The_AT0 Red_AJ0 Caboose_NN1 
Now_AV0 that_CJT I_PNP am_VBB an_AT0 adult_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP realize_VVB that_CJT everything_PNI I_PNP ever_AV0 learned_VVD about_PRP white_AJ0 people_NN0 ,_PUN I_PNP learned_VVD from_PRP the_AT0 enormous_AJ0 color_NN1 television_NN1 set_NN1 ,_PUN a_AT0 Magnavox_NN1 ,_PUN that_DT0 sat_VVD front_NN1 and_CJC center_NN1 in_PRP our_DPS tiny_AJ0 ,_PUN ramshackle_AJ0 living_NN1 room_NN1 ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD the_AT0 only_AJ0 one_PNI in_PRP the_AT0 house_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC it_PNP was_VBD on_AVP constantly_AV0 ._SENT It_PNP served_VVD as_PRP a_AT0 clock_NN1 telling_VVG us_PNP what_DTQ time_NN1 of_PRF day_NN1 it_PNP was_VBD by_PRP whatever_DTQ show_NN1 was_VBD on_AVP ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD a_AT0 babysitter_NN1 for_PRP when_AVQ my_DPS mother_NN1 had_VHD to_TO0 go_VVI to_PRP work_NN1 and_CJC my_DPS father_NN1 laid_VVN in_PRP bed_NN1 all_DT0 day_NN1 behind_PRP a_AT0 locked_AJ0 door_NN1 ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD a_AT0 disciplinarian_NN1 in_PRP absentia_NN1 when_CJS my_DPS mother_NN1 took_VVD it_PNP away_AV0 or_CJC hung_VVD the_AT0 privilege_NN1 of_PRF watching_VVG it_PNP over_PRP our_DPS heads_NN2 like_PRP the_AT0 Sword_NN1 of_PRF Damocles_NP0 ._SENT Since_CJS there_EX0 was_VBD only_AV0 the_AT0 one_CRD ,_PUN there_EX0 were_VBD evenings_NN2 when_AVQ the_AT0 fighting_NN1 over_AVP it_PNP shut_VVB the_AT0 whole_AJ0 place_NN1 down_AVP ._SENT When_CJS my_DPS mother_NN1 turned_VVD it_PNP off_AVP as_PRP punishment_NN1 ,_PUN it_PNP sat_VVD there_AV0 ,_PUN dark_AJ0 and_CJC dead_AJ0 of_PRF all_DT0 its_DPS potential_NN1 ;_PUN drained_VVN of_PRF all_DT0 its_DPS colors_NN2 ._SENT 
It_PNP was_VBD an_AT0 almost_AV0 seaworthy_AJ0 floor_NN1 model_NN1 in_PRP which_DTQ a_AT0 thick_AJ0 glass_NN1 screen_NN1 wrapped_VVN in_PRP a_AT0 credenza's-worth_NN1 of_PRF lacquered_AJ0 ,_PUN brown_AJ0 wood_NN1 was_VBD the_AT0 gateway_NN1 to_PRP all_DT0 the_AT0 things_NN2 in_PRP the_AT0 world_NN1 that_CJT I_PNP could_VM0 n't_XX0 have_VHI ._SENT A_AT0 crystal_NN1 ball_NN1 of_PRF covetousness_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP sat_VVD day_NN1 after_PRP day_NN1 allowing_VVG that_DT0 television_NN1 to_TO0 teach_VVI me_PNP that_CJT the_AT0 most_AV0 important_AJ0 thing_NN1 in_PRP life_NN1 was_VBD to_TO0 be_VBI liked_VVN ._SENT By_PRP everybody_PNI ._SENT Between_PRP its_DPS teachings_NN2 at_PRP home_NN1 and_CJC social_AJ0 life_NN1 at_PRP school_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP learned_VVD that_CJT the_AT0 whiter_AJC you_PNP acted_VVD ,_PUN the_AT0 better_AJC liked_VVD you_PNP were_VBD ._SENT So_AV0 I_PNP changed_VVD the_AT0 way_NN1 that_CJT I_PNP spoke_VVD to_TO0 mimic_VVI the_AT0 characters_NN2 on_PRP television_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP concealed_VVD every_AT0 part_NN1 of_PRF myself_PNX that_CJT I_PNP deemed_VVD to_TO0 be_VBI too_AV0 "_PUQ Black_AJ0 ._SENT "_PUQ Because_CJS my_DPS life_NN1 up_AVP until_PRP then_AV0 had_VHD shown_VVN me_PNP that_DT0 white_NN1 was_VBD n't_XX0 just_AV0 a_AT0 race_NN1 ,_PUN it_PNP was_VBD a_AT0 goal_NN1 ._SENT And_CJC ,_PUN at_PRP fifteen_CRD years_NN2 old_AJ0 ,_PUN I_PNP decided_VVD that_CJT this_DT0 was_VBD a_AT0 goal_NN1 I_PNP wanted_VVD to_TO0 achieve_VVI ._SENT 
Sitting_VVG cross-legged_AJ0 and_CJC a_AT0 foot_NN1 from_PRP the_AT0 screen_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP looked_VVD up_AVP at_PRP the_AT0 TV_NN1 and_CJC learned_VVD that_CJT white_AJ0 children_NN2 were_VBD ethereally_AV0 beautiful_AJ0 and_CJC perpetually_AV0 innocent_AJ0 ;_PUN even_AV0 their_DPS mistakes_NN2 were_VBD charming_AJ0 ._SENT White_AJ0 children_NN2 got_VVD sent_VVN to_PRP their_DPS bedrooms_NN2 or_CJC were_VBD given_VVN a_AT0 good_AJ0 and_CJC loving_AJ0 talking_VVG to_PRP —_PUN ​punishments_NN2 that_CJT shamed_VVD the_AT0 knee-jerk_AJ0 ass-whuppin_NN1 's_VBZ my_DPS siblings_NN2 and_CJC I_PNP were_VBD subject_AJ0 to_PRP for_PRP a_AT0 misspoken_AJ0 word_NN1 or_CJC the_AT0 slightest_AJS infraction_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP did_VDD n't_XX0 even_AV0 have_VHI a_AT0 bedroom_NN1 to_TO0 get_VVI sent_VVN to_PRP ._SENT 
White_AJ0 children_NN2 were_VBD given_VVN "_PUQ allowances_NN2 ._SENT "_PUQ Allowances_NN2 :_PUN money_NN1 that_CJT was_VBD given_VVN to_PRP them_PNP just_AV0 for_PRP being_VBG alive_AJ0 ._SENT White_AJ0 children_NN2 became_VVD indignant_AJ0 when_CJS their_DPS television_NN1 parents_NN2 did_VDD not_XX0 raise_VVI these_DT0 allowances_NN2 or_CJC withheld_VVD them_PNP as_PRP punishment_NN1 for_PRP some_DT0 adorable_AJ0 mistake_NN1 they_PNP 'd_VHD made_VVN ._SENT Their_DPS household_NN1 chores_NN2 seemed_VVD more_DT0 of_PRF an_AT0 option_NN1 and_CJC not_XX0 a_AT0 command_NN1 necessary_AJ0 to_TO0 keep_VVI the_AT0 very_AJ0 household_NN1 functioning_NN1 ._SENT Their_DPS clothes_NN2 were_VBD never_AV0 out_AVP of_PRF style_NN1 ,_PUN never_AV0 dingy_AJ0 with_PRP wear_NN1 ._SENT Their_DPS homes_NN2 were_VBD beautifully_AV0 decorated_VVN ._SENT They_PNP all_AV0 had_VHD bicycles_NN2 and_CJC their_DPS own_DT0 bedrooms_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP was_VBD in_PRP thrall_NN1 to_PRP the_AT0 opulence_NN1 and_CJC ease_NN1 of_PRF it_PNP all_DT0 ._SENT The_AT0 parents_NN2 of_PRF white_AJ0 children_NN2 were_VBD loving_AJ0 toward_PRP each_DT0 other_AJ0 and_CJC playful_AJ0 with_PRP their_DPS children_NN2 ._SENT They_PNP acknowledged_VVD them_PNP and_CJC talked_VVD to_PRP them_PNP and_CJC always_AV0 seemed_VVD to_TO0 be_VBI in_PRP a_AT0 good_AJ0 mood_NN1 ._SENT 
In_PRP contrast_NN1 ,_PUN my_DPS parents_NN2 were_VBD endlessly_AV0 angry_AJ0 —_PUN ​either_AJ0 at_PRP one_PNI another_DT0 or_CJC at_PRP their_DPS children_NN2 —_PUN ​and_VVB our_DPS existence_NN1 was_VBD anything_PNI but_CJC opulent_AJ0 ._SENT Our_DPS home_NN1 was_VBD a_AT0 shack_NN1 ,_PUN especially_AV0 when_CJS compared_VVN to_PRP the_AT0 two-_AJ0 and_CJC three-story_AJ0 palaces_NN2 that_CJT lay_VVD just_AV0 at_PRP the_AT0 other_AJ0 end_NN1 of_PRF town_NN1 ._SENT Money_NN1 was_VBD a_AT0 constant_AJ0 discussion_NN1 :_PUN lack_NN1 of_PRF it_PNP ,_PUN what_DTQ to_TO0 do_VDI with_PRP it_PNP ,_PUN where_CJS it_PNP was_VBD going_VVG to_TO0 come_VVI from_PRP ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD always_AV0 a_AT0 problem_NN1 ._SENT The_AT0 white_AJ0 parents_NN2 on_PRP television_NN1 were_VBD always_AV0 canoodling_VVG ,_PUN doting_VVG on_PRP their_DPS children_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC smiling_VVG at_PRP one_PNI another_DT0 with_PRP an_AT0 air_NN1 of_PRF playful_AJ0 romance_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC my_DPS mother_NN1 did_VDD n't_XX0 like_VVI my_DPS father_NN1 at_PRP all_DT0 and_CJC it_PNP was_VBD fairly_AV0 evident_AJ0 ._SENT Their_DPS utter_AJ0 lack_NN1 of_PRF resemblance_NN1 to_PRP the_AT0 white_AJ0 parents_NN2 on_PRP television_NN1 made_VVD me_PNP wonder_VVB why_AVQ they_PNP 'd_VHD ever_AV0 married_VVN in_PRP the_AT0 first_ORD place_NN1 ._SENT They_PNP seemed_VVD to_TO0 tolerate_VVI each_DT0 other_NN1 well_AV0 enough_AV0 when_CJS my_DPS father_NN1 had_VHD a_AT0 job_NN1 ._SENT But_CJC once_CJS he_PNP lost_VVD it_PNP ,_PUN there_EX0 were_VBD chasms_NN2 of_PRF silence_NN1 between_PRP them_PNP filled_VVD only_AV0 with_PRP duty_NN1 and_CJC avoidance_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP did_VDD n't_XX0 quite_AV0 understand_VVI what_DTQ was_VBD going_VVG on_AVP between_PRP them_PNP ,_PUN but_CJC they_PNP seemed_VVD to_TO0 view_VVI my_DPS siblings_NN2 and_CJC me_PNP as_PRP an_AT0 inconvenience_NN1 at_PRP best_AV0 ._SENT But_CJC the_AT0 white_AJ0 people_NN0 ?_SENT They_PNP had_VHD it_PNP all_DT0 figured_VVD out_AVP ._SENT They_PNP always_AV0 had_VHD money_NN1 ._SENT Their_DPS problems_NN2 were_VBD fixable_AJ0 within_PRP thirty_CRD minutes_NN2 if_CJS you_PNP added_VVD in_PRP the_AT0 commercials_NN2 for_PRP things_NN2 we_PNP could_VM0 n't_XX0 afford_VVI ._SENT I_PNP watched_VVD them_PNP through_PRP the_AT0 looking_AJ0 glass_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 Magnavox_NN1 with_PRP my_DPS mouth_NN1 hanging_VVG open_AJ0 ,_PUN wanting_VVG so_AV0 badly_AV0 to_TO0 be_VBI a_AT0 part_NN1 of_PRF their_DPS world_NN1 ._SENT 
Between_PRP the_AT0 family_NN1 sitcoms_NN2 and_CJC commercial_AJ0 breaks_NN2 ,_PUN there_EX0 were_VBD brief_AJ0 seconds_NN2 when_CJS the_AT0 screen_NN1 would_VM0 go_VVI black_AJ0 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP would_VM0 see_VVI my_DPS reflection_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 television_NN1 screen_NN1 ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD then_AV0 that_CJT I_PNP knew_VVD I_PNP would_VM0 never_AV0 get_VVI to_TO0 experience_VVI the_AT0 heady_AJ0 highs_NN2 of_PRF Caucasianism_NN1 ._SENT My_DPS skin_NN1 was_VBD so_AV0 black_AJ0 ._SENT I_PNP could_VM0 barely_AV0 make_VVI out_AVP my_DPS features_NN2 in_PRP the_AT0 darkness_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 glass_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP was_VBD just_AV0 eyes_NN2 looking_VVG in_AVP on_PRP a_AT0 world_NN1 that_CJT I_PNP 'd_VM0 never_AV0 be_VBI invited_VVN to_TO0 join_VVI ._SENT In_PRP those_DT0 seconds_NN2 ,_PUN I_PNP wondered_VVD if_CJS Blackness_NP0 was_VBD responsible_AJ0 for_PRP inferiority_NN1 or_CJC if_CJS God_NP0 just_AV0 made_VVD those_DT0 who_PNQ were_VBD inferior_AJ0 Black_NP0 ._SENT 
Growing_VVG up_AVP ,_PUN my_DPS town_NN1 was_VBD perpetually_AV0 colorless_AJ0 and_CJC damp_AJ0 ,_PUN even_AV0 in_PRP the_AT0 summertime_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC the_AT0 place_NN1 where_AVQ I_PNP showed_VVD up_AVP every_AT0 day_NN1 for_PRP education_NN1 was_VBD built_VVN like_PRP a_AT0 prison_NN1 ._SENT The_AT0 school_NN1 colors_NN2 were_VBD red_AJ0 and_CJC gray_AJ0 ,_PUN like_PRP a_AT0 gunshot_NN1 wound_VVN through_PRP an_AT0 old_AJ0 man_NN1 's_POS head_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC every_AT0 wall_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 high_AJ0 school_NN1 hallways_NN2 was_VBD painted_VVN pea-soup_AJ0 green_NN1 ._SENT There_EX0 was_VBD no_AT0 place_NN1 more_AV0 miserable_AJ0 than_CJS my_DPS high_AJ0 school_NN1 ._SENT The_AT0 floors_NN2 were_VBD the_AT0 gray_AJ0 kind_NN1 ,_PUN speckled_VVN with_PRP different_AJ0 colors_NN2 like_PRP vomit_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP would_VM0 often_AV0 stare_VVI at_PRP the_AT0 flecks_NN2 ,_PUN zeroing_VVG in_AVP on_PRP the_AT0 silver_NN1 ones_NN2 and_CJC trying_VVG to_TO0 connect_VVI the_AT0 dots_NN2 ._SENT They_PNP looked_VVD to_PRP me_PNP like_PRP an_AT0 infinite_AJ0 cosmos_NN1 ,_PUN a_AT0 getaway_NN1 route_NN1 I_PNP could_VM0 follow_VVI to_TO0 escape_VVI having_VHG to_TO0 use_VVI the_AT0 dreaded_AJ0 welfare_NN1 lunch_NN1 card_NN1 ,_PUN which_DTQ glowed_VVD fluorescent_AJ0 pink_NN1 ,_PUN begging_VVG for_PRP attention_NN1 ._SENT 
When_CJS the_AT0 steel_NN1 mills_NN2 in_PRP Warren_NP0 and_CJC the_AT0 Rockwell_NP0 bumpers_NN2 plant_NN1 in_PRP nearby_AJ0 Newton_NP0 Falls_NP0 closed_VVD ,_PUN every_AT0 Black_AJ0 family_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 area_NN1 was_VBD thrown_VVN into_PRP turmoil_NN1 ._SENT With_PRP no_AT0 other_AJ0 work_NN1 options_NN2 ,_PUN every_AT0 Black_AJ0 man_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 area_NN1 was_VBD left_VVN stunned_AJ0 ._SENT Some_DT0 took_VVD to_PRP the_AT0 bottle_NN1 and_CJC became_VVD either_AV0 angry_AJ0 or_CJC maudlin_AJ0 drunks_NN2 ._SENT I_PNP watched_VVD them_PNP stumble_VVI around_AVP the_AT0 streets_NN2 of_PRF our_DPS town_NN1 and_CJC vowed_VVD that_CJT I_PNP would_VM0 never_AV0 be_VBI so_AV0 pathetic_AJ0 as_CJS to_TO0 touch_VVI alcohol_NN1 ._SENT And_CJC because_CJS these_DT0 manufacturing_NN1 jobs_NN2 left_VVD to_TO0 seek_VVI out_AVP greener_AJC pastures_NN2 for_PRP their_DPS executives_NN2 ,_PUN every_AT0 Black_AJ0 child_NN1 's_POS hand_NN1 was_VBD holding_VVG a_AT0 fluorescent_AJ0 pink_AJ0 free_AJ0 lunch_NN1 card_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP hid_VVD mine_PNP to_TO0 avoid_VVI the_AT0 embarrassment_NN1 ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD a_AT0 mark_NN1 ,_PUN a_AT0 brand_NN1 ._SENT In_PRP the_AT0 end_NN1 ,_PUN it_PNP was_VBD just_AV0 easier_AJC to_TO0 skip_VVI lunch_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP tried_VVD to_TO0 be_VBI cool_AJ0 about_PRP it_PNP even_AV0 when_CJS my_DPS stomach_NN1 growled_VVD ._SENT 
A_AT0 boy_NN1 in_PRP my_DPS class_NN1 ,_PUN Alex_NP0 ,_PUN embodied_VVN all_DT0 the_AT0 boys_NN2 I_PNP saw_VVD on_PRP television_NN1 ._SENT He_PNP had_VHD a_AT0 father_NN1 who_PNQ wore_VVD a_AT0 suit_NN1 and_CJC tie_NN1 to_TO0 work_VVI and_CJC who_PNQ would_VM0 show_VVI up_AVP for_PRP school_NN1 events_NN2 and_CJC smile_NN1 at_PRP his_DPS son_NN1 lovingly_AV0 and_CJC with_PRP open_AJ0 affection_NN1 like_PRP the_AT0 TV_NN1 dads_NN2 ._SENT They_PNP even_AV0 hugged_VVD ._SENT His_DPS mother_NN1 was_VBD the_AT0 typing_NN1 teacher_NN1 at_PRP the_AT0 school_NN1 and_CJC surely_AV0 did_VDD n't_XX0 come_VVI home_AV0 with_PRP a_AT0 scowl_NN1 carved_VVN into_PRP her_DPS face_NN1 only_AV0 to_TO0 grumble_VVI out_AVP grievances_NN2 before_CJS she_PNP fell_VVD into_PRP bed_NN1 exhausted_VVN like_PRP my_DPS mother_NN1 did_VDD ._SENT His_DPS sister_NN1 was_VBD pretty_AJ0 and_CJC outgoing_AJ0 ._SENT He_PNP had_VHD no_AT0 older_AJC brother_NN1 under_PRP whose_DTQ shadow_NN1 he_PNP lived_VVD or_CJC was_VBD so_AV0 embarrassed_AJ0 by_PRP him_PNP that_CJT he_PNP did_VDD n't_XX0 want_VVI anyone_PNI to_TO0 know_VVI they_PNP were_VBD related_VVN ._SENT I_PNP imagined_VVD their_DPS house_NN1 to_TO0 be_VBI a_AT0 three-storied_AJ0 affair_NN1 —_PUN ​white_AJ0 with_PRP brown_AJ0 trim_NN1 and_CJC all_DT0 manner_NN1 of_PRF shrubbery_NN1 and_CJC flowers_NN2 surrounding_VVG it_PNP ,_PUN which_DTQ I_PNP assume_VVB his_DPS mother_NN1 tended_VVD to_PRP vigilantly_AV0 in_PRP a_AT0 sun_NN1 hat_NN1 with_PRP a_AT0 wide_AJ0 and_CJC floppy_AJ0 brim_NN1 ._SENT A_AT0 house_NN1 that_CJT was_VBD a_AT0 perfect_AJ0 backdrop_NN1 for_PRP after-show_AJ0 credits_NN2 to_TO0 roll_VVI ._SENT Our_DPS house_NN1 was_VBD a_AT0 hovel_NN1 in_PRP comparison_NN1 ._SENT 
All_DT0 in_PRP all_DT0 ,_PUN Alex_NP0 and_CJC his_DPS family_NN1 were_VBD just_AV0 better_AJC people_NN0 than_CJS us_PNP ._SENT Alex_NP0 himself_PNX was_VBD the_AT0 epitome_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 gentle_AJ0 and_CJC thoughtful_AJ0 white_AJ0 boys_NN2 I_PNP could_VM0 only_AV0 have_VHI access_NN1 to_PRP via_PRP the_AT0 electricity_NN1 running_VVG through_PRP the_AT0 Magnavox_NN1 that_CJT my_DPS family_NN1 could_VM0 barely_AV0 keep_VVI on_PRP half_DT0 the_AT0 time_NN1 ._SENT He_PNP was_VBD the_AT0 exact_AJ0 opposite_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 Black_AJ0 boys_NN2 who_PNQ gave_VVD me_DPS hell_NN1 every_AT0 day_NN1 ._SENT He_PNP was_VBD sensitive_AJ0 ._SENT I_PNP wanted_VVD Alex_NP0 and_CJC I_PNP wanted_VVD to_TO0 be_VBI Alex_NP0 ._SENT 
Homosexuality_NN1 ,_PUN as_CJS it_PNP so_AV0 often_AV0 does_VDZ ,_PUN attacked_VVD me_PNP in_PRP my_DPS bed_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 middle_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 night_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP resisted_VVD with_PRP every_AT0 fiber_NN1 of_PRF my_DPS being_NN1 until_CJS I_PNP could_VM0 resist_VVI no_AT0 longer_AJC ._SENT Alone_AV0 in_PRP my_DPS bed_NN1 ,_PUN thinking_VVG about_PRP Alex_NP0 unendingly_AV0 ,_PUN my_DPS eyes_NN2 rolled_VVD back_AVP in_PRP my_DPS head_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP did_VDD n't_XX0 quite_AV0 know_VVI what_DTQ to_TO0 do_VDI with_PRP my_DPS hands_NN2 ._SENT Much_AV0 to_PRP my_DPS shame_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP would_VM0 soon_AV0 figure_VVI that_DT0 out_AVP ._SENT I_PNP let_VVB the_AT0 thought_NN1 of_PRF him_PNP wash_VVB over_AVP me_DPS night_NN1 after_PRP sticky_AJ0 night_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP wanted_VVD to_TO0 hold_VVI Alex_NP0 ._SENT I_PNP wanted_VVD Alex_NP0 ,_PUN with_PRP his_DPS chocolate_NN1 brown_AJ0 eyes_NN2 and_CJC coal_NN1 black_AJ0 hair_NN1 ,_PUN to_TO0 love_VVI me_PNP ._SENT I_PNP did_VDD n't_XX0 even_AV0 mind_VVI his_DPS occasional_AJ0 pimples_NN2 ._SENT I_PNP thought_VVD they_PNP were_VBD charming_AJ0 ._SENT I_PNP wanted_VVD him_PNP to_TO0 save_VVI me_PNP and_CJC take_VVB me_PNP away_AV0 into_PRP his_DPS television_NN1 world_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP would_VM0 stare_VVI at_PRP him_PNP openly_AV0 at_PRP school_NN1 and_CJC make_VVB a_AT0 fool_NN1 of_PRF myself_PNX by_PRP awkwardly_AV0 trying_VVG to_TO0 talk_VVI to_PRP someone_PNI who_PNQ was_VBD talking_VVG to_PRP him_PNP so_CJS I_PNP could_VM0 somehow_AV0 make_VVI my_DPS way_NN1 into_PRP his_DPS field_NN1 of_PRF vision_NN1 ._SENT 
I_PNP fought_VVD my_DPS demons_NN2 every_AT0 night_NN1 and_CJC prayed_VVD that_CJT the_AT0 Good_AJ0 Lord_NN1 would_VM0 take_VVI these_DT0 desires_NN2 away_AV0 from_PRP me_PNP ._SENT The_AT0 Good_AJ0 Lord_NN1 never_AV0 did_VDD ._SENT In_PRP fact_NN1 ,_PUN He_PNP only_AV0 made_VVD them_PNP worse_AJC ._SENT I_PNP abandoned_VVD all_DT0 hope_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP could_VM0 n't_XX0 stop_VVI and_CJC decided_VVD that_CJT hell_NN1 was_VBD where_AVQ I_PNP should_VM0 end_VVI up_AVP ._SENT But_CJC I_PNP wanted_VVD to_TO0 take_VVI Alex_NP0 with_PRP me_PNP ._SENT 
Onanism_NN1 became_VVD habitual_AJ0 ._SENT When_CJS I_PNP was_VBD "_PUQ done_VDN ,_PUN "_PUQ I_PNP would_VM0 imagine_VVI myself_PNX in_PRP Alex_NP0 's_POS mother_NN1 's_POS class_NN1 and_CJC her_PNP repeatedly_AV0 smashing_VVG my_DPS penis_NN1 with_PRP the_AT0 manual_AJ0 typewriter_NN1 on_PRP my_DPS desk_NN1 ,_PUN over_AVP and_CJC over_AVP again_AV0 ,_PUN with_PRP pure_AJ0 hatred_NN1 in_PRP her_DPS eyes_NN2 for_PRP what_DTQ I_PNP 'd_VHD just_AV0 done_VDN to_PRP her_DPS son_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP had_VHD to_TO0 look_VVI this_DT0 woman_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 face_NN1 every_AT0 day_NN1 ,_PUN knowing_VVG that_CJT just_AV0 a_AT0 few_DT0 hours_NN2 before_AV0 ,_PUN she_PNP had_VHD lost_VVN her_DPS son_NN1 to_PRP me_PNP and_CJC my_DPS wicked_AJ0 imagination_NN1 ._SENT She_PNP would_VM0 come_VVI by_PRP my_DPS desk_NN1 sometimes_AV0 to_TO0 reposition_VVI my_DPS fingers_NN2 on_PRP the_AT0 keyboard_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP would_VM0 seethe_VVI with_PRP jealousy_NN1 that_CJT she_PNP got_VVD to_TO0 see_VVI so_AV0 much_DT0 of_PRF him_PNP ,_PUN but_CJC I_PNP would_VM0 also_AV0 thrill_VVI to_PRP the_AT0 thought_NN1 that_CJT maybe_AV0 she_PNP 'd_VHD recently_AV0 touched_VVN his_DPS hair_NN1 and_CJC was_VBD using_VVG the_AT0 same_DT0 hand_NN1 to_TO0 correct_VVI my_DPS hand_NN1 positioning_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP smiled_VVD and_CJC hoped_VVD that_CJT she_PNP did_VDD n't_XX0 catch_VVI a_AT0 whiff_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 lust_NN1 that_CJT might_VM0 have_VHI stubbornly_AV0 stuck_VVN to_PRP my_DPS recalcitrant_AJ0 fingers_NN2 despite_PRP all_DT0 of_PRF my_DPS scrubbing_NN1 ._SENT All_DT0 of_PRF my_DPS praying_VVG and_CJC scrubbing_VVG ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD only_AV0 a_AT0 matter_NN1 of_PRF time_NN1 until_CJS someone_PNI locked_VVD me_PNP up_AVP ._SENT 
They_PNP used_VVD to_TO0 like_VVI to_TO0 watch_VVI me_DPS dance_NN1 ,_PUN the_AT0 white_AJ0 kids_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP would_VM0 dance_VVI for_PRP them_PNP ._SENT The_AT0 levels_NN2 of_PRF coonery_NN1 to_PRP which_DTQ I_PNP sank_VVD were_VBD unfathomable_AJ0 ._SENT There_EX0 were_VBD Al_NP0 Jolson_NP0 –_PUN style_NN1 minstrel_NN1 shows_VVZ given_VVN in_PRP our_DPS high_AJ0 school_NN1 gymnasium_NN1 ,_PUN starring_VVG yours_PNP truly_AV0 ._SENT A_AT0 real_AJ0 live_AJ0 Negro_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP shucked_VVD and_CJC jived_VVD my_DPS way_NN1 into_PRP their_DPS hearts_NN2 every_AT0 day_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 gym_NN1 after_CJS they_PNP 'd_VHD had_VHN their_DPS lunch_NN1 ._SENT They_PNP may_VM0 as_CJS well_AV0 have_VHI thrown_VVN watermelon_NN1 slices_NN2 as_PRP payment_NN1 ._SENT The_AT0 Black_AJ0 kids_NN2 from_PRP my_DPS neighborhood_NN1 would_VM0 look_VVI on_AVP from_PRP the_AT0 other_AJ0 side_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 gym_NN1 ,_PUN shaking_VVG their_DPS heads_NN2 in_PRP disapproval_NN1 ._SENT But_CJC I_PNP did_VDD n't_XX0 care_VVI ._SENT They_PNP were_VBD doomed_VVN to_TO0 be_VBI Black_AJ0 their_DPS whole_AJ0 lives_NN2 ._SENT Plus_AV0 ,_PUN they_PNP had_VHD all_AV0 called_VVN me_PNP "_PUQ faggot_NN1 "_PUQ enough_AV0 to_TO0 earn_VVI my_DPS hatred_NN1 forever_AV0 ._SENT I_PNP had_VHD found_VVN acceptance_NN1 ._SENT That_DT0 's_VBZ all_DT0 I_PNP ever_AV0 wanted_VVD ._SENT Someone_PNI would_VM0 bring_VVI a_AT0 little_AJ0 cassette_NN1 deck_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP would_VM0 dance_VVI for_PRP all_DT0 I_PNP was_VBD worth_PRP while_CJS they_PNP smiled_VVD and_CJC clapped_VVD me_PNP on_PRP the_AT0 back_NN1 and_CJC congratulated_VVD me_PNP for_PRP having_VHG rhythm_NN1 ._SENT Alex_NP0 was_VBD impressed_VVN as_CJS well_AV0 ,_PUN smiling_VVG broadly_AV0 at_PRP me_PNP and_CJC clapping_VVG along_AVP goofily_AV0 to_PRP the_AT0 music_NN1 ._SENT He_PNP noticed_VVD me_PNP in_PRP this_DT0 capacity_NN1 only_AV0 and_CJC I_PNP danced_VVD even_AV0 harder_AJC and_CJC faster_AJC under_PRP his_DPS gaze_NN1 until_PRP all_DT0 the_AT0 others_NN2 disappeared_VVD and_CJC I_PNP was_VBD dancing_VVG for_PRP him_PNP alone_AV0 ._SENT And_CJC then_AV0 ,_PUN one_CRD day_NN1 ,_PUN it_PNP happened_VVD ._SENT 
"_PUQ You_PNP should_VM0 tooootally_AV0 come_VVI with_PRP us_PNP to_PRP The_AT0 Red_AJ0 Caboose_NN1 on_PRP Saturday_NP0 !_SENT "_PUQ 
