My_DPS oldest_AJS memory_NN1 is_VBZ of_PRF my_DPS younger_AJC brother_NN1 ,_PUN R.C._NP0 ,_PUN eating_VVG a_AT0 smashed_AJ0 overripe_AJ0 tomato_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP remember_VVB the_AT0 way_NN1 he_PNP grabbed_VVD at_PRP the_AT0 pulpy_AJ0 red_AJ0 flesh_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC the_AT0 way_NN1 he_PNP could_VM0 only_AV0 hold_VVI it_PNP one_CRD way_NN1 :_PUN as_CJS tightly_AV0 as_CJS he_PNP possibly_AV0 could_VM0 ._SENT This_DT0 is_VBZ normal_AJ0 for_PRP small_AJ0 children_NN2 who_PNQ have_VHB not_XX0 yet_AV0 mastered_VVN their_DPS motor_NN1 skills_NN2 ._SENT There_EX0 is_VBZ no_AT0 difference_NN1 between_PRP holding_VVG and_CJC squeezing_VVG ._SENT They_PNP don’t_VVB know_VVB any_DT0 better_AJC ._SENT He_PNP didn’t_VVB know_VVB any_DT0 better_AJC ,_PUN and_CJC neither_AV0 did_VDD I_PNP ._SENT Of_PRF course_NN1 ,_PUN the_AT0 guts_NN2 of_PRF the_AT0 fruit_NN0 broke_VVD free_AJ0 into_PRP the_AT0 spaces_NN2 between_PRP his_DPS small_AJ0 fingers_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC made_VVD a_AT0 mess_NN1 on_PRP the_AT0 white_AJ0 tray_NN1 top_NN1 surrounding_VVG him_PNP ._SENT By_PRP the_AT0 time_NN1 he_PNP opened_VVD his_DPS hand_NN1 to_TO0 take_VVI a_AT0 bite_NN1 ,_PUN there_EX0 were_VBD only_AV0 cold_AJ0 strings_NN2 of_PRF bright_AJ0 skin_NN1 and_CJC small_AJ0 white_AJ0 seeds_NN2 ._SENT 
My_DPS brother_NN1 was_VBD too_AV0 young_AJ0 to_TO0 walk_VVI ,_PUN but_CJC I_PNP wasn’t_NN1 ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD I_PNP who_PNQ rooted_VVD around_AVP in_PRP the_AT0 bottom_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 refrigerator_NN1 ,_PUN found_VVD the_AT0 food_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC attempted_VVD to_TO0 slice_VVI it_PNP for_PRP him_PNP with_PRP a_AT0 butter_NN1 knife_NN1 ._SENT He’d_NP0 been_VBN crying_VVG in_PRP his_DPS walker_NN1 ,_PUN the_AT0 little_AJ0 wheels_NN2 scooting_VVG back_AVP and_CJC forth_AV0 across_PRP the_AT0 floor_NN1 as_CJS he_PNP flung_VVD himself_PNX from_PRP side_NN1 to_PRP side_NN1 ._SENT My_DPS mother_NN1 slept_VVD so_AV0 hard_AV0 his_DPS wails_NN2 didn’t_NN1 stir_VVB her_PNP ._SENT I_PNP didn’t_VVB want_VVB her_PNP to_TO0 wake_VVI up_AVP ._SENT I_PNP wanted_VVD her_PNP to_TO0 sleep_VVI ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP wanted_VVD to_TO0 help_VVI ._SENT My_DPS brother_NN1 and_CJC I_PNP were_VBD fourteen_CRD months_NN2 apart_AV0 in_PRP age_NN1 ,_PUN so_CJS I_PNP must_VM0 have_VHI been_VBN around_AV0 three_CRD years_NN2 old_AJ0 ._SENT I_PNP don’t_VVB remember_VVB a_AT0 time_NN1 before_PRP him_PNP ._SENT I_PNP was_VBD supposed_AJ0 to_TO0 have_VHI been_VBN a_AT0 miracle_NN1 baby_NN1 for_PRP my_DPS mother_NN1 ._SENT She’d_NP0 had_VHD an_AT0 ovary_NN1 removed_VVN as_PRP a_AT0 teenager_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC her_DPS doctor_NN1 told_VVD her_PNP the_AT0 other_AJ0 one_CRD didn’t_NN1 work_NN1 ._SENT It_PNP worked_VVD enough_AV0 for_PRP me_PNP apparently_AV0 ._SENT Then_AV0 R.C._NP0 came_VVD along_AVP ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP was_VBD not_XX0 a_AT0 miracle_NN1 anymore_AV0 ._SENT I_PNP was_VBD a_AT0 big_AJ0 sister_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC to_PRP me_PNP ,_PUN that_DT0 was_VBD better_AJC ._SENT I_PNP loved_VVD him_PNP too_AV0 much_AV0 right_AJ0 from_PRP the_AT0 beginning_NN1 ._SENT 
I_PNP saw_VVD my_DPS mother_NN1 go_VVI to_TO0 feed_VVI him_PNP each_DT0 time_NN1 he_PNP cried_VVD ,_PUN so_CJS I_PNP thought_VVD food_NN1 would_VM0 make_VVI him_PNP happy_AJ0 ._SENT He_PNP was_VBD my_DPS best_AJS friend_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP would_VM0 take_VVI care_NN1 of_PRF him_PNP ._SENT I_PNP rubbed_VVD his_DPS head_NN1 and_CJC whispered_VVD ,_PUN “_NP0 Don’t_NP0 cry_NN1 ,_PUN baby_NN1 ._SENT Don’t_NP0 cry_NN1 ._SENT ”_NP0 
When_CJS I_PNP was_VBD in_PRP college_NN1 ,_PUN one_CRD of_PRF my_DPS therapists_NN2 at_PRP the_AT0 on-campus_AJ0 counseling_NN1 center_NN1 told_VVD me_PNP I_PNP shouldn’t_NN1 remember_VVB any_DT0 of_PRF this_DT0 because_CJS I_PNP was_VBD too_AV0 young_AJ0 ._SENT He_PNP told_VVD me_PNP most_AV0 people_NN0 don’t_NN1 have_VHB memories_NN2 of_PRF themselves_PNX or_CJC their_DPS experiences_NN2 at_PRP two_CRD and_CJC three_CRD years_NN2 old_AJ0 ._SENT He_PNP asked_VVD me_PNP when_CJS I_PNP started_VVD speaking_VVG ._SENT I_PNP told_VVD him_PNP that_CJT I_PNP could_VM0 speak_VVI in_PRP sentences_NN2 before_CJS I_PNP could_VM0 walk_VVI ,_PUN a_AT0 fact_NN1 I’d_NN1 been_VBN reminded_VVN of_PRF by_PRP my_DPS grandmother_NN1 every_AT0 chance_NN1 she_PNP got_VVD ._SENT 
“_VVB You_PNP couldn’t_NN1 walk_VVB straight_AV0 for_PRP nothing_PNI ._SENT We_PNP called_VVD you_PNP Stagger_NP0 Lee_NP0 !_SENT ”_NP0 She’d_NP0 say_VVB ,_PUN laughter_NN1 ripping_VVG through_PRP her_DPS entire_AJ0 body_NN1 ,_PUN infecting_VVG anyone_PNI else_AV0 in_PRP the_AT0 room_NN1 ,_PUN even_AV0 me_PNP ,_PUN often_AV0 at_PRP my_DPS own_DT0 expense_NN1 ._SENT “_NN1 But_CJC you’d_NN1 point_NN1 at_PRP something_PNI you_PNP wanted_VVD and_CJC say_VVB ,_PUN ‘I_NP0 want_VVB that_DT0 !_SENT ’_PUQ I_PNP thought_VVD ,_PUN what_DTQ kind_NN1 of_PRF child_NN1 is_VBZ this_DT0 ?_SENT ”_NP0 She’d_NP0 shake_VVB her_DPS head_NN1 ,_PUN recreating_VVG the_AT0 same_DT0 confused_AJ0 look_NN1 she’d_NN1 apparently_AV0 worn_VVN all_DT0 those_DT0 years_NN2 ago_AV0 ._SENT 
I_PNP told_VVD him_PNP my_DPS grandmother_NN1 had_VHD a_AT0 tendency_NN1 to_TO0 oversell_VVI my_DPS childhood_NN1 intellect_NN1 ,_PUN so_CJS I_PNP couldn’t_NN1 be_VBI sure_AJ0 if_CJS it_PNP was_VBD accurate_AJ0 information_NN1 ._SENT He_PNP wrote_VVD it_PNP down_AVP on_PRP his_DPS notepad_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP continued_VVD to_TO0 tell_VVI him_PNP my_DPS stories_NN2 ,_PUN or_CJC what_DTQ I_PNP remembered_VVD of_PRF them_PNP ._SENT My_DPS earliest_AJS memories_NN2 are_VBB sunburnt_AJ0 Polaroids_NN2 ,_PUN frozen_AJ0 moments_NN2 gone_VVN blurry_AJ0 at_PRP the_AT0 edges_NN2 and_CJC spotted_VVD all_AV0 down_PRP the_AT0 middle_NN1 ._SENT Then_AV0 ,_PUN at_PRP four_CRD ,_PUN the_AT0 pictures_NN2 become_VVB clearer_AJC and_CJC clearer_AJC ,_PUN as_CJS do_VDB the_AT0 voices_NN2 within_PRP them_PNP ._SENT The_AT0 loudest_AJS voice_NN1 belongs_VVZ to_PRP my_DPS brother_NN1 ,_PUN before_CJS he_PNP could_VM0 properly_AV0 pronounce_VVI my_DPS name_NN1 ,_PUN calling_VVG for_PRP me_PNP ._SENT 
“_NP0 Hashy_NP0 ?_SENT Where_AVQ are_VBB you_PNP ?_SENT Where_AVQ is_VBZ my_DPS Hashy_NP0 ?_SENT ”_NP0 
My_DPS brother_NN1 loved_VVD me_PNP and_CJC made_VVD it_PNP so_AV0 easy_AJ0 to_TO0 believe_VVI I_PNP was_VBD good_AJ0 ._SENT I_PNP was_VBD a_AT0 child_NN1 ,_PUN unspoiled_AJ0 in_PRP a_AT0 certain_AJ0 way_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP didn’t_VVB doubt_VVB myself_PNX ._SENT I_PNP decided_VVD and_CJC I_PNP tried_VVD ._SENT Then_AV0 I’d_NP0 fail_VVB and_CJC try_VVB again_AV0 ._SENT Or_CJC I_PNP would_VM0 succeed_VVI and_CJC go_VVI on_AVP to_TO0 try_VVI something_PNI new_AJ0 ._SENT I_PNP was_VBD not_XX0 always_AV0 as_CJS afraid_AJ0 of_PRF the_AT0 world_NN1 or_CJC as_AV0 nervous_AJ0 about_PRP the_AT0 other_AJ0 people_NN0 living_VVG in_PRP it_PNP alongside_PRP me_PNP ,_PUN or_CJC what_DTQ they_PNP might_VM0 do_VDI to_PRP me_PNP ._SENT When_CJS my_DPS life_NN1 was_VBD new_AJ0 ,_PUN I_PNP understood_VVD in_PRP my_DPS bones_NN2 how_AVQ little_AJ0 it_PNP mattered_VVD what_DTQ anybody_PNI else_AV0 was_VBD doing_VDG ,_PUN or_CJC what_DTQ they_PNP thought_VVD about_PRP what_DTQ I_PNP was_VBD doing_VDG ._SENT I_PNP believed_VVD my_DPS bones_NN2 then_AV0 ._SENT 
When_CJS I_PNP was_VBD four_CRD years_NN2 old_AJ0 ,_PUN I_PNP taught_VVD myself_PNX to_TO0 lie_VVI awake_AJ0 until_PRP morning_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP wanted_VVD the_AT0 sunrise_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP only_AV0 had_VHD to_TO0 stay_VVI awake_AJ0 to_TO0 have_VHI her_PNP ._SENT When_CJS children_NN2 are_VBB small_AJ0 ,_PUN our_DPS desires_NN2 seem_VVB small_AJ0 ,_PUN even_AV0 if_CJS we_PNP want_VVB the_AT0 sky_NN1 ._SENT Anything_PNI we_PNP want_VVB seems_VVZ to_TO0 be_VBI only_AV0 a_AT0 matter_NN1 of_PRF time_NN1 and_CJC effort_NN1 away_AV0 ._SENT It’s_NP0 too_AV0 early_AJ0 to_TO0 imagine_VVI what’s_NN2 already_AV0 holding_VVG you_PNP back_AVP ._SENT 
I’d_NN1 been_VBN enraptured_VVN with_PRP a_AT0 storybook_NN1 about_PRP the_AT0 cycle_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 sun_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP remember_VVB looking_VVG on_AVP in_PRP awe_NN1 as_PRP my_DPS teacher_NN1 outstretched_AJ0 her_DPS right_AJ0 arm_NN1 ,_PUN extending_VVG it_PNP as_CJS far_AV0 as_CJS she_PNP could_VM0 ,_PUN her_DPS fingers_NN2 spread_VVN for_PRP the_AT0 illusion_NN1 of_PRF an_AT0 extra_AJ0 inch_NN1 ._SENT Her_DPS left_AJ0 arm_NN1 moved_VVD out_AVP and_CJC away_AV0 from_PRP her_DPS body_NN1 ,_PUN though_CJS not_XX0 as_AV0 far_AV0 as_CJS its_DPS opposite_NN1 ,_PUN still_AV0 close_AJ0 enough_AV0 to_TO0 read_VVI from_PRP the_AT0 book_NN1 she_PNP held_VVD ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD a_AT0 simple_AJ0 and_CJC sad_AJ0 attempt_NN1 to_TO0 describe_VVI the_AT0 sheer_AJ0 enormity_NN1 of_PRF a_AT0 life-supporting_AJ0 star_NN1 to_PRP a_AT0 pre-K_AJ0 classroom_NN1 ._SENT 
She_PNP said_VVD the_AT0 word_NN1 “_NN1 sunshine_NN1 ,_PUN ”_NN1 and_CJC we_PNP said_VVD it_PNP back_AVP ._SENT Her_DPS eyes_NN2 roamed_VVD the_AT0 cramped_AJ0 space_NN1 for_PRP something_PNI to_TO0 support_VVI her_DPS lesson_NN1 ,_PUN a_AT0 point_NN1 of_PRF reference_NN1 that_CJT might_VM0 get_VVI this_DT0 thing_NN1 to_TO0 click_VVI ._SENT The_AT0 taupe_NN1 tile_NN1 floor_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC its_DPS matching_AJ0 tattered_AJ0 and_CJC stained_AJ0 square_AJ0 reading_NN1 carpet_NN1 ,_PUN had_VHD nothing_PNI to_TO0 add_VVI ._SENT Nor_CJC did_VDD the_AT0 sky_NN1 ,_PUN nor_CJC rain_NN1 falling_VVG from_PRP overfull_AJ0 clouds_NN2 inching_VVG down_AVP the_AT0 window_NN1 behind_PRP her_PNP ._SENT Still_AV0 ,_PUN she_PNP tried_VVD to_TO0 get_VVI us_PNP to_TO0 understand_VVI ,_PUN to_TO0 sit_VVI down_AVP ,_PUN to_TO0 stop_VVI talking_VVG ,_PUN to_TO0 want_VVI to_TO0 know_VVI more_AV0 about_PRP what_DTQ the_AT0 universe_NN1 might_VM0 be_VBI up_AVP to_PRP while_NN1 life_NN1 so_AV0 far_AV0 had_VHD been_VBN teaching_VVG us_PNP to_TO0 be_VBI wholly_AV0 consumed_VVN with_PRP ourselves_PNX ._SENT 
I_PNP wanted_VVD to_TO0 know_VVI ._SENT I_PNP sat_VVD quietly_AV0 ,_PUN and_CJC waited_VVD for_PRP her_PNP to_TO0 continue_VVI the_AT0 story_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 sun_NN1 ._SENT My_DPS teacher_NN1 turned_VVD the_AT0 second_ORD to_PRP last_ORD page_NN1 ,_PUN revealing_VVG the_AT0 final_AJ0 illustration_NN1 ._SENT Those_DT0 massive_AJ0 swirls_NN2 of_PRF orange_NN1 ,_PUN gold_NN1 ,_PUN yellow_AJ0 ,_PUN and_CJC a_AT0 smattering_NN1 of_PRF sweet_AJ0 pinks_NN2 left_VVD little_AJ0 cracks_NN2 all_DT0 over_PRP my_DPS heart_NN1 ._SENT 
I_PNP gasped_VVD ._SENT 
I_PNP repeated_VVD the_AT0 word_NN1 “_NN1 sunrise_NN1 ,_PUN ”_NN1 and_CJC the_AT0 sound_NN1 opened_VVN like_PRP a_AT0 spring_NN1 bloom_NN1 on_PRP the_AT0 tip_NN1 of_PRF my_DPS tongue_NN1 ._SENT There_EX0 are_VBB few_DT0 words_NN2 worthy_AJ0 of_PRF the_AT0 wonders_NN2 they_PNP describe_VVB ,_PUN but_CJC sunrise_NN1 sounds_NN2 like_CJS it_PNP feels_VVZ ._SENT A_ZZ0 u_ZZ0 sunken_AJ0 to_PRP the_AT0 bottom_NN1 of_PRF one’s_NP0 throat_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC an_AT0 i_CRD ,_PUN pointing_VVG upward_AV0 and_CJC onward_AV0 to_PRP a_AT0 warm_AJ0 beyond_AV0 ._SENT 
I’m_AJ0 sure_AJ0 I’d_NN1 seen_VVN a_AT0 sunrise_NN1 sometime_AV0 before_CJS then_AV0 ,_PUN and_CJC had_VHD maybe_AV0 even_AV0 heard_VVN the_AT0 word_NN1 before_AV0 ._SENT The_AT0 sky_NN1 was_VBD already_AV0 one_CRD of_PRF my_DPS favorite_AJ0 things_NN2 ._SENT It_PNP told_VVD me_PNP what_DTQ kind_NN1 of_PRF day_NN1 I_PNP might_VM0 have_VHI ._SENT A_AT0 sunny_AJ0 day_NN1 usually_AV0 meant_VVD being_VBG outside_AJ0 with_PRP family_NN1 ,_PUN especially_AV0 R.C._NP0 ,_PUN my_DPS brother_NN1 ,_PUN best_AJS friend_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC favorite_AJ0 playmate_NN1 ._SENT Sometimes_AV0 our_DPS mama_NN1 even_AV0 played_VVD with_PRP us_PNP ._SENT 
Rainy_AJ0 days_NN2 were_VBD charming_AJ0 too_AV0 ._SENT My_DPS mother_NN1 ,_PUN brother_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP would_VM0 sit_VVI on_PRP the_AT0 couch_NN1 together_AV0 ,_PUN small_AJ0 limbs_NN2 draped_VVN over_PRP big_AJ0 ones_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC watch_VVB movies_NN2 ._SENT We_PNP had_VHD four_CRD or_CJC five_CRD kids’_AJ0 movies_NN2 on_PRP VHS_NP0 and_CJC my_DPS brother_NN1 learned_VVD them_PNP all_DT0 by_PRP heart_NN1 ._SENT Every_AT0 once_AV0 in_PRP a_AT0 while_NN1 ,_PUN he_PNP would_VM0 get_VVI lost_VVN in_PRP a_AT0 movie_NN1 ,_PUN sitting_VVG ,_PUN staring_VVG ,_PUN and_CJC speaking_VVG every_AT0 line_NN1 of_PRF dialogue_NN1 as_PRP the_AT0 actors_NN2 spoke_VVD it_PNP on-screen_AJ0 ._SENT My_DPS mother_NN1 ,_PUN grown_VVN frustrated_AJ0 ,_PUN would_VM0 yell_VVI ,_PUN “_NP0 Shut_VVB up_AVP or_CJC I’ll_NP0 turn_VVB it_PNP off_AVP !_SENT ”_VVB He_PNP would_VM0 stop_VVI ._SENT But_CJC after_PRP sitting_VVG a_AT0 while_NN1 ,_PUN staring_VVG a_AT0 while_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC forgetting_VVG why_AVQ he_PNP shouldn’t_VVD ,_PUN he’d_AJ0 start_NN1 to_TO0 do_VDI it_PNP again_AV0 ._SENT 
When_CJS she_PNP got_VVD tired_AJ0 of_PRF kid_NN1 movies_NN2 ,_PUN my_DPS mother_NN1 would_VM0 put_VVI on_PRP something_PNI meant_VVN for_PRP older_AJC audiences_NN2 ._SENT My_DPS brother_NN1 and_CJC I_PNP would_VM0 watch_VVI those_DT0 too_AV0 ._SENT My_DPS obsession_NN1 with_PRP sunrises_NN2 and_CJC sunsets_NN2 was_VBD only_AV0 stoked_VVN by_PRP their_DPS repeated_AJ0 appearances_NN2 in_PRP the_AT0 introductions_NN2 or_CJC theme_NN1 songs_NN2 of_PRF some_DT0 of_PRF my_DPS favorite_AJ0 television_NN1 shows_VVZ like_PRP The_AT0 Golden_AJ0 Girls_NN2 or_CJC China_NN1 Beach_NN1 ._SENT I’d_NP0 never_AV0 noticed_VVD the_AT0 sky_NN1 above_PRP our_DPS home_NN1 look_VVI anything_PNI like_PRP the_AT0 orange_NN1 and_CJC gold_NN1 dreamsicle_NN1 clouds_NN2 in_PRP my_DPS teacher’s_AJ0 book_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC I’d_NN1 seen_VVN them_PNP on_PRP TV_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP knew_VVD they_PNP happened_VVD somewhere_AV0 ._SENT 
After_PRP school_NN1 that_DT0 day_NN1 ,_PUN on_PRP the_AT0 car_NN1 ride_VVB back_AVP to_PRP our_DPS apartment_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP decided_VVD I_PNP wanted_VVD the_AT0 sunrise_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP knew_VVD I_PNP couldn’t_NN1 have_VHB the_AT0 sunrise_NN1 or_CJC its_DPS colors_NN2 for_PRP my_DPS own_DT0 ._SENT Some_DT0 things_NN2 were_VBD too_AV0 precious_AJ0 not_XX0 to_TO0 be_VBI shared_VVN ._SENT They_PNP just_AV0 had_VHD to_TO0 happen_VVI ,_PUN and_CJC you_PNP just_AV0 had_VHD to_TO0 make_VVI sure_AJ0 you_PNP were_VBD there_AV0 when_CJS they_PNP did_VDD ,_PUN and_CJC then_AV0 ,_PUN you_PNP were_VBD part_NN1 of_PRF something_PNI with_PRP everyone_PNI else_AV0 who_PNQ showed_VVD up_AVP at_PRP the_AT0 right_AJ0 time_NN1 ._SENT 
The_AT0 first_ORD night_NN1 I_PNP reached_VVD for_PRP the_AT0 sun_NN1 ,_PUN my_DPS mother_NN1 was_VBD expecting_VVG company_NN1 ._SENT Mom_NN1 ,_PUN R.C._NP0 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP usually_AV0 shared_VVD one_CRD bed_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 studio_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC she_PNP tucked_VVD us_PNP kids_NN2 in_AVP on_PRP the_AT0 couch_NN1 that_DT0 night_NN1 ._SENT This_DT0 put_VVD a_AT0 huge_AJ0 kink_NN1 in_PRP my_DPS plans_NN2 ._SENT There_EX0 was_VBD a_AT0 window_NN1 right_AV0 behind_PRP the_AT0 bed_NN1 but_CJC not_XX0 the_AT0 couch_NN1 ._SENT I’d_NP0 glimpsed_VVD the_AT0 leftovers_NN2 of_PRF the_AT0 brilliant_AJ0 painted_AJ0 sky_NN1 many_DT0 mornings_NN2 when_CJS I_PNP woke_VVD up_AVP for_PRP school_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC it_PNP wasn’t_VVD good_AJ0 enough_AV0 ._SENT I’d_NP0 convinced_VVD myself_PNX it_PNP would_VM0 look_VVI different_AJ0 ,_PUN more_AV0 brilliant_AJ0 ,_PUN if_CJS I_PNP stayed_VVD up_AVP to_TO0 watch_VVI ._SENT I_PNP wanted_VVD the_AT0 real_AJ0 thing_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP knew_VVD I_PNP could_VM0 prove_VVI myself_PNX worthy_AJ0 to_PRP the_AT0 sky_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP want_VVB a_AT0 sunrise_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC so_AV0 it_PNP shall_VM0 be_VBI was_VBD a_AT0 natural_AJ0 truth_NN1 in_PRP my_DPS child_NN1 mind_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP did_VDD not_XX0 let_VVI go_VVI ._SENT 
The_AT0 view_NN1 from_PRP the_AT0 couch_NN1 wouldn’t_NN1 do_VDB ._SENT I_PNP tried_VVD to_TO0 stay_VVI up_AVP anyway_AV0 ,_PUN to_PRP practice_NN1 for_PRP the_AT0 night_NN1 after_PRP —_PUN but_CJC my_DPS brother’s_NN2 warm_AJ0 legs_NN2 ,_PUN wrapped_VVD up_AVP in_PRP mine_PNP under_PRP our_DPS blanket_NN1 ,_PUN brought_VVN on_PRP the_AT0 dense_AJ0 and_CJC resolve-melting_AJ0 fog_NN1 of_PRF exhaustion_NN1 ._SENT My_DPS mind_NN1 resisted_VVD rest_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC all_DT0 that_DT0 closeness_NN1 eventually_AV0 soothed_VVD me_PNP to_TO0 sleep_VVI ._SENT 
The_AT0 next_ORD morning_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP woke_VVD up_AVP to_PRP the_AT0 sun_NN1 already_AV0 in_PRP the_AT0 sky_NN1 and_CJC the_AT0 television_NN1 playing_VVG ._SENT A_AT0 commercial_AJ0 was_VBD running_VVG and_CJC I_PNP caught_VVD the_AT0 words_NN2 ,_PUN “_NN1 Smoking_NN1 cigarettes_NN2 will_VM0 kill_VVI you_PNP ._SENT ”_NP0 I_PNP rubbed_VVD the_AT0 sleep_NN1 out_AVP of_PRF my_DPS eyes_NN2 and_CJC looked_VVD over_AVP at_PRP the_AT0 pack_NN1 of_PRF cigarettes_NN2 sitting_VVG in_PRP my_DPS mother’s_NN2 black_AJ0 purse_NN1 ._SENT She_PNP must_VM0 not_XX0 have_VHI known_VVN ._SENT I_PNP sat_VVD up_AVP to_TO0 tell_VVI her_PNP ,_PUN but_CJC she_PNP wasn’t_VVD in_PRP the_AT0 room_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP heard_VVD noises_NN2 coming_VVG from_PRP behind_PRP the_AT0 closed_AJ0 bathroom_NN1 door_NN1 ,_PUN letting_VVG me_PNP know_VVB she_PNP was_VBD handling_VVG private_AJ0 business_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC I_PNP couldn’t_VVB wait_VVB for_PRP her_DPS presence_NN1 or_CJC permission_NN1 to_TO0 act_VVI ._SENT I_PNP grabbed_VVD the_AT0 cigarettes_NN2 from_PRP her_DPS black_AJ0 purse_NN1 ,_PUN opened_VVD the_AT0 small_AJ0 cardboard_AJ0 box_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC dumped_VVD each_DT0 one_PNI into_PRP the_AT0 trash_NN1 can_VM0 full_AJ0 of_PRF last_ORD night’s_NN1 dinner_NN1 ,_PUN which_DTQ had_VHD been_VBN prepared_VVN exclusively_AV0 from_PRP cans_NN2 ._SENT When_CJS my_DPS mother_NN1 came_VVD out_AVP of_PRF the_AT0 bathroom_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP told_VVD her_PNP what_DTQ I’d_NN1 seen_VVN about_PRP the_AT0 cigarettes_NN2 on_PRP TV_NN1 ._SENT 
“_VVB They_PNP could_VM0 kill_VVI you_PNP !_SENT ”_VVB My_DPS mother_NN1 rolled_VVD her_DPS eyes_NN2 at_PRP me_PNP ,_PUN and_CJC at_PRP the_AT0 mention_NN1 of_PRF them_PNP ,_PUN began_VVD looking_VVG for_PRP her_DPS cigarettes_NN2 in_PRP earnest_NN1 ._SENT 
Only_AV0 then_AV0 did_VDD it_PNP occur_VVI to_PRP me_PNP she_PNP may_VM0 not_XX0 feel_VVI relieved_AJ0 I’d_NN1 already_AV0 thrown_VVN them_PNP out_AVP ._SENT 
I_PNP watched_VVD the_AT0 panic_NN1 sweep_NN1 over_PRP her_PNP ,_PUN as_CJS my_DPS own_DT0 followed_VVN ._SENT When_CJS we_PNP were_VBD bad_AJ0 ,_PUN my_DPS mother_NN1 hit_VVD us_PNP for_PRP it_PNP ,_PUN and_CJC there_EX0 was_VBD always_AV0 the_AT0 thought_NN1 that_CJT I_PNP would_VM0 die_VVI in_PRP the_AT0 back_NN1 of_PRF my_DPS mind_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP didn’t_VVB think_VVB my_DPS mother_NN1 wanted_VVD to_TO0 kill_VVI me_PNP on_PRP purpose_NN1 ._SENT It_PNP was_VBD her_DPS eyes_NN2 ._SENT My_DPS mother’s_NN2 rage_NN1 drained_VVD the_AT0 light_NN1 from_PRP her_DPS eyes_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC she_PNP became_VVD unrecognizable_AJ0 to_PRP me_PNP ._SENT There_EX0 was_VBD Mama_NN1 ,_PUN the_AT0 loving_AJ0 mother_NN1 we_PNP knew_VVD before_AV0 whatever_DTQ sparked_VVD her_DPS ire_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC then_AV0 there_EX0 was_VBD Mother_NP0 who_PNQ showed_VVD up_AVP in_PRP her_DPS place_NN1 ._SENT Mother_NN1 felt_VVD separate_AJ0 ,_PUN somehow_AV0 apart_AV0 from_PRP our_DPS otherwise_AV0 happy_AJ0 and_CJC harmonious_AJ0 existence_NN1 ._SENT She_PNP rose_VVD from_PRP somewhere_AV0 within_PRP Mama_NN1 and_CJC did_VDD the_AT0 latter’s_AJ0 dirty_AJ0 work_NN1 ._SENT Every_AT0 once_AV0 in_PRP a_AT0 while_NN1 ,_PUN my_DPS brother_NN1 and_CJC I_PNP were_VBD the_AT0 dirty_AJ0 work_NN1 needing_VVG done_VDN ._SENT 
I_PNP sat_VVD quietly_AV0 on_PRP the_AT0 couch_NN1 watching_VVG my_DPS mother_NN1 ,_PUN trying_VVG to_TO0 be_VBI very_AV0 still_AV0 ._SENT I_PNP knew_VVD Mama_NN1 would_VM0 find_VVI her_DPS cigarettes_NN2 in_PRP the_AT0 black_AJ0 trash_NN1 bag_NN1 eventually_AV0 ,_PUN a_AT0 few_DT0 of_PRF them_PNP ripped_VVD in_PRP half_NN1 to_TO0 ensure_VVI their_DPS loss_NN1 ._SENT When_CJS she_PNP did_VDD ,_PUN I_PNP was_VBD going_VVG to_TO0 get_VVI hit_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP was_VBD already_AV0 afraid_AJ0 of_PRF the_AT0 pain_NN1 ._SENT 
