Are_VBR You_PPY There_RL ,_, Vodka_NN1 ?_? 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ Me_PPIO1 ,_, Chelsea_NP1 Blacklisted_VVD I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ nine_MC years_NNT2 old_JJ and_CC walking_VVG myself_PPX1 to_II school_NN1 one_MC1 morning_NNT1 when_RRQ I_PPIS1 heard_VVD the_AT unfamiliar_JJ sound_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 prepubescent_JJ boy_NN1 calling_VVG my_APPGE name_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD heard_VVN my_APPGE name_NN1 spoken_VVN out_RP loud_RR by_II males_NN2 before_RT ,_, but_CCB it_PPH1 was_VBDZ most_RGT often_RR by_II one_MC1 of_IO my_APPGE brothers_NN2 ,_, my_APPGE father_NN1 ,_, or_CC a_AT1 teacher_NN1 ,_, and_CC it_PPH1 was_VBDZ usually_RR followed_VVN up_RP with_IW a_AT1 shot_NN1 to_II the_AT side_NN1 of_IO the_AT head_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 turned_VVD around_RP and_CC spotted_VVD Jason_NP1 Safirstein_NP1 ._. 
Jason_NP1 was_VBDZ an_AT1 adorable_JJ fifth-grader_NN1 with_IW an_AT1 amazing_JJ lower_JJR body_NN1 who_PNQS lived_VVD down_II the_AT street_NN1 from_II me_PPIO1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD never_RR walked_VVN to_II school_NN1 ,_, had_VHD a_AT1 conversation_NN1 with_IW ,_, or_CC even_RR21 so_RR22 much_DA1 as_CSA made_VVN eye_NN1 contact_NN1 with_IW Jason_NP1 before_RT ._. 
After_II lifting_VVG up_RP one_MC1 of_IO my_APPGE earmuffs_NN2 to_TO make_VVI sure_JJ I_PPIS1 had_VHD heard_VVN him_PPHO1 correctly_RR ,_, I_PPIS1 nervously_RR attempted_VVD to_TO release_VVI my_APPGE wedgie_NN1 while_CS waiting_VVG for_IF him_PPHO1 to_TO catch_VVI up_RP ._. 
(_( A_ZZ1 futile_JJ effort_NN1 ,_, as_CSA it_PPH1 turned_VVD out_RP ,_, when_CS wearing_VVG two_MC mittens_NN2 the_AT size_NN1 of_IO car_NN1 batteries_NN2 ._. )_) 
"_" I_PPIS1 heard_VVD you_PPY were_VBDR going_VVGK to_TO be_VBI in_II a_AT1 movie_NN1 with_IW Goldie_NP1 Hawn_NP1 ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 said_VVD to_II me_PPIO1 ,_, out_II21 of_II22 breath_NN1 ._. 
Shit_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD worried_VVN something_PN1 like_II this_DD1 was_VBDZ going_VVGK to_TO happen_VVI ._. 
The_AT day_NNT1 before_RT ,_, I_PPIS1 had_VHD forgotten_VVN my_APPGE language_NN1 arts_NN2 homework_NN1 ,_, and_CC when_CS the_AT teacher_NN1 singled_VVD me_PPIO1 out_RP in_II31 front_II32 of_II33 the_AT entire_JJ class_NN1 to_TO find_VVI out_RP where_CS it_PPH1 was_VBDZ ,_, I_PPIS1 told_VVD her_PPHO1 that_CST I_PPIS1 had_VHD been_VBN in_II three_MC straight_JJ nights_NNT2 of_IO meetings_NN2 with_IW Goldie_NP1 Hawn_NP1 and_CC Kurt_NP1 Russell_NP1 ,_, negotiating_VVG my_APPGE contract_NN1 to_TO play_VVI Goldie_NP1 Hawn_NP1 's_GE daughter_NN1 in_II the_AT sequel_NN1 to_II Private_NNB Benjamin_NP1 ._. 
The_AT fact_NN1 that_CST no_AT sequel_NN1 to_II Private_NNB Benjamin_NP1 was_VBDZ in_II the_AT works_NN ,_, or_CC that_CST a_AT1 third-grader_NN1 would_VM n't_XX be_VBI negotiating_VVG her_APPGE own_DA contract_NN1 with_IW the_AT star_NN1 of_IO the_AT movie_NN1 and_CC her_APPGE live-in_NN1 lover_NN1 ,_, had_VHD n't_XX dawned_VVN on_II me_PPIO1 ._. 
"_" Yeah_UH ,_, well_RR ,_, that_DD1 was_VBDZ kind_RR21 of_RR22 a_AT1 lie_NN1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 mumbled_VVD ,_, recovering_VVG my_APPGE left_JJ mitten_NN1 from_II in_RL21 between_RL22 my_APPGE butt_NN1 cheeks_NN2 ._. 
"_" What_DDQ ?_? "_" he_PPHS1 asked_VVD ,_, astounded_JJ ._. 
"_" You_PPY lied_VVD ?_? 
Everyone_PN1 has_VHZ been_VBN talking_VVG about_II it_PPH1 ._. 
Everyone_PN1 thinks_VVZ it_PPH1 's_VBZ so_RG cool_JJ ._. "_" 
"_" Really_RR ?_? "_" 
I_PPIS1 asked_VVD ,_, quickly_RR changing_VVG my_APPGE tune_NN1 ,_, realizing_VVG the_AT magnitude_NN1 of_IO what_DDQ had_VHD happened_VVN ._. 
It_PPH1 occurred_VVD to_II me_PPIO1 that_CST this_DD1 was_VBDZ the_AT perfect_JJ opportunity_NN1 to_TO get_VVI some_DD of_IO the_AT respect_NN1 I_PPIS1 believed_VVD had_VHD been_VBN denied_VVN me_PPIO1 ,_, due_II21 to_II22 my_APPGE father_NN1 dropping_VVG me_PPIO1 off_RP in_II31 front_II32 of_II33 the_AT school_NN1 in_II a_AT1 1967_MC banana_NN1 yellow_JJ Yugo_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 was_VBDZ 1984_MC ,_, and_CC my_APPGE father_NN1 had_VHD no_AT idea_NN1 of_IO or_CC interest_NN1 in_II how_RGQ damaging_JJ his_APPGE 1967_MC Yugo_NP1 had_VHD been_VBN to_II my_APPGE social_JJ status_NN1 ._. 
He_PPHS1 had_VHD driven_VVN me_PPIO1 to_II school_NN1 on_II a_AT1 couple_NN1 of_IO really_RR cold_JJ days_NNT2 ,_, and_CC even_RR after_CS I_PPIS1 had_VHD pleaded_VVN with_IW him_PPHO1 to_TO drop_VVI me_PPIO1 off_RP down_II the_AT street_NN1 ,_, he_PPHS1 was_VBDZ adamant_JJ about_II me_PPIO1 not_XX catching_VVG a_AT1 cold_JJ ._. 
"_" Dad_NN1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 would_VM tell_VVI him_PPHO1 over_RP and_CC over_RP again_RT ,_, "_" the_AT weather_NN1 has_VHZ nothing_PN1 to_TO do_VDI with_IW catching_VVG a_AT1 cold_JJ ._. 
It_PPH1 has_VHZ to_TO do_VDI with_IW your_APPGE immune_JJ system_NN1 ._. 
Please_RR let_VV0 me_PPIO1 walk_NN1 ._. 
Please_RR !_! "_" 
"_" Do_VD0 n't_XX be_VBI stupid_JJ ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 would_VM tell_VVI me_PPIO1 ._. 
"_" That_DD1 's_VBZ child_NN1 abuse_NN1 ._. "_" 
I_PPIS1 wanted_VVD my_APPGE father_NN1 to_TO know_VVI that_DD1 child_NN1 abuse_NN1 was_VBDZ embarrassing_VVG your_APPGE daughter_NN1 on_II a_AT1 regular_JJ basis_NN1 with_IW no_AT clue_NN1 at_II all_DB as_II21 to_II22 the_AT repercussions_NN2 ._. 
Word_NN1 had_VHD spread_VVN like_II wildfire_NN1 throughout_II the_AT school_NN1 about_II what_DDQ kind_NN1 of_IO car_NN1 my_APPGE father_NN1 drove_VVD ,_, and_CC before_CS I_PPIS1 knew_VVD it_PPH1 ,_, the_AT older_JJR girls_NN2 in_II fifth_MD grade_NN1 would_VM follow_VVI me_PPIO1 through_II the_AT hallways_NN2 calling_VVG me_PPIO1 "_" poor_JJ "_" and_CC "_" ugly_JJ ._. "_" 
After_CS a_AT1 couple_NN1 of_IO months_NNT2 they_PPHS2 upped_VVD it_PPH1 from_II "_" ugly_JJ "_" to_II "_" a_AT1 dog_NN1 ,_, "_" and_CC would_VM bark_VVI at_II me_PPIO1 anytime_NNT1 they_PPHS2 saw_VVD me_PPIO1 in_II the_AT hallway_NN1 ._. 
Our_APPGE family_NN1 certainly_RR was_VBDZ n't_XX poor_JJ ,_, but_CCB we_PPIS2 lived_VVD in_II a_AT1 town_NN1 where_RRQ trust_NN1 funds_NN2 ,_, sleepaway_NN1 camps_NN2 ,_, and_CC European_JJ vacations_NN2 were_VBDR abundant_JJ ,_, along_II21 with_II22 Mercedes_NP ,_, Jaguars_NN2 ,_, and_CC BMWs_NP2 --_NN1 a_AT1 far_JJ cry_NN1 from_II my_APPGE world_NN1 filled_VVN with_IW flat_NN1 tires_VVZ ,_, missing_JJ windshield_NN1 wipers_NN2 ,_, and_CC cars_NN2 with_IW perpetually_RR lit_VVN check_NN1 engine_NN1 lights_NN2 ._. 
The_AT idea_NN1 that_CST showing_VVG up_RP at_II school_NN1 in_II a_AT1 piece_NN1 of_IO shit_NN1 jalopy_NN1 led_VVN to_II me_PPIO1 looking_VVG like_II a_AT1 dog_NN1 did_VDD n't_XX make_VVI much_DA1 sense_NN1 in_II my_APPGE mind_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 really_RR irked_VVD me_PPIO1 that_CST I_PPIS1 had_VHD to_TO be_VBI punished_VVN because_CS my_APPGE father_NN1 thought_VVD he_PPHS1 was_VBDZ a_AT1 used_JJ car_NN1 dealer_NN1 and_CC insisted_VVD on_II driving_VVG us_PPIO2 around_RP in_II the_AT cars_NN2 that_CST he_PPHS1 could_VM n't_XX sell_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 wanted_VVD to_TO tell_VVI my_APPGE classmates_NN2 that_CST I_PPIS1 did_VDD n't_XX like_VVI his_APPGE cars_NN2 either_RR ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 certainly_RR did_VDD n't_XX like_VVI being_VBG called_VVN a_AT1 dog_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 had_VHD n't_XX had_VHN a_AT1 low_JJ opinion_NN1 of_IO myself_PPX1 before_II then_RT ,_, but_CCB after_II being_VBG called_VVN the_AT same_DA nickname_NN1 for_IF six_MC months_NNT2 straight_RR ,_, you_PPY start_VV0 to_TO look_VVI in_II the_AT mirror_NN1 and_CC see_VVI resemblances_NN2 between_II yourself_PPX1 and_CC a_AT1 German_JJ shepherd_NN1 ._. 
Dim_JJ Sum_NN1 and_CC Then_RT Some_DD Sarah_NP1 and_CC I_PPIS1 had_VHD been_VBN back_RP from_II London_NP1 for_IF almost_RR two_MC months_NNT2 ,_, in_II which_DDQ time_NNT1 she_PPHS1 had_VHD landed_VVN herself_PPX1 another_DD1 man_NN1 ._. 
Lydia_NP1 ,_, Ivory_NN1 ,_, and_CC I_PPIS1 met_VVD Sarah_NP1 for_IF breakfast_NN1 and_CC were_VBDR grilling_VVG her_PPHO1 about_II the_AT new_JJ guy_NN1 she_PPHS1 had_VHD started_VVN seeing_VVG ._. 
"_" He_PPHS1 's_VBZ really_RR sweet_JJ ,_, "_" Sarah_NP1 informed_VVD us_PPIO2 ._. 
"_" He_PPHS1 's_VBZ Hungarian_JJ ,_, "_" Ivory_NN1 said_VVD ,_, correcting_VVG her_PPHO1 ._. 
Ivory_NN1 does_VDZ n't_XX often_RR mince_VVI her_APPGE words_NN2 and_CC has_VHZ a_AT1 different_JJ way_NN1 of_IO expressing_VVG herself_PPX1 than_CSN I_PPIS1 do_VD0 ._. 
Her_APPGE style_NN1 is_VBZ more_RGR direct_JJ and_CC she_PPHS1 does_VDZ n't_XX lie_VVI ._. 
While_CS she_PPHS1 is_VBZ a_AT1 very_RG supportive_JJ friend_NN1 ,_, she_PPHS1 makes_VVZ no_AT bones_NN2 about_II telling_VVG people_NN the_AT absolute_JJ truth_NN1 no_DDQV31 matter_DDQV32 what_DDQV33 ._. 
When_RRQ ,_, months_NNT2 earlier_RRR ,_, I_PPIS1 had_VHD gotten_VVN my_APPGE eyebrows_NN2 bleached_VVN in_II hopes_NN2 of_IO making_VVG my_APPGE hair_NN1 color_NN1 look_NN1 more_RGR natural_JJ ,_, she_PPHS1 said_VVD ,_, "_" You_PPY look_VV0 like_II an_AT1 albino_NN1 ,_, and_CC not_XX one_MC1 of_IO the_AT fun_JJ ones_NN2 ._. 
You_PPY need_VV0 to_TO get_VVI your_APPGE money_NN1 back_NN1 and_CC have_VH0 them_PPHO2 fix_VV0 it_PPH1 ._. 
If_CS they_PPHS2 ca_VM n't_XX fix_VVI it_PPH1 ,_, you_PPY 're_VBR better_JJR off_RP without_IW any_DD at_RR21 all_RR22 ._. "_" 
"_" Who_PNQS cares_VVZ if_CS he_PPHS1 's_VBZ Hungarian_JJ ?_? "_" 
Lydia_NP1 said_VVD ,_, defending_VVG Sarah_NP1 ._. 
"_" What_DDQ 's_VBZ important_JJ is_VBZ the_AT way_NN1 he_PPHS1 treats_VVZ her_PPHO1 ._. "_" 
"_" Does_VDZ he_PPHS1 have_VHI a_AT1 big_JJ penis_NN1 ?_? "_" 
I_PPIS1 asked_VVD ._. 
"_" Not_XX sure_JJ ,_, "_" Sarah_NP1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" What_DDQ does_VDZ that_DD1 mean_VVI ?_? "_" 
Ivory_NN1 asked_VVD ._. 
"_" We_PPIS2 've_VH0 only_RR dry_JJ humped_JJ ,_, "_" Sarah_NP1 told_VVD us_PPIO2 ._. 
By_II the_AT way_NN1 Ivory_NN1 reacted_VVD to_II this_DD1 information_NN1 ,_, you_PPY would_VM have_VHI thought_VVN Sarah_NP1 had_VHD told_VVN her_PPHO1 that_CST she_PPHS1 had_VHD become_VVN romantically_RR involved_JJ with_IW Flavor_NP1 Flav_NP1 ._. 
"_" Dry_JJ humping_NN1 is_VBZ disgusting_JJ ,_, "_" Ivory_NN1 declared_VVD ,_, throwing_VVG her_APPGE fork_NN1 down_RP onto_II the_AT table_NN1 ._. 
"_" It_PPH1 's_VBZ for_IF junior_JJ high_JJ -_- schoolers_NN2 ._. 
What_DDQ is_VBZ the_AT point_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 guy_NN1 lying_VVG on_II31 top_II32 of_II33 you_PPY fully_RR clothed_VVN ,_, and_CC then_RT coming_VVG in_II his_APPGE pants_NN2 ?_? 
What_DDQ does_VDZ that_DD1 even_RR mean_VVI ?_? "_" 
"_" It_PPH1 obviously_RR means_VVZ that_CST the_AT two_MC people_NN involved_VVN are_VBR at_II the_AT beginning_NN1 of_IO a_AT1 very_RG meaningful_JJ relationship_NN1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 answered_VVD ._. 
"_" What_DDQ do_VD0 you_PPY think_VVI they_PPHS2 did_VDD in_II the_AT seventeenth_MD century_NNT1 when_RRQ there_EX were_VBDR layers_NN2 and_CC layers_NN2 of_IO petticoats_NN2 and_CC knickers_NN2 ?_? "_" 
I_PPIS1 redirected_VVD my_APPGE attention_NN1 to_II Sarah_NP1 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 have_VH0 no_AT problem_NN1 with_IW the_AT dry_JJ hump_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 think_VV0 it_PPH1 can_VM be_VBI very_RG magical_JJ ,_, especially_RR if_CS you_PPY 've_VH0 got_VVN one_MC1 of_IO David_NP1 Hasselhoff_NP1 's_GE records_NN2 playing_VVG in_II the_AT background_NN1 ._. 
What_DDQ 's_VBZ his_APPGE name_NN1 again_RT ?_? "_" 
I_PPIS1 asked_VVD ,_, knowing_VVG full_RR well_RR what_DDQ his_APPGE name_NN1 was_VBDZ but_CCB wanting_VVG Sarah_NP1 to_TO say_VVI it_PPH1 aloud_RR ._. 
"_" Coolio_NN1 ,_, "_" Sarah_NP1 said_VVD in_II the_AT lowest_JJT voice_NN1 possible_JJ ._. 
"_" And_CC he_PPHS1 's_VBZ white_JJ ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 added_VVD ._. 
"_" That_DD1 's_VBZ not_XX so_RG bad_JJ ,_, "_" Lydia_NP1 said_VVD unconvincingly_RR ._. 
"_" There_EX are_VBR a_AT1 lot_NN1 of_IO worse_JJR names_NN2 than_CSN Coolio_NP1 ._. "_" 
"_" Like_II what_DDQ ?_? "_" 
Ivory_NN1 asked_VVD ._. 
"_" Rumplestiltskin_NN1 ?_? 
"_" No_UH ,_, like_II &hellip;_... 
Eminem_VV0 ._. "_" 
"_" Yes_UH ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ,_, "_" but_CCB Eminem_NP1 is_VBZ a_AT1 rapper_NN1 ._. 
At_RR21 least_RR22 he_PPHS1 has_VHZ some_DD tie_NN1 to_II the_AT African-American_JJ community_NN1 ._. 
Coolio_NN1 is_VBZ Hungarian_JJ ._. "_" 
"_" Does_VDZ Coolio_NP1 rap_VVI ?_? "_" 
Ivory_NN1 asked_VVD Sarah_NP1 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX think_VVI so_RR ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 think_VV0 you_PPY 'd_VM know_VVI if_CSW he_PPHS1 rapped_VVD ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 told_VVD her_PPHO1 ._. 
"_" That_DD1 's_VBZ not_XX exactly_RR something_PN1 you_PPY just_RR do_VD0 on_II the_AT side_NN1 ._. "_" 
"_" That_DD1 ca_VM n't_XX be_VBI his_APPGE real_JJ name_NN1 ,_, "_" Ivory_NN1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" It_PPH1 's_VBZ not_XX ,_, "_" Sarah_NP1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" He_PPHS1 told_VVD me_PPIO1 the_AT other_JJ day_NNT1 that_CST it_PPH1 was_VBDZ time_NNT1 for_IF me_PPIO1 to_TO start_VVI calling_VVG him_PPHO1 by_II his_APPGE first_MD name_NN1 ,_, but_CCB I_PPIS1 have_VH0 no_AT idea_NN1 what_DDQ it_PPH1 is_VBZ ._. 
Everyone_PN1 calls_VVZ him_PPHO1 Coolio_NP1 ._. "_" 
"_" I_PPIS1 'm_VBM sorry_JJ ,_, but_CCB that_DD1 is_VBZ a_AT1 really_RR ridiculous_JJ nickname_NN1 ._. 
That_DD1 's_VBZ worse_JJR than_CSN Sugar_NN1 Tits_NN2 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ,_, remembering_VVG what_DDQ was_VBDZ written_VVN under_II my_APPGE high_JJ school_NN1 yearbook_NN1 picture_NN1 ._. 
"_" Chelsea_NP1 ,_, "_" Lydia_NP1 jumped_VVD in_RP ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX think_VVI you_PPY have_VH0 any_DD room_NN1 to_TO make_VVI fun_NN1 of_IO Sarah_NP1 's_GE fat_NN1 ,_, smelly_JJ boyfriend_NN1 ._. 
You_PPY dated_JJ Big_JJ Red_JJ and_CC then_RT got_VVD dumped_VVN by_II him_PPHO1 ._. "_" 
"_" This_DD1 is_VBZ true_JJ ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" But_CCB Big_JJ Red_NN1 was_VBDZ cute_JJ in_II a_AT1 &hellip;_... different_JJ kind_RR21 of_RR22 &hellip;_... way_NN1 ._. "_" 
"_" No_RR he_PPHS1 was_VBDZ n't_XX ,_, "_" all_DB three_MC of_IO them_PPHO2 said_VVD in_II unison_NN1 ._. 
"_" The_AT point_NN1 is_VBZ ,_, "_" Lydia_NP1 announced_VVD ,_, "_" that_CST you_PPY like_VV0 him_PPHO1 and_CC he_PPHS1 likes_VVZ you_PPY ,_, and_CC after_II everything_PN1 that_CST 's_VHZ happened_VVN to_II you_PPY in_II the_AT past_JJ year_NNT1 ,_, you_PPY deserve_VV0 it_PPH1 ._. "_" 
Lydia_NP1 was_VBDZ of_RR21 course_RR22 referring_VVG to_II Sarah_NP1 being_VBG broken_VVN up_RP with_IW by_II her_APPGE fiance_NN1 two_MC weeks_NNT2 before_II their_APPGE wedding_NN1 ._. 
"_" Do_VD0 you_PPY have_VHI a_AT1 thing_NN1 for_IF foreigners_NN2 ?_? "_" 
Ivory_NN1 asked_VVD Sarah_NP1 ,_, realizing_VVG a_AT1 pattern_NN1 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 think_VV0 it_PPH1 's_VBZ wonderful_JJ ,_, "_" Lydia_NP1 declared_VVD ._. 
"_" Wonderful_JJ is_VBZ a_AT1 word_NN1 that_CST should_VM really_RR only_RR be_VBI used_VVN by_II gay_JJ men_NN2 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD to_II Lydia_NP1 ._. 
"_" It_PPH1 really_RR is_VBZ ,_, "_" Ivory_NN1 agreed_VVD ._. 
"_" Shut_VV0 up_RP ,_, "_" Lydia_NP1 said_VVD to_II both_DB2 of_IO us_PPIO2 ._. 
"_" Just_RR shut_VV0 up_RP ._. "_" 
DAY_NNT1 #5_NNU Today_RT I_PPIS1 woke_VVD up_RP and_CC looked_VVD outside_RL to_TO see_VVI Dad_NN1 urinating_VVG on_II a_AT1 tree_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 looked_VVD across_RL at_II Shoniqua_NP1 's_GE villa_NN1 and_CC saw_VVD her_APPGE mother_NN1 squatted_VVD by_II another_DD1 tree_NN1 doing_VDG the_AT same_DA thing_NN1 ._. 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ amazing_JJ how_RRQ in_II sync_NN1 these_DD2 two_MC are_VBR ._. 
It_PPH1 's_VBZ 9_MC a.m_RA ._. 
I_PPIS1 just_RR ordered_VVD marijuana_NN1 from_II the_AT groundskeeper_NN1 ._. 
DAY_NNT1 #5_NNU --_NN1 20_MC MINUTES_NNT2 LATER_JJR Things_NN2 are_VBR really_RR going_VVG downhill_RL ._. 
I_PPIS1 am_VBM begging_VVG any_DD of_IO you_PPY to_TO come_VVI here_RL ._. 
Shoniqua_NN1 and_CC her_APPGE mother_NN1 leave_NN1 tomorrow_RT ._. 
If_CS left_JJ alone_JJ with_IW this_DD1 man_NN1 for_IF any_DD period_NN1 of_IO time_NNT1 ,_, I_PPIS1 may_VM take_VVI out_RP a_AT1 hit_NN1 on_II him_PPHO1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 will_VM not_XX only_RR pay_VVI for_IF your_APPGE ticket_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 will_VM also_RR pay_VVI for_IF you_PPY to_TO bring_VVI a_AT1 friend_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 husband_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 child_NN1 ,_, a_AT1 stranger_NN1 ,_, whomever_PNQV you_PPY 'd_VM like_VVI ._. 
I_PPIS1 WILL_VM ALSO_RR THROW_VVI IN_II AN_AT1 EXTRA_JJ $500_NNU BONUS_NN1 ._. 
DAY_NNT1 #5_NNU --_NN1 12_MC MINUTES_NNT2 LATER_RRR Is_VBZ it_PPH1 wrong_JJ for_IF me_PPIO1 to_TO encourage_VVI Dad_NN1 to_TO swim_VVI when_RRQ the_AT riptide_NN1 is_VBZ at_II its_APPGE strongest_JJT ?_? 
After_CS the_AT last_MD e-mail_NN1 home_RL ,_, my_APPGE sister_NN1 Sidney_NP1 responded_VVD with_IW an_AT1 e-mail_NN1 saying_VVG that_CST she_PPHS1 was_VBDZ on_II her_APPGE way_NN1 and_CC would_VM be_VBI arriving_VVG the_AT next_MD morning_NNT1 with_IW her_APPGE three_MC kids_NN2 ._. 
I_PPIS1 really_RR needed_VVD the_AT backup_NN1 since_CS Shoniqua_NP1 and_CC Latifa_NP1 were_VBDR leaving_VVG in_II the_AT morning_NNT1 ._. 
Moments_NN2 later_RRR Isabel_NP1 arrived_VVD with_IW my_APPGE pot_NN1 ._. 
Things_NN2 were_VBDR looking_VVG up_RP ._. 
Shoniqua_NN1 and_CC her_APPGE mother_NN1 were_VBDR packed_VVN and_CC waiting_VVG for_IF their_APPGE taxi_NN1 the_AT next_MD morning_NNT1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 walked_VVD downstairs_RL and_CC found_VVD Mama_NN1 Latifa_NP1 and_CC my_APPGE father_NN1 in_II a_AT1 bear_NN1 hug_NN1 ._. 
"_" All_RR21 right_RR22 ,_, Papa_NN1 Handler_NN1 ,_, you_PPY behave_VV0 yourself_PPX1 ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" And_CC thank_VV0 you_PPY for_IF everything_PN1 ._. "_" 
"_" No_AT problem_NN1 ,_, "_" my_APPGE father_NN1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" It_PPH1 's_VBZ my_APPGE pleasure_NN1 ._. "_" 
His_APPGE pleasure_NN1 ?_? 
In_II no_AT way_NN1 ,_, shape_NN1 ,_, or_CC form_NN1 had_VHD he_PPHS1 contributed_VVN financially_RR to_II this_DD1 vacation_NN1 ._. 
To_TO be_VBI completely_RR honest_JJ ,_, I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ n't_XX even_RR sure_JJ my_APPGE father_NN1 had_VHD brought_VVN any_DD money_NN1 ._. 
If_CS he_PPHS1 had_VHD ,_, he_PPHS1 certainly_RR was_VBDZ n't_XX spending_VVG it_PPH1 ._. 
"_" Good-bye_UH ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD ,_, and_CC hugged_VVD Shoniqua_NP1 and_CC her_APPGE mama_NN1 good-bye_NN1 ._. 
"_" Try_VV0 and_CC be_VBI patient_JJ with_IW Papa_NN1 Handler_NN1 ,_, "_" Shoniqua_NP1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" And_CC Mama_NN1 put_VVD her_APPGE massage_NN1 on_II your_APPGE tab_NN1 ._. 
Thanks_NN2 ._. "_" 
"_" You_PPY hear_VV0 that_CST ,_, Chelsea_NP1 ?_? "_" my_APPGE father_NN1 asked_VVD ._. 
"_" She_PPHS1 's_VBZ right_JJ ._. 
You_PPY need_VV0 to_TO respect_VVI your_APPGE daddy_NN1 ._. "_" 
"_" Thanks_NN2 a_RR21 lot_RR22 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 said_VVD to_II Shoniqua_NP1 as_CSA she_PPHS1 leaned_VVD in_RP for_IF another_DD1 hug_NN1 ._. 
"_" Good_JJ fucking_JJ luck_NN1 ,_, "_" she_PPHS1 said_VVD in_II my_APPGE ear_NN1 ,_, and_CC then_RT started_VVD laughing_VVG hysterically_RR as_CSA she_PPHS1 headed_VVD toward_II her_APPGE cab_NN1 ._. 
Bitch_NN1 Tits_NN2 put_VV0 his_APPGE arm_NN1 around_II me_PPIO1 as_CSA we_PPIS2 watched_VVD the_AT cab_NN1 pull_VVI away_RL and_CC said_VVD ,_, "_" Chels_NP2 ,_, I_PPIS1 got_VVD ta_TO be_VBI perfectly_RR honest_JJ with_IW you_PPY ._. 
What_DDQ I_PPIS1 'm_VBM really_RR in_II the_AT mood_NN1 for_IF is_VBZ a_AT1 good_JJ slice_NN1 of_IO pizza_NN1 ._. "_" 
"_" Good_JJ luck_NN1 with_IW that_DD1 ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 replied_VVD ,_, and_CC headed_VVN back_RP inside_RL and_CC upstairs_RL to_TO smoke_VVI my_APPGE weed_NN1 ._. 
Isabel_NP1 had_VHD loaned_VVN me_PPIO1 a_AT1 pipe_NN1 to_TO smoke_VVI it_PPH1 in_RP ,_, and_CC just_RR as_CSA I_PPIS1 took_VVD my_APPGE first_MD hit_VVD ,_, I_PPIS1 heard_VVD Shamu_NP1 heading_NN1 up_II the_AT stairs_NN2 ._. 
"_" Chels_NN2 ,_, I_PPIS1 'm_VBM not_XX kidding_VVG about_II the_AT pizza_NN1 ._. 
All_DB you_PPY have_VH0 to_TO do_VDI is_VBZ get_VVI some_DD dough_NN1 ,_, some_DD tomato_NN1 sauce_NN1 ,_, and_CC some_DD garlic_NN1 ._. "_" 
"_" Dad_NN1 ,_, I_PPIS1 do_VD0 n't_XX know_VVI how_RRQ to_TO make_VVI a_AT1 pizza_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 can_VM barely_RR make_VVI eggs_NN2 ._. "_" 
"_" What_DDQ is_VBZ that_CST you_PPY got_VVD in_II your_APPGE hand_NN1 there_RL ?_? "_" he_PPHS1 asked_VVD as_CSA I_PPIS1 took_VVD another_DD1 hit_VVD from_II the_AT pipe_NN1 ._. 
"_" Is_VBZ that_DD1 a_AT1 peace_NN1 pipe_NN1 ?_? "_" 
"_" Yup_UH ,_, "_" I_PPIS1 told_VVD him_PPHO1 ._. 
"_" I_PPIS1 'm_VBM smoking_VVG the_AT reefers_NN2 ._. "_" 
"_" Well_RR ,_, that_DD1 's_VBZ a_AT1 relief_NN1 ,_, "_" he_PPHS1 said_VVD ._. 
"_" Maybe_RR they_PPHS2 can_VM help_VVI you_PPY relax_VVI a_RR21 little_RR22 ._. 
You_PPY 're_VBR very_RG uptight_JJ ._. "_" 
"_" Uptight_JJ "_" really_RR is_VBZ n't_XX a_AT1 word_NN1 I_PPIS1 think_VV0 anyone_PN1 would_VM use_VVI to_TO describe_VVI a_AT1 girl_NN1 who_PNQS wrote_VVD a_AT1 book_NN1 documenting_VVG all_DB of_IO her_APPGE one-night_JJ stands_NN2 ,_, but_CCB maybe_RR my_APPGE self-awareness_NN1 needed_VVD a_AT1 little_JJ sharpening_NN1 ._. 
I_PPIS1 was_VBDZ staring_VVG out_RP at_II the_AT ocean_NN1 from_II the_AT top_JJ floor_NN1 of_IO the_AT open-aired_JJ villa_NN1 ,_, getting_VVG high_JJ with_IW my_APPGE father_NN1 sitting_VVG next_II21 to_II22 me_PPIO1 ,_, when_CS it_PPH1 occurred_VVD to_II me_PPIO1 that_CST this_DD1 is_VBZ what_DDQ I_PPIS1 needed_VVD all_DB along_RP ._. 
