<time>1293_00:38:26,926 --> 00:38:28,006</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>1294_00:38:28,366 --> 00:38:29,086</time>
<s>而且就你知道</s>
<time>1295_00:38:29,446 --> 00:38:30,526</time>
<s>这就是你讲这个</s>
<time>1296_00:38:30,886 --> 00:38:32,326</time>
<s>现在等于实际上</s>
<time>1297_00:38:32,686 --> 00:38:34,846</time>
<s>我们都有一个电子足迹了</s>
<time>1298_00:38:35,206 --> 00:38:37,006</time>
<s>那次我碰见一刑侦人员跟我说</s>
<time>1299_00:38:37,366 --> 00:38:38,086</time>
<s>现在可真别犯罪</s>
<time>1300_00:38:38,446 --> 00:38:39,166</time>
<s>我跟你说</s>
<time>1301_00:38:39,526 --> 00:38:40,606</time>
<s>就是这个完全</s>
<time>1302_00:38:40,966 --> 00:38:43,126</time>
<s>你的这个电子的足迹</s>
<time>1303_00:38:43,486 --> 00:38:44,566</time>
<s>你到过哪儿你千什么</s>
<time>1304_00:38:44,926 --> 00:38:45,286</time>
<s>这事不要查</s>
<time>1305_00:38:46,006 --> 00:38:47,446</time>
<s>要查都查得出来</s>
<time>1306_00:38:47,806 --> 00:38:49,606</time>
<s>没有重点好多人都想知道</s>
<time>1307_00:38:49,966 --> 00:38:51,766</time>
<s>另外一半的真相</s>
<time>1308_00:38:52,126 --> 00:38:54,286</time>
<s>他们忘了在同时问一个问题</s>
<time>1309_00:38:54,646 --> 00:38:56,806</time>
<s>知道之后你能够应付吗</s>
<time>1310_00:38:57,166 --> 00:38:58,246</time>
<s>你对付得了吗</s>
<time>1311_00:38:58,606 --> 00:38:58,966</time>
<s>你要怎么样</s>
<time>1312_00:38:59,326 --> 00:39:00,046</time>
<s>比方说那个老婆</s>
<time>1313_00:39:00,406 --> 00:39:02,206</time>
<s>马爷说的那些朋友的老婆</s>
<time>1314_00:39:02,566 --> 00:39:04,006</time>
<s>好啊都逼到最后</s>
<time>1315_00:39:04,366 --> 00:39:04,726</time>
<s>那老公说</s>
<time>1316_00:39:05,086 --> 00:39:06,526</time>
<s>对你所想象的</s>
<time>1317_00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:08,686</time>
<s>发生的事情都真的发生了</s>
<time>1318_00:39:09,046 --> 00:39:10,126</time>
<s>那你要怎么样</s>
<time>1319_00:39:10,486 --> 00:39:11,926</time>
<s>那那个女方能够应付吗</s>
<time>1320_00:39:12,286 --> 00:39:14,086</time>
<s>我有个朋友替人家算命的</s>
<time>1321_00:39:14,446 --> 00:39:16,966</time>
<s>他的顾客绝大九成九是女的</s>
<time>1322_00:39:17,326 --> 00:39:18,046</time>
<s>他说好多都是</s>
<time>1323_00:39:18,406 --> 00:39:19,486</time>
<s>偷偷把老公的八字时辰</s>
<time>1324_00:39:19,846 --> 00:39:21,286</time>
<s>生辰八字拿来</s>
<time>1325_00:39:22,726 --> 00:39:23,806</time>
<s>没有她们不是从算命</s>
<time>1326_00:39:24,166 --> 00:39:25,246</time>
<s>看出有没有外遇</s>
<time>1327_00:39:25,606 --> 00:39:26,326</time>
<s>她说你算一下</s>
<time>1328_00:39:26,686 --> 00:39:28,126</time>
<s>我能不能跟老公白头到老</s>
<time>1329_00:39:28,486 --> 00:39:30,646</time>
<s>也当然看他有没有忠心</s>
<time>1330_00:39:31,006 --> 00:39:31,366</time>
<s>那我那个朋友</s>
<time>1331_00:39:31,726 --> 00:39:33,526</time>
<s>都先那这样问她们提醒她们</s>
<time>1332_00:39:33,886 --> 00:39:34,606</time>
<s>好我要算了</s>
<time>1333_00:39:34,966 --> 00:39:36,046</time>
<s>你准备好了吗</s>
<time>1334_00:39:36,406 --> 00:39:38,206</time>
<s>你真的要听知道真相吗</s>
<time>1335_00:39:38,566 --> 00:39:39,646</time>
<s>你知道真相</s>
<time>1336_00:39:40,006 --> 00:39:42,526</time>
<s>你有知道要应付得了吗</s>
<time>1337_00:39:42,886 --> 00:39:43,606</time>
<s>一这样讲呢</s>
<time>1338_00:39:43,966 --> 00:39:45,046</time>
<s>好多女人都马上说</s>
<time>1339_00:39:45,406 --> 00:39:47,206</time>
<s>那算了算了不要算</s>
<time>1340_00:39:47,566 --> 00:39:48,646</time>
<s>那师傅你替我算一下</s>
<time>1341_00:39:49,006 --> 00:39:49,726</time>
<s>我老公什么时候死</s>
<time>1342_00:39:51,526 --> 00:39:52,246</time>
<s>那可以分遗产</s>
<time>1343_00:39:52,606 --> 00:39:53,326</time>
<s>你知道吗分家产</s>
<time>1344_00:39:53,686 --> 00:39:55,126</time>
<s>照你这意思马爷</s>
<time>1345_00:39:55,486 --> 00:39:56,926</time>
<s>你这意思就是觉得</s>
<time>1346_00:39:57,286 --> 00:40:00,526</time>
<s>这两口子还是应该适当的</s>
<time>1347_00:40:00,886 --> 00:40:03,046</time>
<s>保留一些人性的隐私</s>
<time>1348_00:40:03,406 --> 00:40:05,926</time>
<s>或者说怎么说呢</s>
<time>1349_00:40:06,286 --> 00:40:07,366</time>
<s>就是说不知道为好</s>
<time>1350_00:40:07,726 --> 00:40:09,526</time>
<s>方舟你觉得你有勇气面对知道吗</s>
<time>1351_00:40:10,606 --> 00:40:12,046</time>
<s>我觉得就是对我来说</s>
<time>1352_00:40:12,406 --> 00:40:15,286</time>
<s>确实是爱就意味着这完全的</s>
<time>1353_00:40:15,646 --> 00:40:16,366</time>
<s>就是完全的信任</s>
<time>1354_00:40:16,726 --> 00:40:18,166</time>
<s>就比如说像我还在想</s>
<time>1355_00:40:18,526 --> 00:40:19,606</time>
<s>我一直在想</s>
<time>1356_00:40:19,966 --> 00:40:20,686</time>
<s>我到底能不能接受</s>
<time>1357_00:40:21,046 --> 00:40:22,126</time>
<s>那个出轨一两次</s>
<time>1358_00:40:22,486 --> 00:40:23,926</time>
<s>我后来觉得其实可以</s>
<time>1359_00:40:24,286 --> 00:40:26,086</time>
<s>但是你不能就是你指着</s>
<time>1360_00:40:26,446 --> 00:40:28,606</time>
<s>我有一两次的这个指标我就怎么</s>
<time>1361_00:40:28,966 --> 00:40:30,766</time>
<s>我今年还剩下那个指标</s>
<time>1362_00:40:31,126 --> 00:40:32,206</time>
<s>名额满了</s>
<time>1363_00:40:32,566 --> 00:40:34,006</time>
<s>这是我的底线</s>
<time>1364_00:40:34,366 --> 00:40:35,086</time>
<s>这是我的</s>
<time>1365_00:40:35,446 --> 00:40:36,166</time>
<s>你不能真拿这当指标</s>
<time>1366_00:40:36,526 --> 00:40:37,606</time>
<s>对这是我的底线</s>
<time>1367_00:40:37,966 --> 00:40:39,766</time>
<s>但是呢这个如果你足够爱我的话</s>
<time>1368_00:40:40,126 --> 00:40:40,846</time>
<s>我觉得你应该</s>
<time>1369_00:40:41,206 --> 00:40:43,006</time>
<s>这个你的自律应该把你维持</s>
<time>1370_00:40:43,366 --> 00:40:44,806</time>
<s>不是在不断地试探我的底线</s>
<time>1371_00:40:45,166 --> 00:40:46,606</time>
<s>和不断地拓宽我的底线</s>
<time>1372_00:40:46,966 --> 00:40:49,126</time>
<s>而是你有一个自己的标准</s>
<time>1373_00:40:49,486 --> 00:40:50,206</time>
<s>把自己就是维持在一个</s>
<time>1374_00:40:50,566 --> 00:40:52,366</time>
<s>让我能够信任的维度内</s>
<time>1375_00:40:52,726 --> 00:40:54,526</time>
<s>那方舟其实你刚刚有说了</s>
<time>1376_00:40:54,886 --> 00:40:55,606</time>
<s>不一样的东西</s>
<time>1377_00:40:55,966 --> 00:40:57,046</time>
<s>你可以再想</s>
<time>1378_00:40:57,406 --> 00:40:58,486</time>
<s>因为你前面说到</s>
<time>1379_00:40:58,846 --> 00:40:59,566</time>
<s>可以一两次</s>
<time>1380_00:40:59,926 --> 00:41:01,726</time>
<s>比方说假如喝醉了什么什么</s>
<time>1381_00:41:02,446 --> 00:41:03,166</time>
<s>说起出轨</s>
<time>1382_00:41:03,526 --> 00:41:04,606</time>
<s>有不同的状况</s>
<time>1383_00:41:04,966 --> 00:41:07,486</time>
<s>你也不一定是接受全部接受</s>
<time>1384_00:41:07,846 --> 00:41:08,206</time>
<s>因为你刚刚前面</s>
<time>1385_00:41:08,566 --> 00:41:09,646</time>
<s>加了一个附带条件</s>
<time>1386_00:41:10,006 --> 00:41:11,806</time>
<s>假如是喝醉酒</s>
<time>1387_00:41:12,166 --> 00:41:13,966</time>
<s>一时意乱情迷是吗</s>
<time>1388_00:41:14,326 --> 00:41:15,046</time>
<s>你就一两次</s>
<time>1389_00:41:15,406 --> 00:41:16,846</time>
<s>可能三四次你都能接受</s>
<time>1390_00:41:17,926 --> 00:41:20,446</time>
<s>一两次你不要给我拓宽到三次</s>
<time>1391_00:41:20,806 --> 00:41:22,246</time>
<s>擅自增加指标</s>
<time>1392_00:41:22,606 --> 00:41:22,966</time>
<s>他就是这种人</s>
<time>1393_00:41:23,326 --> 00:41:23,686</time>
<s>就一两次</s>
<time>1394_00:41:24,046 --> 00:41:24,406</time>
<s>那慢慢偷学起来</s>
<time>1395_00:41:24,766 --> 00:41:26,926</time>
<s>四舍五入就是十次是吗</s>
<time>1396_00:41:27,286 --> 00:41:28,366</time>
<s>然后二三十次都可以</s>
<time>1397_00:41:28,726 --> 00:41:30,166</time>
<s>一二三四五六七八次</s>
<time>1398_00:41:30,526 --> 00:41:32,686</time>
<s>假如因为出轨也有不同的情况</s>
<time>1399_00:41:33,046 --> 00:41:34,846</time>
<s>比方说他出轨不是醉酒</s>
<time>1400_00:41:35,206 --> 00:41:37,006</time>
<s>甚至不是意乱情迷</s>
<time>1401_00:41:37,366 --> 00:41:39,166</time>
<s>八安福灶那一次你都不会接受</s>
<time>1402_00:41:40,606 --> 00:41:41,686</time>
<s>不是喝醉酒</s>
<time>1403_00:41:42,046 --> 00:41:43,126</time>
<s>他是很清楚地知道</s>
<time>1404_00:41:43,486 --> 00:41:45,286</time>
<s>他跟她的身体的接触</s>
<time>1405_00:41:45,646 --> 00:41:47,086</time>
<s>比跟你的可能更契合</s>
<time>1406_00:41:47,446 --> 00:41:47,806</time>
<s>那我不行</s>
<time>1407_00:41:48,526 --> 00:41:50,326</time>
<s>我怕真的比跟我的还好所以</s>
<time>1408_00:41:50,686 --> 00:41:51,046</time>
<s>对啊</s>
<time>1409_00:41:51,406 --> 00:41:52,486</time>
<s>还事不能比</s>
<time>1410_00:41:52,846 --> 00:41:54,646</time>
<s>这事不能试</s>
<time>1411_00:41:55,006 --> 00:41:55,366</time>
<s>要是真的呢</s>
<time>1412_00:41:55,726 --> 00:41:56,806</time>
<s>女人怕比较</s>
<time>1413_00:41:57,166 --> 00:41:58,966</time>
<s>你跟这个社会学心理学的老师</s>
<time>1414_00:41:59,326 --> 00:42:00,766</time>
<s>弄这个事实在是太累了</s>
<time>1415_00:42:01,126 --> 00:42:03,286</time>
<s>你这个太残酷你这个完全</s>
<time>1416_00:42:03,646 --> 00:42:04,006</time>
<s>对太残酷了</s>
<time>1417_00:42:04,366 --> 00:42:05,446</time>
<s>你这个已经把所有的条件</s>
<time>1418_00:42:05,806 --> 00:42:06,166</time>
<s>说得大家都颓了真是</s>
<time>1419_00:42:06,526 --> 00:42:07,966</time>
<s>对所有的条件都已经</s>
<time>1420_00:42:08,326 --> 00:42:09,046</time>
<s>全部摆在桌面上</s>
<time>1421_00:42:09,406 --> 00:42:10,486</time>
<s>这事就不能谈了</s>
<time>1422_00:42:10,846 --> 00:42:11,206</time>
<s>对啊</s>
<time>1423_00:42:11,566 --> 00:42:14,086</time>
<s>我们只能是在一种模糊的状态中</s>
<time>1424_00:42:14,446 --> 00:42:16,246</time>
<s>说出自己的内心的一个</s>
<time>1425_00:42:16,606 --> 00:42:18,046</time>
<s>对社会的认知和宽容</s>
<time>1426_00:42:18,406 --> 00:42:19,846</time>
<s>你对社会首先有认知</s>
<time>1427_00:42:20,206 --> 00:42:21,286</time>
<s>你才可能宽容</s>
<time>1428_00:42:21,646 --> 00:42:22,366</time>
<s>比如我们往前移</s>
<time>1429_00:42:22,726 --> 00:42:24,166</time>
<s>移到清代你就没这个宽容</s>
<time>1430_00:42:24,526 --> 00:42:26,326</time>
<s>因为你说这个事就是大逆不道</s>
<time>1431_00:42:26,686 --> 00:42:28,486</time>
<s>想这个事都不行对吧</s>
<time>1432_00:42:28,846 --> 00:42:29,926</time>
<s>对（依照）过去讲</s>
<time>1433_00:42:30,286 --> 00:42:32,446</time>
<s>你真要叫宗教修行的标准</s>
<time>1434_00:42:32,806 --> 00:42:33,886</time>
<s>那关键在动念</s>
<time>1435_00:42:34,246 --> 00:42:35,686</time>
<s>对你一动念就犯罪了</s>
<time>1436_00:42:36,046 --> 00:42:36,766</time>
<s>你为什么老去悔</s>
<time>1437_00:42:37,126 --> 00:42:38,206</time>
<s>你和牧师要说呢</s>
<time>1438_00:42:38,566 --> 00:42:40,366</time>
<s>牧师就是让你把心里的这个事</s>
<time>1439_00:42:40,726 --> 00:42:43,606</time>
<s>就是你的这个邪念就说出来</s>
<time>1440_00:42:43,966 --> 00:42:44,326</time>
<s>说出来以后</s>
<time>1441_00:42:44,686 --> 00:42:49,726</time>
<s>因为从想到做是有明确的界限</s>
<time>1442_00:42:50,086 --> 00:42:52,966</time>
<s>这个界限大部分人都会止住</s>
<time>1443_00:42:53,326 --> 00:42:54,766</time>
<s>就我说精神出轨的人</s>
<time>1444_00:42:55,126 --> 00:42:56,566</time>
<s>咱也别说人人都有</s>
<time>1445_00:42:56,926 --> 00:42:57,286</time>
<s>我说这个很多人</s>
<time>1446_00:42:57,646 --> 00:42:59,086</time>
<s>就会蹭出来说我没有</s>
<time>1447_00:42:59,446 --> 00:43:00,886</time>
<s>就是大部分人会精神出轨</s>
<time>1448_00:43:01,246 --> 00:43:03,406</time>
<s>但他从跨到肉体出轨</s>
<time>1449_00:43:03,766 --> 00:43:05,566</time>
<s>它这条界限是最重了</s>
<time>1450_00:43:05,926 --> 00:43:08,446</time>
<s>他跨出去以后</s>
<time>1451_00:43:08,806 --> 00:43:10,966</time>
<s>从某种意义上讲是回不来的</s>
<time>1452_00:43:11,686 --> 00:43:12,766</time>
<s>你只要过去就回不来</s>
<time>1453_00:43:13,126 --> 00:43:14,206</time>
<s>那回不来就受到</s>
<time>1454_00:43:14,566 --> 00:43:15,646</time>
<s>社会另一方的救济</s>
<time>1455_00:43:16,006 --> 00:43:18,166</time>
<s>就是她要作为女性</s>
<time>1456_00:43:18,526 --> 00:43:19,246</time>
<s>这个事我们这个例子</s>
<time>1457_00:43:19,606 --> 00:43:19,966</time>
<s>都可以翻过来说</s>
<time>1458_00:43:20,326 --> 00:43:23,206</time>
<s>作为男性是否宽容的去接纳</s>
<time>1459_00:43:23,566 --> 00:43:24,646</time>
<s>我们社会的这个状况</s>
<time>1460_00:43:25,006 --> 00:43:26,446</time>
<s>他其实是不是宽容</s>
<time>1461_00:43:26,806 --> 00:43:29,326</time>
<s>跟你自己如何料理你的</s>
<time>1462_00:43:29,686 --> 00:43:31,486</time>
<s>安顿你的人生有很大关系</s>
<time>1463_00:43:31,846 --> 00:43:32,566</time>
<s>你比如说像你</s>
<time>1464_00:43:32,926 --> 00:43:34,006</time>
<s>我听马爷这个有个结论</s>
<time>1465_00:43:34,366 --> 00:43:35,086</time>
<s>就等于是说</s>
<time>1466_00:43:35,446 --> 00:43:37,606</time>
<s>过去中国老祖宗讲难得糊涂</s>
<time>1467_00:43:37,966 --> 00:43:38,686</time>
<s>现在看起来</s>
<time>1468_00:43:39,046 --> 00:43:40,126</time>
<s>其实是有意义的</s>
<time>1469_00:43:40,486 --> 00:43:41,566</time>
<s>就是说难得糊涂</s>
<time>1470_00:43:41,926 --> 00:43:43,726</time>
<s>即包括了你对别人</s>
<time>1471_00:43:44,086 --> 00:43:47,686</time>
<s>人性当中偶尔的一种宽容和理解</s>
<time>1472_00:43:48,046 --> 00:43:49,486</time>
<s>也包括你对你自己</s>
<time>1473_00:43:49,846 --> 00:43:51,286</time>
<s>承受能力的一种认识</s>
<time>1474_00:43:51,646 --> 00:43:54,166</time>
<s>就有些东西弄得太清楚了</s>
<time>1475_00:43:54,526 --> 00:43:55,246</time>
<s>两口子之间呢</s>
<time>1476_00:43:55,606 --> 00:43:57,406</time>
<s>可能对大家都很残忍对吧</s>
<time>1477_00:43:57,766 --> 00:44:00,286</time>
<s>但是呢你要想能够做到这一点</s>
<time>1478_00:44:00,646 --> 00:44:01,726</time>
<s>你比如说我觉得方舟</s>
<time>1479_00:44:02,086 --> 00:44:03,886</time>
<s>她实际上她是有自信的</s>
<time>1480_00:44:04,246 --> 00:44:04,966</time>
<s>她能够这样她能够</s>
<time>1481_00:44:05,326 --> 00:44:07,126</time>
<s>她是有一个自己的精神世界</s>
<time>1482_00:44:07,486 --> 00:44:08,206</time>
<s>这就有一个社会学的</s>
<time>1483_00:44:08,566 --> 00:44:10,006</time>
<s>也不叫心理学的问题了</s>
<time>1484_00:44:10,366 --> 00:44:13,966</time>
<s>你看为什么在有些配偶之间</s>
<time>1485_00:44:14,326 --> 00:44:17,926</time>
<s>他想要占有对方的一切</s>
<time>1486_00:44:18,286 --> 00:44:20,446</time>
<s>甚至于占有对方的回忆</s>
<time>1487_00:44:20,806 --> 00:44:21,526</time>
<s>你听说过吗</s>
<time>1488_00:44:21,886 --> 00:44:22,606</time>
<s>连你的初恋</s>
<time>1489_00:44:22,966 --> 00:44:24,406</time>
<s>每一件事你都得告诉我</s>
<time>1490_00:44:24,766 --> 00:44:26,566</time>
<s>你看尽管我都不能参与了</s>
<time>1491_00:44:26,926 --> 00:44:28,006</time>
<s>都是知道对我来说</s>
<time>1492_00:44:28,366 --> 00:44:29,806</time>
<s>仍然是一种占有的方式</s>
<time>1493_00:44:30,166 --> 00:44:31,606</time>
<s>就这么强烈的占有欲</s>
<time>1494_00:44:31,966 --> 00:44:34,846</time>
<s>实际上是不是因为他本身呢</s>
<time>1495_00:44:35,206 --> 00:44:37,726</time>
<s>太虚了还是说太没有安全感</s>
<time>1496_00:44:38,086 --> 00:44:39,886</time>
<s>他或者说他太希望一切</s>
<time>1497_00:44:40,246 --> 00:44:41,686</time>
<s>都在自己控制当中了呢</s>
<time>1498_00:44:42,046 --> 00:44:42,406</time>
<s>那我觉得是</s>
<time>1499_00:44:42,766 --> 00:44:44,566</time>
<s>缺乏道理的一个理解</s>
<time>1500_00:44:44,926 --> 00:44:46,366</time>
<s>我老说把事情搁到极端</s>
<time>1501_00:44:46,726 --> 00:44:48,166</time>
<s>就看得特别清楚</s>
<time>1502_00:44:48,526 --> 00:44:49,246</time>
<s>你年轻中</s>
<time>1503_00:44:49,606 --> 00:44:52,486</time>
<s>比如你的出轨</s>
<time>1504_00:44:52,846 --> 00:44:54,646</time>
<s>然后导致夫妻之间</s>
<time>1505_00:44:55,006 --> 00:44:57,886</time>
<s>就是到达破裂的边缘</s>
<time>1506_00:44:58,246 --> 00:44:59,326</time>
<s>但最后弥合了</s>
<time>1507_00:44:59,686 --> 00:45:00,046</time>
<s>那么这件事情</s>
<time>1508_00:45:00,406 --> 00:45:02,926</time>
<s>比如你是30岁的时候发生了</s>
<time>1509_00:45:03,286 --> 00:45:05,806</time>
<s>然后老两口到了80岁的时候</s>
<time>1510_00:45:06,166 --> 00:45:06,526</time>
<s>50年过去以后</s>
<time>1511_00:45:06,886 --> 00:45:08,326</time>
<s>这件事情变成你晚年</s>
<time>1512_00:45:08,686 --> 00:45:10,486</time>
<s>非常重要的一个笑料</s>
<time>1513_00:45:10,846 --> 00:45:11,926</time>
<s>你晚年生活的精神丰富</s>
<time>1514_00:45:12,286 --> 00:45:13,006</time>
<s>是靠这些东西</s>
<time>1515_00:45:13,366 --> 00:45:14,806</time>
<s>回忆说你看你年轻的时候</s>
<time>1516_00:45:15,166 --> 00:45:16,246</time>
<s>这个那个什么的事</s>
<time>1517_00:45:16,606 --> 00:45:16,966</time>
<s>是吧有意思了吧</s>
<time>1518_00:45:17,326 --> 00:45:18,406</time>
<s>它就变得非常有意思</s>
<time>1519_00:45:20,206 --> 00:45:21,646</time>
<s>我就说年轻的时候</s>
<time>1520_00:45:22,006 --> 00:45:23,446</time>
<s>现在人都不怎么写情书</s>
<time>1521_00:45:23,806 --> 00:45:24,166</time>
<s>都是这个什么</s>
<time>1522_00:45:24,526 --> 00:45:25,606</time>
<s>过去我们那时候都写情书</s>
<time>1523_00:45:25,966 --> 00:45:27,046</time>
<s>写很长的情书</s>
<time>1524_00:45:27,406 --> 00:45:29,566</time>
<s>这些情书都不一定是写给你</s>
<time>1525_00:45:29,926 --> 00:45:31,006</time>
<s>最后的太太的</s>
<time>1526_00:45:31,366 --> 00:45:32,446</time>
<s>但这些东西如果你把它</s>
<time>1527_00:45:32,806 --> 00:45:33,526</time>
<s>封存在一个地方</s>
<time>1528_00:45:33,886 --> 00:45:34,966</time>
<s>在你的晚年</s>
<time>1529_00:45:35,326 --> 00:45:37,126</time>
<s>如果是行将就木的时候</s>
<time>1530_00:45:37,486 --> 00:45:38,926</time>
<s>这些东西都能够重现</s>
<time>1531_00:45:39,286 --> 00:45:41,086</time>
<s>让你和你的后来的</s>
<time>1532_00:45:41,446 --> 00:45:43,246</time>
<s>能够相以沫自头到老的人</s>
<time>1533_00:45:43,606 --> 00:45:43,966</time>
<s>去看这一段</s>
<time>1534_00:45:44,326 --> 00:45:45,406</time>
<s>这一段没有什么伤害了</s>
<time>1535_00:45:45,766 --> 00:45:46,846</time>
<s>这时候你伤害不动我</s>
<time>1536_00:45:47,206 --> 00:45:47,926</time>
<s>不仅不伤害我</s>
<time>1537_00:45:48,286 --> 00:45:50,086</time>
<s>还帮助我回忆青春</s>
<time>1538_00:45:50,446 --> 00:45:51,166</time>
<s>帮助了我丰富了</s>
<time>1539_00:45:51,526 --> 00:45:53,686</time>
<s>我的人生的内心世界</s>
<time>1540_00:45:54,046 --> 00:45:56,206</time>
<s>所以这个事情从这个角度上看</s>
<time>1541_00:45:56,566 --> 00:45:58,006</time>
<s>不一定是特坏的事</s>
<time>1542_00:45:58,366 --> 00:45:59,086</time>
<s>我觉得文涛老师说的</s>
<time>1543_00:45:59,446 --> 00:46:00,526</time>
<s>这个为什么有的女的会这样</s>
<time>1544_00:46:00,886 --> 00:46:02,686</time>
<s>我觉得或者很多不止是女的吧</s>
<time>1545_00:46:03,046 --> 00:46:03,766</time>
<s>男的也这样</s>
<time>1546_00:46:04,126 --> 00:46:04,846</time>
<s>对我觉得现在</s>
<time>1547_00:46:05,206 --> 00:46:07,006</time>
<s>因为我在很多年轻人身上就看到</s>
<time>1548_00:46:07,366 --> 00:46:08,086</time>
<s>我觉得有一点原因</s>
<time>1549_00:46:08,446 --> 00:46:10,606</time>
<s>就是他还是对人性的理解</s>
<time>1550_00:46:10,966 --> 00:46:11,326</time>
<s>一个是比较浅</s>
<time>1551_00:46:11,686 --> 00:46:12,046</time>
<s>另外一个</s>
<time>1552_00:46:12,406 --> 00:46:13,126</time>
<s>它不是一个原生的</s>
<time>1553_00:46:13,486 --> 00:46:14,206</time>
<s>比如说现在网上有很多</s>
<time>1554_00:46:14,566 --> 00:46:17,086</time>
<s>这个男的爱你就要做到多少多少条</s>
<time>1555_00:46:17,446 --> 00:46:19,246</time>
<s>把手机屏幕设成你手机给你</s>
<time>1556_00:46:19,606 --> 00:46:20,326</time>
<s>她对于这个男性</s>
<time>1557_00:46:20,686 --> 00:46:21,766</time>
<s>男女关系的理解</s>
<time>1558_00:46:22,126 --> 00:46:22,486</time>
<s>或者说她初始状态</s>
<time>1559_00:46:22,846 --> 00:46:25,366</time>
<s>是根据网上的这些东西来确定的</s>
<time>1560_00:46:25,726 --> 00:46:26,806</time>
<s>他没有一个像马爷说的</s>
<time>1561_00:46:27,166 --> 00:46:28,246</time>
<s>基于人生阅历</s>
<time>1562_00:46:28,606 --> 00:46:28,966</time>
<s>基于什么的</s>
<time>1563_00:46:29,326 --> 00:46:30,046</time>
<s>对人性的理解</s>
<time>1564_00:46:30,406 --> 00:46:31,486</time>
<s>他是靠这个标准</s>
<time>1565_00:46:31,846 --> 00:46:32,206</time>
<s>我看我男朋友</s>
<time>1566_00:46:32,566 --> 00:46:33,286</time>
<s>能不能做到以上几条</s>
<time>1567_00:46:33,646 --> 00:46:34,006</time>
<s>对就像</s>
<time>1568_00:46:34,366 --> 00:46:35,446</time>
<s>不是我跟你说那网上</s>
<time>1569_00:46:35,806 --> 00:46:37,966</time>
<s>就像现在年轻人说是什么结婚誓词</s>
<time>1570_00:46:38,326 --> 00:46:39,406</time>
<s>你们听过吗</s>
<time>1571_00:46:39,766 --> 00:46:40,846</time>
<s>就是说我保证做你的小火车</s>
<time>1572_00:46:41,206 --> 00:46:42,286</time>
<s>永远不出轨</s>
<time>1573_00:46:42,646 --> 00:46:43,366</time>
<s>我保证做你的美人鱼</s>
<time>1574_00:46:43,726 --> 00:46:44,446</time>
<s>永远不劈腿</s>
<time>1575_00:46:44,806 --> 00:46:46,606</time>
<s>然后好下面双方交换微信密码</s>
<time>1576_00:46:48,046 --> 00:46:49,846</time>
<s>就是它是这么一种感觉</s>
<time>1577_00:46:50,206 --> 00:46:51,286</time>
<s>对就是我觉得你</s>
<time>1578_00:46:51,646 --> 00:46:53,086</time>
<s>这个对人性的理解</s>
<time>1579_00:46:53,446 --> 00:46:54,166</time>
<s>它不是来自</s>
<time>1580_00:46:54,526 --> 00:46:55,606</time>
<s>有的时候它不是原生的</s>
<time>1581_00:46:55,966 --> 00:46:56,686</time>
<s>基于我的经验</s>
<time>1582_00:46:57,046 --> 00:46:58,486</time>
<s>甚至是基于我自己的这个回忆</s>
<time>1583_00:46:58,846 --> 00:47:00,646</time>
<s>而是基于好像你应该这样</s>
<time>1584_00:47:01,006 --> 00:47:01,726</time>
<s>但你为什么应该这样</s>
<time>1585_00:47:02,086 --> 00:47:03,166</time>
<s>其实我也说不明白</s>
<time>1586_00:47:03,526 --> 00:47:04,606</time>
<s>方舟你说这是一种什么心理</s>
<time>1587_00:47:04,966 --> 00:47:07,126</time>
<s>就是说想要占有</s>
<time>1588_00:47:07,486 --> 00:47:09,286</time>
<s>另一个人的一切</s>
<time>1589_00:47:09,646 --> 00:47:11,086</time>
<s>你的一切社交关系</s>
<time>1590_00:47:11,446 --> 00:47:12,166</time>
<s>我都必须知道</s>
<time>1591_00:47:12,526 --> 00:47:13,966</time>
<s>你的一切暖味或者不暖味的</s>
<time>1592_00:47:14,326 --> 00:47:15,766</time>
<s>我都必须掌握</s>
<time>1593_00:47:16,486 --> 00:47:17,566</time>
<s>爱情在人生当中的比重</s>
<time>1594_00:47:17,926 --> 00:47:18,646</time>
<s>占的过大了</s>
<time>1595_00:47:19,006 --> 00:47:19,726</time>
<s>或者说两性关系</s>
<time>1596_00:47:20,086 --> 00:47:21,166</time>
<s>在人生当中的比重</s>
<time>1597_00:47:21,526 --> 00:47:22,246</time>
<s>占的过大了</s>
<time>1598_00:47:22,606 --> 00:47:22,966</time>
<s>那我一直觉得</s>
<time>1599_00:47:23,326 --> 00:47:25,126</time>
<s>它其实只是生活的一小部分</s>
<time>1600_00:47:25,486 --> 00:47:26,206</time>
<s>那你把它叫做爱情</s>
<time>1601_00:47:26,566 --> 00:47:27,286</time>
<s>那你的意思是</s>
<time>1602_00:47:27,646 --> 00:47:28,366</time>
<s>就是说这种某种爱情</s>
<time>1603_00:47:28,726 --> 00:47:29,446</time>
<s>代表着占有吗</s>
<time>1604_00:47:30,886 --> 00:47:32,686</time>
<s>我觉得它不应该代表着占有</s>
<time>1605_00:47:33,046 --> 00:47:34,126</time>
<s>但如果你要把它这个</s>
<time>1606_00:47:34,486 --> 00:47:35,206</time>
<s>就像这个手机屏幕</s>
<time>1607_00:47:35,566 --> 00:47:36,646</time>
<s>你无限地放大之后</s>
<time>1608_00:47:37,006 --> 00:47:38,086</time>
<s>你就变成每一个</s>
<time>1609_00:47:38,446 --> 00:47:39,166</time>
<s>都是可以怀疑的</s>
<time>1610_00:47:39,526 --> 00:47:40,606</time>
<s>每一个部分你都要把它</s>
<time>1611_00:47:40,966 --> 00:47:42,046</time>
<s>变成一个重大命题</s>
<time>1612_00:47:42,406 --> 00:47:43,486</time>
<s>但如果它只在你人生里面</s>
<time>1613_00:47:43,846 --> 00:47:44,926</time>
<s>占据的一角的话</s>
<time>1614_00:47:45,286 --> 00:47:46,006</time>
<s>那你就会觉得</s>
<time>1615_00:47:46,366 --> 00:47:47,806</time>
<s>它很多的问题</s>
<time>1616_00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:49,246</time>
<s>它很多的不清晰</s>
<time>1617_00:47:49,606 --> 00:47:49,966</time>
<s>很多的模糊</s>
<time>1618_00:47:50,326 --> 00:47:51,046</time>
<s>都是可以被宽容的</s>
<time>1619_00:47:51,406 --> 00:47:54,286</time>
<s>那就算只占一角还是伤害</s>
<time>1620_00:47:54,646 --> 00:47:56,446</time>
<s>你拿刀割你的这里你会死</s>
<time>1621_00:47:56,806 --> 00:47:58,246</time>
<s>割你这里你还是伤害</s>
<time>1622_00:47:58,606 --> 00:48:00,046</time>
<s>至于说理由的话</s>
<time>1623_00:48:00,406 --> 00:48:01,486</time>
<s>有一个这样的说法</s>
<time>1624_00:48:01,846 --> 00:48:05,086</time>
<s>控制欲是一种学习回来的行为</s>
<time>1625_00:48:05,446 --> 00:48:08,686</time>
<s>控制除了你自己有没有安全感什么</s>
<time>1626_00:48:09,046 --> 00:48:09,766</time>
<s>你是学回来的</s>
<time>1627_00:48:10,486 --> 00:48:11,566</time>
<s>你</s>
<time>1628_00:48:11,926 --> 00:48:12,646</time>
<s>小时候有没有</s>
<time>1629_00:48:13,006 --> 00:48:15,886</time>
<s>有一个控制狂的父亲或者妈妈</s>
<time>1630_00:48:16,246 --> 00:48:16,966</time>
<s>或者成长里面</s>
<time>1631_00:48:17,326 --> 00:48:18,406</time>
<s>你遭遇过什么</s>
<time>1632_00:48:18,766 --> 00:48:19,486</time>
<s>后来很不幸</s>
<time>1633_00:48:19,846 --> 00:48:21,286</time>
<s>小朋友们年轻人上网</s>
<time>1634_00:48:21,646 --> 00:48:23,086</time>
<s>他本来没这种想法的</s>
<time>1635_00:48:23,446 --> 00:48:24,526</time>
<s>刚开始也只是好玩而已</s>
<time>1636_00:48:24,886 --> 00:48:25,606</time>
<s>看到原来什么</s>
<time>1637_00:48:25,966 --> 00:48:27,406</time>
<s>我答应说你小火车</s>
<time>1638_00:48:27,766 --> 00:48:28,846</time>
<s>又送早餐什么什么</s>
<time>1639_00:48:29,206 --> 00:48:31,006</time>
<s>他学了刚开始是好玩的</s>
<time>1640_00:48:31,366 --> 00:48:32,086</time>
<s>后来他真的学了</s>
<time>1641_00:48:32,446 --> 00:48:34,246</time>
<s>以为这是一个爱情的</s>
<time>1642_00:48:34,606 --> 00:48:37,126</time>
<s>衡量爱情的好指标</s>
<time>1643_00:48:37,486 --> 00:48:39,286</time>
<s>慢慢地进了他的脑袋</s>
<time>1644_00:48:39,646 --> 00:48:41,086</time>
<s>充满了种种的</s>
<time>1645_00:48:41,446 --> 00:48:42,886</time>
<s>对于性别的反动</s>
<time>1646_00:48:43,246 --> 00:48:45,766</time>
<s>性别的那个偏见在里面</s>
<time>1647_00:48:46,126 --> 00:48:47,566</time>
<s>可是很不幸我们就学</s>
<time>1648_00:48:47,926 --> 00:48:50,446</time>
<s>以前学爸妈学老师学课本</s>
<time>1649_00:48:50,806 --> 00:48:51,886</time>
<s>后来学网络了</s>
<time>1650_00:48:52,246 --> 00:48:53,686</time>
<s>基本上白痴跟白痴学</s>
<time>1651_00:48:54,046 --> 00:48:57,646</time>
<s>在我看来这是个世界这是这个世界的本质</s>
<time>1652_00:48:58,006 --> 00:49:00,526</time>
<s>对啊愚蠢的人跟愚蠢的人学习</s>
<time>1653_00:49:00,886 --> 00:49:02,686</time>
<s>大量散播着愚鑫</s>
<time>1654_00:49:03,046 --> 00:49:05,566</time>
<s>当然了不是全部少数</s>
<time>1655_00:49:05,926 --> 00:49:07,366</time>
<s>但是就是说这个控制</s>
<time>1656_00:49:07,726 --> 00:49:10,966</time>
<s>可能确实是对自己的一种支撑</s>
<time>1657_00:49:11,326 --> 00:49:13,846</time>
<s>就是好像还是觉得我拥有</s>
<time>1658_00:49:14,206 --> 00:49:16,366</time>
<s>就是你比如说你像马爷</s>
<time>1659_00:49:16,726 --> 00:49:18,526</time>
<s>你这个收藏古董的</s>
<time>1660_00:49:18,886 --> 00:49:19,246</time>
<s>很多人就讲</s>
<time>1661_00:49:19,606 --> 00:49:21,406</time>
<s>这也是某种恋物癖</s>
<time>1662_00:49:21,766 --> 00:49:23,566</time>
<s>就是他觉得我拥有</s>
<time>1663_00:49:23,926 --> 00:49:25,726</time>
<s>我是什么呢</s>
<time>1664_00:49:26,086 --> 00:49:27,166</time>
<s>我就是我拥有的</s>
<time>1665_00:49:27,526 --> 00:49:28,606</time>
<s>我拥有的东西</s>
<time>1666_00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:30,046</time>
<s>所以我是不是确实拥有</s>
<time>1667_00:49:30,406 --> 00:49:31,486</time>
<s>就像地主老财一样</s>
<time>1668_00:49:31,846 --> 00:49:34,726</time>
<s>这地有没有被别人偷耕</s>
<time>1669_00:49:35,086 --> 00:49:36,526</time>
<s>他是不是确实我拥有</s>
<time>1670_00:49:36,886 --> 00:49:37,246</time>
<s>他就有这个</s>
<time>1671_00:49:37,606 --> 00:49:39,766</time>
<s>但是呢活到一定境界的人</s>
<time>1672_00:49:40,126 --> 00:49:41,566</time>
<s>你看他可能会说</s>
<time>1673_00:49:41,926 --> 00:49:43,726</time>
<s>这东西只是暂时属于我</s>
<time>1674_00:49:44,086 --> 00:49:45,886</time>
<s>对吧它还要传下去</s>
<time>1675_00:49:46,246 --> 00:49:47,686</time>
<s>像人家马爷甚至将来</s>
<time>1676_00:49:48,046 --> 00:49:49,486</time>
<s>可以捐给社会对不对</s>
<time>1677_00:49:49,846 --> 00:49:52,006</time>
<s>他就是他解脱了这种占有</s>
<time>1678_00:49:52,366 --> 00:49:53,806</time>
<s>而且知道好东西</s>
<time>1679_00:49:54,166 --> 00:49:55,246</time>
<s>是永远都有的</s>
<time>1680_00:49:55,606 --> 00:49:56,326</time>
<s>而且也会知道</s>
<time>1681_00:49:56,686 --> 00:49:58,486</time>
<s>好东西是层出不穷的</s>
<time>1682_00:49:58,846 --> 00:50:00,646</time>
<s>不必所有的好的你都拥有</s>
<time>1683_00:50:01,006 --> 00:50:01,366</time>
<s>拥有不过来</s>
<time>1684_00:50:01,726 --> 00:50:02,806</time>
<s>所以我从你们身上</s>
<time>1685_00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:04,246</time>
<s>我学到一个什么呢</s>
<time>1686_00:50:04,606 --> 00:50:05,326</time>
<s>就是说这个人</s>
<time>1687_00:50:05,686 --> 00:50:08,566</time>
<s>说到底还是得自己有生活内容</s>
<time>1688_00:50:08,926 --> 00:50:09,646</time>
<s>说白了</s>
<time>1689_00:50:10,006 --> 00:50:11,086</time>
<s>就是这东西你</s>
<time>1690_00:50:11,446 --> 00:50:14,326</time>
<s>如果一个人他的快乐</s>
<time>1691_00:50:14,686 --> 00:50:16,846</time>
<s>总是需要另一个人的合作</s>
<time>1692_00:50:17,206 --> 00:50:18,646</time>
<s>才能完成的话</s>
<time>1693_00:50:19,006 --> 00:50:19,366</time>
<s>他的这个爱情</s>
<time>1694_00:50:19,726 --> 00:50:21,166</time>
<s>就会变得容易苦</s>
<time>1695_00:50:21,526 --> 00:50:22,966</time>
<s>但是其实你们都是属于</s>
<time>1696_00:50:23,326 --> 00:50:24,766</time>
<s>自己有本根的人对吧</s>
<time>1697_00:50:25,126 --> 00:50:25,846</time>
<s>我有我的爱好</s>
<time>1698_00:50:26,206 --> 00:50:26,926</time>
<s>我有我的创作</s>
<time>1699_00:50:27,286 --> 00:50:28,726</time>
<s>我有我的什么精神世界</s>
<time>1700_00:50:29,806 --> 00:50:30,886</time>
<s>那么另一个人爱上</s>
<time>1701_00:50:31,246 --> 00:50:33,046</time>
<s>真的是像当年舒婷写那诗</s>
<time>1702_00:50:33,406 --> 00:50:33,766</time>
<s>《致橡树》</s>
<time>1703_00:50:34,126 --> 00:50:36,646</time>
<s>什么是两棵树勾手勾在一起</s>
<time>1704_00:50:37,006 --> 00:50:39,886</time>
<s>不是说我非得靠在你这儿</s>
<time>1705_00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:40,606</time>
<s>你这儿一不可靠</s>
<time>1706_00:50:40,966 --> 00:50:42,406</time>
<s>我咪肌我就倒了</s>
<time>1707_00:50:42,766 --> 00:50:44,206</time>
<s>那样就会产生特别强的</s>
<time>1708_00:50:44,566 --> 00:50:45,286</time>
<s>这种不放心</s>
<time>1709_00:50:45,646 --> 00:50:47,086</time>
<s>而且刚才马爷讲的挺好</s>
<time>1710_00:50:47,446 --> 00:50:49,966</time>
<s>就是说这个“风物长宜放眼量”</s>
<time>1711_00:50:50,326 --> 00:50:52,126</time>
<s>你看他这个上点岁数了</s>
<time>1712_00:50:52,486 --> 00:50:52,846</time>
<s>他看这个问题</s>
<time>1713_00:50:53,206 --> 00:50:54,286</time>
<s>跟我们不太一样</s>
<time>1714_00:50:54,646 --> 00:50:56,446</time>
<s>他拉开了这个距离看</s>
<time>1715_00:50:56,806 --> 00:50:59,326</time>
<s>就是几十年前的某一次出轨</s>
<time>1716_00:50:59,686 --> 00:51:01,486</time>
<s>几十年前的某一次这个争吵</s>
