<time>416_00:14:07,708 --> 00:14:09,375</time>
<s>但我们知道背后在说什么</s>
<time>417_00:14:09,792 --> 00:14:11,250</time>
<s>我说不上来这是什么标准</s>
<time>418_00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:14,375</time>
<s>因为我觉得用三观合什么的都太抽象了</s>
<time>419_00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,458</time>
<s>我也觉得而且我跟很多人三观都合</s>
<time>420_00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:17,500</time>
<s>哈哈哈对</s>
<time>421_00:14:17,917 --> 00:14:19,375</time>
<s>我们探计过一个问题就是</s>
<time>422_00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:22,500</time>
<s>我要在对方和孩子之间二选一</s>
<time>423_00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,167</time>
<s>就是不是那种保大还是保小</s>
<time>424_00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,208</time>
<s>而是已经生出来了</s>
<time>425_00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:28,125</time>
<s>某个生死攸关的场景下那是保谁</s>
<time>426_00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:30,417</time>
<s>我们两个非常一致的就是保孩子</s>
<time>427_00:14:30,417 --> 00:14:31,667</time>
<s>就是刚才你说那个点的时候</s>
<time>428_00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:33,750</time>
<s>我就又想到了这个哈哈哈</s>
<time>429_00:14:33,958 --> 00:14:36,667</time>
<s>因为我觉得最大的责任其实是</s>
<time>430_00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,708</time>
<s>符合你的區望</s>
<time>431_00:14:38,125 --> 00:14:40,833</time>
<s>在他眼里他知道你一定会想保小</s>
<time>432_00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:43,125</time>
<s>哈哈哈哦所以他就保小</s>
<time>433_00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:44,583</time>
<s>他懂懂懂</s>
<time>434_00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:46,875</time>
<s>因为正常看上去说他保小是很生气的</s>
<time>435_00:14:47,083 --> 00:14:49,583</time>
<s>啊对如果保另一半是很自私的</s>
<time>436_00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,500</time>
<s>因为这对另外一半来说就很残忍</s>
<time>437_00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,583</time>
<s>那你作为那个活下来的人</s>
<time>438_00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:56,250</time>
<s>你肯定就无比难受</s>
<time>439_00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:58,333</time>
<s>你觉得凭什么是我活着</s>
<time>440_00:14:58,333 --> 00:14:59,792</time>
<s>就《赵氏孤儿》里面有一句话</s>
<time>441_00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,250</time>
<s>死易抚孤难</s>
<time>442_00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,542</time>
<s>S其实在很多场景里他是容易的</s>
<time>443_00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:06,250</time>
<s>但是要把一个孩子拉扯大其实是是不容易的</s>
<time>444_00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:08,958</time>
<s>说句不好听的 S其实是座容易的</s>
<time>445_00:15:08,958 --> 00:15:10,417</time>
<s>就是如果眞的有这样一个命题的话</s>
<time>446_00:15:10,417 --> 00:15:13,125</time>
<s>两眼一弔我们就拝拜了</s>
<time>447_00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:16,667</time>
<s>但是活下来的那一个人会就会承受很多</s>
<time>448_00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,542</time>
<s>对对他会承受这个选择</s>
<time>449_00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,833</time>
<s>不断的去回顾这个选择</s>
<time>450_00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:24,167</time>
<s>然后不断的去对那天我在跟eric聊天嘛</s>
<time>451_00:15:24,375 --> 00:15:26,250</time>
<s>就身边有死亡发生嘛</s>
<time>452_00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:29,167</time>
<s>所以我就聊到说 我希望你一定不是以这样的方式</s>
<time>453_00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:30,208</time>
<s>突然离开我的</s>
<time>454_00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:32,292</time>
<s>我说我可以接受离婚但我希望你活着</s>
<time>455_00:15:32,292 --> 00:15:36,042</time>
<s>因为我无法承受背后的遗憾对是</s>
<time>456_00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:37,708</time>
<s>如果我知道你是这样想的话</s>
<time>457_00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:40,208</time>
<s>我就不会让自己突然没了</s>
<time>458_00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,250</time>
<s>他不仅仅是他</s>
<time>459_00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:43,542</time>
<s>我们两个人是共同带着对方的印记</s>
<time>460_00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:46,667</time>
<s>和共同的只有我们两个人知道的回忆活着的啊</s>
<time>461_00:15:46,875 --> 00:15:47,917</time>
<s>我觉得这是爱的原因</s>
<time>462_00:15:48,125 --> 00:15:49,167</time>
<s>人生太短暂了</s>
<time>463_00:15:49,167 --> 00:15:50,833</time>
<s>所以人生的容量也很有限</s>
<time>464_00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:52,083</time>
<s>你要这样去准确的</s>
<time>465_00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:53,542</time>
<s>理解另外一个人在说什么</s>
<time>466_00:15:53,542 --> 00:15:54,583</time>
<s>是非常累的</s>
<time>467_00:15:54,792 --> 00:15:56,875</time>
<s>我们能理解一个人就很了不起对</s>
<time>468_00:15:57,083 --> 00:15:58,750</time>
<s>甚至我觉得这个世界上很多人</s>
<time>469_00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,625</time>
<s>对自己都沒有做到如此</s>
<time>470_00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,917</time>
<s>他都不知道自己在说什么是的</s>
<time>471_00:16:02,917 --> 00:16:07,083</time>
<s>所以我觉得这才是眞正意义上的情商敎育</s>
<time>472_00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:10,000</time>
<s>是你有情绪你用合适的语言表达出来</s>
<time>473_00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,500</time>
<s>对有情感 你吸收并消化</s>
<time>474_00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:16,042</time>
<s>但很多人很可能并股有在锻炼自己的这个技能对</s>
<time>475_00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:17,292</time>
<s>比如说我们父母辈</s>
<time>476_00:16:17,292 --> 00:16:19,583</time>
<s>可能生气时候就会指着配偶的鼻子骂</s>
<time>477_00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:20,833</time>
<s>你怎么不去S啊</s>
<time>478_00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:22,708</time>
<s>其实他内心是有一个诉求的</s>
<time>479_00:16:22,708 --> 00:16:23,750</time>
<s>他可能会觉得</s>
<time>480_00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,208</time>
<s>你今天为什么没有来做饭</s>
<time>481_00:16:25,208 --> 00:16:26,667</time>
<s>是因为你山里面并股有爱我</s>
<time>482_00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:27,917</time>
<s>我需要爱和照顾</s>
<time>483_00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:30,625</time>
<s>但他表达出来是你怎么不去S啊</s>
<time>484_00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:33,542</time>
<s>就我经常会反思父母辈的交流</s>
<time>485_00:16:33,542 --> 00:16:34,792</time>
<s>为什么会存在这样的问题</s>
<time>486_00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:36,250</time>
<s>是因为沒有意识到</s>
<time>487_00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:40,208</time>
<s>自己如何用语言来表达自己的对情感的诉求</s>
<time>488_00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,042</time>
<s>因为每个人都有</s>
<time>489_00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,958</time>
<s>渴望被爱被认可被照顾的这些需求</s>
<time>490_00:16:43,958 --> 00:16:46,250</time>
<s>但由干自尊骄傲或者是</s>
<time>491_00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,542</time>
<s>这里面最重要的其实是坦诚</s>
<time>492_00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:49,792</time>
<s>好的关系就是</s>
<time>493_00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:51,875</time>
<s>我们彼此接暖的是眞实的那个人对</s>
<time>494_00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:53,750</time>
<s>所以你们会变得越来越坦诚</s>
<time>495_00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:56,250</time>
<s>这也是很奢侈的事情是的非常奢侈</s>
<time>496_00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:58,125</time>
<s>这样一个安全感也让我们</s>
<time>497_00:16:58,333 --> 00:17:00,625</time>
<s>更加增进了这种扪心自问的勇气</s>
<time>498_00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:02,500</time>
<s>你会去反观自己的内心</s>
<time>499_00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:06,042</time>
<s>那些特別齷起的想法就是特別计较的自私的</s>
<time>500_00:17:06,042 --> 00:17:08,958</time>
<s>你都会去想我是不是这样的这样好或者不好</s>
<time>501_00:17:08,958 --> 00:17:10,208</time>
<s>然后你甚至可以讲出来</s>
<time>502_00:17:10,208 --> 00:17:11,458</time>
<s>和对方来探计一下</s>
<time>503_00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,292</time>
<s>对是这样的</s>
<time>504_00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:13,750</time>
<s>但是遇到一个陌生人</s>
<time>505_00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:16,042</time>
<s>我们一定会就是按世俗的标准</s>
<time>506_00:17:16,042 --> 00:17:17,708</time>
<s>做那个最有礼貌的自己</s>
<time>507_00:17:18,125 --> 00:17:21,042</time>
<s>这种（坦诚）就是很耗损能量</s>
<time>508_00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:25,000</time>
<s>因为那个时候你跟</s>
<time>509_00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,458</time>
<s>大学男朋友在一起的时候</s>
<time>510_00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:28,333</time>
<s>我觉得你怎么可以找到这么好的男朋友</s>
<time>511_00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:29,583</time>
<s>因为从世俗意义上来说</s>
<time>512_00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:31,042</time>
<s>他太优秀了哈哈哈</s>
<time>513_00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:34,167</time>
<s>又很高又很油又很有线</s>
<time>514_00:17:34,583 --> 00:17:36,667</time>
<s>然后又很会玩各种乐器</s>
<time>515_00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:39,583</time>
<s>就是好好哦这个人好迷人啊嗯</s>
<time>516_00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:43,333</time>
<s>可是我想象其实跟这样的一个当时我们在20岁</s>
<time>517_00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:45,833</time>
<s>看上去如此迷人的男人在一起了之后</s>
<time>518_00:17:46,042 --> 00:17:48,333</time>
<s>就每次去他家洗碗</s>
<time>519_00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:48,958</time>
<s>跟他的聊天</s>
<time>520_00:17:48,958 --> 00:17:51,250</time>
<s>其实我不知道该该怎么去发生</s>
<time>521_00:17:52,917 --> 00:17:55,833</time>
<s>其实很困难就是看上去很美好的东西</s>
<time>522_00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:58,333</time>
<s>他进入到生活里面其实都很困难</s>
<time>523_00:17:58,333 --> 00:18:00,208</time>
<s>嗯就对就像你前面说的</s>
<time>524_00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:03,542</time>
<s>我们对干浪漫爱的定义包括 高富帅啊什么</s>
<time>525_00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:05,417</time>
<s>我首先我承认一定会有一些</s>
<time>526_00:18:05,625 --> 00:18:08,750</time>
<s>颜值啊家境的一些底线吧但越过了这一些</s>
<time>527_00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,042</time>
<s>还是要问自己我到底在意什么</s>
<time>528_00:18:11,042 --> 00:18:14,375</time>
<s>如果我们在意的是做自己可以坦诚的交流的话</s>
<time>529_00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:15,833</time>
<s>就是这还是一个排序题</s>
<time>530_00:18:16,042 --> 00:18:17,917</time>
<s>就可能颜值可以往后排一排</s>
<time>531_00:18:17,917 --> 00:18:19,375</time>
<s>财富可以往后排一排</s>
<time>532_00:18:19,375 --> 00:18:21,458</time>
<s>因为说实在的从我们三个人出发</s>
<time>533_00:18:21,458 --> 00:18:23,125</time>
<s>都是有能力养活自己的</s>
<time>534_00:18:23,125 --> 00:18:25,625</time>
<s>就是在20岁的时候我们对于很多仪式</s>
<time>535_00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:27,917</time>
<s>很多看上去很好的东西是有向往的</s>
<time>536_00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:30,000</time>
<s>因为我们这两天住在一个酒店嘛</s>
<time>537_00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,958</time>
<s>昨天经过一对结婚的（新人）在拍婚纱照的时候</s>
<time>538_00:18:33,958 --> 00:18:36,250</time>
<s>他们反反复复在楼梯上走来走去</s>
<time>539_00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:37,708</time>
<s>为了抓拍到一个瞬间</s>
<time>540_00:18:38,125 --> 00:18:39,792</time>
<s>我们三个人就是相视一笑</s>
<time>541_00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:41,250</time>
<s>其实我们都知道我们在笑什么</s>
<time>542_00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,583</time>
<s>我们是在笑就是好累哦对</s>
<time>543_00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:47,083</time>
<s>为了抓拍到那一个看上去很好的瞬间</s>
<time>544_00:18:47,083 --> 00:18:48,958</time>
<s>可是真实的每一个瞬间</s>
<time>545_00:18:48,958 --> 00:18:50,208</time>
<s>其实都是非常珍贵的</s>
<time>546_00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:51,042</time>
<s>对是的</s>
<time>547_00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:53,750</time>
<s>但就是我们人其实花了很多时间在</s>
<time>548_00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:55,833</time>
<s>就踩踏着眞实的每一个瞬间</s>
<time>549_00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:57,917</time>
<s>构建出一个看上去很好</s>
<time>550_00:18:57,917 --> 00:19:00,208</time>
<s>其实也沒有人会记得的东西是</s>
<time>551_00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:01,250</time>
<s>我我实在是不理解</s>
<time>552_00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,708</time>
<s>上比如说娛乐圈有时候</s>
<time>553_00:19:02,917 --> 00:19:05,417</time>
<s>一对情侣就是一个相视而笑的表情</s>
<time>554_00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:07,083</time>
<s>大家就觉得他们好恩爱哦</s>
<time>555_00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:10,625</time>
<s>但是我们对恩爱的定义难道就如此的狭窄吗</s>
<time>556_00:19:10,625 --> 00:19:13,958</time>
<s>我们难道没有去想每个夫妻关上门来</s>
<time>557_00:19:13,958 --> 00:19:16,042</time>
<s>一些宝贵的事情</s>
<time>558_00:19:16,042 --> 00:19:18,125</time>
<s>哎这样讲像开车哈哈哈</s>
<time>559_00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:22,708</time>
<s>我们在20多岁的时候</s>
<time>560_00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:24,375</time>
<s>其实我们手里拿着两张表</s>
<time>561_00:19:24,583 --> 00:19:27,708</time>
<s>一张表呢就是你说的这个浪漫爱的一些关键词</s>
<time>562_00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,042</time>
<s>比如说蜡烛送花对然后乐器高富帅</s>
<time>563_00:19:31,042 --> 00:19:33,125</time>
<s>我们把这个表全部勾选我们就觉得得足够了</s>
<time>564_00:19:33,125 --> 00:19:34,792</time>
<s>这就是一张模板我们就套上去</s>
<time>565_00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,042</time>
<s>这就是我们想要的爱情</s>
<time>566_00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:37,917</time>
<s>父母以及世俗会有另外一个表</s>
<time>567_00:19:37,917 --> 00:19:40,208</time>
<s>比方说经济条件学历这些</s>
<time>568_00:19:40,208 --> 00:19:43,750</time>
<s>就好像相亲的那个表对有房有车</s>
<time>569_00:19:43,958 --> 00:19:48,125</time>
<s>冲突是发生在浪漫爱跟经济适用这两个之间对</s>
<time>570_00:19:48,125 --> 00:19:49,375</time>
<s>20岁的时候的小女生觉得</s>
<time>571_00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:52,083</time>
<s>说我要的是这个父母不懂我他们要这个</s>
<time>572_00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:53,750</time>
<s>实际上这两张表都不对</s>
<time>573_00:19:53,958 --> 00:19:54,792</time>
<s>对呀</s>
<time>574_00:19:55,208 --> 00:19:57,500</time>
<s>这两张表其实都有他的问题和局限性</s>
<time>575_00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,958</time>
<s>就可能这都不重要</s>
<time>576_00:19:58,958 --> 00:20:01,875</time>
<s>我觉得我们过往的教育和大家对爱情的探计</s>
<time>577_00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:04,167</time>
<s>就是过干限制在这两个框架之内了</s>
<time>578_00:20:04,375 --> 00:20:06,042</time>
<s>因为你要说一个人懂我</s>
<time>579_00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:08,958</time>
<s>天呐这是多么高的要求对</s>
<time>580_00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,625</time>
<s>但是那两张表的东西很容易对</s>
<time>581_00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,708</time>
<s>但是人生重要的东西从来不是容易的</s>
<time>582_00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:13,750</time>
<s>所以延伸你说的</s>
<time>583_00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:16,250</time>
<s>其实我们是在创建自己的那个表单</s>
<time>584_00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:19,375</time>
<s>你会发现即使把父母的和浪漫爱的那两张表</s>
<time>585_00:20:19,375 --> 00:20:21,875</time>
<s>融合了 在一起 也不是我们想要的</s>
<time>586_00:20:21,875 --> 00:20:25,417</time>
<s>结果我们发现眞的是想要懂我的人聊得来的人</s>
<time>587_00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:28,333</time>
<s>就要建立在我们对自己的了解的基础上</s>
<time>588_00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:29,375</time>
<s>对对方的了解</s>
<time>589_00:20:29,375 --> 00:20:32,500</time>
<s>和花很多精力去打磨自己沟通的技能</s>
<time>590_00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:34,583</time>
<s>比如说你非常在意两个人的X生活</s>
<time>591_00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:36,250</time>
<s>那这个就会排在很前面</s>
<time>592_00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:39,167</time>
<s>你不要去管人家觉得哎呀你怎么这么肤浅</s>
<time>593_00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:42,292</time>
<s>这么俗可是你就觉得这个对我来说</s>
<time>594_00:20:42,292 --> 00:20:45,208</time>
<s>嗯就是很重要那你就去把它排到前面</s>
<time>595_00:20:45,208 --> 00:20:47,500</time>
<s>当你自己真正认识到自己的时候</s>
<time>596_00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:48,750</time>
<s>就你才能知道什么很重要</s>
<time>597_00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,417</time>
<s>也许你认识了一大圈</s>
<time>598_00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,708</time>
<s>你发现点蜡烛这件事情眞的非常重要</s>
<time>599_00:20:52,708 --> 00:20:55,208</time>
<s>哈哈哈我必须要在睡前点蜡烛</s>
<time>600_00:20:55,208 --> 00:20:56,458</time>
<s>对那你就把它排在前面</s>
<time>601_00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:58,333</time>
<s>不能点蜡烛你怎么都不行</s>
<time>602_00:20:58,333 --> 00:20:59,167</time>
<s>对我觉得可以</s>
<time>603_00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:01,875</time>
<s>但是这不应该是说偶像剧要点蜡烛</s>
<time>604_00:21:01,875 --> 00:21:03,958</time>
<s>然后隔壁宿舍表白点蜡烛</s>
<time>605_00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:04,792</time>
<s>所以我要这个</s>
<time>606_00:21:04,792 --> 00:21:07,083</time>
<s>我就是我自己内心就是很需要这个</s>
<time>607_00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:08,333</time>
<s>我们可以坦诚的来讲</s>
<time>608_00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,417</time>
<s>我就是个变态我哈哈哈哈哈哈</s>
<time>609_00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:12,292</time>
<s>要点蜡烛才能睡着</s>
<time>610_00:21:12,917 --> 00:21:14,583</time>
<s>股点蜡烛吃不饭</s>
<time>611_00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,875</time>
<s>因为我上次跟eric还聊过一期</s>
<time>612_00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:17,708</time>
<s>X生活的（睡前聊天）嘛</s>
<time>613_00:21:17,708 --> 00:21:19,792</time>
<s>因为我们在X生活上分歧很大的</s>
<time>614_00:21:19,792 --> 00:21:20,625</time>
<s>聊完那一期</s>
<time>615_00:21:20,625 --> 00:21:22,708</time>
<s>我们在X生活士就做过很多探索</s>
<time>616_00:21:22,708 --> 00:21:23,333</time>
<s>哈哈哈</s>
<time>617_00:21:23,333 --> 00:21:24,792</time>
<s>就是都不是那种偶像就会播的</s>
<time>618_00:21:24,792 --> 00:21:27,292</time>
<s>我们两个人一直一起在为这件事情找解决办法</s>
<time>619_00:21:27,292 --> 00:21:29,375</time>
<s>就这个过程本身非常可爱</s>
<time>620_00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:29,792</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>621_00:21:29,792 --> 00:21:32,500</time>
<s>影视剧他就构建了一个模式</s>
<time>622_00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,750</time>
<s>就是你一定要先这样</s>
<time>623_00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:34,167</time>
<s>再这样然后是这样的X生活是好的</s>
<time>624_00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:36,250</time>
<s>就是大家还是要多做探索哈哈哈</s>
<time>625_00:21:37,083 --> 00:21:37,917</time>
<s>要了解自己</s>
<time>626_00:21:38,125 --> 00:21:40,000</time>
<s>包括了 解自己的山理上的癖好</s>
<time>627_00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,458</time>
<s>甚至是生理上的癖好</s>
<time>628_00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:44,375</time>
<s>所以找到一个可以坦诚的人是多么的重要</s>
