<time>2141_00:58:47,900 --> 00:58:50,060</time>
<s>然后母亲总是以一种</s>
<time>2142_00:58:50,420 --> 00:58:51,500</time>
<s>孩子永远对她</s>
<time>2143_00:58:51,860 --> 00:58:53,300</time>
<s>负债累累的形象出现</s>
<time>2144_00:58:53,660 --> 00:58:54,371</time>
<s>要报答母爱</s>
<time>2145_00:58:54,731 --> 00:58:55,451</time>
<s>对所以我们讲到苦情</s>
<time>2146_00:58:55,811 --> 00:58:57,251</time>
<s>我会说把这个称为苦情文化</s>
<time>2147_00:58:57,971 --> 00:59:00,851</time>
<s>是吧就是就这会引出很多东西</s>
<time>2148_00:59:01,211 --> 00:59:03,011</time>
<s>弱者有理谁弱谁有理</s>
<time>2149_00:59:03,371 --> 00:59:04,075</time>
<s>然后女人如果</s>
<time>2150_00:59:04,435 --> 00:59:05,515</time>
<s>想在这个婚姻关系中</s>
<time>2151_00:59:05,875 --> 00:59:06,595</time>
<s>获得一点控制地位</s>
<time>2152_00:59:06,955 --> 00:59:08,395</time>
<s>她就通过自己被摧残的</s>
<time>2153_00:59:08,755 --> 00:59:09,475</time>
<s>这么一种感觉</s>
<time>2154_00:59:09,835 --> 00:59:10,555</time>
<s>让大家同情她</s>
<time>2155_00:59:10,915 --> 00:59:13,075</time>
<s>然后在孩子面前获得就是话语权</s>
<time>2156_00:59:13,435 --> 00:59:14,515</time>
<s>没错所以我们喜欢斗苦的</s>
<time>2157_00:59:14,875 --> 00:59:16,675</time>
<s>你特别是我们看到以前的</s>
<time>2158_00:59:17,035 --> 00:59:19,195</time>
<s>我们上一代那种老文艺青年</s>
<time>2159_00:59:19,555 --> 00:59:20,635</time>
<s>就比如说他们经历过</s>
<time>2160_00:59:20,995 --> 00:59:22,075</time>
<s>艰辛探索时期</s>
<time>2161_00:59:22,435 --> 00:59:24,586</time>
<s>然后最喜欢就讲当年</s>
<time>2162_00:59:24,946 --> 00:59:27,466</time>
<s>想当年我那时候怎么样怎么样</s>
<time>2163_00:59:27,826 --> 00:59:29,266</time>
<s>那他们会比</s>
<time>2164_00:59:29,626 --> 00:59:31,426</time>
<s>就是说谁更惨谁更苦</s>
<time>2165_00:59:31,786 --> 00:59:32,506</time>
<s>越苦的那个人</s>
<time>2166_00:59:32,866 --> 00:59:33,946</time>
<s>通常就意味着</s>
<time>2167_00:59:34,290 --> 00:59:35,370</time>
<s>他接下来要说的话</s>
<time>2168_00:59:35,730 --> 00:59:37,530</time>
<s>或者写的东西就越深刻</s>
<time>2169_00:59:37,890 --> 00:59:38,250</time>
<s>其实通常不是</s>
<time>2170_00:59:38,610 --> 00:59:41,490</time>
<s>但是通常大家会觉得他应该是</s>
<time>2171_00:59:41,850 --> 00:59:42,930</time>
<s>但是这种苦情文化</s>
<time>2172_00:59:43,290 --> 00:59:44,369</time>
<s>跟刚刚窦老师说的</s>
<time>2173_00:59:44,729 --> 00:59:46,889</time>
<s>那种崇尚成功者</s>
<time>2174_00:59:47,249 --> 00:59:49,049</time>
<s>它是相互矛盾的吗</s>
<time>2175_00:59:49,769 --> 00:59:50,129</time>
<s>相互矛盾的</s>
<time>2176_00:59:50,489 --> 00:59:51,209</time>
<s>因为他一方面</s>
<time>2177_00:59:51,569 --> 00:59:52,649</time>
<s>你看到好像对于弱者</s>
<time>2178_00:59:53,009 --> 00:59:54,800</time>
<s>给予格外的同情和关注</s>
<time>2179_00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:55,880</time>
<s>但是另外一方面</s>
<time>2180_00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:58,400</time>
<s>其实你又对成功格外的崇拜</s>
<time>2181_00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:00,920</time>
<s>苦情文化是一个巨大的骗局</s>
<time>2182_01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:02,720</time>
<s>我听到的大部分就都是这个</s>
<time>2183_01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:04,504</time>
<s>或者是威逼了</s>
<time>2184_01:00:04,864 --> 01:00:05,944</time>
<s>或者就是苦情</s>
<time>2185_01:00:06,304 --> 01:00:08,104</time>
<s>反正你不能按照你的意志走</s>
<time>2186_01:00:08,464 --> 01:00:09,544</time>
<s>反正你得听我的</s>
<time>2187_01:00:09,904 --> 01:00:11,704</time>
<s>要不天天跟你闹</s>
<time>2188_01:00:12,064 --> 01:00:13,504</time>
<s>我觉得真的好烦</s>
<time>2189_01:00:13,864 --> 01:00:15,302</time>
<s>我觉得今天很多年轻人</s>
<time>2190_01:00:15,662 --> 01:00:16,382</time>
<s>他要谈个恋爱</s>
<time>2191_01:00:16,742 --> 01:00:17,822</time>
<s>这个腻歪的</s>
<time>2192_01:00:18,182 --> 01:00:19,622</time>
<s>开始像贼得躲着</s>
<time>2193_01:00:19,982 --> 01:00:21,422</time>
<s>最后终有一天被发现</s>
<time>2194_01:00:21,782 --> 01:00:23,582</time>
<s>一发现从此就进入一个永无宁日</s>
<time>2195_01:00:23,942 --> 01:00:24,302</time>
<s>天翻地覆</s>
<time>2196_01:00:24,654 --> 01:00:26,814</time>
<s>就是我觉得好同情</s>
<time>2197_01:00:27,174 --> 01:00:28,614</time>
<s>你说这有解</s>
<time>2198_01:00:28,974 --> 01:00:31,494</time>
<s>在现有的情况下怎么解脱怎么办</s>
<time>2199_01:00:31,854 --> 01:00:32,574</time>
<s>我给很多人支过招儿</s>
<time>2200_01:00:32,934 --> 01:00:34,374</time>
<s>这个招儿还挺有用的</s>
<time>2201_01:00:34,717 --> 01:00:35,077</time>
<s>第一个</s>
<time>2202_01:00:35,437 --> 01:00:36,157</time>
<s>你看你刚才讲的特别复杂的</s>
<time>2203_01:00:36,517 --> 01:00:38,317</time>
<s>你看就是讲了各种各样的语言</s>
<time>2204_01:00:38,677 --> 01:00:39,037</time>
<s>父母用各种各样的理由</s>
<time>2205_01:00:39,397 --> 01:00:41,557</time>
<s>苦情什么父母或者就是比你懂</s>
<time>2206_01:00:41,917 --> 01:00:42,997</time>
<s>或者怎么怎么样</s>
<time>2207_01:00:43,357 --> 01:00:43,717</time>
<s>其实归到一点上</s>
<time>2208_01:00:44,077 --> 01:00:45,156</time>
<s>就是父母叫孩子听话</s>
<time>2209_01:00:46,236 --> 01:00:46,956</time>
<s>那所以孩子不要给父母</s>
<time>2210_01:00:47,316 --> 01:00:48,036</time>
<s>做这么复杂的解释</s>
<time>2211_01:00:48,756 --> 01:00:49,476</time>
<s>做各种各样的解释你说</s>
<time>2212_01:00:49,836 --> 01:00:50,916</time>
<s>你说那么复杂干吗</s>
<time>2213_01:00:51,276 --> 01:00:52,716</time>
<s>你无非就要一点嘛</s>
<time>2214_01:00:53,076 --> 01:00:53,796</time>
<s>让我听你的</s>
<time>2215_01:00:54,156 --> 01:00:55,587</time>
<s>父母说是啊我就要你听我的</s>
<time>2216_01:00:55,947 --> 01:00:56,667</time>
<s>那凭什么呢</s>
<time>2217_01:00:59,187 --> 01:00:59,547</time>
<s>就因为你是我父母</s>
<time>2218_01:00:59,907 --> 01:01:00,627</time>
<s>我就要听你的</s>
<time>2219_01:01:00,987 --> 01:01:01,347</time>
<s>这个理由有力吗</s>
<time>2220_01:01:01,707 --> 01:01:03,507</time>
<s>这感觉会吵起来</s>
<time>2221_01:01:03,867 --> 01:01:05,650</time>
<s>这个感觉是要打起来</s>
<time>2222_01:01:06,010 --> 01:01:07,090</time>
<s>就这样的你不吵不行</s>
<time>2223_01:01:07,450 --> 01:01:08,170</time>
<s>就是我们说得更难听一点</s>
<time>2224_01:01:08,530 --> 01:01:09,250</time>
<s>这就是</s>
<time>2225_01:01:09,610 --> 01:01:10,330</time>
<s>关系的明确嘛</s>
<time>2226_01:01:10,690 --> 01:01:11,770</time>
<s>宗主国和殖民地</s>
<time>2227_01:01:12,130 --> 01:01:13,570</time>
<s>你殖民地你想获得独立</s>
<time>2228_01:01:13,930 --> 01:01:15,008</time>
<s>孩子是殖民地</s>
<time>2229_01:01:15,368 --> 01:01:16,088</time>
<s>对啊</s>
<time>2230_01:01:16,448 --> 01:01:17,168</time>
<s>宗主国不满了</s>
<time>2231_01:01:17,528 --> 01:01:18,248</time>
<s>我觉得这种</s>
<time>2232_01:01:18,608 --> 01:01:20,048</time>
<s>凡是这种你就得关系明确嘛</s>
<time>2233_01:01:20,408 --> 01:01:21,488</time>
<s>就分际在哪里</s>
<time>2234_01:01:21,848 --> 01:01:23,288</time>
<s>就你这个是你的事儿</s>
<time>2235_01:01:23,648 --> 01:01:24,008</time>
<s>还是我的事儿</s>
<time>2236_01:01:24,368 --> 01:01:25,799</time>
<s>就是大家分际要搞清楚嘛</s>
<time>2237_01:01:26,159 --> 01:01:27,239</time>
<s>要不然永远纠缠</s>
<time>2238_01:01:27,599 --> 01:01:29,039</time>
<s>你永远没法跟父母</s>
<time>2239_01:01:29,399 --> 01:01:30,119</time>
<s>但是我们是这样讲</s>
<time>2240_01:01:30,479 --> 01:01:31,919</time>
<s>如果你在恋爱上直接这样来</s>
<time>2241_01:01:32,279 --> 01:01:33,719</time>
<s>这就是殖民地搞流血起义</s>
<time>2242_01:01:35,142 --> 01:01:35,502</time>
<s>这很严重</s>
<time>2243_01:01:35,862 --> 01:01:36,222</time>
<s>那你怎么办呢</s>
<time>2244_01:01:36,582 --> 01:01:38,022</time>
<s>在吃喝拉撒睡上先起义</s>
<time>2245_01:01:39,462 --> 01:01:39,822</time>
<s>因为这种事儿</s>
<time>2246_01:01:40,182 --> 01:01:40,902</time>
<s>你比方说关于吃饭</s>
<time>2247_01:01:41,262 --> 01:01:41,982</time>
<s>你看中国的妈一般都有</s>
<time>2248_01:01:42,342 --> 01:01:43,422</time>
<s>吃饭特别控制是吧</s>
<time>2249_01:01:43,782 --> 01:01:44,142</time>
<s>让你这么吃</s>
<time>2250_01:01:44,502 --> 01:01:44,862</time>
<s>比方说你想吃一碗</s>
<time>2251_01:01:45,220 --> 01:01:45,580</time>
<s>她非给你盛两碗</s>
<time>2252_01:01:47,020 --> 01:01:48,100</time>
<s>就或者你想吃这个</s>
<time>2253_01:01:48,460 --> 01:01:49,180</time>
<s>她非得让你吃别的</s>
<time>2254_01:01:49,540 --> 01:01:50,260</time>
<s>那你怎么办呢</s>
<time>2255_01:01:50,620 --> 01:01:52,060</time>
<s>你就是你先不要</s>
<time>2256_01:01:52,420 --> 01:01:53,860</time>
<s>在这个恋爱婚姻工作</s>
<time>2257_01:01:54,220 --> 01:01:55,651</time>
<s>这种事情上就是闹独立</s>
<time>2258_01:01:56,011 --> 01:01:56,371</time>
<s>这太严重了</s>
<time>2259_01:01:56,731 --> 01:01:57,811</time>
<s>直接变成流血起义了</s>
<time>2260_01:01:58,171 --> 01:02:00,691</time>
<s>你就先从小事开始</s>
<time>2261_01:02:01,051 --> 01:02:02,851</time>
<s>就比方就吃饭这件事情上</s>
<time>2262_01:02:03,211 --> 01:02:04,291</time>
<s>你妈就要给你盛两碗</s>
<time>2263_01:02:04,651 --> 01:02:05,354</time>
<s>或者她要给你去盛</s>
<time>2264_01:02:05,714 --> 01:02:06,434</time>
<s>你就要自己去盛</s>
<time>2265_01:02:07,514 --> 01:02:07,874</time>
<s>就是她</s>
<time>2266_01:02:08,234 --> 01:02:08,954</time>
<s>你说我就要吃这么多</s>
<time>2267_01:02:09,314 --> 01:02:09,674</time>
<s>如果妈给你盛了</s>
<time>2268_01:02:10,034 --> 01:02:11,474</time>
<s>你把那个多的把它弄下来</s>
<time>2269_01:02:11,834 --> 01:02:13,274</time>
<s>或者她就算给你盛了</s>
<time>2270_01:02:13,634 --> 01:02:15,074</time>
<s>你再过去再自己盛</s>
<time>2271_01:02:15,432 --> 01:02:15,792</time>
<s>这时候妈也会闹</s>
<time>2272_01:02:17,232 --> 01:02:18,672</time>
<s>这总比你从恋爱中</s>
<time>2273_01:02:19,032 --> 01:02:20,472</time>
<s>开始闹闹得要轻</s>
<time>2274_01:02:20,832 --> 01:02:22,992</time>
<s>然后这事儿你可以干上一个月</s>
<time>2275_01:02:23,352 --> 01:02:23,712</time>
<s>然后这个事儿闹得</s>
<time>2276_01:02:24,072 --> 01:02:24,792</time>
<s>因为冲突没这么大</s>
<time>2277_01:02:25,152 --> 01:02:26,942</time>
<s>父母他没有意识到你在干嘛</s>
<time>2278_01:02:27,302 --> 01:02:28,382</time>
<s>他会觉得吃饭这个事儿</s>
<time>2279_01:02:28,742 --> 01:02:29,462</time>
<s>毕竟是小事儿</s>
<time>2280_01:02:30,182 --> 01:02:31,982</time>
<s>好你按照你的来</s>
<time>2281_01:02:32,342 --> 01:02:32,702</time>
<s>如果你在这一件事儿上</s>
<time>2282_01:02:33,062 --> 01:02:33,782</time>
<s>获得了独立</s>
<time>2283_01:02:34,142 --> 01:02:34,502</time>
<s>通常就意味着</s>
<time>2284_01:02:34,862 --> 01:02:36,645</time>
<s>你获得了一个很大的独立空间</s>
<time>2285_01:02:37,005 --> 01:02:37,725</time>
<s>而这一件事儿如果还不够</s>
<time>2286_01:02:38,085 --> 01:02:39,885</time>
<s>你觉得父母控制性很强</s>
<time>2287_01:02:40,245 --> 01:02:40,965</time>
<s>你再找这么一件事儿</s>
<time>2288_01:02:41,325 --> 01:02:42,045</time>
<s>比方关于早上几点钟起床</s>
<time>2289_01:02:43,845 --> 01:02:44,205</time>
<s>关于这么件事儿</s>
<time>2290_01:02:44,565 --> 01:02:45,285</time>
<s>你仍然坚持你自己的来</s>
<time>2291_01:02:46,723 --> 01:02:48,163</time>
<s>你通常以我的说法</s>
<time>2292_01:02:48,523 --> 01:02:48,883</time>
<s>父母再难缠</s>
<time>2293_01:02:49,243 --> 01:02:50,683</time>
<s>当然碰到你变态的就不说了</s>
<time>2294_01:02:51,043 --> 01:02:51,763</time>
<s>我们讲正常父母</s>
<time>2295_01:02:52,123 --> 01:02:54,283</time>
<s>你通常在两三件小事儿上</s>
<time>2296_01:02:54,643 --> 01:02:55,713</time>
<s>你获得独立</s>
<time>2297_01:02:56,073 --> 01:02:57,873</time>
<s>父母就知道这孩子我管不了了</s>
<time>2298_01:02:58,233 --> 01:02:58,953</time>
<s>接着你再告诉他</s>
<time>2299_01:02:59,313 --> 01:03:00,033</time>
<s>我恋爱想怎么着</s>
<time>2300_01:03:02,193 --> 01:03:03,633</time>
<s>就是说觉醒了的小朋友</s>
<time>2301_01:03:03,993 --> 01:03:06,135</time>
<s>应该从觉醒的第一天就开始</s>
<time>2302_01:03:06,495 --> 01:03:07,935</time>
<s>从点滴小事上</s>
<time>2303_01:03:08,295 --> 01:03:08,655</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>2304_01:03:09,015 --> 01:03:10,455</time>
<s>塑造自己的这个独立地位</s>
<time>2305_01:03:11,175 --> 01:03:12,975</time>
<s>先从这个刷牙洗脸</s>
<time>2306_01:03:13,335 --> 01:03:13,695</time>
<s>吃饭生活习惯</s>
<time>2307_01:03:14,415 --> 01:03:15,853</time>
<s>慢慢独立独立对吧</s>
<time>2308_01:03:16,573 --> 01:03:16,933</time>
<s>熬到七八十岁</s>
<time>2309_01:03:17,293 --> 01:03:17,653</time>
<s>可以找男朋友了</s>
<time>2310_01:03:19,813 --> 01:03:20,893</time>
<s>谢谢谢谢</s>
<time>2311_01:03:21,253 --> 01:03:21,613</time>
<s>谢谢武老师</s>
<time>2312_01:03:22,693 --> 01:03:23,413</time>
<s>这还挺顶用的</s>
<time>2313_01:03:23,773 --> 01:03:24,493</time>
<s>对</s>
