<time>431_00:13:03,046 --> 00:13:04,126</time>
<s>所以这种人也不会有超我</s>
<time>432_00:13:04,486 --> 00:13:05,566</time>
<s>就是说不会有自我良心的那种</s>
<time>433_00:13:05,926 --> 00:13:07,006</time>
<s>他也不会超过来审视自己</s>
<time>434_00:13:07,366 --> 00:13:08,446</time>
<s>对不会知道说这个事情</s>
<time>435_00:13:08,806 --> 00:13:11,326</time>
<s>其实我讲人最复杂的</s>
<time>436_00:13:11,686 --> 00:13:14,566</time>
<s>或者说最高层面的心理就是反思</s>
<time>437_00:13:14,926 --> 00:13:15,286</time>
<s>什么叫反思呢</s>
<time>438_00:13:15,646 --> 00:13:17,086</time>
<s>就是说就是我们的思维</s>
<time>439_00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:18,886</time>
<s>比如学习思维是正向的</s>
<time>440_00:13:19,246 --> 00:13:21,046</time>
<s>就是从简单到复杂往深了走</s>
<time>441_00:13:21,406 --> 00:13:22,846</time>
<s>然后我们的解决问题的思维</s>
<time>442_00:13:23,206 --> 00:13:23,926</time>
<s>是正好是反向的</s>
<time>443_00:13:24,286 --> 00:13:25,366</time>
<s>比如医生给病人看病</s>
<time>444_00:13:25,726 --> 00:13:26,446</time>
<s>他是知道结果</s>
<time>445_00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,886</time>
<s>然后他也知道你怎么得病的</s>
<time>446_00:13:28,246 --> 00:13:30,046</time>
<s>他才能给你治好对吧</s>
<time>447_00:13:30,406 --> 00:13:31,486</time>
<s>所以那么还有一种思维</s>
<time>448_00:13:31,846 --> 00:13:32,206</time>
<s>是三百六十度的</s>
<time>449_00:13:33,286 --> 00:13:34,006</time>
<s>三百六十度也就是说</s>
<time>450_00:13:34,366 --> 00:13:35,446</time>
<s>像我们看自己的后脑勺</s>
<time>451_00:13:35,806 --> 00:13:36,526</time>
<s>是看不到的</s>
<time>452_00:13:36,886 --> 00:13:38,686</time>
<s>所以要借助两个镜子对吧</s>
<time>453_00:13:39,046 --> 00:13:40,846</time>
<s>那么反思也是它要借助两个东西</s>
<time>454_00:13:41,206 --> 00:13:41,926</time>
<s>一个就是说他必须</s>
<time>455_00:13:42,286 --> 00:13:43,726</time>
<s>具有抽象思维的能力</s>
<time>456_00:13:44,086 --> 00:13:46,246</time>
<s>把一个事情他能够在脑中重现</s>
<time>457_00:13:46,606 --> 00:13:48,046</time>
<s>第二个就是说他必须具有</s>
<time>458_00:13:48,406 --> 00:13:50,206</time>
<s>一个内化的标准</s>
<time>459_00:13:50,566 --> 00:13:52,006</time>
<s>这个标准是在他长大过程当中</s>
<time>460_00:13:52,366 --> 00:13:53,086</time>
<s>逐渐接受的</s>
<time>461_00:13:53,446 --> 00:13:55,246</time>
<s>哪些事能做哪些事不能做</s>
<time>462_00:13:55,606 --> 00:13:56,326</time>
<s>我们叫良知</s>
<time>463_00:13:56,686 --> 00:13:58,126</time>
<s>如果这东西他没有内化</s>
<time>464_00:13:58,486 --> 00:13:59,926</time>
<s>这个人就根本没有反思的标准</s>
<time>465_00:14:01,366 --> 00:14:03,886</time>
<s>所以就是说这个第三种这种情况</s>
<time>466_00:14:04,246 --> 00:14:04,966</time>
<s>是很多心理不成熟人</s>
<time>467_00:14:05,326 --> 00:14:06,406</time>
<s>常常都出现的</s>
<time>468_00:14:06,766 --> 00:14:07,486</time>
<s>但这种人很多</s>
<time>469_00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:09,286</time>
<s>对因为他不知道</s>
<time>470_00:14:09,646 --> 00:14:10,006</time>
<s>所以我们有时候</s>
<time>471_00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:11,086</time>
<s>遇到一些心理有问题的人</s>
<time>472_00:14:11,446 --> 00:14:12,166</time>
<s>找我们咨询</s>
<time>473_00:14:12,526 --> 00:14:13,606</time>
<s>你就看这人什么表现</s>
<time>474_00:14:13,966 --> 00:14:15,046</time>
<s>你要如果说这个事吧</s>
<time>475_00:14:15,406 --> 00:14:16,486</time>
<s>我觉得我也有点不对</s>
<time>476_00:14:17,206 --> 00:14:17,926</time>
<s>他的反应有点过当</s>
<time>477_00:14:18,286 --> 00:14:20,086</time>
<s>他要你和我都用的话</s>
<time>478_00:14:20,446 --> 00:14:21,886</time>
<s>这个人就是比较正常</s>
<time>479_00:14:22,246 --> 00:14:22,966</time>
<s>他要如果上来就说</s>
<time>480_00:14:23,326 --> 00:14:24,406</time>
<s>我怎么样我怎么样</s>
<time>481_00:14:24,766 --> 00:14:25,846</time>
<s>他整个这个过程全是我</s>
<time>482_00:14:26,206 --> 00:14:28,006</time>
<s>你就知道这人他整个没有反思</s>
<time>483_00:14:28,366 --> 00:14:29,446</time>
<s>为什么他全说的是感受</s>
<time>484_00:14:30,886 --> 00:14:32,686</time>
<s>我就碰到过这么一个事</s>
<time>485_00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:33,766</time>
<s>那还是我年轻的时候</s>
<time>486_00:14:34,126 --> 00:14:35,566</time>
<s>一个女的跟男的谈恋爱</s>
<time>487_00:14:35,926 --> 00:14:36,646</time>
<s>这个女的后来</s>
<time>488_00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:37,726</time>
<s>女孩不喜欢了</s>
<time>489_00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,886</time>
<s>就跟他吹了</s>
<time>490_00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:41,326</time>
<s>吹了以后呢</s>
<time>491_00:14:41,686 --> 00:14:42,766</time>
<s>她以为事吹就吹了</s>
<time>492_00:14:43,126 --> 00:14:44,926</time>
<s>但是突然有一天</s>
<time>493_00:14:45,286 --> 00:14:46,006</time>
<s>也没多久</s>
<time>494_00:14:46,366 --> 00:14:46,726</time>
<s>她在屋里呆着</s>
<time>495_00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:47,806</time>
<s>那男的推门进来</s>
<time>496_00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:49,966</time>
<s>反手就把门锁上了</s>
<time>497_00:14:50,326 --> 00:14:52,126</time>
<s>锁上这个信号是非常不好的信号</s>
<time>498_00:14:52,486 --> 00:14:53,926</time>
<s>然后他从兜里掏出一墨水瓶</s>
<time>499_00:14:54,286 --> 00:14:56,446</time>
<s>那墨水瓶是那个深蓝色的</s>
<time>500_00:14:56,806 --> 00:14:57,526</time>
<s>那他把盖打开了</s>
<time>501_00:14:57,886 --> 00:14:58,246</time>
<s>他说</s>
<time>502_00:14:59,326 --> 00:14:59,686</time>
<s>这里是硫酸</s>
<time>503_00:15:00,046 --> 00:15:00,766</time>
<s>告诉你了</s>
<time>504_00:15:01,126 --> 00:15:02,206</time>
<s>说如果你不同意跟我好</s>
<time>505_00:15:02,566 --> 00:15:04,006</time>
<s>没关系我倒我脸上</s>
<time>506_00:15:06,526 --> 00:15:06,886</time>
<s>那女孩看半天</s>
<time>507_00:15:07,246 --> 00:15:08,326</time>
<s>就觉得这孤立无援</s>
<time>508_00:15:08,686 --> 00:15:09,766</time>
<s>说她说</s>
<time>509_00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,206</time>
<s>她后来跟我说</s>
<time>510_00:15:11,566 --> 00:15:12,646</time>
<s>她说他真倒他脸上</s>
<time>511_00:15:13,006 --> 00:15:13,366</time>
<s>我不怎么可怕</s>
<time>512_00:15:13,726 --> 00:15:15,166</time>
<s>我怕他溅我脸上</s>
<time>513_00:15:17,686 --> 00:15:18,046</time>
<s>后来呢</s>
<time>514_00:15:18,406 --> 00:15:20,206</time>
<s>后来她就彻底得认您</s>
<time>515_00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:22,006</time>
<s>她说我当时想</s>
<time>516_00:15:22,366 --> 00:15:23,446</time>
<s>第一我出不去这个屋</s>
<time>517_00:15:23,806 --> 00:15:25,606</time>
<s>我就是往外猛跑</s>
<time>518_00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:26,686</time>
<s>你开门的工夫</s>
<time>519_00:15:27,046 --> 00:15:28,846</time>
<s>也泼了这水液体</s>
<time>520_00:15:29,206 --> 00:15:29,926</time>
<s>一抖你就受不了</s>
<time>521_00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:32,806</time>
<s>她说那只好说你先别这样</s>
<time>522_00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,606</time>
<s>你不要过于的激动</s>
<time>523_00:15:34,966 --> 00:15:37,126</time>
<s>我们的问题是可以往下谈的</s>
<time>524_00:15:37,486 --> 00:15:37,846</time>
<s>她就反正就</s>
<time>525_00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:38,926</time>
<s>缓兵之计</s>
<time>526_00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,006</time>
<s>就彻底地认您</s>
<time>527_00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:42,526</time>
<s>她说在那一刻我什么都不想</s>
<time>528_00:15:42,886 --> 00:15:45,046</time>
<s>我就想他要把那个瓶盖给我拧上</s>
<time>529_00:15:45,406 --> 00:15:46,486</time>
<s>因为拧上以后</s>
<time>530_00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,286</time>
<s>你才可以再选择第二步</s>
<time>531_00:15:48,646 --> 00:15:50,446</time>
<s>结果这个男的一听说她这样的话</s>
<time>532_00:15:50,806 --> 00:15:51,166</time>
<s>特高兴</s>
<time>533_00:15:51,526 --> 00:15:52,606</time>
<s>马上就是高兴得不行</s>
<time>534_00:15:52,966 --> 00:15:54,046</time>
<s>就把盖给拧上了</s>
<time>535_00:15:54,406 --> 00:15:55,846</time>
<s>拧上往旁边一搁</s>
<time>536_00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:59,086</time>
<s>然后她说她在那个盖拧上的一瞬间</s>
<time>537_00:15:59,446 --> 00:16:01,246</time>
<s>她心里就一下就先踏实了</s>
<time>538_00:16:01,606 --> 00:16:04,126</time>
<s>因为这个任何人都会害怕</s>
<time>539_00:16:04,486 --> 00:16:04,846</time>
<s>就开始聊</s>
<time>540_00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:08,086</time>
<s>就堵着门口聊了好几个钟头</s>
<time>541_00:16:08,446 --> 00:16:09,526</time>
<s>最后那男的聊高兴了</s>
<time>542_00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:10,606</time>
<s>说我告诉你</s>
<time>543_00:16:10,966 --> 00:16:12,046</time>
<s>这里就是自来水</s>
<time>544_00:16:15,286 --> 00:16:16,006</time>
<s>我不信你拿来给我看</s>
<time>545_00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,086</time>
<s>他说你看一看</s>
<time>546_00:16:17,446 --> 00:16:17,806</time>
<s>他说硫酸你还不知道</s>
<time>547_00:16:18,166 --> 00:16:18,886</time>
<s>是酸的你闻闻</s>
<time>548_00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,326</time>
<s>她打开一看是水</s>
<time>549_00:16:20,686 --> 00:16:22,486</time>
<s>吟就扔那男的</s>
<time>550_00:16:23,926 --> 00:16:25,006</time>
<s>首先证明这男的第一</s>
<time>551_00:16:25,366 --> 00:16:27,166</time>
<s>这男的心计很重</s>
<time>552_00:16:27,526 --> 00:16:29,326</time>
<s>但是这种事情如果是真的</s>
<time>553_00:16:29,686 --> 00:16:31,486</time>
<s>我们那时候在你不能判断的时候</s>
<time>554_00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:32,566</time>
<s>你不能去赌</s>
<time>555_00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:33,646</time>
<s>我小时候见</s>
<time>556_00:16:34,006 --> 00:16:34,726</time>
<s>我们法院判过</s>
<time>557_00:16:35,086 --> 00:16:35,446</time>
<s>就石家庄那个</s>
<time>558_00:16:35,806 --> 00:16:36,526</time>
<s>就我知道</s>
<time>559_00:16:36,886 --> 00:16:37,966</time>
<s>一个纺织女工就是谈恋爱</s>
<time>560_00:16:38,326 --> 00:16:39,766</time>
<s>就说这个女的真是</s>
<time>561_00:16:40,126 --> 00:16:41,926</time>
<s>你怎么能识别这种男的</s>
<time>562_00:16:42,286 --> 00:16:43,726</time>
<s>就是你说分手了</s>
<time>563_00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:45,166</time>
<s>怎么也追不回来</s>
<time>564_00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:45,886</time>
<s>这有一天</s>
<time>565_00:16:46,246 --> 00:16:48,406</time>
<s>啪一瓶硫酸泼你脸上了</s>
<time>566_00:16:48,766 --> 00:16:49,126</time>
<s>他怎么的</s>
<time>567_00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:50,566</time>
<s>你甚至这种</s>
<time>568_00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,366</time>
<s>这种案子很多泼硫酸的</s>
<time>569_00:16:52,726 --> 00:16:53,806</time>
<s>极端的很多</s>
<time>570_00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:55,606</time>
<s>这个极端的人他有一个什么特点呢</s>
<time>571_00:16:55,966 --> 00:16:56,686</time>
<s>其实有两类人</s>
<time>572_00:16:57,046 --> 00:16:58,846</time>
<s>就是我们一般讲人格问题吧</s>
<time>573_00:16:59,206 --> 00:17:01,366</time>
<s>人格就是不太正常的有十多种</s>
<time>574_00:17:01,726 --> 00:17:03,166</time>
<s>那其中有两类是属于这个的</s>
<time>575_00:17:03,526 --> 00:17:04,246</time>
<s>一个叫边缘性人格</s>
<time>576_00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,406</time>
<s>这陈世峰就属于边缘性的</s>
<time>577_00:17:06,766 --> 00:17:07,846</time>
<s>边缘性人格他什么特点呢</s>
<time>578_00:17:08,206 --> 00:17:09,646</time>
<s>他好的时候特别好</s>
<time>579_00:17:10,006 --> 00:17:10,366</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>580_00:17:10,726 --> 00:17:11,806</time>
<s>然后说急的时候就急</s>
<time>581_00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:15,406</time>
<s>所以他是在一个界限的两边跨来跨去</s>
<time>582_00:17:15,766 --> 00:17:16,846</time>
<s>这叫边缘性人格</s>
<time>583_00:17:17,206 --> 00:17:19,006</time>
<s>它也被称作叫爆发型</s>
<time>584_00:17:19,366 --> 00:17:20,806</time>
<s>所以这种人格的特点他</s>
<time>585_00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,606</time>
<s>你要遇到这种人的时候</s>
<time>586_00:17:22,966 --> 00:17:24,406</time>
<s>就是刚才马爷说这特别对</s>
<time>587_00:17:24,766 --> 00:17:26,566</time>
<s>就是遇到一些特别紧急的情况下</s>
<time>588_00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:27,646</time>
<s>你一定要认您</s>
<time>589_00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,446</time>
<s>就别再刺激他</s>
<time>590_00:17:29,806 --> 00:17:31,246</time>
<s>对彻底认您</s>
<time>591_00:17:31,606 --> 00:17:33,046</time>
<s>就是在这个过程当中你先认您</s>
<time>592_00:17:33,406 --> 00:17:34,846</time>
<s>然后慢慢去缓解他</s>
<time>593_00:17:35,206 --> 00:17:35,926</time>
<s>让他能够逐渐</s>
<time>594_00:17:36,286 --> 00:17:37,366</time>
<s>就是我们像脱敏</s>
<time>595_00:17:37,726 --> 00:17:38,086</time>
<s>得一点一点脱</s>
<time>596_00:17:38,446 --> 00:17:39,886</time>
<s>不能一下就不给他这个</s>
<time>597_00:17:40,246 --> 00:17:40,966</time>
<s>这是一种人格问题</s>
<time>598_00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:42,046</time>
<s>还有一种就是刚才讲的</s>
<time>599_00:17:42,406 --> 00:17:44,566</time>
<s>比较麻烦的就是被动攻击人格</s>
<time>600_00:17:44,926 --> 00:17:45,286</time>
<s>什么叫</s>
<time>601_00:17:45,646 --> 00:17:46,726</time>
<s>被动就是上次咱提到的</s>
<time>602_00:17:47,086 --> 00:17:49,246</time>
<s>这个就是抠小孩眼睛那个案子</s>
<time>603_00:17:49,966 --> 00:17:51,406</time>
<s>我提到过被动攻击人格</s>
<time>604_00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:54,286</time>
<s>被动攻击人格他的特点就是比较压抑</s>
<time>605_00:17:54,646 --> 00:17:55,726</time>
<s>他在人面前有很多东西</s>
<time>606_00:17:56,086 --> 00:17:57,526</time>
<s>其实他很恨你</s>
<time>607_00:17:57,886 --> 00:17:59,686</time>
<s>但是他要跟你一副笑脸</s>
<time>608_00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:01,126</time>
<s>他很不想跟你说话</s>
<time>609_00:18:01,486 --> 00:18:03,646</time>
<s>可是他又怕咱俩在一块呆着没话说</s>
<time>610_00:18:04,006 --> 00:18:05,086</time>
<s>使劲说巴结你</s>
<time>611_00:18:05,446 --> 00:18:06,526</time>
<s>你知道吗就是他是属于那个</s>
<time>612_00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:10,126</time>
<s>就是他的表现和他内心完全不一致</s>
<time>613_00:18:10,486 --> 00:18:10,846</time>
<s>拧巴着被动</s>
<time>614_00:18:11,206 --> 00:18:12,286</time>
<s>对他很拧巴</s>
<time>615_00:18:12,646 --> 00:18:13,366</time>
<s>这种人呢他</s>
<time>616_00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,166</time>
<s>你别看他表面没有事</s>
<time>617_00:18:15,526 --> 00:18:16,246</time>
<s>他其实内心已经积了</s>
<time>618_00:18:16,606 --> 00:18:18,046</time>
<s>很大的东西</s>
<time>619_00:18:18,406 --> 00:18:18,766</time>
<s>他哪天一不高兴</s>
<time>620_00:18:19,126 --> 00:18:20,206</time>
<s>就跟你翻脸</s>
<time>621_00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:23,086</time>
<s>所以这种人他的特点就是不敢当面</s>
<time>622_00:18:23,446 --> 00:18:25,246</time>
<s>他一般给你使蕉坏</s>
<time>623_00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:26,686</time>
<s>被动攻击性人格</s>
<time>624_00:18:27,046 --> 00:18:27,766</time>
<s>所以这两类人格</s>
<time>625_00:18:28,126 --> 00:18:29,566</time>
<s>都是属于在谈恋爱过程当中</s>
<time>626_00:18:29,926 --> 00:18:30,646</time>
<s>要遇到特别小心的</s>
<time>627_00:18:31,006 --> 00:18:33,886</time>
<s>但是爱的时候能看出端倪吗</s>
<time>628_00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:35,326</time>
<s>你比如说有时候我在生活当中</s>
<time>629_00:18:35,686 --> 00:18:37,126</time>
<s>我要遇到一个特别客气的人</s>
<time>630_00:18:37,486 --> 00:18:38,206</time>
<s>我一般都特小心</s>
<time>631_00:18:40,006 --> 00:18:41,086</time>
<s>就是说话直了白的</s>
<time>632_00:18:41,446 --> 00:18:42,526</time>
<s>你就这人你不用防他</s>
<time>633_00:18:42,886 --> 00:18:44,686</time>
<s>但是这人老跟你客气</s>
<time>634_00:18:45,046 --> 00:18:46,126</time>
<s>他老是那眼睛后面有眼睛</s>
<time>635_00:18:46,486 --> 00:18:47,206</time>
<s>这种人你跟他相处</s>
<time>636_00:18:47,566 --> 00:18:48,646</time>
<s>你也要跟他客气</s>
<time>637_00:18:49,006 --> 00:18:50,086</time>
<s>然后跟他说话都要小心谨慎</s>
<time>638_00:18:50,806 --> 00:18:51,166</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>639_00:18:51,886 --> 00:18:52,606</time>
<s>这就叫被动攻击性</s>
<time>640_00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:53,326</time>
<s>还是李老师说的好</s>
<time>641_00:18:53,686 --> 00:18:55,486</time>
<s>我这辈子碰见的人是这样的</s>
<time>642_00:18:55,846 --> 00:18:58,006</time>
<s>我年轻的时候特别不相信一种理论</s>
<time>643_00:18:58,366 --> 00:18:59,086</time>
<s>就是人可以看面相</s>
<time>644_00:18:59,446 --> 00:18:59,806</time>
<s>特别不相信</s>
<time>645_00:19:00,166 --> 00:19:00,526</time>
<s>我说人怎么能</s>
<time>646_00:19:00,886 --> 00:19:01,966</time>
<s>那你怎么知道人心隔肚皮</s>
<time>647_00:19:02,326 --> 00:19:03,766</time>
<s>你怎么知道他肚子里怎么想</s>
<time>648_00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:05,206</time>
<s>我到这个岁数以后</s>
<time>649_00:19:05,566 --> 00:19:06,646</time>
<s>我觉得第一印象非常重要</s>
<time>650_00:19:07,006 --> 00:19:07,726</time>
<s>尤其眼睛</s>
<time>651_00:19:09,166 --> 00:19:10,606</time>
<s>眼神不定的人是特可怕</s>
<time>652_00:19:10,966 --> 00:19:14,206</time>
<s>我历史上就是碰到最坏的人</s>
<time>653_00:19:14,566 --> 00:19:15,646</time>
<s>都是那种眼神不定的人</s>
<time>654_00:19:16,006 --> 00:19:16,366</time>
<s>闪烁不定</s>
<time>655_00:19:16,726 --> 00:19:17,086</time>
<s>就是你跟他说话</s>
<time>656_00:19:17,446 --> 00:19:18,166</time>
<s>他那个眼睛老闪烁</s>
<time>657_00:19:18,526 --> 00:19:19,606</time>
<s>他就是给人感觉</s>
<time>658_00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:21,766</time>
<s>这个眼睛能往那边闪</s>
<time>659_00:19:22,126 --> 00:19:23,206</time>
<s>就是非常不适</s>
<time>660_00:19:23,566 --> 00:19:25,726</time>
<s>还有一种人就是像这个</s>
<time>661_00:19:26,086 --> 00:19:26,446</time>
<s>就是上海的那个</s>
<time>662_00:19:26,806 --> 00:19:27,526</time>
<s>对杀妻的那个</s>
<time>663_00:19:27,886 --> 00:19:28,246</time>
<s>把那个女的杀了搁冰箱里</s>
<time>664_00:19:28,606 --> 00:19:31,486</time>
<s>就是那种眼神极为阴郁的人</s>
<time>665_00:19:31,846 --> 00:19:33,286</time>
<s>就是他这个没有</s>
<time>666_00:19:33,646 --> 00:19:34,726</time>
<s>人有阴郁的时候</s>
<time>667_00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:35,806</time>
<s>说我情绪不好了</s>
<time>668_00:19:36,166 --> 00:19:37,606</time>
<s>我们家里出了大事了都可能</s>
<time>669_00:19:37,966 --> 00:19:38,686</time>
<s>这挺高兴一事</s>
<time>670_00:19:39,046 --> 00:19:40,126</time>
<s>这人老在旁边特阴郁</s>
<time>671_00:19:40,486 --> 00:19:43,366</time>
<s>就是这种人我觉得特恐怖</s>
<time>672_00:19:43,726 --> 00:19:44,806</time>
<s>这种人就不能过多的接触</s>
<time>673_00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:45,886</time>
<s>我觉得谈恋爱</s>
<time>674_00:19:46,246 --> 00:19:47,686</time>
<s>我其实怕遇到两种人</s>
<time>675_00:19:48,046 --> 00:19:48,766</time>
<s>就是一种就是说</s>
<time>676_00:19:49,126 --> 00:19:50,206</time>
<s>还是我刚刚说特别执着</s>
<time>677_00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:52,006</time>
<s>就比如说你他打电话你没接</s>
<time>678_00:19:52,366 --> 00:19:53,446</time>
<s>你可能发一个就是说</s>
<time>679_00:19:53,806 --> 00:19:54,526</time>
<s>我在忙或者干（嘛）</s>
<time>680_00:19:54,886 --> 00:19:57,046</time>
<s>不停地打电话</s>
<time>681_00:19:57,766 --> 00:19:58,486</time>
<s>就是你这个爱的时候</s>
<time>682_00:19:58,846 --> 00:19:59,926</time>
<s>你可能会觉得说</s>
<time>683_00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:01,366</time>
<s>你看他还是很在乎我的</s>
<time>684_00:20:01,726 --> 00:20:02,446</time>
<s>你看他多么的这个</s>
<time>685_00:20:02,806 --> 00:20:03,526</time>
<s>甚至还会跟闺密炫耀</s>
<time>686_00:20:03,886 --> 00:20:04,966</time>
<s>你看他这多在乎我</s>
<time>687_00:20:05,326 --> 00:20:05,686</time>
<s>但是其实我就是说</s>
<time>688_00:20:06,046 --> 00:20:06,766</time>
<s>他就很执着</s>
<time>689_00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:08,926</time>
<s>就是他一定要达到他的目的</s>
<time>690_00:20:09,286 --> 00:20:11,086</time>
<s>我就这样</s>
<time>691_00:20:11,446 --> 00:20:13,606</time>
<s>对然后我觉得我还怕一种</s>
<time>692_00:20:13,966 --> 00:20:16,126</time>
<s>就是说他没有共情能力的人</s>
<time>693_00:20:16,486 --> 00:20:17,566</time>
<s>就我原来看过一个说</s>
<time>694_00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,726</time>
<s>这个连环杀人犯</s>
<time>695_00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:20,806</time>
<s>为什么能连环杀人</s>
<time>696_00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:21,526</time>
<s>就是他没有共情能力</s>
<time>697_00:20:21,886 --> 00:20:24,406</time>
<s>他就是他想象不到别人的痛苦</s>
<time>698_00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:25,486</time>
<s>就是我觉得如果跟人在</s>
<time>699_00:20:25,846 --> 00:20:27,286</time>
<s>比如说跟男朋友在交谈</s>
<time>700_00:20:27,646 --> 00:20:29,086</time>
<s>你发现他对别人的这个痛苦</s>
<time>701_00:20:29,446 --> 00:20:30,526</time>
<s>没有想象能力</s>
<time>702_00:20:30,886 --> 00:20:31,966</time>
<s>他就没有共情能力</s>
<time>703_00:20:32,326 --> 00:20:34,846</time>
<s>就是这种人我也是很害怕的</s>
<time>704_00:20:35,206 --> 00:20:36,646</time>
<s>对你可能显示出来的</s>
<time>705_00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:38,806</time>
<s>是一种特别成熟特别稳重</s>
<time>706_00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:40,606</time>
<s>或者是有的女生会觉得</s>
<time>707_00:20:40,966 --> 00:20:43,846</time>
<s>这个就是感觉什么事都搞得定</s>
<time>708_00:20:44,206 --> 00:20:44,926</time>
<s>或者是干（什么）特别冷静</s>
<time>709_00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,446</time>
<s>但是他其实是没有共情能力</s>
<time>710_00:20:47,806 --> 00:20:49,246</time>
<s>那我可能是这一点我也很害怕</s>
<time>711_00:20:49,606 --> 00:20:50,326</time>
<s>我有共情能力</s>
<time>712_00:20:50,686 --> 00:20:52,126</time>
<s>可能是这个救了我这第一点</s>
<time>713_00:20:52,486 --> 00:20:54,286</time>
<s>李老师其实我也是个病人</s>
<time>714_00:20:54,646 --> 00:20:56,446</time>
<s>我就是发现有一个什么呢</s>
<time>715_00:20:56,806 --> 00:20:58,606</time>
<s>我现在就是不断地要自我</s>
<time>716_00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,406</time>
<s>就是改善自己</s>
<time>717_00:21:00,766 --> 00:21:01,846</time>
<s>就是说有个</s>
<time>718_00:21:02,206 --> 00:21:03,286</time>
<s>你比如说我父亲</s>
<time>719_00:21:03,646 --> 00:21:05,446</time>
<s>他是做这个工程师的</s>
<time>720_00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,606</time>
<s>做这个精密的</s>
<time>721_00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:08,686</time>
<s>很精密的仪器的</s>
<time>722_00:21:09,046 --> 00:21:10,126</time>
<s>我就觉得我是不是遗传了</s>
<time>723_00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:11,566</time>
<s>就是有的时候</s>
<time>724_00:21:11,926 --> 00:21:13,006</time>
<s>我经常要提醒自己</s>
<time>725_00:21:13,366 --> 00:21:14,446</time>
<s>就是钻牛角尖</s>
<time>726_00:21:14,806 --> 00:21:16,246</time>
<s>就是你比如说我要找你</s>
<time>727_00:21:17,326 --> 00:21:19,486</time>
<s>如果我没找着你你知道吗</s>
<time>728_00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,286</time>
<s>就是并不是说因为找着你</s>
<time>729_00:21:21,646 --> 00:21:22,366</time>
<s>这事多重要</s>
<time>730_00:21:22,726 --> 00:21:23,806</time>
<s>而是说找不着你这事</s>
<time>731_00:21:24,166 --> 00:21:25,246</time>
<s>我今天就放不下</s>
<time>732_00:21:25,606 --> 00:21:26,326</time>
<s>我不找着你</s>
<time>733_00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,486</time>
<s>我就没法开始第二件事</s>
<time>734_00:21:28,846 --> 00:21:30,286</time>
<s>后来我就看这个陈世峰</s>
<time>735_00:21:30,646 --> 00:21:31,726</time>
<s>不是我们俩没什么关系</s>
<time>736_00:21:32,086 --> 00:21:33,166</time>
<s>后来我就看这个陈世峰</s>
<time>737_00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:36,046</time>
<s>跟这个刘鑫在这个同居期间</s>
<time>738_00:21:36,406 --> 00:21:37,486</time>
<s>说后来刘鑫是什么时候发现</s>
<time>739_00:21:37,846 --> 00:21:38,566</time>
<s>他有点毛病呢</s>
<time>740_00:21:38,926 --> 00:21:41,446</time>
<s>就是说太爱较真</s>
<time>741_00:21:41,806 --> 00:21:43,246</time>
<s>为了看场电影</s>
<time>742_00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:44,686</time>
<s>为了吃顿饭</s>
<time>743_00:21:45,046 --> 00:21:46,846</time>
<s>你知道吗就有些时候就是说</s>
<time>744_00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:48,646</time>
<s>我现在觉得有些时候</s>
<time>745_00:21:49,006 --> 00:21:50,086</time>
<s>我就有这个错</s>
<time>746_00:21:50,446 --> 00:21:51,526</time>
<s>就是太爱跟人较真</s>
<time>747_00:21:51,886 --> 00:21:53,686</time>
<s>比如说咱说是一厘米</s>
<time>748_00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:55,846</time>
<s>你为什么给我弄个0.5厘米</s>
<time>749_00:21:56,206 --> 00:21:58,366</time>
<s>就这点就有时候我也能把人</s>
<time>750_00:21:58,726 --> 00:21:59,086</time>
<s>给熬得崩溃了</s>
<time>751_00:21:59,446 --> 00:22:01,606</time>
<s>那你自我需要改善</s>
<time>752_00:22:01,966 --> 00:22:04,126</time>
<s>就真的我觉得这个是我的毛病</s>
<time>753_00:22:04,486 --> 00:22:05,566</time>
<s>不是我觉得一个人</s>
<time>754_00:22:05,926 --> 00:22:08,086</time>
<s>这个之所以能在社会上进步主要就是</s>
<time>755_00:22:08,446 --> 00:22:09,886</time>
<s>我老说你认识世界不重要</s>
<time>756_00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:11,686</time>
<s>认识自己最重要</s>
<time>757_00:22:12,046 --> 00:22:13,846</time>
<s>你不要天天想改变这个世界</s>
<time>758_00:22:14,206 --> 00:22:15,286</time>
<s>你知道哪好也不重要</s>
<time>759_00:22:15,646 --> 00:22:17,086</time>
<s>知道哪不好最重要</s>
<time>760_00:22:17,446 --> 00:22:19,606</time>
<s>一个人能在这社会上能够迅速进步</s>
<time>761_00:22:19,966 --> 00:22:20,686</time>
<s>就是知道你哪不好了</s>
<time>762_00:22:21,046 --> 00:22:21,766</time>
<s>对就这点事</s>
<time>763_00:22:22,126 --> 00:22:22,486</time>
<s>你改了</s>
<time>764_00:22:22,846 --> 00:22:24,286</time>
<s>你比如我这个人式愿意抢话</s>
<time>765_00:22:24,646 --> 00:22:25,366</time>
<s>以后我就自己意识着</s>
<time>766_00:22:25,726 --> 00:22:26,806</time>
<s>别老抢人家话</s>
<time>767_00:22:27,166 --> 00:22:28,246</time>
<s>就是很小的一个毛病对不对</s>
<time>768_00:22:29,326 --> 00:22:30,406</time>
<s>这就属于李老师说的</s>
<time>769_00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:31,846</time>
<s>就是说你还有自知</s>
<time>770_00:22:32,206 --> 00:22:32,926</time>
<s>这个很重要对</s>
<time>771_00:22:33,286 --> 00:22:34,006</time>
<s>但是李老师就是说我问您</s>
<time>772_00:22:34,366 --> 00:22:36,886</time>
<s>就是说像这种性格它发展到极端</s>
<time>773_00:22:37,246 --> 00:22:39,046</time>
<s>它会不会是有一种妄想</s>
<time>774_00:22:39,406 --> 00:22:44,086</time>
<s>就是说这件事情必须要如我所愿</s>
<time>775_00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:46,246</time>
<s>是吧差一分一秒都不行</s>
<time>776_00:22:46,606 --> 00:22:49,126</time>
<s>它一定要按照我脑子里的这个意愿</s>
<time>777_00:22:49,486 --> 00:22:50,566</time>
<s>完完全全的实现</s>
<time>778_00:22:50,926 --> 00:22:52,006</time>
<s>要不对了我就疯了</s>
<time>779_00:22:52,366 --> 00:22:53,086</time>
<s>很痛苦</s>
<time>780_00:22:53,446 --> 00:22:54,166</time>
<s>这是科学家的品质</s>
<time>781_00:22:56,686 --> 00:22:59,206</time>
<s>这个做科研确实像你做的这样</s>
<time>782_00:22:59,566 --> 00:23:00,286</time>
<s>就是说尤其搞仪器</s>
<time>783_00:23:00,646 --> 00:23:02,086</time>
<s>包括那些数字</s>
<time>784_00:23:02,446 --> 00:23:03,166</time>
<s>他要如果错一点点</s>
<time>785_00:23:03,526 --> 00:23:04,246</time>
<s>他不能接受的</s>
<time>786_00:23:04,606 --> 00:23:07,846</time>
<s>但是这个用在男女的这个关系上呢</s>
<time>787_00:23:08,206 --> 00:23:08,926</time>
<s>这个男女关系呢</s>
<time>788_00:23:09,286 --> 00:23:10,366</time>
<s>我个人还是说的这个问题</s>
<time>789_00:23:10,726 --> 00:23:11,806</time>
<s>其实它这个除了我刚才讲的</s>
<time>790_00:23:12,166 --> 00:23:12,886</time>
<s>这个我们的性别文化当中</s>
<time>791_00:23:13,246 --> 00:23:13,966</time>
<s>我讲了一个男性</s>
<time>792_00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:15,046</time>
<s>其实女性也有</s>
<time>793_00:23:15,406 --> 00:23:16,126</time>
<s>我记得曾经有一个</s>
<time>794_00:23:16,486 --> 00:23:17,566</time>
<s>美国的一个学者曾经讲</s>
<time>795_00:23:17,926 --> 00:23:20,086</time>
<s>说女孩子怎么才能让男孩子</s>
<time>796_00:23:20,446 --> 00:23:21,886</time>
<s>就是真正找到好的男孩子</s>
<time>797_00:23:22,246 --> 00:23:23,686</time>
<s>就是说你跟他谈对象</s>
<time>798_00:23:24,046 --> 00:23:25,486</time>
<s>谈到九点钟说我要走了</s>
<time>799_00:23:25,846 --> 00:23:26,926</time>
<s>我九点半必须回家</s>
<time>800_00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:30,886</time>
<s>然后这个就是在谈对象的过程当中</s>
<time>801_00:23:31,246 --> 00:23:33,046</time>
<s>他就讲这个总吊着</s>
<time>802_00:23:33,406 --> 00:23:34,846</time>
<s>然后这个点她说走就走</s>
<time>803_00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:36,286</time>
<s>衣服也是穿的严严的</s>
<time>804_00:23:36,646 --> 00:23:37,726</time>
<s>说这种的女性</s>
<time>805_00:23:38,086 --> 00:23:39,166</time>
<s>往往男人就觉得</s>
<time>806_00:23:39,526 --> 00:23:39,886</time>
<s>我必须得尊重你</s>
<time>807_00:23:40,246 --> 00:23:40,966</time>
<s>而且我愿意把你娶回家</s>
<time>808_00:23:42,046 --> 00:23:42,406</time>
<s>有原则的女性</s>
<time>809_00:23:42,766 --> 00:23:44,206</time>
<s>对他就觉得这种我放心</s>
<time>810_00:23:44,566 --> 00:23:46,366</time>
<s>到家里以后她今后不会去</s>
<time>811_00:23:46,726 --> 00:23:47,086</time>
<s>勾引别的人</s>
<time>812_00:23:47,446 --> 00:23:48,526</time>
<s>或者跟着别人走</s>
<time>813_00:23:48,886 --> 00:23:51,406</time>
<s>然后相反刚见面俩人就在一块了</s>
<time>814_00:23:51,766 --> 00:23:52,486</time>
<s>他说像这种的</s>
<time>815_00:23:52,846 --> 00:23:53,566</time>
<s>真正很多男人</s>
<time>816_00:23:53,926 --> 00:23:54,286</time>
<s>一般这种女性</s>
<time>817_00:23:54,646 --> 00:23:56,446</time>
<s>他基本接触接触就把你甩了</s>
<time>818_00:23:56,806 --> 00:23:58,246</time>
<s>所以你看网上我经常见</s>
<time>819_00:23:58,606 --> 00:23:59,686</time>
<s>她们女孩子在探讨</s>
<time>820_00:24:00,046 --> 00:24:02,566</time>
<s>说为什么某一种女孩老是遇渣男</s>
<time>821_00:24:02,926 --> 00:24:03,646</time>
<s>我这种</s>
<time>822_00:24:04,006 --> 00:24:05,806</time>
<s>但是我不是说遇渣男</s>
<time>823_00:24:06,166 --> 00:24:07,246</time>
<s>就是我说的渣男就还是指</s>
<time>824_00:24:07,606 --> 00:24:08,686</time>
<s>就是说性格比较极端的</s>
<time>825_00:24:09,046 --> 00:24:10,126</time>
<s>我后来反思</s>
<time>826_00:24:10,486 --> 00:24:11,926</time>
<s>不是我容易遇渣男</s>
<time>827_00:24:12,286 --> 00:24:14,446</time>
<s>是我把人家变成渣男你知道吗</s>
<time>828_00:24:14,806 --> 00:24:15,886</time>
<s>后来发现是这样</s>
<time>829_00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:16,966</time>
<s>就是我现在好很多</s>
<time>830_00:24:17,326 --> 00:24:18,046</time>
<s>前两年的时候</s>
<time>831_00:24:18,406 --> 00:24:19,846</time>
<s>尤其是大学的时候经常会出现</s>
<time>832_00:24:20,206 --> 00:24:21,286</time>
<s>我就是说这种不停地给我打电话</s>
<time>833_00:24:21,646 --> 00:24:22,726</time>
<s>不停地打电话</s>
<time>834_00:24:23,086 --> 00:24:23,446</time>
<s>尾随</s>
<time>835_00:24:23,806 --> 00:24:25,246</time>
<s>然后在你这个手机上</s>
<time>836_00:24:25,606 --> 00:24:27,046</time>
<s>装什么跟踪软件到什么地方</s>
<time>837_00:24:27,406 --> 00:24:29,566</time>
<s>我就经常遇到这种很疯的</s>
<time>838_00:24:29,926 --> 00:24:31,366</time>
<s>然后我就在反思为什么</s>
<time>839_00:24:31,726 --> 00:24:32,086</time>
<s>然后我就在想</s>
<time>840_00:24:32,446 --> 00:24:33,166</time>
<s>我是不是运气不好</s>
<time>841_00:24:33,886 --> 00:24:35,686</time>
<s>我后来发现其实我自已的问题比较大</s>
<time>842_00:24:36,046 --> 00:24:37,846</time>
<s>因为我的性格是那种比较软弱</s>
<time>843_00:24:38,206 --> 00:24:39,646</time>
<s>就是我不好意思拒绝别人</s>
<time>844_00:24:40,006 --> 00:24:41,446</time>
<s>别人一直示好或者是</s>
<time>845_00:24:41,806 --> 00:24:43,966</time>
<s>我就会说我们做朋友吧</s>
<time>846_00:24:44,326 --> 00:24:46,486</time>
<s>我就不会那种很明确地说</s>
<time>847_00:24:46,846 --> 00:24:47,926</time>
<s>拉黑那种拒绝</s>
<time>848_00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:48,646</time>
<s>我就说我们还是继续做朋友吧</s>
<time>849_00:24:49,006 --> 00:24:49,726</time>
<s>你给别人希望</s>
<time>850_00:24:50,086 --> 00:24:51,166</time>
<s>对然后但是就忽然有一天</s>
<time>851_00:24:51,526 --> 00:24:51,886</time>
<s>我就受不了</s>
<time>852_00:24:52,246 --> 00:24:53,686</time>
<s>我就彻底这个拉黑</s>
<time>853_00:24:54,046 --> 00:24:55,126</time>
<s>然后就是不理</s>
<time>854_00:24:55,486 --> 00:24:56,566</time>
<s>那人家就忽然就崩塌了</s>
<time>855_00:24:56,926 --> 00:24:58,726</time>
<s>因为在我没有明确拒绝的时候</s>
<time>856_00:24:59,086 --> 00:25:00,886</time>
<s>他这个幻想是不断助长的</s>
<time>857_00:25:01,246 --> 00:25:02,326</time>
<s>那有一天我整个一盆水浇过去</s>
