<time>1_00:00:00,208 --> 00:00:01,458</time>
<s>因为大家对婚后生活</s>
<time>2_00:00:01,458 --> 00:00:03,542</time>
<s>家庭观念的展望是完全不一样的</s>
<time>3_00:00:03,542 --> 00:00:04,583</time>
<s>我就提了分手</s>
<time>5_00:00:05,833 --> 00:00:08,125</time>
<s>因为那段爱情确实代表着一种更容易的生活</s>
<time>6_00:00:08,333 --> 00:00:10,208</time>
<s>我人生的绝望之谷的时候</s>
<time>7_00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,458</time>
<s>我非常希望复合</s>
<time>8_00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:15,417</time>
<s>我就是看着这个人他从长廊那边逆光走来</s>
<time>9_00:00:15,417 --> 00:00:16,667</time>
<s>后面都是那个晨光</s>
<time>10_00:00:16,875 --> 00:00:18,125</time>
<s>我当时得非常神奇</s>
<time>11_00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:21,250</time>
<s>似平是一种被命运的chosen的戏剧性的瞬间</s>
<time>12_00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:22,917</time>
<s>对是哈哈哈</s>
<time>13_00:00:23,125 --> 00:00:25,208</time>
<s>不行了我需要纸巾此此时此刻在那里</s>
<time>14_00:00:25,208 --> 00:00:27,500</time>
<s>哈哈录制被泪水打断哈哈哈</s>
<time>15_00:00:36,042 --> 00:00:36,458</time>
<s>嘻嘻</s>
<time>16_00:00:38,958 --> 00:00:39,792</time>
<s>三十二</s>
<time>17_00:00:39,792 --> 00:00:41,042</time>
<s>三十三三十三</s>
<time>18_00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,583</time>
<s>北京大学</s>
<time>19_00:00:44,583 --> 00:00:45,833</time>
<s>宿舍房号</s>
<time>20_00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:46,667</time>
<s>250</s>
<time>21_00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,500</time>
<s>哈哈哈哈哈</s>
<time>22_00:00:47,708 --> 00:00:49,792</time>
<s>2015年，相中3年后，世中走入婚她</s>
<time>23_00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:51,875</time>
<s>2016年，相在年后，嘻嘻走入婚如</s>
<time>24_00:00:51,875 --> 00:00:53,958</time>
<s>2019年，相中在7年后 佳住走入婚她</s>
<time>25_00:00:56,458 --> 00:00:58,333</time>
<s>大学的时候我有过两段恋情</s>
<time>26_00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:01,458</time>
<s>一个是我高中的男朋友延续到了大学</s>
<time>27_00:01:01,458 --> 00:01:03,542</time>
<s>当时是处在一个异国的狀态</s>
<time>28_00:01:03,542 --> 00:01:06,042</time>
<s>第二段恋情是北大校友吧</s>
<time>29_00:01:06,042 --> 00:01:07,708</time>
<s>但现在的伴侣都不是他们俩</s>
<time>30_00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:08,958</time>
<s>如果重来一次的话</s>
<time>31_00:01:08,958 --> 00:01:11,250</time>
<s>我会觉得沒有什么好后临的</s>
<time>32_00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:13,333</time>
<s>见更多的人谈更多的在爱</s>
<time>33_00:01:13,542 --> 00:01:15,625</time>
<s>你就知道自己喜欢什么不喜欢什么</s>
<time>34_00:01:15,625 --> 00:01:17,083</time>
<s>当时分手的原因是什么</s>
<time>35_00:01:17,083 --> 00:01:19,375</time>
<s>第一段恋情的话确实是属干</s>
<time>36_00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:21,667</time>
<s>懵懂的年非开始的嘛</s>
<time>37_00:01:21,875 --> 00:01:24,792</time>
<s>分手的原因可能更多的是沒有共同的话题</s>
<time>38_00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,042</time>
<s>我学的东西啊</s>
<time>39_00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:28,333</time>
<s>喜欢的事情对方并不是觉得很理解</s>
<time>40_00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:30,417</time>
<s>他可能觉得我喜欢探时的事情</s>
<time>41_00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:31,458</time>
<s>比较虚无缥缈</s>
<time>42_00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:34,375</time>
<s>然后第二段恋情是家庭观念不合适</s>
<time>43_00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:37,708</time>
<s>甚至到性別观也有些不合适</s>
<time>44_00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:38,750</time>
<s>我去他家玩</s>
<time>45_00:01:38,958 --> 00:01:40,208</time>
<s>那是第一次去</s>
<time>46_00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:42,708</time>
<s>后来他告诉我说那天我走了之后</s>
<time>47_00:01:42,917 --> 00:01:44,792</time>
<s>他家里人对我颇有微词</s>
<time>48_00:01:44,792 --> 00:01:46,250</time>
<s>可能是因为沒有去洗碗吧</s>
<time>49_00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,542</time>
<s>然后当时对我来说是一个比较大的冲击</s>
<time>50_00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,625</time>
<s>因为我从小到大感受到的就是</s>
<time>51_00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:51,667</time>
<s>你第一次去別人家里</s>
<time>52_00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:52,917</time>
<s>其实是一个客人的身份</s>
<time>53_00:01:52,917 --> 00:01:54,792</time>
<s>不管你是女朋友或者不是女朋友</s>
<time>54_00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,917</time>
<s>所以让客人洗碗本来就是比较奇怪的</s>
<time>55_00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,375</time>
<s>不知道这么说会不会被骂</s>
<time>56_00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:01,042</time>
<s>如果第一次去都要洗碗的话</s>
<time>57_00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:02,708</time>
<s>那日后的日子是什么样的</s>
<time>58_00:02:02,708 --> 00:02:04,167</time>
<s>我其实不太敢想象</s>
<time>59_00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:06,458</time>
<s>然后还有一次他对我说</s>
<time>60_00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:09,167</time>
<s>结婚了之后一定要一个月跟他回老家一趟</s>
<time>61_00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:10,625</time>
<s>我当时觉得嗯</s>
<time>62_00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:12,917</time>
<s>这是一个比较奇怪的要求</s>
<time>63_00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:14,583</time>
<s>我喜欢一直漂泊在外面</s>
<time>64_00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:16,667</time>
<s>然后自己什么时候想回去就回去</s>
<time>65_00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:19,375</time>
<s>我当时就非常可能果断的觉得ok</s>
<time>66_00:02:19,375 --> 00:02:21,042</time>
<s>这这样下去一定不合适</s>
<time>67_00:02:21,042 --> 00:02:22,500</time>
<s>以后会有无止境的爭吵</s>
<time>68_00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:23,958</time>
<s>因为大家对婚后生活</s>
<time>69_00:02:23,958 --> 00:02:26,250</time>
<s>家庭观念的展望是完全不一样的</s>
<time>70_00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:27,292</time>
<s>我就提了分手</s>
<time>71_00:02:27,292 --> 00:02:29,375</time>
<s>分手与否你觉得跟爱情有关系吗</s>
<time>72_00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,500</time>
<s>我选择伴侣你当然有要有爱情</s>
<time>73_00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,792</time>
<s>但是也要有一个生活的适配度</s>
<time>74_00:02:35,208 --> 00:02:37,292</time>
<s>如果生活的适配度极度低下</s>
<time>75_00:02:37,292 --> 00:02:38,125</time>
<s>很可能你们的爱情</s>
<time>76_00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,000</time>
<s>本来也就并股有扎根很深</s>
<time>77_00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,500</time>
<s>所以你后面走入婚姻的爱情</s>
<time>78_00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:44,167</time>
<s>跟大学时期的爱情（相比）</s>
<time>79_00:02:44,167 --> 00:02:46,250</time>
<s>会不会对你来说（走入婚姻的这次）更接近爱情</s>
<time>80_00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,333</time>
<s>嗯对是这样的</s>
<time>81_00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:50,000</time>
<s>为什么他是更接近爱情</s>
<time>82_00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,042</time>
<s>我定义的爱情</s>
<time>83_00:02:51,042 --> 00:02:53,125</time>
<s>就是和这个人三观合有共同的话题</s>
<time>84_00:02:53,125 --> 00:02:54,375</time>
<s>且是生活的战友</s>
<time>85_00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:55,625</time>
<s>那符合这三点呢</s>
<time>86_00:02:55,625 --> 00:02:56,875</time>
<s>就是我现在的生活伴侣</s>
<time>87_00:02:56,875 --> 00:02:59,167</time>
<s>而之前的很多谈过的恋爱</s>
<time>88_00:02:59,583 --> 00:03:00,833</time>
<s>我觉得长远的来看</s>
<time>89_00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:02,500</time>
<s>其实三观并没有很合</s>
<time>90_00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,375</time>
<s>就小时候我们很容易受这种</s>
<time>91_00:03:04,375 --> 00:03:06,667</time>
<s>哎呀这个男生篮球打的好好好帅</s>
<time>92_00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:09,167</time>
<s>就开始产生那种倾慕的心情</s>
<time>93_00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:10,625</time>
<s>或者这个男生是校草</s>
<time>94_00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,500</time>
<s>就觉得啊能跟他在一起好好</s>
<time>95_00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:15,625</time>
<s>但实保上这些都不是特別的重要</s>
<time>96_00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:16,875</time>
<s>哈哈哈对</s>
<time>97_00:03:16,875 --> 00:03:19,167</time>
<s>大学的时候我们的价值观也沒有很稳定</s>
<time>98_00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:21,042</time>
<s>恋爱本身也是帮助我们</s>
<time>99_00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:22,708</time>
<s>建立价值观的过程</s>
<time>100_00:03:22,708 --> 00:03:23,958</time>
<s>而往往他是以哦</s>
<time>101_00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:27,292</time>
<s>我知道这个东西我不喜欢去发生的对</s>
<time>102_00:03:27,292 --> 00:03:30,833</time>
<s>我们都不算是大学的校园在爱最后走入婚如</s>
<time>103_00:03:30,833 --> 00:03:34,167</time>
<s>所以世中的校园恋爱</s>
<time>104_00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,375</time>
<s>我的大学恋情是高中恋情的延续</s>
<time>105_00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:41,042</time>
<s>就上了大学以后不在一个学校</s>
<time>106_00:03:41,042 --> 00:03:44,167</time>
<s>就也有了一些就交流上的需求</s>
<time>107_00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:46,042</time>
<s>高中的时候你可能沒有这些，求</s>
<time>108_00:03:46,042 --> 00:03:48,125</time>
<s>这个人在那里在操场上看到一下</s>
<time>109_00:03:48,125 --> 00:03:48,958</time>
<s>都很开山了</s>
<time>110_00:03:48,958 --> 00:03:49,583</time>
<s>但是大学的时候</s>
<time>111_00:03:49,583 --> 00:03:52,708</time>
<s>会发现有比较多的两颗心的这种碰撞</s>
<time>112_00:03:52,708 --> 00:03:54,583</time>
<s>然后思想的交流这样的需求</s>
<time>113_00:03:54,792 --> 00:03:55,833</time>
<s>然后在这个过程中就</s>
<time>114_00:03:56,042 --> 00:03:57,500</time>
<s>相对就感觉到有点失落</s>
<time>115_00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:58,750</time>
<s>那你们俩很像</s>
<time>116_00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:00,000</time>
<s>对对是这样的对</s>
<time>117_00:04:00,208 --> 00:04:01,250</time>
<s>你们有沒有遇到过那种</s>
<time>118_00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:02,917</time>
<s>初中高中心里的白月光</s>
<time>119_00:04:02,917 --> 00:04:04,375</time>
<s>然后随着你的成长就嗯</s>
<time>120_00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:05,208</time>
<s>哈哈哈</s>
<time>121_00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:08,750</time>
<s>其实就是有些人他感受到他</s>
<time>122_00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:10,208</time>
<s>自己的成长速度更快一些</s>
<time>123_00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,292</time>
<s>嗯对会的会的尤其是</s>
<time>124_00:04:12,292 --> 00:04:13,333</time>
<s>不在一个学校</s>
<time>125_00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:15,833</time>
<s>你们两个人在一个快速成长的年纪</s>
<time>126_00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:17,292</time>
<s>需要保持同步的</s>
<time>127_00:04:17,292 --> 00:04:18,958</time>
<s>我自己也是有个成长的过程</s>
<time>128_00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:21,250</time>
<s>就当时我自己也不太会沟通</s>
<time>129_00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:22,500</time>
<s>很多人他就是在同班</s>
<time>130_00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,375</time>
<s>然后他觉得哦他的沟通机制很好</s>
<time>131_00:04:24,375 --> 00:04:25,208</time>
<s>其实不是的</s>
<time>132_00:04:25,208 --> 00:04:26,458</time>
<s>他只是老见而已</s>
<time>133_00:04:26,458 --> 00:04:29,375</time>
<s>他并没有一个深度沟通的这样一个模式</s>
<time>134_00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:30,625</time>
<s>反而掩盖了这些</s>
<time>135_00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:32,500</time>
<s>所以我觉得异地也有异地的好</s>
<time>136_00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,792</time>
<s>很早的时候把这个这些东西暴露出来</s>
<time>137_00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,458</time>
<s>你们有沒有觉得就是</s>
<time>138_00:04:36,458 --> 00:04:36,875</time>
<s>那个时候</s>
<time>139_00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:38,750</time>
<s>自己的沟通技巧和现在的自己</s>
<time>140_00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:39,583</time>
<s>完全不一样</s>
<time>141_00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,625</time>
<s>和伴侣生活的这十年</s>
<time>142_00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:42,083</time>
<s>对干我的沟通技巧</s>
<time>143_00:04:42,292 --> 00:04:43,750</time>
<s>是一次又一次的考验</s>
<time>144_00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,625</time>
<s>比如说你如何表达自己的不满</s>
<time>145_00:04:45,833 --> 00:04:46,875</time>
<s>如何吵架</s>
<time>146_00:04:47,083 --> 00:04:50,000</time>
<s>如何向他倾诉自己的对一个人的嫉妒心</s>
<time>147_00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,083</time>
<s>或者是看见他跟另外一个女生在一起</s>
<time>148_00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,333</time>
<s>是种什么感受</s>
<time>149_00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:54,375</time>
<s>我觉得会吵架</s>
<time>150_00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:56,875</time>
<s>是两个人感情越来越深的一个</s>
<time>151_00:04:57,292 --> 00:04:57,708</time>
<s>一个基础</s>
<time>152_00:04:57,708 --> 00:05:00,417</time>
<s>很多人终其一生都没有学会如何吵架</s>
<time>153_00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:02,500</time>
<s>因为沟通他就一定会有不一样</s>
<time>154_00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,333</time>
<s>然后会有爭论</s>
<time>155_00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:05,208</time>
<s>可能我们抽象的叫他吵架</s>
<time>156_00:05:05,417 --> 00:05:06,458</time>
<s>我们说吵架重要</s>
<time>157_00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:07,917</time>
<s>实际上我们是在说沟通重要</s>
<time>158_00:05:07,917 --> 00:05:08,958</time>
<s>我们所有的爱情教育</s>
<time>159_00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,833</time>
<s>都是截止到你们俩在一起</s>
<time>160_00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:11,667</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>161_00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:14,792</time>
<s>王子和公主幸福的生活在一起</s>
<time>162_00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:15,833</time>
<s>其实人生变长的</s>
<time>163_00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:17,292</time>
<s>因为我们这代人可能在一起的时候</s>
<time>164_00:05:17,292 --> 00:05:18,333</time>
<s>就30岁左右</s>
<time>165_00:05:18,542 --> 00:05:19,792</time>
<s>你们还要待在一起50年</s>
<time>166_00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:22,917</time>
<s>接下来50年的生活其实不太有人告诉你的</s>
<time>167_00:05:22,917 --> 00:05:25,000</time>
<s>对是需要你们两个人慢慢摸索出</s>
<time>168_00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,083</time>
<s>一套只适合你们两个人的模板没错</s>
<time>169_00:05:29,583 --> 00:05:31,667</time>
<s>因为我有过一段很好的大学由爱</s>
<time>170_00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,542</time>
<s>且那段大学恋爱我是充满了遗憾的</s>
<time>171_00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,833</time>
<s>那个遗憾是我觉得自己本可以做的更好</s>
<time>172_00:05:36,042 --> 00:05:38,958</time>
<s>所以我的婚姻才会变得很好</s>
<time>173_00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:41,875</time>
<s>因为我是带着那段遗憾进入到婚姻的</s>
<time>174_00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,125</time>
<s>我会更珍惜我的婚姻</s>
<time>175_00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:46,250</time>
<s>还有一个作用是我在大学爱情里面</s>
<time>176_00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,917</time>
<s>所有关干浪漫爱的想象</s>
<time>177_00:05:47,917 --> 00:05:49,375</time>
<s>其实在里面得到了释放</s>
<time>178_00:05:49,375 --> 00:05:52,292</time>
<s>因为我觉得浪漫爱是不等干爱情的</s>
<time>179_00:05:52,292 --> 00:05:54,583</time>
<s>但是浪漫爱是这个社会教过我们的</s>
<time>180_00:05:54,583 --> 00:05:56,875</time>
<s>唯一一个跟爱情有关的模板嗯</s>
<time>181_00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:58,958</time>
<s>所以我在进入跟eric的婚姻的时候</s>
<time>182_00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,667</time>
<s>我已经沒有再抱着腺漫爱的想象了</s>
<time>183_00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:04,583</time>
<s>比如说一些仪式或者一些什么</s>
<time>184_00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:05,833</time>
<s>他的狀态跟我是一样的</s>
<time>185_00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,292</time>
<s>所以我们两个直接进入到</s>
<time>186_00:06:07,292 --> 00:06:08,542</time>
<s>浪漫爱的下一个阶段</s>
<time>187_00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:09,792</time>
<s>那个人在哪里</s>
<time>188_00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,250</time>
<s>我们应该都沒有联务了吧</s>
<time>189_00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:12,917</time>
<s>就是我都不知道他现在在干什么</s>
<time>190_00:06:12,917 --> 00:06:14,375</time>
<s>可能这一辈子也沒有什么交集了</s>
<time>191_00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,625</time>
<s>但这个人参与了你生命</s>
<time>192_00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:16,458</time>
<s>你成了现在的人</s>
<time>193_00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,542</time>
<s>让你更好的进入到了后面的阶段</s>
<time>194_00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:20,000</time>
<s>对干大学爱情的复盘</s>
<time>195_00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,250</time>
<s>我在之前的视频里讲过</s>
<time>196_00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:22,917</time>
<s>但后面录完视频我有在想</s>
<time>197_00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:24,583</time>
<s>说我为什么会那么后悔（分年）</s>
<time>198_00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:26,667</time>
<s>后面去希望复合</s>
<time>199_00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:30,208</time>
<s>我觉得他跟我的嗯生活阶段有关系</s>
<time>200_00:06:30,208 --> 00:06:33,750</time>
<s>因为那段爱情确实代表着一种更容易的生活</s>
<time>201_00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,833</time>
<s>我人生的绝望之谷的时候</s>
<time>202_00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:37,292</time>
<s>我非常希望复合</s>
<time>203_00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,542</time>
<s>那个复合本身</s>
<time>204_00:06:38,542 --> 00:06:40,000</time>
<s>跟爱情已经股什么关系了</s>
<time>205_00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,458</time>
<s>那仅仅只是因为那个时候</s>
<time>206_00:06:41,458 --> 00:06:43,542</time>
<s>我感受到了自己的局限跟弱小</s>
<time>207_00:06:43,542 --> 00:06:45,833</time>
<s>我希望进入到一种更容易的生活</s>
<time>208_00:06:46,042 --> 00:06:49,792</time>
<s>而爱情是我进入到一种更容易生活的途径</s>
<time>209_00:06:49,792 --> 00:06:51,875</time>
<s>我不知道如果当时复合了</s>
<time>210_00:06:51,875 --> 00:06:53,333</time>
<s>最后会变成什么样子</s>
<time>211_00:06:53,333 --> 00:06:55,833</time>
<s>但至少我觉得沒有复合也挺好的</s>
<time>212_00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:58,542</time>
<s>因为他就意味着要逼迫那个弱小的我</s>
<time>213_00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:01,458</time>
<s>从那么绝望的地方再长出自我</s>
<time>214_00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:03,542</time>
<s>就你们俩可能分开了十年</s>
<time>215_00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:05,000</time>
<s>也再也沒有人生交集</s>
<time>216_00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:07,083</time>
<s>有一天你偶然打开看到他的微博</s>
<time>217_00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:07,917</time>
<s>看到他的朋友圈</s>
<time>218_00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:11,250</time>
<s>你就也觉得十年前的那个充满遗憾的</s>
<time>219_00:07:11,667 --> 00:07:12,917</time>
<s>结果也挺好的</s>
<time>220_00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:16,875</time>
<s>我觉得你的遗憾#不是说他这个人有多好</s>
<time>221_00:07:16,875 --> 00:07:19,375</time>
<s>很可能依据你现在更加成熟的视角</s>
<time>222_00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,667</time>
<s>你去看我原本可以做的更好对</s>
<time>223_00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,542</time>
<s>而且我都觉得我并不是希望</s>
<time>224_00:07:24,583 --> 00:07:27,083</time>
<s>再进入到这段关系让他觉得我有多好</s>
<time>225_00:07:27,292 --> 00:07:28,958</time>
<s>而是我对我自己有一个交代对</s>
<time>226_00:07:29,375 --> 00:07:30,625</time>
<s>很多时候我自己</s>
<time>227_00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:32,500</time>
<s>做的很多事情做的并不够好</s>
<time>228_00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:34,583</time>
<s>如果可以重来的话我可以做的更好</s>
<time>229_00:07:34,792 --> 00:07:37,500</time>
<s>就每一个人他当然有不一样给你带来的新鲜感</s>
<time>230_00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:38,958</time>
<s>但最重要的是你自己</s>
<time>231_00:07:39,583 --> 00:07:40,417</time>
<s>成长了多少</s>
<time>232_00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:42,083</time>
<s>所以要多谈在爱对</s>
<time>233_00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:44,167</time>
<s>哈哈哈你要说爱情是一个</s>
<time>234_00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:46,667</time>
<s>那么就是跟外界相关的事情</s>
<time>235_00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,750</time>
<s>我觉得说回来他是跟自己相关</s>
<time>236_00:07:48,958 --> 00:07:50,417</time>
<s>对是的是一种修行</s>
<time>237_00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:53,333</time>
<s>你要反复的在这个过程中建构自己</s>
<time>238_00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:55,208</time>
<s>对所以你后面</s>
<time>239_00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:03,333</time>
<s>在我们分开之后的一个假期我们再偶遇了</s>
<time>240_00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:07,708</time>
<s>某一天的一个早上我去旅行在他的校园里面</s>
<time>241_00:08:07,708 --> 00:08:11,667</time>
<s>我就是看着这个人他从长廊那边逆光走来</s>
<time>242_00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:13,125</time>
<s>后面都是那个晨光</s>
<time>243_00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:14,375</time>
<s>我当时得非常神奇</s>
<time>244_00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:17,917</time>
<s>似平是一种被命运的chosen的戏剧性的瞬间</s>
<time>245_00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:19,167</time>
<s>就说了几句话</s>
<time>246_00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:22,083</time>
<s>很惊讶因为沒有沒有想到会相遇</s>
<time>247_00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:25,000</time>
<s>对对那么大的学校又是另外一个城市</s>
<time>248_00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,917</time>
<s>当时我觉得嗯有种命中注定的缘分</s>
<time>249_00:08:28,125 --> 00:08:31,042</time>
<s>我始终觉得我们还会再联络对很美好</s>
<time>250_00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:33,125</time>
<s>对大概十几年之后我们又联络上了</s>
<time>251_00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:34,792</time>
<s>聊起来的时候依然非常轻松</s>
<time>252_00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:36,042</time>
<s>然后非常的自在</s>
<time>253_00:08:36,042 --> 00:08:38,333</time>
<s>就像当时的那个早上的那个遇见一样</s>
<time>254_00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:39,583</time>
<s>你昨天说你大学的时候</s>
<time>255_00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:40,833</time>
<s>希望自己在爱情上更勇敢</s>
<time>256_00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:41,667</time>
<s>具体是什么</s>
<time>257_00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:42,917</time>
<s>不光是在大学的时候</s>
<time>258_00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:45,833</time>
<s>我始终在爱情中是比较被比较被动的</s>
<time>259_00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:47,292</time>
<s>我的表达也特別少</s>
<time>260_00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:48,750</time>
<s>对我很少这样说</s>
<time>261_00:08:48,958 --> 00:08:50,000</time>
<s>我喜欢你啊</s>
<time>262_00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,292</time>
<s>然后就是比如说我觉得很帅的这个点</s>
<time>263_00:08:52,292 --> 00:08:53,750</time>
<s>其实我可能都沒有说过</s>
<time>264_00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,667</time>
<s>包括在这样的一个相遇的一个节点上</s>
<time>265_00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:59,583</time>
<s>我也沒有说什么我就说啊你来啦早啊</s>
<time>266_00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:00,625</time>
<s>吃了吗哈哈哈哈</s>
<time>267_00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,583</time>
<s>然日他非常惊环 说你怎么来啦</s>
<time>268_00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:07,083</time>
<s>我说啊我来旅行就来玩ID</s>
<time>269_00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:08,125</time>
<s>然后就拜拜了</s>
<time>270_00:09:08,125 --> 00:09:09,375</time>
<s>哈哈哈他股有什么（表达）</s>
<time>271_00:09:09,375 --> 00:09:10,625</time>
<s>当时我非常激动</s>
<time>272_00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:12,500</time>
<s>在我的内心已经倾盆大雨</s>
<time>273_00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:15,625</time>
<s>但我的表面就是艳阳高照云淡风轻</s>
<time>274_00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:16,875</time>
<s>我有很多的枷锁</s>
<time>275_00:09:16,875 --> 00:09:19,167</time>
<s>比如说女孩就应该治持啊</s>
<time>276_00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:21,250</time>
<s>如果你把你的爱交出去的话</s>
<time>277_00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:24,583</time>
<s>別人就会践踏对就会就轻视它呀</s>
<time>278_00:09:24,583 --> 00:09:26,667</time>
<s>包括你不发生婚前性行为也是这个原因吗</s>
<time>279_00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:28,542</time>
<s>嗯有有这个有这个因素的</s>
<time>280_00:09:28,542 --> 00:09:30,000</time>
<s>你把你的爱交给別人</s>
<time>281_00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,083</time>
<s>別人把它兰拿在手里的鞭子</s>
<time>282_00:09:32,083 --> 00:09:35,000</time>
<s>长久以来一种变相地表小脚</s>
<time>283_00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,667</time>
<s>（我们）从小到大接受的教育确实是</s>
<time>284_00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:38,542</time>
<s>女孩子要矜持要斯文啊</s>
<time>285_00:09:38,542 --> 00:09:41,458</time>
<s>然后慢慢的就参透到了我们的爱情观里面</s>
<time>286_00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:43,750</time>
<s>甚至都不需要明言警告你</s>
<time>287_00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,042</time>
<s>我们自己就觉得这个不合适</s>
<time>288_00:09:46,042 --> 00:09:47,708</time>
<s>我们就不应该对对对</s>
<time>289_00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:50,208</time>
<s>我对这件事情最大的反思是来自干初中</s>
<time>290_00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:51,667</time>
<s>高中的几个女同学</s>
<time>291_00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:53,958</time>
<s>其实都是非常好的女同学</s>
<time>292_00:09:53,958 --> 00:09:55,208</time>
<s>非常聪明的女同学</s>
<time>293_00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:58,542</time>
<s>却因为i瑤言 就她跟多个男性怎么样</s>
<time>294_00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:00,208</time>
<s>先不说这个事实是不是真的</s>
<time>295_00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,875</time>
<s>这些女孩因为这种有瑤言</s>
<time>296_00:10:01,875 --> 00:10:03,750</time>
<s>比如说“公交车”啊</s>
<time>297_00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:05,000</time>
<s>受到了非常大的伤害</s>
<time>298_00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,708</time>
<s>就所有人就有权利往你头上吐口水</s>
<time>299_00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,417</time>
<s>这几个女孩儿后面就基本上都要不然退学了</s>
<time>300_00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:13,542</time>
<s>要不然就是股有再好好学或者说</s>
<time>301_00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:15,417</time>
<s>放弃了一些人生的出口</s>
<time>302_00:10:15,417 --> 00:10:17,292</time>
<s>因为压太大了</s>
<time>303_00:10:17,292 --> 00:10:20,000</time>
<s>就你每天都在遭受莫须有的邊骂嘲笑</s>
<time>304_00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,458</time>
<s>对窃窃私语的时候</s>
<time>305_00:10:21,458 --> 00:10:22,708</time>
<s>你怎么承受的了</s>
<time>306_00:10:23,125 --> 00:10:26,042</time>
<s>但青春期的孩子就是很残忍很残酷的</s>
<time>307_00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,708</time>
<s>因为大家还没有道德观</s>
<time>308_00:10:27,708 --> 00:10:30,208</time>
<s>嗯嗯就是因为有这样子的一些</s>
<time>309_00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:32,708</time>
<s>现存的以及可能的这种危险</s>
<time>310_00:10:32,708 --> 00:10:34,375</time>
<s>所以说其他的女孩</s>
<time>311_00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:37,500</time>
<s>大多数会选择一个相对保守的策略</s>
<time>312_00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:40,000</time>
<s>这种谨慎可能就带来了一些错过啊</s>
<time>313_00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,250</time>
<s>和不必要的心理负担</s>
<time>314_00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:43,125</time>
<s>然后让这个本来青春的</s>
<time>315_00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:44,375</time>
<s>应该无忧无虑的爱情</s>
<time>316_00:10:44,375 --> 00:10:46,042</time>
<s>加上了很多的这种负累</s>
<time>317_00:10:46,042 --> 00:10:47,292</time>
<s>嗯就变得比较沉重</s>
<time>318_00:10:47,292 --> 00:10:49,583</time>
<s>这是你回忆起来的非常遗憾的地方</s>
<time>319_00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:55,208</time>
<s>嗯所以你后面为什么觉得可以走入这段婚姻</s>
<time>320_00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:58,750</time>
<s>你毕竞前面经历还其实比较有限嘛在爱情上</s>
<time>321_00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,208</time>
<s>但你突然之间要进入婚姻的时候</s>
<time>322_00:11:00,208 --> 00:11:01,875</time>
<s>其实这个选择是非常的重大</s>
<time>323_00:11:01,875 --> 00:11:03,125</time>
<s>我说我跟他谈恋爱</s>
<time>324_00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,792</time>
<s>然后我爸问了我唯一的问题就说</s>
<time>325_00:11:04,792 --> 00:11:06,250</time>
<s>你们俩聊不聊得来啊</s>
<time>326_00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,750</time>
<s>我觉得这个问题是个非常高级有水平的问题</s>
<time>327_00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:11,042</time>
<s>除此以外呢你得跟这个人在一起的时候</s>
<time>328_00:11:11,042 --> 00:11:14,167</time>
<s>你能够体会到爱情的大概这样子吧</s>
<time>329_00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:15,625</time>
<s>可能这就是爱情</s>
<time>330_00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:16,667</time>
<s>哈哈哈是这样子</s>
<time>331_00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:17,917</time>
<s>有哪些地方会让你觉得</s>
<time>332_00:11:17,917 --> 00:11:18,958</time>
<s>可能这就是爱情吧</s>
<time>333_00:11:18,958 --> 00:11:20,833</time>
<s>就是当你和这个人在一起的时候</s>
<time>334_00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:22,500</time>
<s>你的感觉是特別自在的</s>
<time>335_00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,375</time>
<s>我觉得非常安全能够做我自己</s>
<time>336_00:11:24,375 --> 00:11:25,208</time>
<s>他也是这样</s>
<time>337_00:11:25,208 --> 00:11:27,917</time>
<s>长久以来我觉得我对干要优秀</s>
<time>338_00:11:27,917 --> 00:11:29,375</time>
<s>要在別人眼中很棒（有要求）</s>
<time>339_00:11:29,583 --> 00:11:31,250</time>
<s>然后特別在意別人的看法</s>
<time>340_00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:32,083</time>
<s>我是这样子的人</s>
<time>341_00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:34,792</time>
<s>对所以稅嗯我需要 总有一个安顿</s>
<time>342_00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:36,875</time>
<s>当遇到这样的一个人他会让你觉得</s>
<time>343_00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:38,958</time>
<s>我不是觉得你你特別好</s>
<time>344_00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:41,667</time>
<s>就是特別周全特別棒然后我才爱你</s>
<time>345_00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:43,125</time>
<s>就是我就是爱你这个人</s>
<time>346_00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:44,792</time>
<s>我觉得每个人就是希望</s>
<time>347_00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:47,083</time>
<s>被爱的点和被爱的方式也是不一样的</s>
<time>348_00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,583</time>
<s>我特別赞日就是有些人可能看到你</s>
<time>349_00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,458</time>
<s>他会觉得因为你学历高而爱你</s>
<time>350_00:11:51,458 --> 00:11:52,917</time>
<s>因为你长得好看而爱你</s>
<time>351_00:11:52,917 --> 00:11:54,792</time>
<s>而实际上我们希望对方爱的</s>
<time>352_00:11:54,792 --> 00:11:55,833</time>
<s>并不是这些点吧</s>
<time>353_00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:58,125</time>
<s>比如说我当时是因为我的独立和勇敢</s>
<time>354_00:11:58,125 --> 00:12:00,625</time>
<s>比如说一个人漂洋过海的去海外留学</s>
<time>355_00:12:00,625 --> 00:12:02,083</time>
<s>因为这一点而感受到了爱</s>
<time>356_00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:05,833</time>
<s>或者是因为我对量子力学的兴趣而感受到了爱</s>
<time>357_00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:08,542</time>
<s>这些爱和別人爱我长得好看也好</s>
<time>358_00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:11,250</time>
<s>学历好或者家境这些是完全不一样的</s>
<time>359_00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:13,125</time>
<s>你希望被看到的地方</s>
<time>360_00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:15,208</time>
<s>和对方看到你的地方如果有契合的话</s>
<time>361_00:12:15,208 --> 00:12:17,083</time>
<s>这是一件蛮美好的事情</s>
<time>362_00:12:17,292 --> 00:12:18,125</time>
<s>你呢</s>
<time>363_00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:21,250</time>
<s>你说我对爱情的标准就是你</s>
<time>364_00:12:21,458 --> 00:12:23,125</time>
<s>希望別人爱你的什么？</s>
<time>365_00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,500</time>
<s>我我我敗想过这个问题我说不上来</s>
<time>366_00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,000</time>
<s>但是上上如说我跟eric的很多的通</s>
<time>367_00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,667</time>
<s>其实都会受到很多质疑</s>
<time>368_00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:34,375</time>
<s>但是这些质疑对我们不造成任何影响</s>
<time>369_00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:36,458</time>
<s>我们两个人知道我们两个人在说什么</s>
<time>370_00:12:37,292 --> 00:12:38,750</time>
<s>你们有一个自己的语境对</s>
<time>371_00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,208</time>
<s>用自己的典故然后对</s>
<time>372_00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,917</time>
<s>评论里面很多都会说你们俩一定会离婚</s>
<time>373_00:12:42,917 --> 00:12:44,375</time>
<s>或者什么的哈哈哈</s>
<time>374_00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:46,250</time>
<s>因为我也能理解这些评论</s>
<time>375_00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:47,500</time>
<s>因为我有一个话出去了</s>
<time>376_00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,583</time>
<s>在別人看来是特別伤害的话</s>
<time>377_00:12:49,583 --> 00:12:51,667</time>
<s>我举个例子上改我们关加了一个采访</s>
<time>378_00:12:51,667 --> 00:12:52,708</time>
<s>采访人就问说</s>
<time>379_00:12:52,917 --> 00:12:55,208</time>
<s>如果你们两个有一个人要先S你希望是谁</s>
<time>380_00:12:55,625 --> 00:12:57,500</time>
<s>然后eric就会说他希望是我</s>
<time>381_00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,583</time>
<s>吧我特別知道他为什么讲这句话</s>
<time>382_00:12:59,583 --> 00:13:02,083</time>
<s>因为我知道他知道我的生活能力很差</s>
<time>383_00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:03,542</time>
<s>如果他走而我沒走</s>
<time>384_00:13:03,542 --> 00:13:05,000</time>
<s>我一个人在这个世界上不放心你一个人</s>
<time>385_00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:07,083</time>
<s>他会觉得 哎呀我要哭了</s>
<time>386_00:13:07,083 --> 00:13:08,750</time>
<s>他觉得我的生活会过不好</s>
<time>387_00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:11,042</time>
<s>所以他的意思就是他希望我先走</s>
<time>388_00:13:11,042 --> 00:13:13,125</time>
<s>他要做那个留在最后的人</s>
<time>389_00:13:14,792 --> 00:13:16,875</time>
<s>因为一问就是你们希望谁先S</s>
<time>390_00:13:16,875 --> 00:13:18,542</time>
<s>eri i说她先5哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈</s>
<time>391_00:13:18,542 --> 00:13:19,792</time>
<s>斩钉截铁不假思索</s>
<time>392_00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:22,083</time>
<s>但我特別知道他为什么要说这句话</s>
<time>393_00:13:22,083 --> 00:13:24,167</time>
<s>我就get到了我觉得这是爱</s>
<time>394_00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:25,208</time>
<s>我觉得慢慢的</s>
<time>395_00:13:25,208 --> 00:13:26,667</time>
<s>我们俩建立了很多这种东西</s>
<time>396_00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:28,333</time>
<s>对是哈哈哈</s>
<time>397_00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,458</time>
<s>不行了我需要纸巾此此时此刻在那里</s>
<time>398_00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:33,542</time>
<s>为什么你们会因为这个地方特別</s>
<time>399_00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:35,000</time>
<s>因为我特別能懂</s>
<time>400_00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,667</time>
<s>因为我们也计论过这个话题</s>
<time>401_00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:38,125</time>
<s>所以你们计论的结论是？</s>
<time>402_00:13:38,542 --> 00:13:40,417</time>
<s>我我当时就说就说</s>
<time>403_00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:42,083</time>
<s>我的说法是我说</s>
<time>404_00:13:42,292 --> 00:13:44,167</time>
<s>你一定要去好好照顾自己</s>
<time>405_00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:45,625</time>
<s>不要留我一个人在世上</s>
<time>406_00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,083</time>
<s>虽然我的生活能力很好</s>
<time>407_00:13:47,083 --> 00:13:49,375</time>
<s>但是股有了你 我的生活就会变得很孤独</s>
<time>408_00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:51,875</time>
<s>哦哦就是另外一种明白对</s>
<time>409_00:13:51,875 --> 00:13:54,583</time>
<s>哈哈录制被泪水打断哈哈哈</s>
<time>410_00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,500</time>
<s>我也很认真的跟eric讲那你要好好健身</s>
<time>411_00:13:57,708 --> 00:13:59,375</time>
<s>因为我一定会活的很长</s>
<time>412_00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:01,458</time>
<s>哈哈哈因为我很健康</s>
<time>413_00:14:01,458 --> 00:14:04,583</time>
<s>而且大数据显示女性的寿命就是比男性长</s>
<time>414_00:14:04,583 --> 00:14:06,250</time>
<s>但我觉得外人听到我们这样的对话</s>
<time>415_00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:07,708</time>
<s>其实会觉得我们很冷漠</s>
