The_AT Guinea_NP1 Pig_NN1 Diaries_NN2 I_PPIS1 really_RR should_VM n't_XX have_VHI to_TO write_VVI this_DD1 piece_NN1 myself_PPX1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 mean_VV0 ,_, why_RRQ am_VBM I_PPIS1 the_AT one_PN1 stuck_VVD in_II31 front_II32 of_II33 a_AT1 computer_NN1 terminal_NN1 ?_? 
All_DB this_DD1 tedious_JJ pecking_NN1 out_II21 of_II22 words_NN2 on_II my_APPGE laptop_NN1 ._. 
Nouns_NN2 ,_, verbs_NN2 ,_, adjectives_NN2 ,_, prepositions_NN2 ._. 
Sheesh_FU ._. 
What_DDQ a_AT1 pain_NN1 in_II my_APPGE butt_NN1 ._. 
Ca_VM n't_XX someone_PN1 else_RR do_VDI it_PPH1 ?_? 
Ca_VM n't_XX I_PPIS1 delegate_VVI this_DD1 to_II one_MC1 of_IO my_APPGE new_JJ assistants_NN2 and_CC spend_VV0 my_APPGE day_NNT1 kicking_VVG back_RP on_II a_AT1 chaise_NN121 longue_NN122 ,_, Sam_NP1 Adams_NP1 in_II hand_NN1 ,_, admiring_JJ Evangeline_NP1 Lilly_NP1 's_GE navel_NN1 on_II my_APPGE TV_NN1 ?_? 
What_DDQ about_II having_VHG Asha_NP1 write_VVI it_PPH1 ?_? 
Or_CC Sunder_VV0 ,_, Vivek_NP1 ,_, or_CC Mr._NNB Naveen_NP1 ?_? 
Or_CC best_RRT of_IO all_DB ,_, my_APPGE sweet_JJ ,_, sweet_JJ Honey_NN1 ?_? 
Pretty_RG much_RR anyone_PN1 on_II my_APPGE overseas_JJ staff_NN will_VM do_VDI ._. 
Or_CC maybe_RR not_XX ._. 
Maybe_RR that_DD1 's_VBZ one_MC1 of_IO the_AT lessons_NN2 of_IO these_DD2 jarring_VVG and_CC curiously_RR enlightening_VVG four_MC weeks_NNT2 ._. 
Dammit_UH ._. 
I_PPIS1 guess_VV0 I_PPIS1 'll_VM have_VHI to_TO write_VVI about_II the_AT lessons_NN2 ,_, too_RR ._. 
Okay_RR ,_, on_RP with_IW it_PPH1 ._. 
Here_RL you_PPY go_VV0 ._. 
As_CSA my_APPGE team_NN1 might_VM say_VVI ,_, thanking_VVG you_PPY in_II advance_NN1 for_IF reading_VVG this_DD1 story_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 began_VVD a_AT1 month_NNT1 ago_RA ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ midway_RL through_II The_AT World_NN1 Is_VBZ Flat_JJ ,_, the_AT best_JJT seller_NN1 by_II Tom_NP1 Friedman_NP1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 like_VV0 Friedman_NP1 ,_, despite_II his_APPGE puzzling_JJ decision_NN1 to_TO wear_VVI a_AT1 mustache_NN1 ._. 
His_APPGE book_NN1 is_VBZ all_DB about_II how_RGQ outsourcing_JJ to_II India_NP1 and_CC China_NP1 is_VBZ not_XX just_RR for_IF tech_NN1 support_NN1 and_CC carmakers_NN2 but_CCB is_VBZ poised_VVN to_TO transform_VVI every_AT1 industry_NN1 in_II America_NP1 ,_, from_II law_NN1 to_II banking_NN1 to_II accounting_NN1 ._. 
CEOs_NN2 are_VBR chopping_VVG up_RP projects_NN2 and_CC sending_VVG the_AT lower-end_JJ tasks_NN2 to_II strangers_NN2 in_II cubicles_NN2 ten_MC time_NNT1 zones_NN2 away_RL ._. 
And_CC it_PPH1 's_VBZ only_RR going_VVGK to_TO snowball_VVI ;_; America_NP1 has_VHZ not_XX yet_RR begun_VVN to_TO outsource_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX have_VHI a_AT1 corporation_NN1 ;_; I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX even_RR have_VHI an_AT1 up-to-date_JJ business_NN1 card_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 'm_VBM a_AT1 writer_NN1 and_CC editor_NN1 working_VVG from_II home_NN1 ,_, usually_RR in_II my_APPGE boxer_NN1 shorts_NN2 or_CC ,_, if_CS I_PPIS1 'm_VBM feeling_VVG formal_JJ ,_, my_APPGE penguin-themed_JJ pajama_NN1 bottoms_NN2 ._. 
Then_RT again_RT ,_, I_PPIS1 think_VV0 ,_, why_RRQ should_VM Fortune_NN1 500_MC firms_NN2 have_VH0 all_DB the_AT fun_NN1 ?_? 
Why_RRQ ca_VM n't_XX I_PPIS1 join_VVI in_RP on_II the_AT biggest_JJT business_NN1 trend_NN1 of_IO the_AT new_JJ century_NNT1 ?_? 
Why_RRQ ca_VM n't_XX I_PPIS1 outsource_VVI my_APPGE low-end_JJ tasks_NN2 ?_? 
Why_RRQ ca_VM n't_XX I_PPIS1 outsource_VVI my_APPGE life_NN1 ?_? 
The_AT next_MD day_NNT1 I_PPIS1 e-mail_VV0 Brickwork_NN1 ,_, one_MC1 of_IO the_AT companies_NN2 Friedman_NN1 mentions_VVZ in_II his_APPGE book_NN1 ._. 
Brickwork_NN1 --_NN1 based_VVN in_II Bangalore_NP1 ,_, India_NP1 --_JJ offers_NN2 "_" remote_JJ executive_NN1 assistants_NN2 ,_, "_" mostly_RR to_II financial_JJ firms_NN2 and_CC health-care_NN1 companies_NN2 that_CST want_VV0 data_NN processed_VVD ._. 
I_PPIS1 explain_VV0 that_CST I_PPIS1 'd_VM like_VVI to_TO hire_VVI someone_PN1 to_TO help_VVI with_IW tasks_NN2 related_VVN to_II my_APPGE job_NN1 at_II Esquire_NN1 magazine_NN1 --_NN1 doing_VDG research_NN1 ,_, formatting_VVG memos_NN2 ,_, things_NN2 like_II that_DD1 ._. 
The_AT company_NN1 's_GE CEO_NN1 ,_, Vivek_NP1 Kulkarni_NP1 ,_, responds_VVZ :_: "_" It_PPH1 would_VM be_VBI a_AT1 great_JJ pleasure_NN1 to_TO be_VBI talking_VVG to_II a_AT1 person_NN1 of_IO your_APPGE stature_NN1 ._. "_" 
Already_RR I_PPIS1 'm_VBM liking_VVG this_DD1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 've_VH0 never_RR had_VHN stature_NN1 before_RT ._. 
In_II America_NP1 ,_, I_PPIS1 barely_RR command_VV0 respect_NN1 from_II a_AT1 Bennigan_NP1 's_GE matre_NN1 d'_VD0 ,_, so_CS it_PPH1 's_VBZ nice_JJ to_TO know_VVI that_CST in_II India_NP1 I_PPIS1 have_VH0 stature_NN1 ._. 
A_AT1 couple_NN1 of_IO days_NNT2 later_RRR ,_, I_PPIS1 get_VV0 an_AT1 e-mail_NN1 from_II my_APPGE new_JJ "_" remote_JJ executive_NN1 assistant_NN1 ._. "_" 
Dear_JJ Jacobs_NP1 ,_, My_APPGE name_NN1 is_VBZ Honey_NN1 K._NP1 Balani_NP1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 would_VM be_VBI assisting_VVG you_PPY in_II your_APPGE editorial_NN1 and_CC personal_JJ job_NN1 ...._... 
I_PPIS1 would_VM try_VVI to_TO adapt_VVI myself_PPX1 as_CSA per_II your_APPGE requirements_NN2 that_CST would_VM lead_VVI to_II desired_JJ satisfaction_NN1 ._. 
Desired_JJ satisfaction_NN1 ._. 
This_DD1 is_VBZ great_JJ ._. 
Back_NN1 when_CS I_PPIS1 worked_VVD at_II an_AT1 office_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 had_VHD assistants_NN2 ,_, but_CCB there_EX was_VBDZ never_RR any_DD talk_NN1 of_IO desired_JJ satisfaction_NN1 ._. 
In_II fact_NN1 ,_, if_CS anyone_PN1 ever_RR used_VVD the_AT phrase_NN1 "_" desired_VVD satisfaction_NN1 ,_, "_" we_PPIS2 'd_VM all_DB end_VVI up_RP in_II a_AT1 solemn_JJ meeting_NN1 with_IW HR_NNU ._. 
And_CC I_PPIS1 wo_VM n't_XX even_RR comment_VVI on_II the_AT name_NN1 Honey_NN1 except_CS to_TO say_VVI that_DD1 ,_, real_JJ or_CC not_XX ,_, it_PPH1 sure_RR carries_VVZ Anas_NP2 Nin_NP1 undertones_VVZ ._. 
Oh_UH ,_, did_VDD I_PPIS1 mention_VVI that_CST Vivek_NP1 sent_VVD me_PPIO1 a_AT1 JPEG_NN1 of_IO Honey_NN1 ?_? 
She_PPHS1 's_VBZ wearing_VVG a_AT1 white_JJ sleeveless_JJ shirt_NN1 and_CC has_VHZ full_JJ lips_NN2 ,_, long_JJ hair_NN1 ,_, skin_VV0 the_AT color_NN1 of_IO her_APPGE first_MD name_NN1 ._. 
She_PPHS1 looks_VVZ a_RR21 bit_RR22 like_II an_AT1 Indian_JJ Eva_NP1 Longoria_NP1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 ca_VM n't_XX stop_VVI staring_VVG at_II her_APPGE left_JJ eyebrow_NN1 ,_, which_DDQ is_VBZ ever_RG21 so_RG22 slightly_RR cocked_VVN ._. 
Is_VBZ she_PPHS1 flirting_VVG with_IW me_PPIO1 ?_? 
I_PPIS1 go_VV0 out_RP to_II dinner_NN1 with_IW my_APPGE friend_NN1 Misha_NP1 ,_, who_PNQS grew_VVD up_RP in_II India_NP1 ,_, founded_VVD a_AT1 software_NN1 firm_NN1 ,_, and_CC subsequently_RR became_VVD nause-atingly_RR rich_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 tell_VV0 him_PPHO1 about_II Operation_NN1 Outsource_VV0 ._. 
"_" You_PPY should_VM call_VVI Your_APPGE Man_NN1 in_II India_NP1 ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 says_VVZ ._. 
Misha_NN1 explains_VVZ that_CST this_DD1 is_VBZ a_AT1 company_NN1 for_IF Indian_JJ businessmen_NN2 who_PNQS have_VH0 moved_VVN overseas_RL but_CCB who_PNQS still_RR have_VH0 parents_NN2 back_RP in_II New_NP1 Delhi_NP1 or_CC Mumbai_NP1 ._. 
YMII_NP1 is_VBZ their_APPGE overseas_JJ concierge_NN1 service_NN1 --_NN1 it_PPH1 buys_VVZ movie_NN1 tickets_NN2 and_CC cell_NN1 phones_NN2 and_CC other_JJ sundries_NN2 for_IF the_AT abandoned_JJ moms_NN2 ._. 
They_PPHS2 still_RR have_VH0 to_TO adjust_VVI the_AT lighting_NN1 ._. 
So_RR I_PPIS1 pace_VV0 back_RP and_CC forth_RR in_II my_APPGE robe_NN1 ._. 
In_II times_NNT2 of_IO stress_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 often_RR try_VV0 to_TO put_VVI things_NN2 in_II context_NN1 ._. 
Take_VV0 the_AT long_JJ view_NN1 ._. 
In_II a_AT1 hundred_NNO years_NNT2 ,_, I_PPIS1 remind_VV0 myself_PPX1 ,_, no_AT one_MC1 will_NN1 remember_VV0 this_DD1 photo_NN1 ._. 
There_EX are_VBR six_MC billion_NNO people_NN on_II the_AT planet_NN1 Earth_NN1 ._. 
No_PN121 one_PN122 cares_VVZ if_CS some_DD midlevel_NN1 editor_NN1 at_II a_AT1 men_NN2 's_GE magazine_NN1 bares_VVZ his_APPGE nipples_NN2 ._. 
In_II ten_MC billion_NNO years_NNT2 ,_, the_AT second_MD law_NN1 of_IO thermodynamics_NN1 will_VM have_VHI run_VVN its_APPGE course_NN1 ,_, and_CC there_EX wo_VM n't_XX be_VBI humans_NN2 around_RP to_TO judge_VVI ,_, just_RR billions_NNO2 of_IO cold_NN1 ,_, amoral_NN1 ,_, lifeless_JJ hydrogen_NN1 atoms_NN2 bouncing_VVG around_RP in_II the_AT black_JJ emptiness_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB every_AT1 time_NNT1 I_PPIS1 try_VV0 this_DD1 tactic_NN1 ,_, another_DD1 part_NN1 of_IO my_APPGE brain_NN1 plays_VVZ devil_NN1 's_GE advocate_NN1 ._. 
You_PPY think_VV0 this_DD1 will_VM be_VBI gone_VVN in_II a_AT1 hundred_NNO years_NNT2 ?_? 
The_AT Internet_NN1 has_VHZ no_AT statute_NN1 of_IO limitations_NN2 ._. 
This_DD1 will_VM follow_VVI you_PPY around_RP forever_RT ,_, like_II a_AT1 grand_JJ larceny_NN1 conviction_NN1 ._. 
You_PPY think_VV0 people_NN will_VM be_VBI gone_VVN ?_? 
They_PPHS2 'll_VM figure_VVI out_RP a_AT1 way_NN1 to_TO control_VVI entropy_NN1 ._. 
They_PPHS2 'll_VM figure_VVI out_RP a_AT1 way_NN1 to_TO keep_VVI the_AT database_NN1 of_IO all_DB embarrassing_JJ things_NN2 you_PPY 've_VH0 ever_RR done_VDN ._. 
What_DDQ 's_VBZ that_DD1 ?_? 
The_AT crew_NN1 is_VBZ ready_JJ ._. 
Okay_RR ._. 
Deep_JJ breaths_NN2 ._. 
Ponder_VV0 the_AT universe_NN1 in_II ten_MC billion_NNO years_NNT2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 drop_VV0 my_APPGE robe_NN1 ._. 
The_AT air_NN1 is_VBZ chilly_JJ ._. 
I_PPIS1 step_VV0 in_II31 front_II32 of_II33 the_AT camera_NN1 ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 'm_VBM nervous_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 often_RR put_VVD my_APPGE hands_NN2 in_II my_APPGE pockets_NN2 ._. 
This_DD1 time_NNT1 ,_, I_PPIS1 have_VH0 no_AT pockets_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 ease_VV0 myself_PPX1 onto_II a_AT1 round_JJ ,_, red_JJ cushion_NN1 (_( which_DDQ I_PPIS1 hope_VV0 has_VHZ been_VBN dry-cleaned_JJ since_CS the_AT last_MD photo_NN1 shoot_NN1 )_) ,_, cross_VV0 my_APPGE legs_NN2 ,_, and_CC try_VV0 to_TO look_VVI dignified_JJ ._. 
The_AT photographer_NN1 is_VBZ a_AT1 kind_NN1 ,_, salt-and-pepper-haired_JJ Scotsman_NN1 named_VVD Nigel_NP1 Parry_NP1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 keeps_VVZ telling_VVG me_PPIO1 to_TO relax_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 concentrate_VV0 really_RR hard_RR on_II relaxing_VVG ._. 
"_" Try_VV0 to_TO relax_VVI yer_APPGE face_NN1 ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 says_VVZ ._. 
"_" You_PPY look_VV0 like_II yer_APPGE constipated_JJ ._. "_" 
The_AT thing_NN1 is_VBZ ,_, it_PPH1 's_VBZ not_XX really_RR a_AT1 relaxing_JJ situation_NN1 ._. 
In_II31 addition_II32 to_II33 Nigel_NP1 and_CC his_APPGE camera_NN1 ,_, the_AT room_NN1 has_VHZ five_MC assistants_NN2 and_CC a_AT1 couple_NN1 of_IO random_JJ onlookers_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 ca_VM n't_XX help_VVI but_CCB notice_VV0 that_CST all_DB of_IO them_PPHO2 are_VBR wearing_VVG clothes_NN2 ._. 
Whereas_CS I_PPIS1 'm_VBM not_XX ._. 
The_AT balance_NN1 of_IO power_NN1 is_VBZ radically_RR off-kilter_JJ ._. 
Nigel_NP1 snaps_VVZ a_AT1 couple_NN1 of_IO photos_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 try_VV0 distancing_VVG myself_PPX1 ._. 
Where_RRQ would_VM I_PPIS1 place_VVI this_DD1 on_II the_AT spectrum_NN1 of_IO humiliating_JJ episodes_NN2 in_II my_APPGE life_NN1 ?_? 
Probably_RR better_RRR than_CSN the_AT time_NNT1 I_PPIS1 inadvertently_RR drooled_VVD on_II the_AT piano_NN1 during_II music_NN1 class_NN1 in_II sixth_MD grade_NN1 and_CC Kim_NP1 Glickman_NP1 pointed_VVD it_PPH1 out_RP to_II everyone_PN1 ._. 
But_CCB worse_JJR than_CSN the_AT time_NNT1 I_PPIS1 asked_VVD Julie_NP1 's_GE friend_NN1 when_CS she_PPHS1 was_VBDZ due_JJ (_( her_APPGE baby_NN1 was_VBDZ six_MC weeks_NNT2 old_JJ )_) ._. 
"_" Okay_RR ,_, now_RT ,_, "_" says_VVZ Nigel_NP1 ._. 
"_" Sook_VV0 in_II yer_APPGE goot_NN1 !_! "_" 
I_PPIS1 stare_VV0 at_II him_PPHO1 blankly_RR ._. 
"_" Sook_VV0 in_II yer_APPGE goot_NN1 !_! "_" 
My_APPGE goot_NN1 ?_? 
Nigel_NP1 taps_VVZ his_APPGE stomach_NN1 ._. 
Ah_UH ,_, he_PPHS1 's_VBZ talking_VVG about_II my_APPGE problematic_JJ belly_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 sook_VV0 in_II some_DD air_NN1 ._. 
Nigel_NP1 begins_VVZ snapping_VVG photos_NN2 ._. 
The_AT Frisbee-sized_JJ lights_NN2 flash_VV0 ,_, making_VVG a_AT1 soft_JJ pop_NN1 ,_, like_II a_AT1 snare_NN1 drum_NN1 in_II smooth_JJ jazz_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 sit_VV0 ._. 
I_PPIS1 try_VV0 to_TO think_VVI dignified_JJ thoughts_NN2 ._. 
Think_VV0 of_IO the_AT Romans_NN2 ,_, the_AT Greeks_NN2 ._. 
They_PPHS2 posed_VVD nude_JJ and_CC still_RR started_VVD civilization_NN1 as_CSA we_PPIS2 know_VV0 it_PPH1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 feel_VV0 vulnerable_JJ ,_, yes_UH ._. 
There_RL I_PPIS1 am_VBM ,_, exposed_VVN for_IF all_DB to_TO see_VVI ._. 
But_CCB paradoxically_RR ,_, I_PPIS1 feel_VV0 disappointed_JJ that_CST no_PN121 one_PN122 seems_VVZ to_TO be_VBI looking_VVG at_II me_PPIO1 ._. 
Nigel_NP1 has_VHZ a_AT1 cadre_NN1 of_IO cute_JJ ,_, young_JJ female_JJ assistants_NN2 ._. 
They_PPHS2 are_VBR busy_JJ making_NN1 cell_NN1 phone_NN1 calls_NN2 ,_, chatting_VVG about_II what_DDQ they_PPHS2 heard_VVD on_II NPR_NP1 that_DD1 morning_NNT1 ,_, unpacking_VVG lenses_NN2 ._. 
My_APPGE nude_JJ form_NN1 holds_VVZ about_RG as_RG much_DA1 allure_NN1 to_II them_PPHO2 as_CSA a_AT1 wicker_NN1 chair_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 adjust_VV0 my_APPGE pose_NN1 ,_, lowering_VVG my_APPGE knee_NN1 ._. 
Nigel_NP1 raises_VVZ his_APPGE eyebrows_NN2 ._. 
"_" Not_XX like_II that_DD1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 can_VM see_VVI your_APPGE chopper_NN1 ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 says_VVZ ._. 
I_PPIS1 move_VV0 my_APPGE knee_NN1 fast_RR ._. 
I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX want_VVI my_APPGE "_" chopper_NN1 "_" on_II film_NN1 ,_, even_CS21 if_CS22 I_PPIS1 know_VV0 Esquire_NN1 would_VM never_RR publish_VVI anything_PN1 with_IW my_APPGE chopper_NN1 exposed_VVD ._. 
Esquire_NN1 is_VBZ generally_RR opposed_VVN to_II showing_VVG the_AT real_JJ naughty_JJ bits_NN2 --_JJ whether_CSW male_JJ or_CC female_JJ --_NN1 in_II their_APPGE nude_JJ photos_NN2 ._. 
This_DD1 can_VM be_VBI quite_RG a_AT1 creative_JJ challenge_NN1 for_IF the_AT photographers_NN2 ._. 
In_II my_APPGE case_NN1 ,_, Nigel_NP1 is_VBZ using_VVG a_AT1 tried-and-true_JJ strategy_NN1 :_: contortionist_NN1 ,_, yogalike_JJ body_NN1 positions_NN2 ._. 
Another_DD1 option_NN1 would_VM have_VHI been_VBN props_NN2 ._. 
For_IF our_APPGE seventieth_MD anniversary_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 compiled_VVD a_AT1 list_NN1 of_IO objects_NN2 that_CST Esquire_NN1 had_VHD used_VVN to_TO obscure_VVI the_AT nipples_NN2 on_II women_NN2 's_GE breasts_NN2 over_II the_AT years_NNT2 :_: flowers_NN2 ,_, paperback_NN1 books_NN2 ,_, peaches_NN2 ,_, suspenders_NN2 ,_, and_CC on_RP and_CC on_RP ._. 
I_PPIS1 am_VBM in_II line_NN1 at_II the_AT corner_NN1 deli_NN1 to_TO buy_VVI a_AT1 Diet_NN1 Coke_NN1 ._. 
So_RR naturally_RR ,_, I_PPIS1 say_VV0 to_II myself_PPX1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 'm_VBM waiting_VVG in_II line_NN1 to_TO buy_VVI a_AT1 Diet_NN1 Coke_NN1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 speak_VV0 it_PPH1 out_RP loud_RR ,_, as_RG confidently_RR as_CSA I_PPIS1 can_VM ._. 
The_AT guy_NN1 in_II31 front_II32 of_II33 me_PPIO1 --_NN1 wearing_VVG a_AT1 CBS_NP1 Sports_NN2 hat_NN1 --_NN1 swivels_VVZ his_APPGE head_NN1 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 'm_VBM looking_VVG around_II the_AT store_NN1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 continue_VV0 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 see_VV0 a_AT1 stack_NN1 of_IO oranges_NN2 and_CC bananas_NN2 ._. "_" 
He_PPHS1 looks_VVZ at_II my_APPGE head_NN1 for_IF an_AT1 earpiece_NN1 ._. 
Maybe_RR a_AT1 Bluetooth_NN1 headset_NN1 to_TO reassure_VVI himself_PPX1 that_CST I_PPIS1 'm_VBM on_II the_AT phone_NN1 ._. 
Nope_UH ._. 
I_PPIS1 'm_VBM just_RR talking_VVG to_II myself_PPX1 ._. 
"_" And_CC now_RT I_PPIS1 'm_VBM getting_VVG my_APPGE wallet_NN1 out_II21 of_II22 my_APPGE pants_NN2 ._. "_" 
He_PPHS1 looks_VVZ at_II me_PPIO1 like_II ,_, well_RR ,_, like_CS he_PPHS1 's_VHZ just_RR seen_VVN a_AT1 child_NN1 vomit_NN1 into_II an_AT1 Easter_NNT1 basket_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ all_DB part_NN1 of_IO my_APPGE new_JJ strategy_NN1 for_IF unitasking_VVG ._. 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ a_AT1 strange_JJ one_PN1 ,_, but_CCB it_PPH1 does_VDZ have_VHI scientific_JJ backing_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 call_VV0 it_PPH1 the_AT Bill_NP1 Murray_NP1 Method_NN1 of_IO Extreme_JJ Focus_NN1 ._. 
Maybe_RR you_PPY remember_VV0 the_AT scene_NN1 in_II Caddyshack_NP1 ?_? 
The_AT one_PN1 in_II which_DDQ Murray_NP1 's_GE whackjob_NN1 ,_, gopher-hunting_JJ greenskeeper_NN1 pretends_VVZ to_TO be_VBI playing_VVG golf_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 's_VHZ got_VVN a_AT1 gardening_NN1 tool_NN1 and_CC he_PPHS1 's_VBZ thwacking_VVG these_DD2 fancy_JJ white_JJ flowers_NN2 outside_II the_AT clubhouse_NN1 ,_, sending_VVG the_AT petals_NN2 spraying_VVG ._. 
All_DB the_AT while_NNT1 ,_, he_PPHS1 's_VBZ also_RR pretending_VVG to_TO be_VBI a_AT1 sportscaster_NN1 covering_VVG the_AT event_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 's_VBZ providing_VVG his_APPGE own_DA real-time_JJ color_NN1 commentary_NN1 :_: "_" Incredible_JJ Cinderella_NP1 story_NN1 ._. 
This_DD1 unknown_JJ ,_, comes_VVZ out_II21 of_II22 nowhere_RL ,_, to_TO lead_VVI the_AT pack_NN1 at_II Augusta_NP1 ..._... &lsqb;_( thwacks_VVZ a_AT1 flower_NN1 &rsqb;_) ..._... 
The_AT normally_RR reserved_VVD Augusta_NP1 crowd_NN1 ,_, going_VVG wild_JJ ..._... he_PPHS1 's_VBZ gon_VVGK na_TO hit_VVI about_II a_AT1 five_MC iron_VV0 it_PPH1 looks_VVZ like_II ._. 
He_PPHS1 's_VHZ got_VVN a_AT1 beautiful_JJ backswing_NN1 &lsqb;_( thwack_NN1 &rsqb;_) ..._... oh_UH ,_, he_PPHS1 got_VVD all_DB of_IO that_DD1 one_PN1 !_! 
He_PPHS1 's_VHZ got_VVN to_TO be_VBI pleased_JJ with_IW that_DD1 ..._... &lsqb;_( thwack_NN1 &rsqb;_) It_PPH1 looks_VVZ like_II a_AT1 mirac_JJ --_JJ IT_NN1 'S_VBZ IN_II THE_AT HOLE_NN1 !_! 
IT_PPH1 'S_VBZ IN_II THE_AT HOLE_NN1 !_! 
Former_DA greenskeeper_NN1 ,_, now_RT Masters_NN2 champion_NN1 ._. 
After_CS I_PPIS1 saw_VVD Caddyshack_NP1 when_CS I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ twelve_MC ,_, I_PPIS1 started_VVD to_TO do_VDI the_AT same_DA thing_NN1 whenever_RRQV I_PPIS1 played_VVD sports_NN2 by_II myself_PPX1 (_( which_DDQ was_VBDZ my_APPGE preferred_JJ way_NN1 to_TO play_VVI sports_NN2 ,_, since_CS it_PPH1 cut_VVD down_RP on_II the_AT chances_NN2 of_IO losing_VVG )_) ._. 
"_" Jacobs_NP2 bounces_VVZ the_AT ball_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 shoots_VVZ !_! 
He_PPHS1 scores_VVZ !_! 
Un-bah-liev-able_VV0 !_! "_" 
I_PPIS1 liked_VVD the_AT idea_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 crowd_NN1 cheering_VVG me_PPIO1 on_RP ._. 
It_PPH1 jacked_VVD up_RP the_AT excitement_NN1 ._. 
So_RR I_PPIS1 started_VVD to_TO expand_VVI the_AT self-narration_NN1 to_II other_JJ activities_NN2 ._. 
Why_RRQ should_VM sports_NN2 have_VHI all_DB the_AT fun_NN1 ?_? 
"_" Jacobs_NP2 has_VHZ the_AT Tater_NP1 Tot_NN1 in_II sight_NN1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 'd_VM say_VVI when_RRQ eating_NN1 at_II the_AT brown_JJ Formica_NN1 table_NN1 at_II the_AT cafeteria_NN1 ._. 
"_" He_PPHS1 spears_VV0 it_PPH1 with_IW his_APPGE fork_NN1 ._. 
Jim_NP1 ,_, will_VM you_PPY look_VVI at_II that_DD1 ?_? 
Exquisite_JJ form_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 is_VBZ a_AT1 master_NN1 ._. 
Down_NP1 goes_VVZ that_CST Tater_NP1 Tot_NN1 !_! 
Down_NP1 goes_VVZ the_AT Tater_NP1 Tot_NN1 !_! "_" 
I_PPIS1 weaned_VVD myself_PPX1 from_II sportscasting_VVG my_APPGE own_DA life_NN1 in_II high_JJ school_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB now_RT ,_, during_II Project_NN1 Focus_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 've_VH0 brought_VVN it_PPH1 back_RP with_IW force_NN1 ._. 
Well_RR ,_, at_RR21 least_RR22 a_AT1 version_NN1 of_IO it_PPH1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 've_VH0 cut_VVN down_RP on_II the_AT "_" crowd_NN1 goes_VVZ wild_JJ "_" and_CC I_PPIS1 've_VH0 switched_VVN from_II "_" Jacobs_NP2 "_" to_II first_MD person_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB I_PPIS1 'm_VBM narrating_VVG my_APPGE own_DA existence_NN1 ._. 
If_CS I_PPIS1 go_VV0 to_II the_AT bathroom_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 say_VV0 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 'm_VBM going_VVG to_II the_AT bathroom_NN1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 know_VV0 I_PPIS1 sound_VV0 like_II Rain_NN1 Man_NN1 ._. 
But_CCB I_PPIS1 'm_VBM telling_VVG you_PPY ,_, it_PPH1 's_VBZ changed_VVN my_APPGE life_NN1 ._. 
First_MD ,_, it_PPH1 's_VBZ a_AT1 good_JJ torch_NN1 to_TO keep_VVI away_RL the_AT multitasking_JJ monsters_NN2 ._. 
If_CS I_PPIS1 start_VV0 to_TO absentmindedly_RR multitask_VVI ,_, I_PPIS1 'll_VM be_VBI the_AT first_MD to_TO know_VVI ._. 
No_AT secrets_NN2 from_II myself_PPX1 ._. 
But_CCB more_DAR than_CSN that_DD1 ,_, it_PPH1 's_VBZ Buddhist_JJ enlightenment_NN1 by_II31 way_II32 of_II33 Bob_NP1 Costas_NP2 ._. 
More_RGR specifically_RR :_: It_PPH1 forces_VVZ you_PPY to_TO live_VVI a_AT1 mindful_JJ life_NN1 ._. 
You_PPY are_VBR present_JJ ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 am_VBM walking_VVG through_II Central_JJ Park_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 'm_VBM in_II the_AT middle_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 crowded_JJ city_NN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 can_VM barely_RR see_VVI the_AT buildings_NN2 ,_, barely_RR hear_VV0 the_AT traffic_NN1 ,_, just_JJ trees_NN2 and_CC jutting_VVG rocks_NN2 and_CC grass_NN1 ._. 
Amazing_JJ ._. "_" 
It_PPH1 makes_VVZ me_PPIO1 thankful_JJ for_IF nature_NN1 and_CC New_NP1 York_NP1 and_CC Frederick_NP1 Law_NN1 Olmsted_VVD ._. 
When_CS I_PPIS1 interview_VV0 attention_NN1 researcher_NN1 Meredith_NP1 Minear_NP1 from_II the_AT College_NN1 of_IO Idaho_NP1 ,_, she_PPHS1 says_VVZ I_PPIS1 stumbled_VVD onto_II an_AT1 ancient_JJ technique_NN1 ._. 
Part_NN1 of_IO the_AT reason_NN1 that_CST evolution_NN1 developed_JJ vocalizing_NN1 was_VBDZ to_TO hone_VVI our_APPGE attention_NN1 ._. 
