<time>434_00:13:44,801 --> 00:13:45,498</time>
<s>自己的情感</s>
<time>435_00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:46,938</time>
<s>和面对他人的情感</s>
<time>436_00:13:47,298 --> 00:13:48,018</time>
<s>你就刚刚说你说</s>
<time>437_00:13:48,378 --> 00:13:49,458</time>
<s>问你还爱不爱我的问题</s>
<time>438_00:13:49,818 --> 00:13:50,898</time>
<s>其实我发现我自己在感情当中</s>
<time>439_00:13:51,258 --> 00:13:52,698</time>
<s>我特别喜欢每天都问对方</s>
<time>440_00:13:53,058 --> 00:13:54,138</time>
<s>就是你爱我吗你爱我吗</s>
<time>441_00:13:54,498 --> 00:13:55,931</time>
<s>我开始以为自己是一个</s>
<time>442_00:13:56,291 --> 00:13:57,371</time>
<s>就是缺乏安全感的表现</s>
<time>443_00:13:57,731 --> 00:13:58,451</time>
<s>怪不得没男朋友</s>
<time>444_00:13:58,811 --> 00:13:59,891</time>
<s>没有但是我后来发现</s>
<time>445_00:14:00,251 --> 00:14:00,611</time>
<s>马上走了</s>
<time>446_00:14:00,971 --> 00:14:01,331</time>
<s>问毛了是吧</s>
<time>447_00:14:01,691 --> 00:14:02,411</time>
<s>对问三天</s>
<time>448_00:14:02,771 --> 00:14:03,851</time>
<s>其实对于我来说它是一个</s>
<time>449_00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:06,355</time>
<s>像是一个续约的一个条约</s>
<time>450_00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:07,075</time>
<s>你知道就像你还爱我</s>
<time>451_00:14:07,435 --> 00:14:07,795</time>
<s>就每天续约</s>
<time>452_00:14:08,155 --> 00:14:10,315</time>
<s>我们就又续了一天</s>
<time>453_00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:11,755</time>
<s>要是有一天你可能不再爱我</s>
<time>454_00:14:12,115 --> 00:14:13,915</time>
<s>我们就不续这个约了</s>
<time>455_00:14:14,275 --> 00:14:15,715</time>
<s>所以我觉得就每天逼问</s>
<time>456_00:14:16,435 --> 00:14:18,235</time>
<s>拷问对方情感的一个过程</s>
<time>457_00:14:18,595 --> 00:14:18,955</time>
<s>我觉得最难的部分</s>
<time>458_00:14:19,315 --> 00:14:20,395</time>
<s>我觉得是没有办法去</s>
<time>459_00:14:20,755 --> 00:14:22,555</time>
<s>诚实地面对自己对他人的情感</s>
<time>460_00:14:22,915 --> 00:14:23,275</time>
<s>你那么缺乏安全感吗</s>
<time>461_00:14:25,075 --> 00:14:25,787</time>
<s>需要每天确认</s>
<time>462_00:14:26,147 --> 00:14:27,227</time>
<s>对我每天问</s>
<time>463_00:14:27,587 --> 00:14:28,307</time>
<s>然后</s>
<time>464_00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:29,747</time>
<s>那你现在不是预备要跟一些</s>
<time>465_00:14:30,107 --> 00:14:30,827</time>
<s>有个复合名单吗</s>
<time>466_00:14:31,907 --> 00:14:32,627</time>
<s>我觉得他们会不会第一句话</s>
<time>467_00:14:32,987 --> 00:14:33,707</time>
<s>问你还会每天</s>
<time>468_00:14:34,067 --> 00:14:35,147</time>
<s>再问我一遍吗</s>
<time>469_00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:36,572</time>
<s>他也有复合条件</s>
<time>470_00:14:36,932 --> 00:14:38,012</time>
<s>你不能每天问</s>
<time>471_00:14:38,732 --> 00:14:40,172</time>
<s>你看那天我们跟那个周迅聊</s>
<time>472_00:14:40,532 --> 00:14:41,612</time>
<s>我就发现她也有点这个</s>
<time>473_00:14:41,972 --> 00:14:43,052</time>
<s>她就说比如说</s>
<time>474_00:14:43,412 --> 00:14:44,492</time>
<s>她就是说这个</s>
<time>475_00:14:44,852 --> 00:14:46,292</time>
<s>你每天说早安晚安</s>
<time>476_00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,092</time>
<s>她也不是说非要要求你说</s>
<time>477_00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:49,532</time>
<s>但是如果你说了</s>
<time>478_00:14:49,892 --> 00:14:51,692</time>
<s>每天都说早安</s>
<time>479_00:14:52,052 --> 00:14:53,492</time>
<s>突然有一天不说了</s>
<time>480_00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:54,932</time>
<s>她就有点落空</s>
<time>481_00:14:56,724 --> 00:14:57,804</time>
<s>女人是这样的吗</s>
<time>482_00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,244</time>
<s>就是需要感觉到</s>
<time>483_00:14:59,604 --> 00:15:01,044</time>
<s>自己在对方生命中存在</s>
<time>484_00:15:01,404 --> 00:15:04,284</time>
<s>然后是有一定的重量</s>
<time>485_00:15:04,644 --> 00:15:05,364</time>
<s>有一定的这个</s>
<time>486_00:15:05,724 --> 00:15:06,788</time>
<s>是对方生活的一部分</s>
<time>487_00:15:07,148 --> 00:15:08,588</time>
<s>反正我觉得我好像</s>
<time>488_00:15:08,948 --> 00:15:10,028</time>
<s>还挺需要的</s>
<time>489_00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:11,108</time>
<s>挺需要这种确认</s>
<time>490_00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,268</time>
<s>而且我特别害怕对方比如说</s>
<time>491_00:15:13,628 --> 00:15:14,708</time>
<s>因为不好意思</s>
<time>492_00:15:15,068 --> 00:15:15,428</time>
<s>因为同情</s>
<time>493_00:15:15,788 --> 00:15:16,507</time>
<s>因为责任感</s>
<time>494_00:15:16,867 --> 00:15:18,307</time>
<s>因为觉得谈了那么久</s>
<time>495_00:15:19,027 --> 00:15:20,467</time>
<s>还是往婚姻的方向走</s>
<time>496_00:15:20,827 --> 00:15:22,267</time>
<s>而就是跟我续这个约</s>
<time>497_00:15:22,627 --> 00:15:23,707</time>
<s>我特别害怕这一点</s>
<time>498_00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:24,427</time>
<s>就特别害怕对方</s>
<time>499_00:15:24,787 --> 00:15:25,867</time>
<s>其实存在一个</s>
<time>500_00:15:26,219 --> 00:15:26,939</time>
<s>他只是关系</s>
<time>501_00:15:27,299 --> 00:15:28,019</time>
<s>而不是爱的那种状态下</s>
<time>502_00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:29,099</time>
<s>那真累</s>
<time>503_00:15:29,459 --> 00:15:32,339</time>
<s>那对方不仅要告诉你我爱你</s>
<time>504_00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,139</time>
<s>还要证明我是真的爱你</s>
<time>505_00:15:34,499 --> 00:15:36,643</time>
<s>我不是因为同情而爱你</s>
<time>506_00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,803</time>
<s>不是因为施舍什么</s>
<time>507_00:15:39,163 --> 00:15:39,523</time>
<s>那我刚想问说</s>
<time>508_00:15:39,883 --> 00:15:42,043</time>
<s>那你有倒过来问自己吗</s>
<time>509_00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:44,923</time>
<s>你每天都是用同样的强度</s>
<time>510_00:15:45,283 --> 00:15:46,363</time>
<s>来爱对方吗</s>
<time>511_00:15:46,723 --> 00:15:48,523</time>
<s>你不能容许自己哪一天可能</s>
<time>512_00:15:48,883 --> 00:15:49,963</time>
<s>因为工作的关系</s>
<time>513_00:15:50,323 --> 00:15:52,483</time>
<s>因为要来见文涛的关系</s>
<time>514_00:15:52,843 --> 00:15:54,283</time>
<s>都根本忘记了对方了</s>
<time>515_00:15:54,643 --> 00:15:55,003</time>
<s>你不能容许吗</s>
<time>516_00:15:55,363 --> 00:15:55,723</time>
<s>我会跟对方说</s>
<time>517_00:15:56,083 --> 00:15:57,154</time>
<s>就是因为我觉得这是双向</s>
<time>518_00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,594</time>
<s>我说我觉得你今天</s>
<time>519_00:15:58,954 --> 00:16:00,034</time>
<s>好像没有那么可爱</s>
<time>520_00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,114</time>
<s>或者是我觉得我好像</s>
<time>521_00:16:01,474 --> 00:16:03,634</time>
<s>今天我有点没有那么喜欢你</s>
<time>522_00:16:03,994 --> 00:16:04,714</time>
<s>所以我觉得这种诚实</s>
<time>523_00:16:05,074 --> 00:16:06,154</time>
<s>应该是就是双向的</s>
<time>524_00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:08,298</time>
<s>所以你必须天天重新确认</s>
<time>525_00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:09,738</time>
<s>你的时间感</s>
<time>526_00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:12,618</time>
<s>是依照每日24小时来进行</s>
<time>527_00:16:12,978 --> 00:16:13,698</time>
<s>或者至少每周吧</s>
<time>528_00:16:14,058 --> 00:16:14,778</time>
<s>就是因为我觉得</s>
<time>529_00:16:15,138 --> 00:16:16,218</time>
<s>我觉得爱情是一个</s>
<time>530_00:16:16,578 --> 00:16:18,738</time>
<s>特别变化和动态的过程</s>
<time>531_00:16:19,098 --> 00:16:19,458</time>
<s>你不能说</s>
<time>532_00:16:19,818 --> 00:16:20,898</time>
<s>第一天我说爱你一辈子</s>
<time>533_00:16:21,258 --> 00:16:21,978</time>
<s>我就指着这一个承诺过</s>
<time>534_00:16:22,338 --> 00:16:23,058</time>
<s>可是这里面还牵涉一个问题</s>
<time>535_00:16:23,418 --> 00:16:24,858</time>
<s>就刚才家辉讲的说</s>
<time>536_00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,729</time>
<s>你怎么知道对方说的是真话</s>
<time>537_00:16:28,089 --> 00:16:29,889</time>
<s>那么这就牵涉一个信任问题</s>
<time>538_00:16:30,249 --> 00:16:31,329</time>
<s>但信任这个问题在哲学上</s>
<time>539_00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:33,489</time>
<s>是没办法获得最终保证的</s>
<time>540_00:16:33,849 --> 00:16:34,929</time>
<s>这基本上是一个</s>
<time>541_00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:36,369</time>
<s>逃不出去的一个吊诡</s>
<time>542_00:16:36,713 --> 00:16:38,153</time>
<s>文道我再给你举个例子</s>
<time>543_00:16:38,513 --> 00:16:39,593</time>
<s>让你证明我确实是好人</s>
<time>544_00:16:41,753 --> 00:16:43,553</time>
<s>我给你说我都跟她不一样了</s>
<time>545_00:16:43,913 --> 00:16:44,993</time>
<s>你讲诚实</s>
<time>546_00:16:45,353 --> 00:16:47,512</time>
<s>不肯诚实很重要对吧</s>
<time>547_00:16:47,872 --> 00:16:48,232</time>
<s>我接受谎言</s>
<time>548_00:16:49,672 --> 00:16:52,192</time>
<s>比方说不要说分手</s>
<time>549_00:16:52,552 --> 00:16:54,352</time>
<s>就比如说就是别人拒绝我</s>
<time>550_00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:55,072</time>
<s>你知道吗</s>
<time>551_00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,863</time>
<s>就好比说我说家辉我请你</s>
<time>552_00:16:57,223 --> 00:16:58,663</time>
<s>参加我的节目对吧</s>
<time>553_00:16:59,023 --> 00:16:59,743</time>
<s>那家辉可能说</s>
<time>554_00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,183</time>
<s>我昨天怎么怎么很忙</s>
<time>555_00:17:01,543 --> 00:17:03,343</time>
<s>明天搬家后天什么</s>
<time>556_00:17:03,703 --> 00:17:05,863</time>
<s>哪怕我知道是谎言</s>
<time>557_00:17:06,223 --> 00:17:06,927</time>
<s>你知道吗我感谢他</s>
<time>558_00:17:08,007 --> 00:17:08,367</time>
<s>为什么</s>
<time>559_00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:09,807</time>
<s>因为我觉得</s>
<time>560_00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:13,047</time>
<s>别人费脑子编织一个谎言</s>
<time>561_00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,567</time>
<s>这是给我很大的面子</s>
<time>562_00:17:15,927 --> 00:17:18,445</time>
<s>那比直接说我不去或者说</s>
<time>563_00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:19,525</time>
<s>对他编这个谎言</s>
<time>564_00:17:19,885 --> 00:17:20,965</time>
<s>他也费能量</s>
<time>565_00:17:21,325 --> 00:17:22,765</time>
<s>我就觉得这就叫</s>
<time>566_00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,285</time>
<s>就是我会有点感恩</s>
<time>567_00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,797</time>
<s>就是说确实给我面子</s>
<time>568_00:17:28,157 --> 00:17:29,597</time>
<s>同样你知道</s>
<time>569_00:17:29,957 --> 00:17:31,037</time>
<s>你要这么一说我还想起来</s>
<time>570_00:17:31,397 --> 00:17:32,477</time>
<s>有一天我参加一个什么</s>
<time>571_00:17:32,837 --> 00:17:34,277</time>
<s>一个活动的场合</s>
<time>572_00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:38,580</time>
<s>那突然间有个大明星</s>
<time>573_00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:39,660</time>
<s>过来跟我说</s>
<time>574_00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:41,100</time>
<s>说文涛真不好意思</s>
<time>575_00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,540</time>
<s>就说我不是那天</s>
<time>576_00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:44,340</time>
<s>不去参加你的这个节目</s>
<time>577_00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:45,420</time>
<s>我是有什么什么事</s>
<time>578_00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:46,500</time>
<s>我当时说实在</s>
<time>579_00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:47,939</time>
<s>我挺感动的</s>
<time>580_00:17:48,299 --> 00:17:49,379</time>
<s>我说人家这么大腕儿</s>
<time>581_00:17:49,739 --> 00:17:50,819</time>
<s>还这么体贴到</s>
<time>582_00:17:51,179 --> 00:17:53,699</time>
<s>我说我干这个二十年</s>
<time>583_00:17:54,059 --> 00:17:55,859</time>
<s>被拒绝就是我们的工作</s>
<time>584_00:17:56,219 --> 00:17:57,650</time>
<s>我怎么可能为这个事情</s>
<time>585_00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,530</time>
<s>为这事怎么会得罪我或者</s>
<time>586_00:18:00,890 --> 00:18:01,610</time>
<s>一点都不会有</s>
<time>587_00:18:01,970 --> 00:18:03,770</time>
<s>这只是人家体贴我</s>
<time>588_00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:07,713</time>
<s>所以有的时候我就觉得</s>
<time>589_00:18:08,073 --> 00:18:09,873</time>
<s>别人找了一个理由</s>
<time>590_00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:12,033</time>
<s>其实人家是不来对吗</s>
<time>591_00:18:12,393 --> 00:18:12,753</time>
<s>但是人家都愿意</s>
<time>592_00:18:13,113 --> 00:18:14,553</time>
<s>给你找一个理由</s>
<time>593_00:18:14,913 --> 00:18:15,993</time>
<s>我觉得这个谎言</s>
<time>594_00:18:16,353 --> 00:18:17,791</time>
<s>也是对我的尊重</s>
<time>595_00:18:18,151 --> 00:18:18,871</time>
<s>这真是个好人</s>
<time>596_00:18:20,671 --> 00:18:22,471</time>
<s>好但如果换成这不是</s>
<time>597_00:18:22,831 --> 00:18:24,271</time>
<s>比如说是不来做你的节目</s>
<time>598_00:18:24,631 --> 00:18:27,151</time>
<s>而是在感情中欺骗你</s>
<time>599_00:18:27,502 --> 00:18:27,862</time>
<s>可以的</s>
<time>600_00:18:28,222 --> 00:18:29,662</time>
<s>也是因为花了一番力气是吧</s>
<time>601_00:18:30,382 --> 00:18:31,462</time>
<s>因为本来</s>
<time>602_00:18:31,822 --> 00:18:33,262</time>
<s>你把自己放得很低很低</s>
<time>603_00:18:33,622 --> 00:18:35,422</time>
<s>不是因为我也这样对待别人</s>
<time>604_00:18:37,222 --> 00:18:39,365</time>
<s>因为没有真相可言</s>
<time>605_00:18:39,725 --> 00:18:40,085</time>
<s>你知道</s>
<time>606_00:18:40,445 --> 00:18:41,525</time>
<s>我记得有一次我们</s>
<time>607_00:18:41,885 --> 00:18:43,685</time>
<s>在一个朋友家里玩</s>
<time>608_00:18:44,045 --> 00:18:45,485</time>
<s>来了我就看一个小女孩</s>
<time>609_00:18:45,845 --> 00:18:47,285</time>
<s>就像她这么大岁数躺床上</s>
<time>610_00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:48,363</time>
<s>我们在喝酒</s>
<time>611_00:18:48,723 --> 00:18:49,803</time>
<s>她早就喝晕了</s>
<time>612_00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,323</time>
<s>一天晚上</s>
<time>613_00:18:52,683 --> 00:18:54,843</time>
<s>夜里就是为什么为什么</s>
<time>614_00:18:55,203 --> 00:18:56,283</time>
<s>我说这疯了</s>
<time>615_00:18:56,643 --> 00:18:57,714</time>
<s>她说就是失恋了</s>
<time>616_00:18:58,074 --> 00:18:59,874</time>
<s>失恋了你看你就觉得</s>
<time>617_00:19:00,234 --> 00:19:02,754</time>
<s>她一定要弄一个为什么</s>
<time>618_00:19:03,114 --> 00:19:05,994</time>
<s>这个其实是不是</s>
<time>619_00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:07,777</time>
<s>可能人的心理上有个闭环</s>
<time>620_00:19:08,137 --> 00:19:10,657</time>
<s>就是我总得有个原因</s>
<time>621_00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:11,737</time>
<s>可是那个时候</s>
<time>622_00:19:12,097 --> 00:19:13,537</time>
<s>我的一位女性朋友</s>
<time>623_00:19:13,897 --> 00:19:14,977</time>
<s>一位我的老师</s>
<time>624_00:19:15,337 --> 00:19:16,777</time>
<s>我觉得她说得很智慧</s>
<time>625_00:19:17,137 --> 00:19:20,015</time>
<s>她说分手不要问为什么</s>
<time>626_00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:23,975</time>
<s>他说了也不见得是真实的原因</s>
<time>627_00:19:24,335 --> 00:19:27,575</time>
<s>你又何必非要追究这个原因呢</s>
<time>628_00:19:27,925 --> 00:19:29,365</time>
<s>但是有的时候好像</s>
<time>629_00:19:29,725 --> 00:19:31,525</time>
<s>哪怕是个假的理由</s>
<time>630_00:19:31,885 --> 00:19:34,045</time>
<s>至少自已心里有一个安放</s>
<time>631_00:19:34,405 --> 00:19:34,765</time>
<s>那有个句号</s>
<time>632_00:19:35,485 --> 00:19:36,925</time>
<s>然后我事情才甘心</s>
<time>633_00:19:37,285 --> 00:19:38,708</time>
<s>才放得下来</s>
<time>634_00:19:39,068 --> 00:19:40,508</time>
<s>而且给理由其实它背后</s>
<time>635_00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:42,308</time>
<s>有一个逻辑就是说</s>
<time>636_00:19:42,668 --> 00:19:43,748</time>
<s>他下一个就可以问</s>
<time>637_00:19:44,108 --> 00:19:45,188</time>
<s>那我可以改吗</s>
<time>638_00:19:45,548 --> 00:19:47,708</time>
<s>所以我觉得这个是很多人</s>
<time>639_00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:49,866</time>
<s>分手分不干净的一个原因</s>
<time>640_00:19:50,226 --> 00:19:51,666</time>
<s>就是我觉得分手</s>
<time>641_00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:53,466</time>
<s>有一个大的忌讳</s>
<time>642_00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:57,066</time>
<s>就是去指责对方和数落对方</s>
<time>643_00:19:57,426 --> 00:19:58,496</time>
<s>好多人分手的时候</s>
<time>644_00:19:58,856 --> 00:19:59,936</time>
<s>他会说因为你什么不洗澡</s>
<time>645_00:20:00,296 --> 00:20:02,096</time>
<s>然后因为你这个东西乱放</s>
<time>646_00:20:02,456 --> 00:20:02,816</time>
<s>因为怎么样</s>
<time>647_00:20:03,176 --> 00:20:03,536</time>
<s>但你这样的分手</s>
<time>648_00:20:03,896 --> 00:20:04,256</time>
<s>永远是分不干净</s>
<time>649_00:20:04,616 --> 00:20:04,976</time>
<s>因为对方说</s>
<time>650_00:20:05,336 --> 00:20:06,056</time>
<s>那我可以改</s>
<time>651_00:20:06,416 --> 00:20:06,776</time>
<s>其实他也改不了</s>
<time>652_00:20:07,136 --> 00:20:08,198</time>
<s>然后你们的这个感情</s>
<time>653_00:20:08,558 --> 00:20:09,998</time>
<s>又被毫无意义地续了半年</s>
<time>654_00:20:10,358 --> 00:20:11,438</time>
<s>你这个提醒非常重要</s>
<time>655_00:20:12,158 --> 00:20:12,878</time>
<s>我觉得就是</s>
<time>656_00:20:13,238 --> 00:20:13,958</time>
<s>反正作为男的</s>
<time>657_00:20:14,318 --> 00:20:15,398</time>
<s>很多时候要是被女的抛弃</s>
<time>658_00:20:15,758 --> 00:20:17,198</time>
<s>老是想说我一定改邪归正</s>
<time>659_00:20:17,558 --> 00:20:18,276</time>
<s>我一定改</s>
<time>660_00:20:18,636 --> 00:20:19,716</time>
<s>其实她不要你了</s>
<time>661_00:20:20,076 --> 00:20:20,436</time>
<s>就是不要你了</s>
<time>662_00:20:20,796 --> 00:20:22,236</time>
<s>对所以我有一个分手的</s>
<time>663_00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,756</time>
<s>就我有一个分手的决窍</s>
<time>664_00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:25,836</time>
<s>一个必杀技</s>
<time>665_00:20:26,196 --> 00:20:27,276</time>
<s>就是其实分手</s>
<time>666_00:20:27,636 --> 00:20:28,346</time>
<s>就是跟辞职是一样的</s>
<time>667_00:20:29,426 --> 00:20:30,866</time>
<s>就是你到最后的时候</s>
<time>668_00:20:31,226 --> 00:20:33,026</time>
<s>你应该只剩下感谢</s>
<time>669_00:20:33,746 --> 00:20:34,106</time>
<s>—谢谢你这段时间的陪伴圆桌派[看理想]</s>
<time>670_00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:34,826</time>
<s>谢谢你这段时间的陪伴</s>
<time>671_00:20:35,186 --> 00:20:36,266</time>
<s>谢谢你的栽培</s>
<time>672_00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:37,346</time>
<s>那我现在要走了</s>
<time>673_00:20:37,706 --> 00:20:40,208</time>
<s>然后我们彼此都有美好的前途</s>
<time>674_00:20:40,568 --> 00:20:41,648</time>
<s>就只有感谢</s>
<time>675_00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:42,368</time>
<s>没有数落</s>
<time>676_00:20:42,728 --> 00:20:44,888</time>
<s>这是日系的是吧</s>
<time>677_00:20:45,248 --> 00:20:47,048</time>
<s>就是别人问什么你就谢谢</s>
<time>678_00:20:47,408 --> 00:20:48,846</time>
<s>就是我觉得这是唯一能分手</s>
<time>679_00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:52,086</time>
<s>就是反正我自身经历的</s>
<time>680_00:20:52,446 --> 00:20:53,526</time>
<s>比较有效的一种分手方式</s>
<time>681_00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:54,966</time>
<s>就是只有感谢</s>
<time>682_00:20:55,326 --> 00:20:56,406</time>
<s>这时候街角撒下一缕阳光</s>
<time>683_00:20:56,766 --> 00:20:57,846</time>
<s>旁边有一只猫跑了出来</s>
<time>684_00:20:59,636 --> 00:21:00,716</time>
<s>日剧分手</s>
<time>685_00:21:01,076 --> 00:21:02,156</time>
<s>但我在想就回头讲</s>
<time>686_00:21:02,516 --> 00:21:03,596</time>
<s>“为什么“这个问题</s>
<time>687_00:21:03,956 --> 00:21:04,676</time>
<s>为什么仍然很重要</s>
<time>688_00:21:05,036 --> 00:21:06,116</time>
<s>就是大家还是会问呢</s>
<time>689_00:21:06,476 --> 00:21:07,916</time>
<s>是因为为什么</s>
<time>690_00:21:08,276 --> 00:21:09,338</time>
<s>当人在问为什么的时候</s>
<time>691_00:21:09,698 --> 00:21:10,778</time>
<s>其实有时候并不是</s>
<time>692_00:21:11,138 --> 00:21:13,298</time>
<s>出于一种知识上的好奇心</s>
<time>693_00:21:13,658 --> 00:21:16,538</time>
<s>为什么茶会是这种味道这样子</s>
<time>694_00:21:16,898 --> 00:21:18,695</time>
<s>“为什么”是在人类世界里面</s>
<time>695_00:21:19,055 --> 00:21:23,375</time>
<s>一种关系的修复跟表达对不对</s>
<time>696_00:21:23,735 --> 00:21:25,535</time>
<s>像社会学家CharlesTilly就讲这个</s>
<time>697_00:21:25,895 --> 00:21:26,975</time>
<s>就我们当我们问</s>
<time>698_00:21:27,335 --> 00:21:27,695</time>
<s>比如说很简单</s>
<time>699_00:21:28,765 --> 00:21:30,565</time>
<s>比如说今天家辉如果迟到了</s>
<time>700_00:21:30,925 --> 00:21:32,005</time>
<s>那我问为什么迟到</s>
<time>701_00:21:32,365 --> 00:21:34,525</time>
<s>其实我并不关心你迟到的理由</s>
<time>702_00:21:34,885 --> 00:21:37,405</time>
<s>我们要的是你随便编一个理由</s>
<time>703_00:21:37,765 --> 00:21:38,827</time>
<s>你编一个理由出来</s>
<time>704_00:21:39,187 --> 00:21:40,267</time>
<s>其实那个理由是干嘛</s>
<time>705_00:21:40,627 --> 00:21:42,787</time>
<s>是用来表示你很对不起</s>
<time>706_00:21:43,147 --> 00:21:44,947</time>
<s>你并不是毫无意义的迟到</s>
<time>707_00:21:45,307 --> 00:21:47,107</time>
<s>你要就算我明明知道是假的理由</s>
<time>708_00:21:47,467 --> 00:21:49,624</time>
<s>但是你要用那个表态</s>
<time>709_00:21:49,984 --> 00:21:50,704</time>
<s>来说对不起</s>
<time>710_00:21:51,064 --> 00:21:52,864</time>
<s>然后如果我们接受了的话</s>
<time>711_00:21:53,224 --> 00:21:55,024</time>
<s>那其实就是这个关系的修复</s>
<time>712_00:21:56,104 --> 00:21:56,824</time>
<s>所以同样的</s>
<time>713_00:21:57,184 --> 00:21:59,334</time>
<s>在分手那个状态问为什么</s>
<time>714_00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:01,494</time>
<s>是从一种关系转换到</s>
<time>715_00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,294</time>
<s>另一种关系的一个关键</s>
<time>716_00:22:03,654 --> 00:22:04,734</time>
<s>就是说当我今天知道</s>
<time>717_00:22:05,094 --> 00:22:07,254</time>
<s>为什么你要跟我分手</s>
<time>718_00:22:07,614 --> 00:22:09,035</time>
<s>我问这个的东西的时候</s>
<time>719_00:22:09,395 --> 00:22:09,755</time>
<s>是因为我感觉到</s>
<time>720_00:22:10,115 --> 00:22:11,555</time>
<s>这个关系破裂掉</s>
<time>721_00:22:11,915 --> 00:22:14,075</time>
<s>我在要求关系的修复</s>
<time>722_00:22:14,435 --> 00:22:15,875</time>
<s>所以我会问为什么</s>
<time>723_00:22:16,235 --> 00:22:18,035</time>
<s>那这时候如果你答了一个为什么</s>
<time>724_00:22:18,395 --> 00:22:19,832</time>
<s>然后我说我以后改</s>
<time>725_00:22:20,192 --> 00:22:21,272</time>
<s>那就表示我希望把这个关系</s>
<time>726_00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:22,712</time>
<s>修复成那样</s>
<time>727_00:22:23,072 --> 00:22:24,152</time>
<s>然后这时候你就会不断再说</s>
<time>728_00:22:24,512 --> 00:22:25,952</time>
<s>更多的理由使得我觉得</s>
<time>729_00:22:26,312 --> 00:22:27,752</time>
<s>这个关系不能再修复</s>
<time>730_00:22:28,112 --> 00:22:29,182</time>
<s>那么但也有些时候</s>
<time>731_00:22:29,542 --> 00:22:30,982</time>
<s>当在问为什么的时候</s>
<time>732_00:22:31,342 --> 00:22:33,502</time>
<s>是在看能不能从这个关系</s>
<time>733_00:22:33,862 --> 00:22:34,942</time>
<s>就跳出去了</s>
<time>734_00:22:35,302 --> 00:22:36,382</time>
<s>那转换成那个关系</s>
<time>735_00:22:36,742 --> 00:22:38,542</time>
<s>当然不一定是继续情侣关系</s>
<time>736_00:22:38,902 --> 00:22:40,683</time>
<s>可能是友好的关系</s>
<time>737_00:22:41,043 --> 00:22:42,123</time>
<s>普通人的关系</s>
<time>738_00:22:42,483 --> 00:22:43,923</time>
<s>所以问为什么就决定了</s>
<time>739_00:22:44,283 --> 00:22:47,163</time>
<s>你这段关系往哪个关系转变</s>
<time>740_00:22:47,523 --> 00:22:48,603</time>
<s>所以“为什么”还是重要的</s>
<time>741_00:22:48,963 --> 00:22:49,680</time>
<s>就人家一定会问的</s>
<time>742_00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:50,400</time>
<s>还是需要问</s>
<time>743_00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,280</time>
<s>可是当你问为什么的时候</s>
<time>744_00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,880</time>
<s>有时候你要想过你付出的代价</s>
<time>745_00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,389</time>
<s>除了对方假如真的讲一个理由</s>
<time>746_00:22:59,749 --> 00:23:01,909</time>
<s>你脚臭你什么什么</s>
<time>747_00:23:02,269 --> 00:23:02,989</time>
<s>你变老了</s>
<time>748_00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:04,069</time>
<s>你这个那个</s>
<time>749_00:23:04,429 --> 00:23:06,949</time>
<s>甚至说对不起他比你好</s>
<time>750_00:23:07,309 --> 00:23:07,669</time>
<s>好</s>
<time>751_00:23:08,029 --> 00:23:08,389</time>
<s>我插一句</s>
<time>752_00:23:08,749 --> 00:23:10,171</time>
<s>你喜欢的那个李敖</s>
<time>753_00:23:10,531 --> 00:23:11,611</time>
<s>当然不是很有名的段子</s>
<time>754_00:23:11,971 --> 00:23:13,051</time>
<s>就是碰见胡因梦了</s>
<time>755_00:23:13,411 --> 00:23:13,771</time>
<s>～“"·--一就是碰见胡因梦了圆桌派[看理想]</s>
<time>756_00:23:14,131 --> 00:23:15,211</time>
<s>～“"·--一～回来跟他当时的女朋友说圆桌派[看理想]</s>
<time>757_00:23:15,571 --> 00:23:16,651</time>
<s>～“"·--一～我爱你还是百分之百圆桌派[看理想]</s>
<time>758_00:23:17,011 --> 00:23:17,371</time>
<s>但是对不起</s>
<time>759_00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:18,811</time>
<s>来了个千分之千的</s>
<time>760_00:23:19,171 --> 00:23:20,247</time>
<s>那一句说得好</s>
<time>761_00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:24,927</time>
<s>所以当你问为什么的时候</s>
<time>762_00:23:25,287 --> 00:23:27,087</time>
<s>你心里要有所准备</s>
<time>763_00:23:27,447 --> 00:23:29,247</time>
<s>你要知道说</s>
<time>764_00:23:29,596 --> 00:23:32,116</time>
<s>你要承受得起这个代价吗</s>
<time>765_00:23:32,476 --> 00:23:33,196</time>
<s>或者说对方说谎</s>
<time>766_00:23:33,556 --> 00:23:35,356</time>
<s>不一定每个人都像你这样</s>
<time>767_00:23:35,716 --> 00:23:37,156</time>
<s>能懂得说谎说得好</s>
<time>768_00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:38,236</time>
<s>那当你知道</s>
<time>769_00:23:38,596 --> 00:23:38,956</time>
<s>谁呀</s>
<time>770_00:23:39,657 --> 00:23:40,377</time>
<s>别指着我说</s>
<time>771_00:23:40,737 --> 00:23:42,177</time>
<s>当你知道是假的时候</s>
<time>772_00:23:42,537 --> 00:23:43,977</time>
<s>那个伤害可能更大</s>
<time>773_00:23:44,337 --> 00:23:45,057</time>
<s>我们为什么在</s>
<time>774_00:23:45,417 --> 00:23:46,497</time>
<s>特别感情里面</s>
<time>775_00:23:46,857 --> 00:23:48,297</time>
<s>我以前聊天也谈</s>
<time>776_00:23:48,657 --> 00:23:49,377</time>
<s>在感情里面</s>
<time>777_00:23:49,734 --> 00:23:51,894</time>
<s>我们很痛恨被欺骗</s>
<time>778_00:23:52,254 --> 00:23:52,614</time>
<s>为什么呢</s>
<time>779_00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:54,414</time>
<s>当我发现被欺骗的时候</s>
<time>780_00:23:54,774 --> 00:23:56,934</time>
<s>我突然最大的感觉是你</s>
<time>781_00:23:57,294 --> 00:23:59,094</time>
<s>偷走了我的历史</s>
<time>782_00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:02,683</time>
<s>因为我整天想象我们当时</s>
<time>783_00:24:03,043 --> 00:24:03,763</time>
<s>共享一些东西</s>
<time>784_00:24:04,123 --> 00:24:05,203</time>
<s>共享的事情</s>
<time>785_00:24:05,563 --> 00:24:06,283</time>
<s>那个过程是怎么样</s>
<time>786_00:24:06,643 --> 00:24:08,443</time>
<s>你不在我身边那两个礼拜</s>
<time>787_00:24:08,803 --> 00:24:11,304</time>
<s>因为你去出差去北京</s>
<time>788_00:24:11,664 --> 00:24:13,464</time>
<s>那我就是在那边还很担心你</s>
<time>789_00:24:13,824 --> 00:24:15,984</time>
<s>在北京出差累不累什么什么</s>
<time>790_00:24:16,344 --> 00:24:17,784</time>
<s>然后后来我知道</s>
<time>791_00:24:18,144 --> 00:24:19,224</time>
<s>原来你骗我</s>
<time>792_00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:21,020</time>
<s>原来你那两个礼拜</s>
<time>793_00:24:21,380 --> 00:24:24,260</time>
<s>你去了台北跟谁谁谁</s>
<time>794_00:24:24,620 --> 00:24:27,140</time>
<s>梁文道去了台北泡温泉</s>
<time>795_00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:29,660</time>
<s>那我除了会有嫉妒</s>
<time>796_00:24:30,009 --> 00:24:30,729</time>
<s>这么具体</s>
<time>797_00:24:31,089 --> 00:24:32,169</time>
<s>好具体泡温泉</s>
<time>798_00:24:32,529 --> 00:24:32,889</time>
<s>我跟你说</s>
<time>799_00:24:33,249 --> 00:24:34,329</time>
<s>在乌来还是在北投</s>
<time>800_00:24:34,689 --> 00:24:35,769</time>
<s>嫉妒折磨人的</s>
<time>801_00:24:36,129 --> 00:24:37,209</time>
<s>都是这些具体</s>
<time>802_00:24:37,929 --> 00:24:39,369</time>
<s>具体的画面</s>
<time>803_00:24:39,729 --> 00:24:40,429</time>
<s>你知道吗真的</s>
<time>804_00:24:40,789 --> 00:24:43,309</time>
<s>那我除了嫉妒以外呢</s>
<time>805_00:24:43,669 --> 00:24:46,189</time>
<s>其实我更难过是说</s>
<time>806_00:24:46,549 --> 00:24:47,629</time>
<s>我最不甘心是</s>
<time>807_00:24:47,989 --> 00:24:50,146</time>
<s>你偷走了我的历史</s>
<time>808_00:24:50,506 --> 00:24:52,666</time>
<s>我那两个礼拜的记忆</s>
<time>809_00:24:53,026 --> 00:24:54,106</time>
<s>我的历史记忆</s>
<time>810_00:24:54,466 --> 00:24:55,186</time>
<s>原来是空白的</s>
<time>811_00:24:55,546 --> 00:24:56,626</time>
<s>原来是扭曲的</s>
<time>812_00:24:56,986 --> 00:24:57,346</time>
<s>没有意义的嘛</s>
<time>813_00:24:57,706 --> 00:24:59,146</time>
<s>原来是荒诞的</s>
<time>814_00:24:59,506 --> 00:25:00,934</time>
<s>我最痛恨这个</s>
<time>815_00:25:01,294 --> 00:25:02,734</time>
<s>所以就这样吧</s>
<time>816_00:25:03,094 --> 00:25:04,894</time>
<s>有时候是当你问别人</s>
<time>817_00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:05,974</time>
<s>为什么的时候</s>
<time>818_00:25:06,334 --> 00:25:08,494</time>
<s>你真的还要有所准备</s>
<time>819_00:25:08,854 --> 00:25:09,574</time>
<s>你能不能承受</s>
<time>820_00:25:09,934 --> 00:25:10,635</time>
<s>就我刚才讲的</s>
<time>821_00:25:10,995 --> 00:25:12,795</time>
<s>这个折磨都来自于具体</s>
<time>822_00:25:13,155 --> 00:25:13,875</time>
<s>所以反过来讲</s>
<time>823_00:25:14,235 --> 00:25:16,035</time>
<s>有的时候解脱一些</s>
<time>824_00:25:16,395 --> 00:25:18,915</time>
<s>被拒绝或者被分手的这个痛苦</s>
<time>825_00:25:19,275 --> 00:25:21,431</time>
<s>可以适当抽象一些</s>
<time>826_00:25:21,791 --> 00:25:23,231</time>
<s>就是说我们分开了</s>
<time>827_00:25:23,591 --> 00:25:24,311</time>
<s>我们的感情怎么样</s>
<time>828_00:25:24,671 --> 00:25:25,391</time>
<s>我们性格不合</s>
<time>829_00:25:25,751 --> 00:25:26,831</time>
<s>这样还好一点</s>
<time>830_00:25:27,191 --> 00:25:28,271</time>
<s>它往往最折磨人的</s>
<time>831_00:25:28,631 --> 00:25:30,071</time>
<s>就是这种想象</s>
<time>832_00:25:30,419 --> 00:25:32,939</time>
<s>然后说他跟那个人逛公园</s>
<time>833_00:25:33,299 --> 00:25:34,379</time>
<s>那是我们去过的公园</s>
<time>834_00:25:35,819 --> 00:25:37,259</time>
<s>泡温泉</s>
<time>835_00:25:38,699 --> 00:25:40,479</time>
<s>你说就想这个</s>
<time>836_00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:42,279</time>
<s>是没法想的</s>
<time>837_00:25:42,639 --> 00:25:43,359</time>
<s>所以我就跟你讲</s>
<time>838_00:25:43,719 --> 00:25:45,519</time>
<s>就是说我研究这个嫉妒</s>
<time>839_00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:46,599</time>
<s>这个妒里面</s>
<time>840_00:25:46,959 --> 00:25:48,759</time>
<s>跟人的占有欲有关系</s>
<time>841_00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:50,199</time>
<s>你比方说有些</s>
<time>842_00:25:50,555 --> 00:25:51,275</time>
<s>我看一个日本的一个人</s>
<time>843_00:25:51,635 --> 00:25:52,355</time>
<s>写的一个东西</s>
<time>844_00:25:52,715 --> 00:25:54,155</time>
<s>这种心理你能理解吗就是</s>
<time>845_00:25:55,595 --> 00:25:57,755</time>
<s>他对他的这个女朋友</s>
<time>846_00:25:58,115 --> 00:25:59,915</time>
<s>占有要占有到什么程度</s>
<time>847_00:26:01,703 --> 00:26:02,783</time>
<s>他甚至连她</s>
<time>848_00:26:03,143 --> 00:26:05,663</time>
<s>就是说以前交过男朋友</s>
<time>849_00:26:06,023 --> 00:26:07,103</time>
<s>他都不能容忍</s>
<time>850_00:26:07,463 --> 00:26:08,903</time>
<s>但是毕竟有过</s>
<time>851_00:26:09,263 --> 00:26:10,343</time>
<s>以前找过</s>
<time>852_00:26:10,683 --> 00:26:11,763</time>
<s>那这怎么办呢</s>
<time>853_00:26:12,123 --> 00:26:12,483</time>
<s>这个日本人</s>
<time>854_00:26:13,923 --> 00:26:15,003</time>
<s>他要逼着这个女的</s>
<time>855_00:26:15,363 --> 00:26:16,803</time>
<s>详细地告诉他</s>
<time>856_00:26:17,163 --> 00:26:18,603</time>
<s>你跟以前的男朋友</s>
<time>857_00:26:18,963 --> 00:26:21,119</time>
<s>你们做过的所有的事</s>
<time>858_00:26:21,479 --> 00:26:23,279</time>
<s>这个女的简直就像是一场梦</s>
<time>859_00:26:23,639 --> 00:26:26,519</time>
<s>每天晚上就接受这个盘问</s>
<time>860_00:26:26,879 --> 00:26:27,959</time>
<s>因为这个问题永远会有</s>
<time>861_00:26:28,319 --> 00:26:29,759</time>
<s>几月几号</s>
<time>862_00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:31,187</time>
<s>你们那天去了哪里</s>
<time>863_00:26:31,907 --> 00:26:32,627</time>
<s>做了什么</s>
