<time>1310_00:44:16,482 --> 00:44:16,842</time>
<s>他有一个欠缺</s>
<time>1311_00:44:17,562 --> 00:44:17,922</time>
<s>孩子要什么</s>
<time>1312_00:44:18,282 --> 00:44:18,642</time>
<s>我就给他买什么</s>
<time>1313_00:44:19,721 --> 00:44:20,802</time>
<s>要补偿要补偿</s>
<time>1314_00:44:21,161 --> 00:44:21,522</time>
<s>补偿心理</s>
<time>1315_00:44:21,882 --> 00:44:22,602</time>
<s>你要钱我给你钱</s>
<time>1316_00:44:23,322 --> 00:44:24,042</time>
<s>然后给钱给多了</s>
<time>1317_00:44:24,402 --> 00:44:25,842</time>
<s>他又买手机打游戏</s>
<time>1318_00:44:26,201 --> 00:44:27,282</time>
<s>搞什么东西上网吧</s>
<time>1319_00:44:28,722 --> 00:44:29,802</time>
<s>他们的一种发泄方式</s>
<time>1320_00:44:30,162 --> 00:44:31,602</time>
<s>碰到明理的家长他会配合你</s>
<time>1321_00:44:31,962 --> 00:44:33,042</time>
<s>要是碰到不明理的家长</s>
<time>1322_00:44:33,402 --> 00:44:34,122</time>
<s>有一个家长就说</s>
<time>1323_00:44:35,201 --> 00:44:36,642</time>
<s>我孩子在学校没杀人</s>
<time>1324_00:44:37,002 --> 00:44:38,082</time>
<s>老师你就别叫我了</s>
<time>1325_00:44:39,161 --> 00:44:39,522</time>
<s>天哪</s>
<time>1326_00:44:40,602 --> 00:44:42,402</time>
<s>这确实是不明理的家长</s>
<time>1327_00:44:43,122 --> 00:44:43,842</time>
<s>确实对这样的家长</s>
<time>1328_00:44:44,201 --> 00:44:44,562</time>
<s>我们也没办法</s>
<time>1329_00:44:45,282 --> 00:44:46,362</time>
<s>现在他们这些小孩子</s>
<time>1330_00:44:46,721 --> 00:44:47,082</time>
<s>是不是普遍</s>
<time>1331_00:44:47,442 --> 00:44:48,522</time>
<s>父母都在外面打工呢</s>
<time>1332_00:44:48,882 --> 00:44:49,241</time>
<s>大部分</s>
<time>1333_00:44:49,602 --> 00:44:51,042</time>
<s>所以他们就一年见父母一次</s>
<time>1334_00:44:51,762 --> 00:44:52,482</time>
<s>一般都是</s>
<time>1335_00:44:52,842 --> 00:44:53,922</time>
<s>好的就是爷爷奶奶带</s>
<time>1336_00:44:55,002 --> 00:44:55,362</time>
<s>不好的呢</s>
<time>1337_00:44:55,722 --> 00:44:56,082</time>
<s>不好的可能</s>
<time>1338_00:44:56,802 --> 00:44:57,882</time>
<s>像我自己的外甥</s>
<time>1339_00:44:58,241 --> 00:44:59,322</time>
<s>我自己外甥爷爷奶奶死了</s>
<time>1340_00:45:00,042 --> 00:45:00,762</time>
<s>他爸爸妈妈都在外面</s>
<time>1341_00:45:01,122 --> 00:45:01,842</time>
<s>没地方带</s>
<time>1342_00:45:02,561 --> 00:45:03,642</time>
<s>平时就是我带</s>
<time>1343_00:45:04,002 --> 00:45:04,722</time>
<s>等于寄养在你这一样</s>
<time>1344_00:45:05,802 --> 00:45:06,882</time>
<s>你觉得对他们的性格影响</s>
<time>1345_00:45:07,242 --> 00:45:07,602</time>
<s>未来会</s>
<time>1346_00:45:07,962 --> 00:45:08,682</time>
<s>有影响的</s>
<time>1347_00:45:09,042 --> 00:45:10,482</time>
<s>反正他有时候</s>
<time>1348_00:45:10,842 --> 00:45:11,561</time>
<s>感觉跟别人</s>
<time>1349_00:45:12,282 --> 00:45:12,642</time>
<s>你去对他好</s>
<time>1350_00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:13,362</time>
<s>跟他说</s>
<time>1351_00:45:13,722 --> 00:45:15,162</time>
<s>他就觉得你是在干扰他</s>
<time>1352_00:45:16,242 --> 00:45:18,042</time>
<s>他们其实也是一种自我保护</s>
<time>1353_00:45:18,402 --> 00:45:20,201</time>
<s>他其实也并不是要完全排斥你</s>
<time>1354_00:45:20,561 --> 00:45:21,282</time>
<s>他也接受你</s>
<time>1355_00:45:21,642 --> 00:45:22,362</time>
<s>但是他就是为了保护自己</s>
<time>1356_00:45:22,722 --> 00:45:23,442</time>
<s>不安全感表现很强硬</s>
<time>1357_00:45:24,162 --> 00:45:24,522</time>
<s>不安全感</s>
<time>1358_00:45:35,321 --> 00:45:36,762</time>
<s>你现在觉得写的时候</s>
<time>1359_00:45:37,842 --> 00:45:39,282</time>
<s>最困难或者最想克服的是什么</s>
<time>1360_00:45:39,642 --> 00:45:40,002</time>
<s>有吗</s>
<time>1361_00:45:40,362 --> 00:45:41,442</time>
<s>就是磨了很久之后</s>
<time>1362_00:45:41,802 --> 00:45:42,521</time>
<s>我才写出一千多字</s>
<time>1363_00:45:43,602 --> 00:45:43,962</time>
<s>我觉得</s>
<time>1364_00:45:44,682 --> 00:45:45,762</time>
<s>最大的困难就是</s>
<time>1365_00:45:46,122 --> 00:45:47,201</time>
<s>去克服自己</s>
<time>1366_00:45:47,561 --> 00:45:48,641</time>
<s>回忆里面的那种</s>
<time>1367_00:45:49,002 --> 00:45:50,082</time>
<s>各种各样的情绪</s>
<time>1368_00:45:50,802 --> 00:45:51,882</time>
<s>我就比较担心</s>
<time>1369_00:45:52,242 --> 00:45:53,322</time>
<s>陷入到那个情绪里面</s>
<time>1370_00:45:53,681 --> 00:45:54,402</time>
<s>一直出不来</s>
<time>1371_00:45:55,122 --> 00:45:56,202</time>
<s>我其实有很多故事可以写出来</s>
<time>1372_00:45:56,922 --> 00:45:57,281</time>
<s>但是我</s>
<time>1373_00:45:58,362 --> 00:45:59,082</time>
<s>写作的过程当中</s>
<time>1374_00:45:59,802 --> 00:46:00,521</time>
<s>我太情绪化了</s>
<time>1375_00:46:00,882 --> 00:46:01,242</time>
<s>因为我会想</s>
<time>1376_00:46:01,602 --> 00:46:03,402</time>
<s>被我大伯他们看到之后</s>
<time>1377_00:46:04,122 --> 00:46:05,561</time>
<s>会不会就觉得我</s>
<time>1378_00:46:06,282 --> 00:46:07,722</time>
<s>把这些家丑</s>
<time>1379_00:46:08,082 --> 00:46:08,442</time>
<s>给别人看</s>
<time>1380_00:46:09,162 --> 00:46:10,242</time>
<s>我就会有这种担心</s>
<time>1381_00:46:11,322 --> 00:46:13,122</time>
<s>我在回忆</s>
<time>1382_00:46:13,482 --> 00:46:14,202</time>
<s>家里的事情的时候</s>
<time>1383_00:46:14,562 --> 00:46:15,642</time>
<s>因为爸爸不在了</s>
<time>1384_00:46:16,002 --> 00:46:16,362</time>
<s>所以就</s>
<time>1385_00:46:16,722 --> 00:46:18,161</time>
<s>会有很悲伤的情绪在里面</s>
<time>1386_00:46:18,882 --> 00:46:20,322</time>
<s>所以就很难写下去</s>
<time>1387_00:46:20,682 --> 00:46:21,402</time>
<s>非常抱歉老师</s>
<time>1388_00:46:23,562 --> 00:46:24,282</time>
<s>但是我后面会写出来的</s>
<time>1389_00:46:24,641 --> 00:46:25,362</time>
<s>我一定要写出来</s>
<time>1390_00:46:28,962 --> 00:46:30,402</time>
<s>说白了我一直觉得</s>
<time>1391_00:46:30,762 --> 00:46:32,202</time>
<s>我们这帮城市里长大的小孩</s>
<time>1392_00:46:32,562 --> 00:46:33,642</time>
<s>虽然说家里有房子</s>
<time>1393_00:46:34,002 --> 00:46:34,362</time>
<s>可以说</s>
<time>1394_00:46:35,082 --> 00:46:36,162</time>
<s>相比较其他人</s>
<time>1395_00:46:36,522 --> 00:46:37,242</time>
<s>确实有一些安全感</s>
<time>1396_00:46:37,962 --> 00:46:38,322</time>
<s>但是</s>
<time>1397_00:46:39,402 --> 00:46:40,842</time>
<s>其实我自己一直内心理解</s>
<time>1398_00:46:41,922 --> 00:46:42,282</time>
<s>我们这种方式</s>
<time>1399_00:46:43,362 --> 00:46:44,082</time>
<s>就是土地红利</s>
<time>1400_00:46:45,161 --> 00:46:45,882</time>
<s>不创造价值</s>
<time>1401_00:46:46,242 --> 00:46:46,602</time>
<s>我真就这么想</s>
<time>1402_00:46:47,681 --> 00:46:49,121</time>
<s>这几年就翻几番</s>
<time>1403_00:46:49,842 --> 00:46:51,282</time>
<s>确实是让我自己都有点</s>
<time>1404_00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:52,362</time>
<s>罪恶感</s>
<time>1405_00:46:53,082 --> 00:46:53,802</time>
<s>不是罪恶感</s>
<time>1406_00:46:54,522 --> 00:46:55,241</time>
<s>这倒没什么</s>
<time>1407_00:46:56,322 --> 00:46:57,762</time>
<s>这玩意我一个人能承担吗</s>
<time>1408_00:46:58,842 --> 00:46:59,562</time>
<s>我觉得这个东西其实</s>
<time>1409_00:47:01,362 --> 00:47:01,722</time>
<s>非常宏观</s>
<time>1410_00:47:02,082 --> 00:47:03,162</time>
<s>可能很早以前</s>
<time>1411_00:47:03,882 --> 00:47:04,962</time>
<s>你突然意识到</s>
<time>1412_00:47:05,682 --> 00:47:07,122</time>
<s>好像我比别人生活好很多</s>
<time>1413_00:47:07,482 --> 00:47:08,201</time>
<s>那我要去帮别人</s>
<time>1414_00:47:08,922 --> 00:47:09,642</time>
<s>但后来其实</s>
<time>1415_00:47:10,002 --> 00:47:11,082</time>
<s>你跟自己生活一起结合</s>
<time>1416_00:47:11,802 --> 00:47:12,161</time>
<s>你会发现</s>
<time>1417_00:47:12,522 --> 00:47:14,322</time>
<s>有些东西非你一个人所能</s>
<time>1418_00:47:15,042 --> 00:47:15,402</time>
<s>我个人觉得</s>
<time>1419_00:47:15,762 --> 00:47:16,842</time>
<s>对我来说其实非常无力</s>
<time>1420_00:47:19,002 --> 00:47:20,802</time>
<s>刚才那些读的很多片段里面</s>
<time>1421_00:47:21,162 --> 00:47:21,522</time>
<s>大家会觉得</s>
<time>1422_00:47:22,602 --> 00:47:23,682</time>
<s>自己的经历同学的经历</s>
<time>1423_00:47:24,402 --> 00:47:25,122</time>
<s>可能有的是</s>
<time>1424_00:47:25,482 --> 00:47:26,562</time>
<s>家庭贫困的</s>
<time>1425_00:47:26,922 --> 00:47:27,282</time>
<s>有的是家庭是</s>
<time>1426_00:47:28,002 --> 00:47:29,082</time>
<s>父母要打工要离开</s>
<time>1427_00:47:29,802 --> 00:47:30,522</time>
<s>留守儿童嘛</s>
<time>1428_00:47:30,882 --> 00:47:32,322</time>
<s>如果跟城市里的一些</s>
<time>1429_00:47:33,042 --> 00:47:34,481</time>
<s>所谓的更正常的一种生活</s>
<time>1430_00:47:34,842 --> 00:47:35,922</time>
<s>是很不一样的经历</s>
<time>1431_00:47:36,282 --> 00:47:37,362</time>
<s>大家会觉得</s>
<time>1432_00:47:39,161 --> 00:47:39,882</time>
<s>生活对自己不公吗</s>
<time>1433_00:47:40,602 --> 00:47:41,322</time>
<s>世界其实本来就不公平的</s>
<time>1434_00:47:42,402 --> 00:47:43,122</time>
<s>我觉得公平</s>
<time>1435_00:47:43,482 --> 00:47:44,922</time>
<s>是个人造的概念</s>
<time>1436_00:47:45,642 --> 00:47:47,082</time>
<s>但是我觉得愤怒是有的</s>
<time>1437_00:47:47,442 --> 00:47:48,882</time>
<s>你去复盘那些东西的时候</s>
<time>1438_00:47:49,242 --> 00:47:50,322</time>
<s>就觉得</s>
<time>1439_00:47:52,122 --> 00:47:52,482</time>
<s>心好痛</s>
<time>1440_00:47:53,201 --> 00:47:53,922</time>
<s>觉得好悲伤</s>
<time>1441_00:47:54,642 --> 00:47:55,002</time>
<s>就经常会有这种感觉</s>
<time>1442_00:48:03,642 --> 00:48:04,362</time>
<s>你看她结尾写得多好</s>
<time>1443_00:48:04,722 --> 00:48:05,442</time>
<s>老师真的很抱歉</s>
<time>1444_00:48:05,802 --> 00:48:06,162</time>
<s>今天</s>
<time>1445_00:48:06,522 --> 00:48:07,962</time>
<s>为贷款的事情烦透了心情</s>
<time>1446_00:48:09,402 --> 00:48:10,122</time>
<s>刚回来就要写作文</s>
<time>1447_00:48:10,482 --> 00:48:11,562</time>
<s>真的一点思绪都没有</s>
<time>1448_00:48:12,281 --> 00:48:13,002</time>
<s>你就做一回我的听众好了</s>
<time>1449_00:48:14,802 --> 00:48:15,882</time>
<s>好动情的一个</s>
<time>1450_00:48:16,602 --> 00:48:17,322</time>
<s>这个学生现在</s>
<time>1451_00:48:18,042 --> 00:48:18,402</time>
<s>名字叫小邓是吧</s>
<time>1452_00:48:19,122 --> 00:48:19,842</time>
<s>她现在做什么</s>
<time>1453_00:48:22,002 --> 00:48:23,082</time>
<s>这个学生我后来没有</s>
<time>1454_00:48:23,802 --> 00:48:24,882</time>
<s>没有任何联系</s>
<time>1455_00:48:26,682 --> 00:48:28,482</time>
<s>当时我觉得我还是</s>
<time>1456_00:48:29,202 --> 00:48:29,922</time>
<s>因为我觉得孩子</s>
<time>1457_00:48:30,281 --> 00:48:32,442</time>
<s>她内心有那么多淤积的东西</s>
<time>1458_00:48:32,802 --> 00:48:34,602</time>
<s>其实我是不想去碰触</s>
<time>1459_00:48:35,322 --> 00:48:36,402</time>
<s>所以我也没有有意识地</s>
<time>1460_00:48:36,762 --> 00:48:38,561</time>
<s>后面跟她保持太多的联系</s>
<time>1461_00:48:38,922 --> 00:48:39,281</time>
<s>因为我觉得</s>
<time>1462_00:48:40,362 --> 00:48:42,162</time>
<s>其实有时候老师介入太多</s>
<time>1463_00:48:42,882 --> 00:48:43,241</time>
<s>学生他会</s>
<time>1464_00:48:43,602 --> 00:48:43,962</time>
<s>也是问题的</s>
<time>1465_00:48:45,402 --> 00:48:46,482</time>
<s>我很警惕这个</s>
<time>1466_00:48:47,201 --> 00:48:48,282</time>
<s>包括怎么面对这种</s>
<time>1467_00:48:49,002 --> 00:48:49,721</time>
<s>你说你写的这部分孩子</s>
<time>1468_00:48:50,082 --> 00:48:51,161</time>
<s>往往家里不幸的</s>
<time>1469_00:48:52,241 --> 00:48:53,682</time>
<s>就昨天上的那一课</s>
<time>1470_00:48:54,042 --> 00:48:55,122</time>
<s>我也会困扰</s>
<time>1471_00:48:55,482 --> 00:48:56,562</time>
<s>怎么面对别人的不幸呢</s>
<time>1472_00:48:56,922 --> 00:48:57,642</time>
<s>对你来说</s>
<time>1473_00:48:58,002 --> 00:48:59,082</time>
<s>好像你过多地表达</s>
<time>1474_00:48:59,441 --> 00:48:59,802</time>
<s>也是个问题</s>
<time>1475_00:49:00,522 --> 00:49:01,242</time>
<s>你不表达也是个问题</s>
<time>1476_00:49:01,602 --> 00:49:02,322</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>1477_00:49:03,762 --> 00:49:04,481</time>
<s>其实我每次写作</s>
<time>1478_00:49:04,842 --> 00:49:05,202</time>
<s>要写他们的时候</s>
<time>1479_00:49:05,562 --> 00:49:05,922</time>
<s>我都要</s>
<time>1480_00:49:06,642 --> 00:49:07,361</time>
<s>要花好长的时间</s>
<time>1481_00:49:07,722 --> 00:49:08,082</time>
<s>心理建设是吧</s>
<time>1482_00:49:08,442 --> 00:49:08,802</time>
<s>真的是</s>
<time>1483_00:49:09,882 --> 00:49:10,962</time>
<s>包括我把那本书写完了以后</s>
<time>1484_00:49:11,322 --> 00:49:12,042</time>
<s>我觉得好像内心</s>
<time>1485_00:49:12,402 --> 00:49:13,842</time>
<s>被深深地伤了一次</s>
<time>1486_00:49:14,562 --> 00:49:14,922</time>
<s>就那种</s>
<time>1487_00:49:15,282 --> 00:49:17,082</time>
<s>特别的暗淡阴暗</s>
<time>1488_00:49:17,442 --> 00:49:19,241</time>
<s>因为你没办法解决他们的问题</s>
<time>1489_00:49:20,321 --> 00:49:21,042</time>
<s>然后有时候我甚至觉得</s>
<time>1490_00:49:21,402 --> 00:49:22,482</time>
<s>我写作都是一种罪恶</s>
<time>1491_00:49:23,201 --> 00:49:24,282</time>
<s>真的有那种感觉</s>
<time>1492_00:49:25,002 --> 00:49:25,722</time>
<s>真的很残酷说实话</s>
<time>1493_00:49:26,442 --> 00:49:27,522</time>
<s>写的时候都哭</s>
<time>1494_00:49:29,322 --> 00:49:29,682</time>
<s>但是</s>
<time>1495_00:49:30,041 --> 00:49:31,122</time>
<s>你又特别想写</s>
<time>1496_00:49:32,562 --> 00:49:33,281</time>
<s>而且这是</s>
<time>1497_00:49:33,642 --> 00:49:34,362</time>
<s>作为一个写作者意识到</s>
<time>1498_00:49:34,721 --> 00:49:35,082</time>
<s>应该写</s>
<time>1499_00:49:37,242 --> 00:49:38,321</time>
<s>你又必须写你又想写</s>
<time>1500_00:49:38,682 --> 00:49:39,402</time>
<s>但是你写的时候</s>
<time>1501_00:49:39,762 --> 00:49:40,122</time>
<s>又很难受</s>
<time>1502_00:49:42,282 --> 00:49:43,002</time>
<s>写完了以后</s>
<time>1503_00:49:43,722 --> 00:49:44,442</time>
<s>传播开以后</s>
<time>1504_00:49:44,802 --> 00:49:46,242</time>
<s>它又变成了一个公共产品</s>
<time>1505_00:49:47,682 --> 00:49:49,482</time>
<s>然后大家品头论足</s>
<time>1506_00:49:50,922 --> 00:49:52,002</time>
<s>其实我真的希望所有的人</s>
<time>1507_00:49:52,362 --> 00:49:54,162</time>
<s>我接触的人都过得很好</s>
<time>1508_00:49:55,602 --> 00:49:56,682</time>
<s>没有这些东西</s>
<time>1509_00:49:57,402 --> 00:49:58,842</time>
<s>但是你又知道了这些东西</s>
<time>1510_00:49:59,202 --> 00:50:00,642</time>
<s>其实有时候我不是刻意的</s>
<time>1511_00:50:01,002 --> 00:50:02,442</time>
<s>要去找学生挖什么东西</s>
<time>1512_00:50:02,802 --> 00:50:03,882</time>
<s>而是他跟你说了</s>
<time>1513_00:50:04,962 --> 00:50:06,042</time>
<s>他就要找你说</s>
<time>1514_00:50:06,762 --> 00:50:07,842</time>
<s>他写作文里面就写了</s>
<time>1515_00:50:08,922 --> 00:50:09,282</time>
<s>事实上我觉得</s>
<time>1516_00:50:09,642 --> 00:50:10,722</time>
<s>我就像一个桶</s>
<time>1517_00:50:11,442 --> 00:50:12,522</time>
<s>装了好多孩子的故事</s>
<time>1518_00:50:12,882 --> 00:50:14,322</time>
<s>我是需要一个时间来消化的</s>
<time>1519_00:50:15,042 --> 00:50:15,762</time>
<s>真的是这样的</s>
<time>1520_00:50:17,562 --> 00:50:18,282</time>
<s>你怎么消化呢</s>
<time>1521_00:50:19,362 --> 00:50:20,082</time>
<s>桶装了这么多</s>
<time>1522_00:50:22,242 --> 00:50:23,322</time>
<s>其实我内心有好多东西</s>
<time>1523_00:50:23,682 --> 00:50:24,762</time>
<s>很幽暗的东西</s>
<time>1524_00:50:25,842 --> 00:50:26,922</time>
<s>所以我为什么会写作呢</s>
<time>1525_00:50:27,282 --> 00:50:28,362</time>
<s>因为你实在</s>
<time>1526_00:50:28,722 --> 00:50:29,442</time>
<s>你也想排解</s>
<time>1527_00:50:30,162 --> 00:50:31,602</time>
<s>你也装不住这么多东西了</s>
<time>1528_00:50:31,962 --> 00:50:32,682</time>
<s>你也要找到通道</s>
<time>1529_00:50:33,762 --> 00:50:34,482</time>
<s>我为什么写作</s>
<time>1530_00:50:35,202 --> 00:50:36,282</time>
<s>其实这就是我的通道</s>
<time>1531_00:50:37,002 --> 00:50:38,442</time>
<s>来表达我对世界的理解</s>
<time>1532_00:50:39,162 --> 00:50:39,522</time>
<s>对他们呢</s>
<time>1533_00:50:40,962 --> 00:50:42,402</time>
<s>怎么面对那种残忍</s>
<time>1534_00:50:44,922 --> 00:50:46,002</time>
<s>他们经常问我</s>
<time>1535_00:50:47,802 --> 00:50:48,882</time>
<s>可能还是</s>
<time>1536_00:50:49,242 --> 00:50:50,682</time>
<s>必须写</s>
<time>1537_00:51:01,482 --> 00:51:02,202</time>
<s>但是我就觉得</s>
<time>1538_00:51:02,922 --> 00:51:03,282</time>
<s>她那个部分</s>
<time>1539_00:51:03,642 --> 00:51:04,362</time>
<s>她妈妈那部分</s>
<time>1540_00:51:04,722 --> 00:51:05,082</time>
<s>我就</s>
<time>1541_00:51:05,802 --> 00:51:06,162</time>
<s>我不知道</s>
<time>1542_00:51:06,522 --> 00:51:07,602</time>
<s>不太想触及</s>
<time>1543_00:51:08,322 --> 00:51:09,042</time>
<s>那个东西</s>
<time>1544_00:51:09,402 --> 00:51:10,482</time>
<s>情感太强烈了</s>
<time>1545_00:51:11,202 --> 00:51:11,922</time>
<s>太悲伤了</s>
<time>1546_00:51:16,602 --> 00:51:17,322</time>
<s>好热啊今天</s>
<time>1547_00:51:18,402 --> 00:51:19,122</time>
<s>好热</s>
<time>1548_00:51:20,202 --> 00:51:20,922</time>
<s>什么时候能凉快一点</s>
<time>1549_00:51:21,282 --> 00:51:22,002</time>
<s>大堵车</s>
<time>1550_00:51:23,442 --> 00:51:24,162</time>
<s>等一下再过去</s>
<time>1551_00:51:25,602 --> 00:51:26,322</time>
<s>我们走这边吧</s>
<time>1552_00:51:30,282 --> 00:51:30,642</time>
<s>辛苦了真的</s>
<time>1553_00:51:32,802 --> 00:51:33,522</time>
<s>在这里</s>
<time>1554_00:51:35,322 --> 00:51:35,682</time>
<s>哦这里啊</s>
<time>1555_00:51:38,922 --> 00:51:40,002</time>
<s>真的挺闹中取静的</s>
<time>1556_00:51:42,522 --> 00:51:43,242</time>
<s>在这儿住多久了</s>
<time>1557_00:51:43,962 --> 00:51:45,402</time>
<s>住了快半年了</s>
<time>1558_00:51:45,762 --> 00:51:47,562</time>
<s>到十五号就整整半年</s>
<time>1559_00:51:49,722 --> 00:51:52,242</time>
<s>你去过伟福天台的家吗</s>
<time>1560_00:51:52,602 --> 00:51:52,962</time>
<s>我没有</s>
<time>1561_00:51:53,682 --> 00:51:54,042</time>
<s>我没去过</s>
<time>1562_00:51:54,402 --> 00:51:55,482</time>
<s>你看到书上写到是吧</s>
<time>1563_00:52:01,602 --> 00:52:01,962</time>
<s>把空调开了</s>
<time>1564_00:52:02,322 --> 00:52:03,042</time>
<s>然后就凉一些</s>
<time>1565_00:52:03,402 --> 00:52:03,762</time>
<s>谢谢</s>
<time>1566_00:52:08,082 --> 00:52:09,162</time>
<s>你在看夏目漱石啊</s>
<time>1567_00:52:09,522 --> 00:52:10,242</time>
<s>这本书买好久了</s>
<time>1568_00:52:10,962 --> 00:52:11,322</time>
<s>一直都没时间看</s>
<time>1569_00:52:12,042 --> 00:52:13,842</time>
<s>然后看了前面几十页</s>
<time>1570_00:52:14,562 --> 00:52:15,282</time>
<s>我见过他的</s>
<time>1571_00:52:16,362 --> 00:52:18,522</time>
<s>外孙女</s>
<time>1572_00:52:18,882 --> 00:52:19,962</time>
<s>我在东京去她们家</s>
<time>1573_00:52:20,322 --> 00:52:21,402</time>
<s>她（夏目漱石的）外孙女</s>
<time>1574_00:52:21,762 --> 00:52:22,122</time>
<s>以前是家庭主妇</s>
<time>1575_00:52:22,842 --> 00:52:23,202</time>
<s>从来不写作</s>
<time>1576_00:52:23,922 --> 00:52:26,082</time>
<s>她到了五十岁的时候开始写东西</s>
<time>1577_00:52:26,802 --> 00:52:27,162</time>
<s>因为夏目漱石</s>
<time>1578_00:52:27,522 --> 00:52:28,242</time>
<s>是四十九岁去世的</s>
<time>1579_00:52:28,962 --> 00:52:29,682</time>
<s>她就发现</s>
<time>1580_00:52:30,402 --> 00:52:31,482</time>
<s>她的外祖父</s>
<time>1581_00:52:32,202 --> 00:52:32,922</time>
<s>到这个年纪已经写了</s>
<time>1582_00:52:33,282 --> 00:52:33,642</time>
<s>这么多好的作品</s>
<time>1583_00:52:34,002 --> 00:52:34,722</time>
<s>她自己一事无成</s>
<time>1584_00:52:35,802 --> 00:52:36,882</time>
<s>她从五十岁开始写作</s>
<time>1585_00:52:37,242 --> 00:52:37,962</time>
<s>写到现在写到八十岁了</s>
<time>1586_00:52:38,322 --> 00:52:38,682</time>
<s>还在继续写</s>
<time>1587_00:52:39,402 --> 00:52:40,122</time>
<s>有时候我是觉得</s>
<time>1588_00:52:41,202 --> 00:52:42,642</time>
<s>写东西就是</s>
<time>1589_00:52:43,002 --> 00:52:44,802</time>
<s>要有一定的经历阅历之后</s>
<time>1590_00:52:45,522 --> 00:52:46,242</time>
<s>才会写得出来</s>
<time>1591_00:52:46,962 --> 00:52:47,322</time>
<s>我现在就不行</s>
<time>1592_00:52:47,682 --> 00:52:48,762</time>
<s>我看了你写得很好啊</s>
<time>1593_00:52:50,562 --> 00:52:50,922</time>
<s>我是那种</s>
<time>1594_00:52:51,282 --> 00:52:52,002</time>
<s>我没经历过的东西</s>
<time>1595_00:52:52,362 --> 00:52:53,082</time>
<s>我编不出来的</s>
<time>1596_00:53:03,882 --> 00:53:04,962</time>
<s>黄灯老师经常会</s>
<time>1597_00:53:05,322 --> 00:53:06,762</time>
<s>鼓励学生去创作</s>
<time>1598_00:53:07,482 --> 00:53:08,562</time>
<s>我那个时候</s>
<time>1599_00:53:09,642 --> 00:53:10,362</time>
<s>我跟她谈了一次</s>
<time>1600_00:53:11,082 --> 00:53:12,162</time>
<s>有时候会觉得</s>
<time>1601_00:53:12,882 --> 00:53:13,962</time>
<s>太多烦的东西</s>
<time>1602_00:53:14,682 --> 00:53:15,402</time>
<s>没地方跟人说</s>
<time>1603_00:53:15,762 --> 00:53:16,122</time>
<s>然后就找一个老师</s>
<time>1604_00:53:16,842 --> 00:53:17,922</time>
<s>刚好跟自己关系不错</s>
<time>1605_00:53:18,642 --> 00:53:20,082</time>
<s>然后去她办公室谈了一次</s>
<time>1606_00:53:21,882 --> 00:53:23,322</time>
<s>她陪我回了一家</s>
<time>1607_00:53:24,042 --> 00:53:25,122</time>
<s>见过了我生长的地方</s>
<time>1608_00:53:26,202 --> 00:53:26,922</time>
<s>知道我的过去</s>
<time>1609_00:53:27,642 --> 00:53:28,722</time>
<s>她会一直觉得</s>
<time>1610_00:53:29,442 --> 00:53:30,522</time>
<s>觉得我不容易</s>
<time>1611_00:53:31,242 --> 00:53:31,602</time>
<s>然后她就跟我说</s>
<time>1612_00:53:31,962 --> 00:53:33,042</time>
<s>要不你写一下</s>
<time>1613_00:53:33,402 --> 00:53:34,482</time>
<s>把你妈妈还有你这些事情</s>
<time>1614_00:53:34,842 --> 00:53:35,922</time>
<s>都写一下</s>
<time>1615_00:53:37,002 --> 00:53:38,082</time>
<s>然后我就写了</s>
<time>1616_00:53:39,882 --> 00:53:40,602</time>
<s>把自己关在一个教室</s>
<time>1617_00:53:41,322 --> 00:53:41,682</time>
<s>把窗帘拉起来</s>
<time>1618_00:53:42,042 --> 00:53:42,762</time>
<s>写了一天</s>
<time>1619_00:53:57,162 --> 00:53:58,242</time>
<s>当自己的这些故事</s>
<time>1620_00:53:58,602 --> 00:54:00,042</time>
<s>真的被写出来之后</s>
<time>1621_00:54:00,402 --> 00:54:01,482</time>
<s>你是什么感觉</s>
<time>1622_00:54:02,562 --> 00:54:03,282</time>
<s>一开始就是</s>
<time>1623_00:54:04,002 --> 00:54:04,722</time>
<s>我有个同学</s>
<time>1624_00:54:05,082 --> 00:54:05,802</time>
<s>他看了那个故事之后</s>
<time>1625_00:54:06,162 --> 00:54:06,522</time>
<s>会跟我说</s>
<time>1626_00:54:07,962 --> 00:54:08,682</time>
<s>你把这些东西写出来</s>
<time>1627_00:54:09,042 --> 00:54:10,482</time>
<s>就等于把自己的根刨出来</s>
<time>1628_00:54:10,842 --> 00:54:11,202</time>
<s>给别人看</s>
<time>1629_00:54:11,562 --> 00:54:12,642</time>
<s>让别人看到你不好的一面</s>
<time>1630_00:54:13,002 --> 00:54:14,082</time>
<s>把自已打开了给别人</s>
<time>1631_00:54:14,442 --> 00:54:14,802</time>
<s>但是</s>
<time>1632_00:54:15,522 --> 00:54:16,242</time>
<s>我可能是那种</s>
<time>1633_00:54:16,602 --> 00:54:16,962</time>
<s>把东西说出来了</s>
<time>1634_00:54:17,322 --> 00:54:18,042</time>
<s>然后我就好了</s>
<time>1635_00:54:18,762 --> 00:54:19,122</time>
<s>至于别人怎么想的话</s>
<time>1636_00:54:19,842 --> 00:54:20,922</time>
<s>那就是你们的事情</s>
<time>1637_00:54:21,642 --> 00:54:22,002</time>
<s>你们怎么看我</s>
<time>1638_00:54:22,362 --> 00:54:23,082</time>
<s>也是你们的事情</s>
<time>1639_00:54:24,162 --> 00:54:24,882</time>
<s>如果你觉得</s>
<time>1640_00:54:25,242 --> 00:54:26,322</time>
<s>因为这些因素远离了我</s>
<time>1641_00:54:28,122 --> 00:54:28,482</time>
<s>现在是这种状态</s>
<time>1642_00:54:29,202 --> 00:54:29,562</time>
<s>但这个坦然</s>
<time>1643_00:54:29,922 --> 00:54:31,722</time>
<s>是慢慢才抵达的</s>
<time>1644_00:54:32,442 --> 00:54:32,802</time>
<s>对</s>
<time>1645_00:54:33,522 --> 00:54:34,242</time>
<s>一开始会</s>
<time>1646_00:54:35,322 --> 00:54:36,762</time>
<s>以前我会很想去逃避</s>
<time>1647_00:54:37,482 --> 00:54:38,202</time>
<s>我爸爸那边的人</s>
<time>1648_00:54:38,922 --> 00:54:39,642</time>
<s>很想逃</s>
<time>1649_00:54:40,362 --> 00:54:42,162</time>
<s>就逃离农村啊那些地方</s>
<time>1650_00:54:43,602 --> 00:54:44,682</time>
<s>但是写出来之后</s>
<time>1651_00:54:45,042 --> 00:54:46,842</time>
<s>对我自己会有一个</s>
<time>1652_00:54:47,922 --> 00:54:49,722</time>
<s>跟过去和解的感觉</s>
<time>1653_00:54:51,162 --> 00:54:52,602</time>
<s>我是觉得过去的那些东西</s>
<time>1654_00:54:54,042 --> 00:54:54,762</time>
<s>成就了现在的我</s>
<time>1655_00:54:55,122 --> 00:54:56,562</time>
<s>虽然我也没有什么成就</s>
<time>1656_00:54:58,002 --> 00:55:00,162</time>
<s>现在还是个小小的学生</s>
<time>1657_00:55:08,082 --> 00:55:08,802</time>
<s>不过我觉得</s>
<time>1658_00:55:09,162 --> 00:55:10,962</time>
<s>这几年我就觉得有一种</s>
<time>1659_00:55:11,682 --> 00:55:12,762</time>
<s>新的东西</s>
<time>1660_00:55:13,482 --> 00:55:14,202</time>
<s>可能像黄灯老师</s>
<time>1661_00:55:14,562 --> 00:55:16,362</time>
<s>她们那个时候可能</s>
<time>1662_00:55:17,082 --> 00:55:18,882</time>
<s>就算她在工厂下岗了</s>
<time>1663_00:55:19,242 --> 00:55:20,322</time>
<s>她现在还是能够</s>
<time>1664_00:55:20,682 --> 00:55:21,762</time>
<s>做一个教授</s>
<time>1665_00:55:22,122 --> 00:55:23,202</time>
<s>然后写这么多的东西</s>
<time>1666_00:55:23,922 --> 00:55:24,642</time>
<s>我是觉得</s>
<time>1667_00:55:25,002 --> 00:55:26,442</time>
<s>这种如果到现在的话</s>
<time>1668_00:55:26,802 --> 00:55:27,522</time>
<s>基本上</s>
<time>1669_00:55:28,602 --> 00:55:30,402</time>
<s>我觉得我是没有这种可能性了</s>
<time>1670_00:55:31,122 --> 00:55:32,202</time>
<s>如果那个努力</s>
<time>1671_00:55:32,562 --> 00:55:34,002</time>
<s>已经很难建立起个人意义</s>
<time>1672_00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:36,882</time>
<s>心里面会慢慢地渴望</s>
<time>1673_00:55:37,602 --> 00:55:38,682</time>
<s>更本真的一些东西</s>
<time>1674_00:55:39,762 --> 00:55:40,482</time>
<s>所以我就</s>
<time>1675_00:55:41,202 --> 00:55:41,922</time>
<s>基本上我把我爸我妈</s>
<time>1676_00:55:42,642 --> 00:55:43,722</time>
<s>还有我哥都写了一遍了</s>
<time>1677_00:55:44,082 --> 00:55:45,162</time>
<s>他们都看到了吗</s>
<time>1678_00:55:45,522 --> 00:55:46,602</time>
<s>我没给他们看</s>
<time>1679_00:55:48,402 --> 00:55:50,922</time>
<s>现在还没有给他们看的勇气</s>
<time>1680_00:56:01,722 --> 00:56:03,522</time>
<s>我觉得我其实是一个</s>
<time>1681_00:56:03,882 --> 00:56:05,322</time>
<s>对物质不是特别</s>
<time>1682_00:56:06,402 --> 00:56:08,202</time>
<s>特别有那种欲望的人</s>
<time>1683_00:56:08,562 --> 00:56:09,282</time>
<s>我自己是一个</s>
<time>1684_00:56:10,362 --> 00:56:10,722</time>
<s>我很知足</s>
<time>1685_00:56:11,082 --> 00:56:12,162</time>
<s>但是我还没满足的状态</s>
<time>1686_00:56:12,882 --> 00:56:14,322</time>
<s>比如说我前段时间我就有写</s>
<time>1687_00:56:15,042 --> 00:56:16,482</time>
<s>上半年最感动的十个瞬间</s>
<time>1688_00:56:17,562 --> 00:56:17,922</time>
<s>我就有写这个</s>
<time>1689_00:56:18,282 --> 00:56:19,002</time>
<s>最近一个瞬间是什么</s>
<time>1690_00:56:20,442 --> 00:56:22,242</time>
<s>有一天跟我妈打电话</s>
<time>1691_00:56:22,962 --> 00:56:24,402</time>
<s>然后突然跟她聊到一个事情</s>
<time>1692_00:56:25,482 --> 00:56:26,562</time>
<s>她现在快五十岁吧</s>
<time>1693_00:56:26,922 --> 00:56:28,722</time>
<s>如果我一年只能见她一次面</s>
<time>1694_00:56:29,802 --> 00:56:31,602</time>
<s>满打满算她活到八十八岁</s>
<time>1695_00:56:32,682 --> 00:56:33,042</time>
<s>我这一辈子</s>
<time>1696_00:56:33,402 --> 00:56:35,562</time>
<s>就只能见她三十八面</s>
<time>1697_00:56:36,282 --> 00:56:37,362</time>
<s>想到这个事情</s>
<time>1698_00:56:39,522 --> 00:56:40,602</time>
<s>那个时候就我就瞬间觉得</s>
<time>1699_00:56:41,682 --> 00:56:42,042</time>
<s>原来</s>
<time>1700_00:56:42,402 --> 00:56:43,842</time>
<s>一个人的生命的长度</s>
<time>1701_00:56:44,202 --> 00:56:45,282</time>
<s>是可以用是见面的次数</s>
<time>1702_00:56:45,642 --> 00:56:46,362</time>
<s>来计算的</s>
<time>1703_00:56:48,522 --> 00:56:49,602</time>
<s>我真没有这么算过</s>
<time>1704_00:56:49,962 --> 00:56:52,122</time>
<s>说得触动我了一下子</s>
<time>1705_00:56:52,842 --> 00:56:53,562</time>
<s>我就突然</s>
<time>1706_00:56:53,922 --> 00:56:54,642</time>
<s>瞬间就想到了</s>
<time>1707_00:56:55,722 --> 00:56:56,802</time>
<s>如果这辈子我真的只能</s>
<time>1708_00:56:57,162 --> 00:56:57,522</time>
<s>见她</s>
<time>1709_00:56:57,882 --> 00:56:58,602</time>
<s>三十八面的话</s>
<time>1710_00:56:59,322 --> 00:57:00,402</time>
<s>那我接下来这三十八面</s>
<time>1711_00:57:00,762 --> 00:57:02,562</time>
<s>还要跟她去做一些什么事情呢</s>
<time>1712_00:57:04,362 --> 00:57:05,082</time>
<s>就会期待</s>
<time>1713_00:57:05,442 --> 00:57:06,162</time>
<s>然后也会特别的</s>
<time>1714_00:57:06,882 --> 00:57:07,242</time>
<s>害怕</s>
<time>1715_00:57:10,842 --> 00:57:11,562</time>
<s>会比较难</s>
<time>1716_00:57:19,842 --> 00:57:20,562</time>
<s>我妈那时候</s>
<time>1717_00:57:21,642 --> 00:57:23,802</time>
<s>是一个乡村教师</s>
<time>1718_00:57:24,882 --> 00:57:26,322</time>
<s>我到六岁才离开农村的</s>
<time>1719_00:57:27,402 --> 00:57:28,482</time>
<s>我爸爸当兵他在外面</s>
<time>1720_00:57:29,202 --> 00:57:30,282</time>
<s>一年见他一次出</s>
<time>1721_00:57:31,002 --> 00:57:31,722</time>
<s>所以我就对</s>
<time>1722_00:57:32,442 --> 00:57:33,522</time>
<s>父子关系啊什么就黑</s>
<time>1723_00:57:34,962 --> 00:57:36,042</time>
<s>我理解是的</s>
<time>1724_00:57:37,122 --> 00:57:38,202</time>
<s>好像也没什么可抱怨的</s>
<time>1725_00:57:38,562 --> 00:57:40,362</time>
<s>反正就是你成长方式嘛</s>
<time>1726_00:57:42,522 --> 00:57:43,242</time>
<s>所以我看你写的东西</s>
<time>1727_00:57:43,602 --> 00:57:44,322</time>
<s>都有一种</s>
<time>1728_00:57:45,762 --> 00:57:46,482</time>
<s>遥远的亲切</s>
<time>1729_00:57:47,202 --> 00:57:48,642</time>
<s>一种很遥远的亲切</s>
<time>1730_00:57:50,082 --> 00:57:51,162</time>
<s>那后来您回去过吗</s>
<time>1731_00:57:51,882 --> 00:57:52,242</time>
<s>我都很久没回去了</s>
<time>1732_00:57:52,602 --> 00:57:54,402</time>
<s>可能那边亲戚也不太多是吧</s>
<time>1733_00:57:54,762 --> 00:57:55,122</time>
<s>有</s>
<time>1734_00:57:56,202 --> 00:57:57,282</time>
<s>有人跑长途汽车</s>
<time>1735_00:57:57,642 --> 00:57:59,082</time>
<s>有人成为教师</s>
<time>1736_00:58:00,162 --> 00:58:01,602</time>
<s>我有时候挺想把他们写下来的</s>
<time>1737_00:58:01,962 --> 00:58:03,402</time>
<s>但是重新建立关系很难</s>
<time>1738_00:58:04,842 --> 00:58:05,562</time>
<s>是啊</s>
<time>1739_00:58:05,922 --> 00:58:06,642</time>
<s>好多年没回去了</s>
<time>1740_00:58:10,242 --> 00:58:35,082</time>
<s>有看待方式。”</s><s>*许知远</s>
