_NP1 ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 said_VVD ._. 
She_PPHS1 slammed_VVD her_APPGE silverware_NN1 onto_II her_APPGE plate_NN1 and_CC asked_VVD what_DDQ that_DD1 had_VHD to_TO do_VDI with_IW anything_PN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 took_VVD my_APPGE food_NN1 up_II21 to_II22 my_APPGE room_NN1 so_CS they_PPHS2 could_VM fight_VVI in_II peace_NN1 ._. 
The_AT house_NN1 in_II Cedarview_NP1 Estates_NN2 was_VBDZ too_RG big_JJ for_IF us_PPIO2 ._. 
We_PPIS2 had_VHD three_MC extra_JJ bedrooms_NN2 and_CC a_AT1 huge_JJ basement_NN1 that_CST my_APPGE mother_NN1 had_VHD taken_VVN over_RP with_IW art_NN1 projects_NN2 ._. 
Headless_JJ mannequins_NN2 painted_VVN blue_JJ ._. 
Black_JJ stick_NN1 figures_NN2 acting_VVG out_RP Biblical_JJ scenes_NN2 on_II shattered_JJ mirrors_NN2 ._. 
There_EX was_VBDZ a_AT1 fireplace_NN1 we_PPIS2 used_VVD one_MC1 Christmas_NNT1 Eve_NNT1 and_CC a_AT1 stainless_JJ steel_NN1 refrigerator_NN1 with_IW built-in_JJ flat-screen_JJ television_NN1 ._. 
We_PPIS2 had_VHD a_AT1 pool_NN1 out_RP back_RP and_CC a_AT1 man_NN1 who_PNQS came_VVD to_TO clean_VVI it_PPH1 once_RR a_AT1 week_NNT1 ._. 
There_EX were_VBDR stereo_NN1 speakers_NN2 installed_VVN in_II the_AT walls_NN2 ,_, and_CC sometimes_RT the_AT house_NN1 would_VM sing_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 did_VDD n't_XX mind_VVI the_AT house_NN1 and_CC our_APPGE new_JJ neighborhood_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 took_VVD some_DD getting_VVG used_JJ to_II ,_, but_CCB before_II long_RR I_PPIS1 saw_VVD it_PPH1 as_CSA I_PPIS1 saw_VVD the_AT cornfields_NN2 that_CST ran_VVD behind_II our_APPGE old_JJ place_NN1 in_II the_AT country_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ a_AT1 space_NN1 to_TO be_VBI explored_VVN and_CC to_TO disappear_VVI in_RP ._. 
My_APPGE parents_NN2 ,_, on_II the_AT other_JJ hand_NN1 ,_, fought_VVN about_II the_AT house_NN1 all_DB the_AT time_NNT1 ,_, about_II what_DDQ it_PPH1 meant_VVD and_CC what_DDQ kinds_NN2 of_IO people_NN it_PPH1 made_VVD them_PPHO2 ._. 
My_APPGE father_NN1 thought_VVD it_PPH1 represented_VVD a_AT1 new_JJ level_NN1 of_IO adulthood_NN1 and_CC affluence_NN1 ,_, like_II it_PPH1 was_VBDZ a_AT1 giant_JJ arrow_NN1 indicating_VVG that_CST they_PPHS2 were_VBDR moving_VVG in_II the_AT right_JJ direction_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB my_APPGE mother_NN1 saw_VVD it_PPH1 as_II a_AT1 surrender_NN1 to_II normalcy_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 rejection_NN1 of_IO the_AT fantasy_NN1 where_CS she_PPHS1 created_VVD sculptures_NN2 in_II the_AT barn_NN1 and_CC heard_VVD the_AT voice_NN1 of_IO nature_NN1 in_II the_AT black_JJ silence_NN1 of_IO the_AT rural_JJ Midwest_NN1 evening_NNT1 ._. 
One_MC1 night_NNT1 my_APPGE father_NN1 and_CC I_PPIS1 were_VBDR reading_VVG the_AT paper_NN1 in_II the_AT living_NN1 room_NN1 when_CS my_APPGE mother_NN1 's_GE voice_NN1 came_VVD through_II the_AT intercom_NN1 on_II the_AT wall_NN1 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 just_RR want_VV0 you_PPY to_TO know_VVI that_CST I_PPIS1 'm_VBM in_II the_AT master_NN1 bathroom_NN1 using_VVG the_AT bidet_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 ca_VM n't_XX believe_VVI this_DD1 ._. 
Dade_VV0 ,_, if_CS you_PPY can_VM hear_VVI me_PPIO1 ,_, never_RR ,_, ever_RR let_VV0 yourself_PPX1 become_VVI this_DD1 ._. "_" 
My_APPGE father_NN1 looked_VVD up_RP from_II the_AT sports_NN2 page_NN1 and_CC gave_VVD a_AT1 dismissive_JJ shake_NN1 of_IO his_APPGE head_NN1 before_II going_VVG back_RP to_II reading_NN1 ._. 
My_APPGE mother_NN1 's_GE fellow_JJ teachers_NN2 referred_VVN to_II her_PPHO1 as_II The_AT Hippie_NP1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 had_VHD long_RR sandy_JJ blond_JJ hair_NN1 and_CC always_RR wore_VVD flowing_JJ peasant_NN1 skirts_NN2 and_CC gauzy_JJ tops_NN2 that_CST revealed_VVD the_AT teenage_JJ girl_NN1 slimness_NN1 in_II her_APPGE arms_NN2 and_CC shoulders_NN2 ._. 
Her_APPGE eyes_NN2 lit_VVD up_RP when_CS someone_PN1 told_VVD a_AT1 clever_JJ joke_NN1 or_CC when_RRQ she_PPHS1 noticed_VVD that_CST one_MC1 of_IO the_AT flowers_NN2 she_PPHS1 planted_VVD in_II the_AT backyard_NN1 was_VBDZ beginning_VVG to_TO bloom_VVI ._. 
But_CCB there_EX were_VBDR many_DA2 days_NNT2 when_RRQ the_AT light_NN1 behind_II her_APPGE eyes_NN2 went_VVD out_RP and_CC it_PPH1 seemed_VVD like_II the_AT world_NN1 she_PPHS1 saw_VVD left_VVD her_APPGE hopeless_JJ and_CC disappointed_JJ ._. 
We_PPIS2 'd_VHD been_VBN in_II the_AT house_NN1 for_IF a_AT1 year_NNT1 when_RRQ she_PPHS1 made_VVD an_AT1 announcement_NN1 at_II the_AT dinner_NN1 table_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 stood_VVD up_RP and_CC led_VVD her_PPHO1 into_II the_AT house_NN1 ,_, my_APPGE hand_NN1 on_II her_APPGE arm_NN1 ._. 
"_" Friends_NN2 over_RP ?_? "_" she_PPHS1 asked_VVD ._. 
"_" So_CS we_PPIS2 're_VBR friends_NN2 ,_, right_RR ?_? "_" 
"_" Sure_JJ ._. 
We_PPIS2 're_VBR friends_NN2 ._. "_" 
"_" I_PPIS1 help_VV0 you_PPY ,_, you_PPY help_VV0 me_PPIO1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ pulling_VVG her_PPHO1 through_II the_AT kitchen_NN1 ._. 
"_" We_PPIS2 help_VV0 each_PPX221 other_PPX222 out_RP ._. "_" 
"_" Yeah_UH ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ,_, not_XX really_RR getting_VVG what_DDQ she_PPHS1 was_VBDZ saying_VVG ._. 
"_" For_RR21 sure_RR22 ._. "_" 
"_" I_PPIS1 mean_VV0 ,_, maybe_RR someday_RT we_PPIS2 could_VM sorta_NN1 be_VBI more_DAR than_CSN friends_NN2 ,_, right_RR ?_? 
That_DD1 's_VBZ possible_JJ ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 stopped_VVD ._. 
"_" Fessica_NN1 ,_, come_VV0 on_RP ._. 
You_PPY ca_VM n't_XX be_VBI serious_JJ ._. "_" 
They_PPHS2 were_VBDR playing_VVG some_DD home_NN1 video_NN1 of_IO Jenny_NP1 Moore_NP1 on_II the_AT refrigerator_NN1 television_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 went_VVD over_RP and_CC punched_VVD the_AT mute_JJ button_NN1 ._. 
"_" Jeez_UH ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" What_DDQ was_VBDZ that_DD1 about_II ?_? "_" 
"_" Fessica_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 'm_VBM gay_JJ ._. 
We_PPIS2 both_DB2 know_VV0 this_DD1 ._. "_" 
Her_APPGE eyes_NN2 grew_VVD wide_JJ ._. 
It_PPH1 occurred_VVD to_II me_PPIO1 that_CST I_PPIS1 'd_VM never_RR actually_RR told_VVN her_PPHO1 I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ gay_JJ ._. 
In_II fact_NN1 ,_, Lucy_NP1 was_VBDZ the_AT only_JJ actual_JJ person_NN1 I_PPIS1 'd_VHD told_VVN ._. 
Her_APPGE eagerness_NN1 quickly_RR gave_VVD way_NN1 to_II a_AT1 look_NN1 of_IO concern_NN1 ._. 
"_" But_CCB what_DDQ about_II what_DDQ happened_VVD in_II my_APPGE bedroom_NN1 ?_? "_" she_PPHS1 asked_VVD ._. 
"_" Did_VDD that_DD1 mean_JJ nothing_PN1 ?_? "_" 
"_" You_PPY attacked_VVD me_PPIO1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ,_, gesturing_VVG at_II the_AT ceiling_NN1 like_II my_APPGE dad_NN1 when_CS he_PPHS1 was_VBDZ pissed_JJ ._. 
"_" You_PPY tried_VVD to_TO stick_VVI your_APPGE hand_NN1 down_RP my_APPGE pants_NN2 and_CC I_PPIS1 ran_VVD out_II21 of_II22 your_APPGE house_NN1 like_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ on_II fire_NN1 ._. 
What_DDQ about_II that_DD1 sounds_VVZ like_II a_AT1 romantic_JJ moment_NN1 to_II you_PPY ?_? "_" 
She_PPHS1 opened_VVD her_APPGE mouth_NN1 to_TO let_VVI out_RP a_AT1 sound_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB nothing_PN1 came_VVD out_RP ._. 
Her_APPGE eyes_NN2 got_VVD wet_JJ ._. 
"_" Oh_UH shit_NN1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" Do_VD0 n't_XX cry_VVI ._. 
Do_VD0 n't_XX do_VDI that_DD1 ._. "_" 
But_CCB it_PPH1 was_VBDZ too_RG late_JJ ._. 
She_PPHS1 let_VVD out_RP a_AT1 broken_JJ little_JJ cry_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 limply_RR held_VVD her_APPGE arms_NN2 out_RP ,_, ready_JJ to_TO receive_VVI anything_PN1 the_AT world_NN1 would_VM offer_VVI her_PPHO1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 felt_VVD horrible_JJ and_CC before_CS I_PPIS1 knew_VVD it_PPH1 ,_, I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ hugging_VVG her_PPHO1 ._. 
My_APPGE chin_NN1 was_VBDZ on_II her_APPGE shoulder_NN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ staring_VVG at_II the_AT television_NN1 in_II the_AT refrigerator_NN1 ,_, at_II a_AT1 muted_JJ commercial_JJ for_IF laundry_NN1 detergent_NN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 prayed_VVD she_PPHS1 was_VBDZ n't_XX getting_VVG the_AT wrong_JJ idea_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 started_VVD sobbing_VVG uncontrollably_RR ._. 
"_" Do_VD0 n't_XX cry_VVI ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" Jesus_NP1 ,_, dude_NN1 ._. 
Do_VD0 n't_XX cry_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 'm_VBM sorry_JJ ._. 
This_DD1 is_VBZ n't_XX your_APPGE fault_NN1 ._. "_" 
"_" But_CCB I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX have_VHI anybody_PN1 ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD between_II sobs_NN2 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX have_VHI anybody_PN1 ,_, Dade_NP1 ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 makes_VVZ me_PPIO1 wish_NN1 that_CST I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ dead_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 wake_VV0 up_RP every_AT1 day_NNT1 and_CC I_PPIS1 wish_VV0 that_CST I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ dead_JJ ._. 
The_AT only_JJ reason_NN1 I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX kill_VVI myself_PPX1 is_VBZ because_CS the_AT idea_NN1 of_IO it_PPH1 is_VBZ so_RG terrifying_JJ ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 'm_VBM scared_JJ I_PPIS1 'll_VM be_VBI so_RG scared_JJ that_CST then_RT I_PPIS1 'll_VM screw_VVI it_PPH1 up_RP and_CC then_RT people_NN will_VM have_VHI something_PN1 else_RR to_TO make_VVI fun_NN1 of_IO me_PPIO1 for_IF ._. "_" 
"_" Jesus_NP1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ._. 
I_PPIS1 pulled_VVD back_RP and_CC looked_VVD her_PPHO1 in_II the_AT eye_NN1 ._. 
"_" Do_VD0 n't_XX say_VVI that_DD1 ._. 
That_DD1 's_VBZ horrible_JJ ._. 
You_PPY do_VD0 n't_XX really_RR think_VVI that_DD1 ,_, do_VD0 you_PPY ?_? "_" 
"_" I_PPIS1 do_VD0 !_! "_" she_PPHS1 screamed_VVD ._. 
"_" Whoa_UH ,_, whoa_UH ,_, whoa_UH ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ._. 
She_PPHS1 pulled_VVD away_RL ._. 
She_PPHS1 was_VBDZ n't_XX crying_VVG anymore_RR ._. 
She_PPHS1 looked_VVD angry_JJ now_RT ._. 
"_" Maybe_RR I_PPIS1 'll_VM do_VDI it_PPH1 now_RT ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" Maybe_RR I_PPIS1 'll_VM just_RR go_VVI home_RL and_CC get_VVI it_PPH1 over_RP with_IW ._. 
No_AT one_MC1 will_NN1 miss_VV0 me_PPIO1 ._. 
My_APPGE parents_NN2 wo_VM n't_XX ._. 
They_PPHS2 have_VH0 Jessica_NP1 ._. 
What_DDQ do_VD0 they_PPHS2 need_VVI me_PPIO1 for_IF ?_? "_" 
"_" Um_UH ,_, you_PPY 're_VBR way_RR cooler_JJR than_CSN your_APPGE sister_NN1 ._. 
Trust_VV0 me_PPIO1 on_II that_DD1 ._. "_" 
She_PPHS1 stared_VVD at_II my_APPGE knees_NN2 ,_, her_APPGE face_NN1 locked_VVN into_II a_AT1 hard_JJ grimace_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ hoping_VVG to_TO maybe_RR get_VVI a_AT1 laugh_NN1 out_II21 of_II22 her_PPHO1 with_IW that_DD1 last_MD line_NN1 ._. 
No_AT such_DA luck_NN1 ._. 
My_APPGE annoyance_NN1 with_IW her_PPHO1 gave_VVD way_NN1 to_II a_AT1 very_RG real_JJ sympathy_NN1 ._. 
My_APPGE earlier_JJR thought_NN1 of_IO drowning_VVG myself_PPX1 in_II the_AT pool_NN1 was_VBDZ just_RR a_AT1 catnap_NN1 away_RL ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 was_VBDZ impossible_JJ to_TO admit_VVI that_CST it_PPH1 was_VBDZ n't_XX ._. 
"_" You_PPY want_VV0 to_TO come_VVI upstairs_RL ?_? "_" 
I_PPIS1 asked_VVD ._. 
"_" Hang_VV0 out_RP ?_? 
It_PPH1 'll_VM be_VBI fine_JJ ._. 
My_APPGE parents_NN2 wo_VM n't_XX care_VVI ._. "_" 
She_PPHS1 looked_VVD up_RP at_II me_PPIO1 and_CC nodded_VVD solemnly_RR ,_, the_AT faintest_JJT trace_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 smile_NN1 on_II her_APPGE mouth_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 grabbed_VVD two_MC Cokes_NN2 from_II the_AT refrigerator_NN1 and_CC led_VVD her_PPHO1 up_II21 to_II22 my_APPGE bedroom_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 followed_VVD behind_RL ,_, sniffling_VVG ._. 
She_PPHS1 sat_VVD on_II my_APPGE bed_NN1 and_CC sipped_VVD at_II her_APPGE Coke_NN1 while_CS I_PPIS1 went_VVD around_RP picking_VVG up_RP random_JJ articles_NN2 of_IO clothing_NN1 off_II the_AT floor_NN1 and_CC tossing_VVG them_PPHO2 into_II my_APPGE closet_NN1 ._. 
"_" What_DDQ 's_VBZ this_DD1 ?_? "_" she_PPHS1 asked_VVD ._. 
I_PPIS1 looked_VVD over_RP and_CC saw_VVD she_PPHS1 was_VBDZ holding_VVG a_AT1 soda_NN1 can_VM that_CST Lucy_NP1 had_VHD turned_VVN into_II a_AT1 pipe_NN1 a_AT1 few_DA2 nights_NNT2 beforehand_RR ._. 
"_" Gim_VV0 me_PPIO1 that_DD1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ,_, going_VVG over_RP and_CC grabbing_VVG it_PPH1 from_II her_PPHO1 ._. 
"_" Sorry_JJ ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ just_RR sitting_VVG there_RL on_II your_APPGE nightstand_NN1 ._. 
What_DDQ is_VBZ it_PPH1 ?_? "_" 
"_" It_PPH1 's_VBZ a_AT1 pipe_NN1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" A_AT1 pipe_NN1 ?_? "_" 
There_EX was_VBDZ still_RR the_AT residue_NN1 of_IO sadness_NN1 in_II her_APPGE voice_NN1 ._. 
Her_APPGE throat_NN1 sounded_VVD wet_JJ and_CC clogged_VVN like_II a_AT1 neglected_JJ storm_NN1 drain_NN1 ._. 
"_" Yeah_UH ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" You_PPY smoke_VV0 pot_NN1 out_II21 of_II22 it_PPH1 ._. "_" 
Three_MC weeks_NNT2 after_CS I_PPIS1 started_VVD school_NN1 my_APPGE mother_NN1 called_VVD me_PPIO1 to_TO tell_VVI me_PPIO1 that_CST her_APPGE and_CC my_APPGE father_NN1 were_VBDR getting_VVG a_AT1 divorce_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ one_MC1 of_IO the_AT most_RGT anticlimactic_JJ conversations_NN2 I_PPIS1 've_VH0 ever_RR had_VHN ._. 
If_CS I_PPIS1 felt_VVD anything_PN1 ,_, it_PPH1 was_VBDZ only_RR a_AT1 sense_NN1 of_IO relief_NN1 that_CST it_PPH1 was_VBDZ all_RR over_RP ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ vaguely_RR worried_VVN about_II how_RRQ they_PPHS2 would_VM cope_VVI with_IW wandering_VVG the_AT desert_NN1 of_IO adulthood_NN1 without_IW the_AT other_NN1 's_GE hand_NN1 to_TO hold_VVI ,_, but_CCB then_RT I_PPIS1 remembered_VVD that_CST they_PPHS2 never_RR appeared_VVD to_TO give_VVI each_PPX221 other_PPX222 that_RG much_DA1 comfort_NN1 in_II the_AT first_MD place_NN1 ,_, or_CC at_RR21 least_RR22 if_CS they_PPHS2 had_VHD ,_, those_DD2 days_NNT2 were_VBDR buried_VVN so_RG far_RR in_II the_AT past_NN1 that_CST it_PPH1 was_VBDZ hard_JJ to_TO consider_VVI them_PPHO2 a_AT1 meaningful_JJ part_NN1 of_IO their_APPGE life_NN1 ._. 
My_APPGE mom_NN1 stayed_VVD in_II the_AT house_NN1 in_II Cedarview_NP1 Estates_NN2 ._. 
Sometimes_RT its_APPGE largeness_NN1 made_VVD her_APPGE lonely_JJ ,_, but_CCB I_PPIS1 think_VV0 she_PPHS1 stayed_VVD there_RL with_IW the_AT secret_JJ hope_NN1 that_CST someday_RT she_PPHS1 would_VM use_VVI every_AT1 inch_NNU1 of_IO it_PPH1 again_RT ,_, that_DD1 maybe_RR she_PPHS1 would_VM have_VHI another_DD1 husband_NN1 ,_, maybe_RR even_RR another_DD1 kid_NN1 or_CC two_MC ,_, and_CC the_AT house_NN1 would_VM have_VHI a_AT1 life_NN1 again_RT ._. 
There_EX would_VM be_VBI splashes_NN2 in_II the_AT pool_NN1 ,_, bikes_NN2 lying_VVG on_II their_APPGE sides_NN2 in_II the_AT yard_NN1 ,_, and_CC rubber_JJ balls_NN2 rolling_VVG down_RP the_AT gentle_JJ slope_NN1 of_IO the_AT driveway_NN1 ._. 
Every_AT1 few_DA2 months_NNT2 she_PPHS1 sent_VVD me_PPIO1 checks_VVZ with_IW subtle_JJ commands_NN2 written_VVN in_II the_AT memo_NN1 line_NN1 ._. 
For_IF Healthy_JJ Snacks_NN2 they_PPHS2 sometimes_RT read_VV0 or_CC New_JJ Winter_NNT1 Coat_NN1 Money_NN1 ._. 
Once_CS it_PPH1 even_RR said_VVD To_TO Take_VV0 a_AT1 Nice_JJ Boy_NN1 Out_RP to_II Dinner_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 called_VVD her_PPHO1 after_II that_DD1 one_PN1 to_TO tell_VVI her_PPHO1 that_CST I_PPIS1 loved_VVD her_PPHO1 ._. 
My_APPGE dad_NN1 became_VVD the_AT merry_JJ bachelor_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 started_VVD dating_NN1 ,_, which_DDQ filled_VVD me_PPIO1 with_IW sympathy_NN1 for_IF the_AT single_JJ ladies_NN2 of_IO Cedarville_NP1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 bought_VVD a_AT1 condo_NN1 in_II a_AT1 new_JJ development_NN1 across_II town_NN1 and_CC furnished_VVD it_PPH1 with_IW nothing_PN1 but_II a_AT1 treadmill_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 king-size_JJ bed_NN1 ,_, and_CC a_AT1 giant_JJ flat-screen_JJ television_NN1 ._. 
Sometimes_RT I_PPIS1 pictured_VVD him_PPHO1 walking_VVG on_II the_AT treadmill_NN1 and_CC talking_VVG on_II his_APPGE headset_NN1 to_II some_DD legal_JJ secretary_NN1 across_II town_NN1 while_CS he_PPHS1 watched_VVD a_AT1 basketball_NN1 game_NN1 on_II mute_JJ ._. 
Every_AT1 now_RT and_CC then_RT he_PPHS1 'd_VM drive_VVI up_RP to_II Fairmont_NP1 for_IF football_NN1 games_NN2 ._. 
We_PPIS2 'd_VM drink_VVI hot_JJ chocolate_NN1 in_II the_AT stands_NN2 and_CC I_PPIS1 'd_VM stand_VVI up_RP and_CC cheer_NN1 whenever_RRQV he_PPHS1 did_VDD ._. 
One_MC1 night_NNT1 after_II a_AT1 game_NN1 we_PPIS2 got_VVD drunk_JJ at_II a_AT1 pub_NN1 on_II campus_NN1 and_CC afterward_RL when_CS we_PPIS2 were_VBDR walking_VVG through_II the_AT snow_NN1 he_PPHS1 stopped_VVD and_CC held_VVD me_PPIO1 and_CC told_VVD me_PPIO1 he_PPHS1 was_VBDZ sorry_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 told_VVD him_PPHO1 that_CST it_PPH1 was_VBDZ okay_JJ ,_, that_CST I_PPIS1 knew_VVD he_PPHS1 always_RR did_VDD the_AT best_JJT that_CST he_PPHS1 could_VM ,_, and_CC then_RT we_PPIS2 trudged_VVD on_II back_NN1 toward_II his_APPGE hotel_NN1 with_IW icy_JJ tears_NN2 sticking_VVG to_II our_APPGE cheeks_NN2 ._. 
Lucy_NP1 came_VVD to_TO visit_VVI in_II the_AT spring_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 showed_VVD her_PPHO1 the_AT buildings_NN2 where_RRQ I_PPIS1 had_VHD classes_NN2 and_CC the_AT little_JJ nooks_NN2 around_II campus_NN1 where_CS I_PPIS1 would_VM sit_VVI and_CC write_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 told_VVD her_PPHO1 I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ working_VVG on_II a_AT1 book_NN1 called_VVN The_AT Vast_JJ Fields_NN2 of_IO Ordinary_JJ ._. 
She_PPHS1 begged_VVD me_PPIO1 to_TO let_VVI her_PPHO1 read_VVD the_AT first_MD chapter_NN1 ,_, but_CCB I_PPIS1 told_VVD her_PPHO1 it_PPH1 was_VBDZ better_JJR to_TO wait_VVI until_CS it_PPH1 was_VBDZ finished_VVN ,_, until_CS all_DB the_AT little_JJ pieces_NN2 fit_VV0 together_RL to_TO make_VVI a_AT1 whole_JJ picture_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 took_VVD her_PPHO1 to_II the_AT Laguna_NP1 Lounge_NN1 on_II a_AT1 Wednesday_NPD1 ,_, which_DDQ was_VBDZ Lesbian_JJ Night_NNT1 ._. 
We_PPIS2 sat_VVD at_II the_AT bar_NN1 with_IW fruity_JJ cocktails_NN2 and_CC talked_VVN about_II the_AT previous_JJ summer_NNT1 while_CS the_AT DJ_NN1 played_VVD a_AT1 string_NN1 of_IO ridiculous_JJ Fleetwood_NP1 Mac_NP1 remixes_VVZ that_CST reminded_VVD me_PPIO1 of_IO my_APPGE mother_NN1 ._. 
We_PPIS2 talked_VVD about_II Alex_NP1 and_CC what_DDQ would_VM happen_VVI to_II him_PPHO1 ._. 
