<time>1_00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,800</time>
<s>感情观真的发生了很大的变化</s>
<time>2_00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,200</time>
<s>这个年龄段的女性喜欢体验消费</s>
<time>3_00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,200</time>
<s>我只会把我80%时间花给这20%的人</s>
<time>4_00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,600</time>
<s>大家好，这里是金金呆笑</s>
<time>5_00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:10,400</time>
<s>我是金金</s>
<time>6_00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,000</time>
<s>我是呆呆</s>
<time>7_00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:11,600</time>
<s>我是笑笑</s>
<time>8_00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,200</time>
<s>这是一个陪伴成长的账号</s>
<time>9_00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,200</time>
<s>我们会在这里</s>
<time>10_00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,400</time>
<s>分享校园日常</s>
<time>11_00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,400</time>
<s>职业与人生感悟</s>
<time>12_00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:17,600</time>
<s>欢迎大家关注我们的频道</s>
<time>13_00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:19,000</time>
<s>又要过生日了</s>
<time>14_00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,800</time>
<s>感觉临近三十岁</s>
<time>15_00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,000</time>
<s>心态上，跟之前还是有很大的不一样</s>
<time>16_00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,400</time>
<s>刚过去的“双11”</s>
<time>17_00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,800</time>
<s>完全完全没参与</s>
<time>18_00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,000</time>
<s>它开始的那一天</s>
<time>19_00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,000</time>
<s>我就连续睡非常好的美容觉</s>
<time>20_00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,800</time>
<s>感觉休息得非常好</s>
<time>21_00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:32,200</time>
<s>天呐</s>
<time>22_00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,000</time>
<s>我“双11”就是</s>
<time>23_00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,000</time>
<s>疯狂囤货</s>
<time>24_00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:35,400</time>
<s>但是呢</s>
<time>25_00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,000</time>
<s>我已经不去买那些没什么用的东西了</s>
<time>26_00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,600</time>
<s>就开始买日用品，纸巾、洗发液、洗衣液等等之类的</s>
<time>27_00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:42,400</time>
<s>我也是</s>
<time>28_00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,800</time>
<s>买的很少，只买了眼前当下我需要的东西</s>
<time>29_00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,600</time>
<s>而不是像以往一样，一囤囤一年的</s>
<time>30_00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,800</time>
<s>其实我觉得这就是一种消费观上的改变</s>
<time>31_00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,200</time>
<s>就算是仅仅一两平米的地方</s>
<time>32_00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,800</time>
<s>也好几百块钱呢</s>
<time>33_00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:57,800</time>
<s>不止吧</s>
<time>34_00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,600</time>
<s>与其有这样的负担</s>
<time>35_00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,600</time>
<s>我更愿意把这些空间留给</s>
<time>36_00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:02,400</time>
<s>让我自己</s>
<time>37_00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,000</time>
<s>或者让我的猫有更大的空间去生活</s>
<time>38_00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,200</time>
<s>你这还拖家带口了呢</s>
<time>39_00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,000</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>40_00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,600</time>
<s>我觉得这可能是一种消费观上的变化</s>
<time>41_00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,200</time>
<s>尤其像我</s>
<time>42_00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,400</time>
<s>我前几年比较喜欢买包</s>
<time>43_00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,400</time>
<s>现在其实我已经很久没有再买包了</s>
<time>44_00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,200</time>
<s>有一点提不起来这个欲望</s>
<time>45_00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,800</time>
<s>是不是心态上面发生了点变化</s>
<time>46_00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:22,200</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>47_00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,000</time>
<s>小的时候我会觉得</s>
<time>48_00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,600</time>
<s>我如果有一件大牌、拿得出手的奢侈品</s>
<time>49_00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,400</time>
<s>不管是去见客户，或者是工作</s>
<time>50_00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,800</time>
<s>它就像一个“武器”一样</s>
<time>51_00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,200</time>
<s>我自己本身可能那个时候也没什么自信</s>
<time>52_00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,400</time>
<s>确实肚子里也没什么货</s>
<time>53_00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,800</time>
<s>墨水有点少</s>
<time>54_00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,400</time>
<s>就会觉得，有了个它</s>
<time>55_00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,200</time>
<s>我稍微还能愿意在人前表达一些观点</s>
<time>56_00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,400</time>
<s>现在自己也做成了一点事情</s>
<time>57_00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,000</time>
<s>也知道自己对这个世界还算是个有用的人之后</s>
<time>58_00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,600</time>
<s>就不太需要一个“武器”告诉我自己说“你还行”</s>
<time>59_00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:55,200</time>
<s>有的时候</s>
<time>60_00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,400</time>
<s>它对我来说是一种情绪的宣泄</s>
<time>61_00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,200</time>
<s>我回溯了一下</s>
<time>62_00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,000</time>
<s>之所以当时想买就买</s>
<time>63_00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,600</time>
<s>无非是因为自己情绪的出口其实比较有限</s>
<time>64_00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,800</time>
<s>现在当你有一些负面情绪</s>
<time>65_00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,800</time>
<s>当你感到焦虑或者压力大的时候</s>
<time>66_00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,000</time>
<s>你可以通过运动</s>
<time>67_00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,000</time>
<s>吃一顿火锅</s>
<time>68_00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,000</time>
<s>你有更多的渠道和出口了</s>
<time>69_00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,400</time>
<s>那么你就不再仅仅依靠买买买</s>
<time>70_00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,800</time>
<s>去宣泄自己的负面情绪</s>
<time>71_00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,000</time>
<s>我现在买东西啊</s>
<time>72_00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,000</time>
<s>其实会给自己一个冷静期</s>
<time>73_00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,400</time>
<s>就是我一开始看某个东西</s>
<time>74_00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:25,400</time>
<s>我会特别心动</s>
<time>75_00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,200</time>
<s>我会看自己一个星期后</s>
<time>76_00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,600</time>
<s>一个月后是否还喜欢这个东西</s>
<time>77_00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,800</time>
<s>而不会被商家的促销去推动购买</s>
<time>78_00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,000</time>
<s>那我要是真的确定</s>
<time>79_00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:34,800</time>
<s>比如说我过了一段时间</s>
<time>80_00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,400</time>
<s>还是很想得到这个</s>
<time>81_00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,600</time>
<s>我可能才会去购买</s>
<time>82_00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,200</time>
<s>而且现在本身情绪也比较平稳</s>
<time>83_00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:44,000</time>
<s>不太需要靠买东西来宣泄了</s>
<time>84_00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,600</time>
<s>现在我可能更多地会愿意把钱</s>
<time>85_00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,400</time>
<s>第一，重新花到吃好吃的东西、吃美食上</s>
<time>86_00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,000</time>
<s>恩格尔系数又高起来了</s>
<time>87_00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,200</time>
<s>另一方面，可能会花在体验上更多</s>
<time>88_00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,800</time>
<s>比如说：报课</s>
<time>89_00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:56,600</time>
<s>健身</s>
<time>90_00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:57,200</time>
<s>旅游</s>
<time>91_00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,600</time>
<s>读万卷书，行万里路</s>
<time>92_00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,400</time>
<s>都会给你带来非常充沛、充实的体验</s>
<time>93_00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,600</time>
<s>我觉得这是</s>
<time>94_00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,600</time>
<s>把这个钱拿来投资自己了，给自己体验</s>
<time>95_00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,600</time>
<s>是的，包括花钱来读书</s>
<time>96_00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,800</time>
<s>做营销的同志们都听清楚了吗</s>
<time>97_00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,600</time>
<s>这个年龄段的女性喜欢体验消费</s>
<time>98_00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,000</time>
<s>不仅仅是消费观</s>
<time>99_00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,000</time>
<s>感情观真的发生了很大的变化</s>
<time>100_00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,000</time>
<s>我觉得对我来说特别明显的就是</s>
<time>101_00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,400</time>
<s>我不再像小时候一样，很要求“沟通频率”这个东西</s>
<time>102_00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,400</time>
<s>小的时候，我会因为我们之间的沟通不足而生气</s>
<time>103_00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:34,600</time>
<s>然后把沟通频率直接等同于感情深浅</s>
<time>104_00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,000</time>
<s>但是现在我越来越有一种倾向</s>
<time>105_00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,800</time>
<s>我意识到，自己很忙，人家也很忙</s>
<time>106_00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,600</time>
<s>我不要求每天几次的沟通频率</s>
<time>107_00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:43,600</time>
<s>反而是</s>
<time>108_00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,200</time>
<s>有限的沟通内</s>
<time>109_00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,200</time>
<s>我们能达到什么质量和深度的交流</s>
<time>110_00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,000</time>
<s>所谓的这个“频”我觉得</s>
<time>111_00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,800</time>
<s>频率没有那么重要</s>
<time>112_00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,600</time>
<s>而是否同频，是不是在一个频道</s>
<time>113_00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:56,800</time>
<s>可能更重要</s>
<time>114_00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,000</time>
<s>就是说，如果你找到跟你同频的人</s>
<time>115_00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,400</time>
<s>在你们俩就算没有话的时候</s>
<time>116_00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,800</time>
<s>也不会因此觉得尴尬，或者是硬要找话题</s>
<time>117_00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:08,200</time>
<s>而是非常享受彼此这种默契无言的状态</s>
<time>118_00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,600</time>
<s>我其实特别想问一个问题</s>
<time>119_00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:11,800</time>
<s>就是你们现在能不能接受异地恋</s>
<time>120_00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,200</time>
<s>小的时候能不能</s>
<time>121_00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:14,800</time>
<s>我不行</s>
<time>122_00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,000</time>
<s>小的时候比较注重陪伴嘛，我觉得会比较难</s>
<time>123_00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,600</time>
<s>现在的话，说实话，也不一定可以</s>
<time>124_00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:22,200</time>
<s>就是我觉得</s>
<time>125_00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,200</time>
<s>可以短暂的分开在两个地方</s>
<time>126_00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:25,800</time>
<s>两个城市</s>
<time>127_00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,400</time>
<s>但是我觉得，长期保持这样的状况</s>
<time>128_00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,000</time>
<s>还是不太好</s>
<time>129_00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,800</time>
<s>我可以接受两个人分隔两地</s>
<time>130_00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,800</time>
<s>但是我觉得要确认的是</s>
<time>131_00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,000</time>
<s>两个人未来一定会有某一天</s>
<time>132_00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,000</time>
<s>会在一起，一个城市</s>
<time>133_00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,200</time>
<s>为未来共同奋斗的目标一定要有才可以</s>
<time>134_00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,400</time>
<s>我有点相反</s>
<time>135_00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,200</time>
<s>我是小的时候可以接受</s>
<time>136_00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,800</time>
<s>因为小时候也经历过</s>
<time>137_00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:50,000</time>
<s>而且还经历过比较长时间的异地恋</s>
<time>138_00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,200</time>
<s>也经历过异国恋</s>
<time>139_00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,200</time>
<s>都经历过</s>
<time>140_00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,000</time>
<s>小的时候可以接受是觉得</s>
<time>141_00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:00,400</time>
<s>你爱这个人是爱他的所谓灵魂、心灵</s>
<time>142_00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,200</time>
<s>你们之间哪怕是在手机上像养一个电子宠物一样</s>
<time>143_00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,600</time>
<s>你都觉得是很幸福的，是被爱的</s>
<time>144_00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,800</time>
<s>现在不行</s>
<time>145_00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,800</time>
<s>回归本心，我又重新想了到底需要什么</s>
<time>146_00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,600</time>
<s>所谓那些“虚”的东西、精神共鸣，当然需要</s>
<time>147_00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,600</time>
<s>但可能也需要，就在身边的陪伴</s>
<time>148_00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,200</time>
<s>当你需要有一个人商量一些事情</s>
<time>149_00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,200</time>
<s>讲一讲今天一天的见闻</s>
<time>150_00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,200</time>
<s>你需要这个人，在他身边</s>
<time>151_00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,800</time>
<s>你需要能看到他的神态、动作</s>
<time>152_00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,200</time>
<s>他的状态，他有多认真在倾听</s>
<time>153_00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,600</time>
<s>还是说，你隔着手机，他给你回复一个</s>
<time>154_00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,800</time>
<s>“真的吗”、“真好啊”、“真棒”</s>
<time>155_00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,200</time>
<s>你是感受不到他的情绪波澜的</s>
<time>156_00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,400</time>
<s>所以我现在是不太能接受异地恋的</s>
<time>157_00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,000</time>
<s>当然我也是可以接受短期</s>
<time>158_00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,200</time>
<s>比如说我们短期</s>
<time>159_00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,400</time>
<s>因为一些工作的发展等等</s>
<time>160_00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,200</time>
<s>我们暂时分隔两地</s>
<time>161_00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:52,200</time>
<s>但我不能接受两个人在不确定的状况下异地恋</s>
<time>162_00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,200</time>
<s>必须是</s>
<time>163_00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,000</time>
<s>比如说，我们已知未来要一年</s>
<time>164_00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,400</time>
<s>我在北京，他在上海，这样的生活</s>
<time>165_00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,800</time>
<s>但是我们必须要明确</s>
<time>166_00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,200</time>
<s>一年后，我们往一个方向去努力</s>
<time>167_00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,000</time>
<s>我们都在上海，还是都在北京</s>
<time>168_00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,000</time>
<s>如果是我的话，我现在比较倾向于</s>
<time>169_00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,400</time>
<s>两个人能坐下来聊聊</s>
<time>170_00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,800</time>
<s>哪个城市是对双方，这个小的家庭</s>
<time>171_00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,800</time>
<s>或者是小的组合而言，是最优的一个选择</s>
<time>172_00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,600</time>
<s>大家一起去坐下来商量</s>
<time>173_00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,000</time>
<s>商量之后</s>
<time>174_00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,000</time>
<s>要做出相应的努力</s>
<time>175_00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,600</time>
<s>而不是让双方的关系停留在一个口头的承诺</s>
<time>176_00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:27,600</time>
<s>或者一个画饼</s>
<time>177_00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,400</time>
<s>说“未来我肯定会跟你在一起”</s>
<time>178_00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:30,400</time>
<s>这样是不OK的</s>
<time>179_00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,000</time>
<s>这个其实让我想起来</s>
<time>180_00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,800</time>
<s>就是前几天我跟朋友聊天的时候</s>
<time>181_00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,000</time>
<s>她描绘了一下她认为</s>
<time>182_00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,400</time>
<s>最理想的状态是什么样</s>
<time>183_00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,800</time>
<s>然后我也蛮认同的</s>
<time>184_00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,800</time>
<s>就是两个人在同一间房间</s>
<time>185_00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,600</time>
<s>大家背对背，各忙各的</s>
<time>186_00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,400</time>
<s>大家忙自己的工作也好，学业也好</s>
<time>187_00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:47,800</time>
<s>在两个人都累了的时候</s>
<time>188_00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,800</time>
<s>可以站起来，互相抱一抱对方</s>
<time>189_00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,400</time>
<s>我觉得这个状态真的是非常的好</s>
<time>190_00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,000</time>
<s>我们可以为各自的事情而奋斗努力</s>
<time>191_00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,600</time>
<s>但是当我们真的累了</s>
<time>192_00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,800</time>
<s>需要一个港湾、一个拥抱的时候</s>
<time>193_00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,000</time>
<s>还可以见到对方</s>
<time>194_00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,400</time>
<s>充电的时刻</s>
<time>195_00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,200</time>
<s>我们现在其实</s>
<time>196_00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,200</time>
<s>交往或者是谈恋爱</s>
<time>197_00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,800</time>
<s>已经不再像之前一样</s>
<time>198_00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,800</time>
<s>像之前，可能我个人</s>
<time>199_00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,400</time>
<s>面对一个喜欢的人</s>
<time>200_00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,600</time>
<s>可能会有一条一条的标准</s>
<time>201_00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,000</time>
<s>他一定要符合A、B、C</s>
<time>202_00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,600</time>
<s>我才可能去考虑这个人</s>
<time>203_00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,800</time>
<s>但现在其实我更在乎这个所谓的“同频”</s>
<time>204_00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,200</time>
<s>就是我们能不能聊得来</s>
<time>205_00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,800</time>
<s>然后能不能就是</s>
<time>206_00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,000</time>
<s>快速的理解对方的一些言语</s>
<time>207_00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,400</time>
<s>但其实这个“同频”也是暗含的一些标准</s>
<time>208_00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,800</time>
<s>是的，我对这个事情的洞察也是</s>
<time>209_00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,400</time>
<s>我们看似少了很多小时候的条条框框</s>
<time>210_00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,600</time>
<s>比如说：他必须要身高1米85以上</s>
<time>211_00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:37,800</time>
<s>体育运动很好</s>
<time>212_00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,400</time>
<s>到达什么样的分数</s>
<time>213_00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,600</time>
<s>比起这些有形的标准而言</s>
<time>214_00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,000</time>
<s>其实所谓的“同频”</s>
<time>215_00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,400</time>
<s>暗含了非常多更加苛刻和严苛的标准</s>
<time>216_00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,000</time>
<s>以前是说得出的标准</s>
<time>217_00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,800</time>
<s>现在是说不出的标准了</s>
<time>218_00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,400</time>
<s>我觉得这其实是个更高的标准和要求</s>
<time>219_00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,000</time>
<s>所以</s>
<time>220_00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,000</time>
<s>看似我们是不再有小时候的那些具体的标准了</s>
<time>221_00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,800</time>
<s>但是其实我们有更多更抽象、更主观</s>
<time>222_00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,200</time>
<s>说白了，更“高”的标准和要求</s>
<time>223_00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,800</time>
<s>Follow your heart, 随心</s>
<time>224_00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,200</time>
<s>我觉得不只是感情</s>
<time>225_00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,000</time>
<s>社交，认识朋友，简单的与人交往</s>
<time>226_00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,400</time>
<s>也跟小的时候有特别大的变化</s>
<time>227_00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,800</time>
<s>我发现，我现在对于新认识的人</s>
<time>228_00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:20,000</time>
<s>会有更长的一个所谓“平和的观察期”</s>
<time>229_00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,200</time>
<s>我不太会很快地</s>
<time>230_00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,000</time>
<s>像小时候那样下一个判断</s>
<time>231_00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:24,600</time>
<s>TA聪明</s>
<time>232_00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,200</time>
<s>有能力</s>
<time>233_00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:30,600</time>
<s>也不太会轻易地judge一个人的性格、特点、发展……</s><s>任何</s>
<time>234_00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,800</time>
<s>这两年，我逐渐地get到一个点</s>
<time>235_00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,200</time>
<s>也是MBA的这个环境让我意识到</s>
<time>236_00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,800</time>
<s>世界很大，活法很多，啥人都有</s>
<time>237_00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,600</time>
<s>以前的我可能价值观和世界观比较单一吧</s>
<time>238_00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,600</time>
<s>我确实这样自我反思</s>
<time>239_00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,600</time>
<s>我会很轻易地觉得我可以判断一件事情、一个人</s>
<time>240_00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:51,400</time>
<s>但是现在</s>
<time>241_00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,600</time>
<s>我会延长我的分析时间和观察过程</s>
<time>242_00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,000</time>
<s>我会觉得</s>
<time>243_00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,600</time>
<s>保持一个开放的想法</s>
<time>244_00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,600</time>
<s>去试着理解、感受每一个人、每一件事情吧</s>
<time>245_00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,400</time>
<s>哎，我在这件事儿上</s>
<time>246_00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,600</time>
<s>做法有点正好相反</s>
<time>247_00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,800</time>
<s>我一开始也经历了这样一个过程</s>
<time>248_00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,200</time>
<s>从一开始的价值观比较单一</s>
<time>249_00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,200</time>
<s>到后面价值观逐渐多元化</s>
<time>250_00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,000</time>
<s>接受和包容这个世界的不同</s>
<time>251_00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,200</time>
<s>到再往后，到现在这个阶段</s>
<time>252_00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:24,800</time>
<s>不再努力花很多时间去理解这个世界和我不同的许多人</s>
<time>253_00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,400</time>
<s>我反而会更把精力放在</s>
<time>254_00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,200</time>
<s>跟我类似，我们迅速能get到彼此</s>
<time>255_00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:35,600</time>
<s>迅速有共同话题、共同语言的朋友身上</s>
<time>256_00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,600</time>
<s>因为我觉得时间真的是很有限的</s>
<time>257_00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,800</time>
<s>大家现在很忙</s>
<time>258_00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,800</time>
<s>你会想要把时间分给真正懂你的</s>
<time>259_00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,200</time>
<s>你真正喜欢的一些朋友上面</s>
<time>260_00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,800</time>
<s>而且从看人的这个角度</s>
<time>261_00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,000</time>
<s>以往我会更多地去理解，比如说</s>
<time>262_00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,800</time>
<s>TA这样做一定有TA的苦衷吧</s>
<time>263_00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,400</time>
<s>我现在更多地会</s>
<time>264_00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,600</time>
<s>更加快速地判断</s>
<time>265_00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,400</time>
<s>这有点像类似于一个</s>
<time>266_00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,000</time>
<s>思维惯性或交往惯性</s>
<time>267_00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,800</time>
<s>当你见过足够多的人</s>
<time>268_00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,600</time>
<s>快速地跟TA对话交谈</s>
<time>269_00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,600</time>
<s>或者是一起吃过一顿饭</s>
<time>270_00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,800</time>
<s>你就快速地知道</s>
<time>271_00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,600</time>
<s>这个人未来是否会出现在你的生活中</s>
<time>272_00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:11,000</time>
<s>我依然非常看重我对于这个不同的人和活法的好奇</s>
<time>273_00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:16,000</time>
<s>我还没到一个能足够自信地觉得</s>
<time>274_00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:20,800</time>
<s>我自己的价值判断是一个足够完善的状态</s>
<time>275_00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,400</time>
<s>所以我还是想，要不再看看</s>
<time>276_00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,800</time>
<s>再花点时间，再试着理解一下</s>
<time>277_00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:31,000</time>
<s>我们其实可以去包容、去容纳更多各种各样不同的人了</s>
<time>278_00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,200</time>
<s>但是这些人呢</s>
<time>279_00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,600</time>
<s>TA们其实很难走入到我们的心里面去</s>
<time>280_00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,800</time>
<s>我们也不一定愿意把我们</s>
<time>281_00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,600</time>
<s>特别多的时间去分配给TA们了</s>
<time>282_00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,200</time>
<s>就像之前我自己的话</s>
<time>283_00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,000</time>
<s>可能说</s>
<time>284_00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,000</time>
<s>有这么前20％的人是我特别在意的人</s>
<time>285_00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,200</time>
<s>但后面的80%呢</s>
<time>286_00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,400</time>
<s>其实我也是会花时间经营的</s>
<time>287_00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,400</time>
<s>但现在不是了</s>
<time>288_00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,600</time>
<s>我只会把我80%时间花在这20%的人</s>
<time>289_00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,400</time>
<s>而只把那20%的时间花在那80%的人身上</s>
<time>290_00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,800</time>
<s>有很多人变得不再重要了，对我来说</s>
<time>291_00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,600</time>
<s>这种不再重要并不是说我对TA们不包容了</s>
<time>292_00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,600</time>
<s>或者说我对TA们有什么看法</s>
<time>293_00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,600</time>
<s>只是我不想把时间花在</s>
<time>294_00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,400</time>
<s>去思考我是否包容TA、接受TA</s>
<time>295_00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,200</time>
<s>我是否要需要更多时间了解TA</s>
<time>296_00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,400</time>
<s>给TA一个机会</s>
<time>297_00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,400</time>
<s>我就不太去思考这些事了</s>
<time>298_00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,000</time>
<s>可能这是一个阶段的变化</s>
<time>299_00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,200</time>
<s>我也有过你的这个阶段</s>
<time>300_00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:20,200</time>
<s>有可能</s>
<time>301_00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,200</time>
<s>我学会了“去标签化”地看待一个人</s>
<time>302_00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,200</time>
<s>原本在社会上，或者在工作的场合</s>
<time>303_00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,800</time>
<s>大家上来刚认识一个人</s>
<time>304_00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,600</time>
<s>都会首先自我介绍，我叫什么</s>
<time>305_00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,000</time>
<s>我就职于哪家公司，什么职位</s>
<time>306_00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,600</time>
<s>负责哪一块的工作</s>
<time>307_00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,600</time>
<s>或者是我毕业于什么学校</s>
<time>308_00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,800</time>
<s>经常会用这种标签先来介绍自己</s>
<time>309_00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,400</time>
<s>所以更多的时候</s>
<time>310_00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,000</time>
<s>我们一看到一种标签</s>
<time>311_00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,800</time>
<s>可能就会映射出来一种感受</s>
<time>312_00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,800</time>
<s>比如说，这个人是来自于大厂</s>
<time>313_00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,200</time>
<s>“黄埔军校”</s>
<time>314_00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,400</time>
<s>那么我们就会倾向于认为</s>
<time>315_00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,600</time>
<s>“OK，这个人的工作能力应该是比较强’</s>
<time>316_00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,000</time>
<s>“收入比较可观”</s>
<time>317_00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,600</time>
<s>或者这个人来自于名校，北大清华</s>
<time>318_00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,000</time>
<s>那我们会认为这个人应该很聪明，“学霸”</s>
<time>319_00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,400</time>
<s>就会直接投射上这样一种标签</s>
<time>320_00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,400</time>
<s>而进入到MBA这个群体中</s>
<time>321_00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,400</time>
<s>也可能是因为</s>
<time>322_00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,200</time>
<s>北大已经过筛了一遍</s>
<time>323_00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,400</time>
<s>我们在认识的时候</s>
<time>324_00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,200</time>
<s>TA当然也会先要做自我介绍</s>
<time>325_00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,800</time>
<s>之前从事什么行业</s>
<time>326_00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,800</time>
<s>但是你在看待这个人的时候</s>
<time>327_00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,600</time>
<s>后面你在跟TA交往的时候</s>
<time>328_00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,000</time>
<s>可能就不再用标签去度量</s>
<time>329_00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,000</time>
<s>对，你根本就记不住，每个人都带一个</s>
<time>330_00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,800</time>
<s>是，每个人都有很不错的经历的时候</s>
<time>331_00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,000</time>
<s>你再看待这个人</s>
<time>332_00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,000</time>
<s>你不再会因为TA的这些标签</s>
<time>333_00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,000</time>
<s>而特别的看重一个人，或者是看轻一个人</s>
<time>334_00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:35,200</time>
<s>你更加会注重你们两个人相处起来的实际感受</s>
<time>335_00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,400</time>
<s>这个人是不是有一个灵光乍现的瞬间</s>
<time>336_00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,200</time>
<s>某一句话给了你启发、灵感</s>
<time>337_00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,800</time>
<s>让你觉得产生了深刻的共鸣</s>
<time>338_00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,600</time>
<s>或者是</s>
<time>339_00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,200</time>
<s>哪怕仅仅是你们特别吃得到一起去</s>
<time>340_00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,400</time>
<s>玩在一起很轻松很快乐</s>
<time>341_00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,000</time>
<s>我们并不是完全的“去标签化”了</s>
<time>342_00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,200</time>
<s>而是说，我们只在乎我们在乎的标签了</s>
<time>343_00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,200</time>
<s>比如说</s>
<time>344_00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,200</time>
<s>我们已经不在乎这个人从事什么行业了</s>
<time>345_00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,200</time>
<s>而是在乎这人能不能跟我吃到一起</s>
<time>346_00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,000</time>
<s>比如这人爱吃辣</s>
<time>347_00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,400</time>
<s>我就觉得：哎，这人可能能跟我玩到一起</s>
<time>348_00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,600</time>
<s>可能我们喜欢的标签跟原来有些偏移了</s>
<time>349_00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:09,800</time>
<s>在乎的东西不一样了</s>
<time>350_00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,000</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>351_00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,600</time>
<s>更多的是出于主观的一种感受去判断这个人</s>
<time>352_00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,000</time>
<s>而非外界给TA打的一些客观的标签</s>
<time>353_00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:22,000</time>
<s>这个人是否“年薪百万”、“优秀”</s>
<time>354_00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,600</time>
<s>成长了</s>
<time>355_00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:28,000</time>
<s>也是MBA这个项目、这个园子带给我们的吧</s>
<time>356_00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,200</time>
<s>之前的那个使用场景</s>
<time>357_00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,600</time>
<s>毕竟大家是要一起交付、一起做项目</s>
<time>358_00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,800</time>
<s>彼此背靠背的嘛</s>
<time>359_00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:38,200</time>
<s>但是现在这就是一个更无菌、更真诚的环境吧</s>
<time>360_00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,400</time>
<s>至少在这个项目里</s>
<time>361_00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:45,200</time>
<s>我更在乎的就是这个人是否智慧、真诚</s>
<time>362_00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:49,600</time>
<s>至于TA是否聪明和优秀，就不是很重要</s>
<time>363_00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:50,600</time>
<s>但其实吧</s>
<time>364_00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,400</time>
<s>大家在这个园子里，都挺优秀的</s>
<time>365_00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,800</time>
<s>某种程度上，都是优秀的</s>
<time>366_00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:55,800</time>
<s>是的</s>
<time>367_00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,400</time>
<s>当你处在一个大部分都很优秀的环境中</s>
<time>368_00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,200</time>
<s>你再看待，就不是看优秀</s>
<time>369_00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,800</time>
<s>你刚说的真诚，真的说得非常的好</s>
<time>370_00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,200</time>
<s>我觉得优秀的人真的很多</s>
<time>371_00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,800</time>
<s>但是真诚的人很少</s>
<time>372_00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,800</time>
<s>真诚的人，能够相处起来让你觉得很信任的人</s>
<time>373_00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,200</time>
<s>其实还是比较有限</s>
<time>374_00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,600</time>
<s>这个其实也是我们现在社交的一个标准</s>
<time>375_00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:17,400</time>
<s>就是说</s>
<time>376_00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,000</time>
<s>认识新的朋友，想看TA是否真诚</s>
<time>377_00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:20,600</time>
<s>但其实吧</s>
<time>378_00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,600</time>
<s>我其实也不会对每个人都很真诚</s>
<time>379_00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,000</time>
<s>所以我不会成为所有人的朋友</s>
<time>380_00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,200</time>
<s>TA们也不会认为我是TA们真正的好朋友</s>
<time>381_00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,400</time>
<s>你们怎么去判断一个人是不是真诚呢</s>
<time>382_00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,200</time>
<s>非常好的问题</s>
<time>383_00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,000</time>
<s>我等这个问题等很久了</s>
<time>384_00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,800</time>
<s>非常个人的方式</s>
<time>385_00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,000</time>
<s>我会判断</s>
<time>386_00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,200</time>
<s>TA是否愿意在我面前展现TA的缺点和脆弱</s>
<time>387_00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:46,800</time>
<s>而我又是否舒适和勇敢在TA面前表现我的问题和脆弱</s>
<time>388_00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,400</time>
<s>被我判断为比较可以真诚、舒适的圈子</s>
<time>389_00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,400</time>
<s>都是我明确地知道</s>
<time>390_00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,400</time>
<s>TA们很了解我的问题和缺点</s>
<time>391_00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,600</time>
<s>但是我们在一起依然很舒服</s>
<time>392_00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,800</time>
<s>我也明确知道TA们的问题</s>
<time>393_00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,200</time>
<s>但是我们在一起也很舒服的这样一群人</s>
<time>394_00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,400</time>
<s>真正的亲密的朋友和伴侣真的有点相似</s>
<time>395_00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,200</time>
<s>不是有那么一句话嘛</s>
<time>396_00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,000</time>
<s>你其实去衡量你跟这个人能不能走到一起</s>
<time>397_00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,200</time>
<s>不是看一个瞬间涌上你心头的那种上头的感觉</s>
<time>398_00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,600</time>
<s>而是说你知道彼此的缺点之后，依然可以觉得</s>
<time>399_00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,400</time>
<s>是可以接受并可以包容的</s>
<time>400_00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,800</time>
<s>就是TA的下限你是可以接受的之后</s>
<time>401_00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,200</time>
<s>你们才能长久的走下去</s>
<time>402_00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,400</time>
<s>我觉得其实朋友也是，真的也是一样的</s>
<time>403_00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,000</time>
<s>其实我每个人都是会伪装的，每个人都有面具</s>
<time>404_00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,200</time>
<s>但是我认为的真诚是</s>
<time>405_00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,800</time>
<s>对方愿意把TA的面具拿下来，把TA真实的样子给我看</s>
<time>406_00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,400</time>
<s>同样地，我对一个人真诚也是</s>
<time>407_00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,000</time>
<s>当我愿意把我这个假装友善的面具拿下来的时候</s>
<time>408_00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:45,800</time>
<s>把我的暴躁、emo、各方面的缺点</s>
<time>409_00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,400</time>
<s>都愿意展现给TA看</s>
<time>410_00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,600</time>
<s>这个是相互真诚的一个方式</s>
<time>411_00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,600</time>
<s>拿下我的面具</s>
<time>412_00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,200</time>
<s>每个人其实都有一层壳</s>
<time>413_00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,800</time>
<s>跟外部世界去相处的时候</s>
