Please_AV0 Do_VDB n't_XX0 Sit_VVB on_PRP My_DPS Bed_NN1 in_PRP Your_DPS Outside_AJ0 Clothes_NN2 
If_CJS you_PNP 're_VBB curious_AJ0 about_PRP what_DTQ I_PNP 'm_VBB like_AV0 before_CJS I_PNP have_VHB sex_NN1 —_PUN my_DPS parents_NN2 are_VBB reading_VVG this_DT0 like_PRP ,_PUN "_PUQ I_PNP 'M_VBB GOOD_AJ0 !_SENT "_PUQ —_PUN just_AV0 imagine_VVB that_CJT local_AJ0 reporter_NN1 you_PNP know_VVB and_CJC love_VVB who_PNQ 's_VBZ dressed_VVN in_PRP the_AT0 uncool_NN1 attire_NN1 from_PRP New_NP0 York_NP0 &_NP0 Company_NN1 (_PUL aka_NN1 anything_PNI not_XX0 from_PRP the_AT0 Gabrielle_NP0 Union_NN1 capsule_NN1 collection_NN1 )_PUR and_CJC barely_AV0 keeping_VVG it_PNP together_AV0 as_CJS drunk_AJ0 and_CJC rowdy_AJ0 people_NN0 repeatedly_AV0 interrupt_VVB her_DPS puff_NN1 piece_NN1 about_PRP that_DT0 year_NN1 's_POS Halloween_NN1 parade_NN1 ._SENT Despite_PRP how_AVQ distracting_AJ0 the_AT0 ruckus_NN1 is_VBZ ,_PUN her_DPS confident_AJ0 gaze_NN1 into_PRP the_AT0 camera_NN1 and_CJC plastered-on_AJ0 smile_NN1 serve_VVB as_PRP evidence_NN1 that_CJT not_XX0 only_AV0 can_VM0 she_PNP handle_VVI the_AT0 unexpected_AJ0 ,_PUN but_CJC she_PNP invites_VVZ it_PNP in_AVP ._SENT Her_DPS even_AJ0 tone_NN1 is_VBZ proof_NN1 she_PNP will_VM0 get_VVI through_PRP this_DT0 story_NN1 like_CJS she_PNP has_VHZ hundreds_CRD of_PRF times_NN2 before_AV0 ,_PUN leaving_VVG viewers_NN2 dazzled_VVN by_PRP her_DPS ability_NN1 to_TO0 both_AV0 be_VBI amiable_AJ0 and_CJC handle_NN1 things_NN2 like_PRP a_AT0 pro_NN1 ._SENT And_CJC for_PRP a_AT0 long_AJ0 time_NN1 ,_PUN leading_VVG up_AVP to_PRP sex_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP felt_VVD as_CJS though_CJS I_PNP was_VBD that_DT0 local_AJ0 reporter_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC the_AT0 drunk_AJ0 and_CJC rowdy_AJ0 folk_NN0 were_VBD the_AT0 thoughts_NN2 jockeying_VVG for_PRP position_NN1 in_PRP my_DPS overactive_AJ0 brain_NN1 ._SENT 
To_TO0 be_VBI clear_AJ0 ,_PUN it_PNP 's_VBZ perfectly_AV0 natural_AJ0 for_PRP hundreds_CRD of_PRF half-thoughts_NN2 ,_PUN random_AJ0 notions_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC unrelated_AJ0 tangents_NN2 to_TO0 fire_VVI off_AVP in_PRP people_NN0 's_POS minds_NN2 due_AJ0 to_PRP the_AT0 anticipation_NN1 of_PRF what_DTQ 's_VBZ about_AVP to_TO0 go_VVI down_AVP ._SENT The_AT0 problem_NN1 for_PRP me_PNP is_VBZ that_CJT most_DT0 of_PRF these_DT0 thoughts_NN2 are_VBB n't_XX0 particularly_AV0 salient_AJ0 or_CJC helpful_AJ0 ._SENT In_PRP fact_NN1 ,_PUN the_AT0 majority_NN1 are_VBB halfformed_AJ0 ,_PUN ignorant_AJ0 ,_PUN reeking_AJ0 of_PRF self-doubt_NN1 ,_PUN or_CJC ,_PUN worst-case_AJ0 scenario_NN1 ,_PUN funny_AJ0 ,_PUN which_DTQ can_VM0 make_VVI me_PNP accidentally_AV0 laugh_VVB out_AVP loud_AV0 instead_AV0 of_PRF focusing_VVG on_PRP sex_NN1 ._SENT I_PNP swear_VVB to_PRP you_PNP ,_PUN my_DPS brain_NN1 always_AV0 starts_VVZ out_AVP fine_AJ0 :_PUN I_PNP hope_VVB this_DT0 'll_VM0 be_VBI good_AJ0 ._SENT Or_CJC I_PNP hope_VVB I_PNP do_VDB n't_XX0 catch_VVI feels_VVZ ._SENT And_CJC Why_AVQ did_VDD I_PNP wear_VVI jeans_NN2 so_AV0 skinny_AJ0 that_CJT they_PNP require_VVB this_DT0 dude_NN1 to_TO0 engage_VVI his_DPS core_NN1 in_PRP order_NN1 to_TO0 help_VVI me_PNP take_VVI them_PNP off_AVP ?_SENT Ya_PNP know_VVB ,_PUN basic_AJ0 stuff_NN1 ._SENT Then_AV0 it_PNP quickly_AV0 devolves_VVZ from_PRP there_AV0 :_PUN 
I_PNP really_AV0 hope_VVB this_DT0 motherfucker_NN1 does_VDZ n't_XX0 want_VVI me_PNP to_TO0 put_VVI the_AT0 condom_NN1 on_PRP him_PNP because_CJS the_AT0 only_AJ0 way_NN1 I_PNP know_VVB how_AVQ to_TO0 do_VDI it_PNP is_VBZ like_PRP a_AT0 disgruntled_AJ0 Zara_NP0 employee_NN1 who_PNQ got_VVD stuck_AJ0 on_PRP window-display_NN1 duty_NN1 and_CJC has_VHZ to_TO0 clothe_VVI twelve_CRD mannequins_NN2 by_PRP herself_PNX before_PRP midnight_NN1 ._SENT What_DTQ if_CJS I_PNP were_VBD to_TO0 turn_VVI on_PRP the_AT0 "_PUQ Baby_NN1 Shark_NN1 "_PUQ song_NN1 halfway_AV0 through_PRP just_AV0 to_TO0 keep_VVI things_NN2 interesting_AJ0 ?_SENT Ugh_ITJ ,_PUN I_PNP 'm_VBB such_DT0 a_AT0 slob_NN1 ._SENT Do_VDB you_PNP think_VVI he_PNP notices_VVZ that_CJT my_DPS bedroom_NN1 looks_VVZ like_PRP the_AT0 FBI_NP0 came_VVD through_AVP here_AV0 with_PRP a_AT0 search_NN1 warrant_NN1 ?_SENT TBH_NP0 ,_PUN I_PNP 'm_VBB not_XX0 the_AT0 biggest_AJS fan_NN1 of_PRF his_DPS first_ORD name_NN1 —_PUN too_AV0 damn_AV0 formal_AJ0 —_PUN so_AV0 maybe_AV0 I_PNP could_VM0 test-drive_NN1 some_DT0 nicknames_NN2 and_CJC see_VVB what_DTQ he_PNP responds_VVZ to_TO0 ?_SENT If_CJS he_PNP fumbles_VVZ with_PRP my_DPS bra_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP 'm_VBB not_XX0 smashing_VVG ._SENT J_ZZ0 /_PUN K_ZZ0 ._SENT He_PNP 's_VBZ hot_AJ0 ,_PUN and_CJC just_AV0 like_PRP the_AT0 proverb_NN1 "_PUQ Each_DT0 one_PNI teach_VVB one_PNI ,_PUN "_PUQ which_DTQ originated_VVD during_PRP slavery_NN1 because_CJS Africans_NN2 were_VBD denied_VVN the_AT0 right_NN1 to_TO0 read_VVI ,_PUN so_AV0 that_CJT when_CJS an_AT0 enslaved_AJ0 person_NN1 did_VDD learn_VVI to_TO0 read_VVI ,_PUN it_PNP was_VBD their_DPS duty_NN1 to_TO0 teach_VVI someone_PNI else_AV0 ,_PUN I_PNP 'm_VBB going_VVG to_TO0 educate_VVI this_DT0 mofo_NN1 ,_PUN so_AV0 maybe_AV0 this_DT0 is_VBZ my_DPS way_NN1 of_PRF giving_VVG back_AVP ?_SENT Aaaaaaaand_NP0 now_AV0 I_PNP 'm_VBB thinking_VVG about_PRP slavery_NN1 ._SENT Great_AJ0 ._SENT But_CJC also_AV0 ,_PUN does_VDZ teaching_VVG this_DT0 dude_NN1 how_AVQ to_TO0 unhook_VVI a_AT0 bra_NN1 make_VVI me_PNP a_AT0 philanthropist_NN1 ?_SENT Okay_AV0 ,_PUN maybe_AV0 not_XX0 a_AT0 philanthropist_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC at_PRP least_AV0 on_PRP the_AT0 path_NN1 to_PRP having_VHG a_AT0 street_NN1 named_VVN after_PRP me_PNP ,_PUN or_CJC a_AT0 Tuesday_NP0 in_PRP August_NP0 declared_VVD Phoebe_NP0 Robinson_NP0 Day_NP0 ,_PUN or_CJC being_VBG given_VVN keys_NN2 to_PRP the_AT0 city_NN1 ._SENT Like_AV0 ,_PUN all_DT0 I_PNP want_VVB is_VBZ to_TO0 hold_VVI a_AT0 comically_AV0 large_AJ0 pair_NN0 of_PRF scissors_NN2 ,_PUN cut_VVB a_AT0 ribbon_NN1 ,_PUN and_CJC have_VHB people_NN0 applaud_VVB me_PNP ._SENT What_DTQ exactly_AV0 do_VDB I_PNP have_VHI to_TO0 do_VDI in_PRP order_NN1 to_TO0 make_VVI that_CJT happen_VVB ?_SENT Have_VHB city-approved_AJ0 plans_NN2 to_TO0 construct_VVI a_AT0 building_NN1 ?_SENT Start_VVB a_AT0 brick-and-mortar_AJ0 business_NN1 ?_SENT Okay_AV0 ,_PUN bitch_NN1 ,_PUN you_PNP need_VVB to_TO0 focus_VVI on_PRP the_AT0 task_NN1 at_PRP hand_NN1 ._SENT A_AT0 few_DT0 beats_NN2 pass_VVB ._SENT Should_VM0 I_PNP give_VVI Emily_NP0 in_PRP Paris_NP0 a_AT0 chance_NN1 ?_SENT That_DT0 's_VBZ it_PNP ._SENT You_PNP 're_VBB allowed_VVN one_CRD last_ORD thought_NN1 and_CJC then_AV0 it_PNP 's_VBZ game_NN1 —_PUN I_PNP really_AV0 wish_VVB I_PNP focused_VVD on_PRP squats_NN2 at_PRP any_DT0 point_NN1 from_PRP middle_AJ0 school_NN1 to_PRP my_DPS middle_AJ0 thirts_NN2 ,_PUN so_AV0 I_PNP could_VM0 have_VHI built_VVN up_AVP the_AT0 thigh_NN1 strength_NN1 to_TO0 ride_VVI the_AT0 D_ZZ0 for_PRP more_AV0 than_CJS 8.6_CRD seconds_NN2 ._SENT 
Y'all_VVB ,_PUN I_PNP 'm_VBB aware_AJ0 that_DT0 last_ORD one_PNI is_VBZ a_AT0 touch_NN1 specific_AJ0 ,_PUN so_AV0 I_PNP 'll_VM0 explain_VVI ._SENT Recently_AV0 ,_PUN as_CJS I_PNP was_VBD descending_VVG into_PRP the_AT0 squatting_AJ0 position_NN1 over_PRP my_DPS boyfriend_NN1 's_POS penis_NN1 ,_PUN about_PRP seventeen_CRD thousand_CRD of_PRF my_DPS hip_NN1 bones_NN2 snapped_VVD ,_PUN crackled_VVD ,_PUN and_CJC popped_VVD ,_PUN and_CJC I_PNP had_VHD so_AV0 many_DT0 questions_NN2 :_PUN Did_VDD someone_PNI light_VVI some_DT0 kindling_NN1 ?_SENT Is_VBZ a_AT0 box_NN1 of_PRF carpenter_NN1 nails_NN2 tumbling_VVG down_AVP the_AT0 staircase_NN1 I_PNP do_VDB n't_XX0 have_VHI in_PRP my_DPS apartment_NN1 ?_SENT Like_AV0 ,_PUN why_AVQ do_VDB my_DPS hips_NN2 sound_VVB like_PRP the_AT0 breaking-glass_AJ0 sound_NN1 effect_NN1 at_PRP the_AT0 beginning_NN1 of_PRF WWE_NP0 's_POS "_PUQ Stone_NN1 Cold_AJ0 "_PUQ Steve_NP0 Austin_NP0 intro_NN1 music_NN1 ?_SENT And_CJC if_CJS you_PNP think_VVB it_PNP 's_VBZ any_AV0 better_AJC in_PRP missionary_NN1 position_NN1 ,_PUN it_PNP ai_NN0 n't_XX0 !_SENT As_CJS I_PNP 'm_VBB lying_VVG down_AVP ,_PUN there_EX0 's_VBZ a_AT0 fifty-fifty_CRD chance_NN1 that_CJT Bae_NN2 moving_VVG my_DPS thighs_NN2 up_AVP to_PRP my_DPS chest_NN1 will_VM0 sound_VVI like_PRP me_PNP when_CJS I_PNP 'm_VBB at_PRP my_DPS parents_NN2 '_POS house_NN1 for_PRP the_AT0 holidays_NN2 and_CJC it_PNP 's_VBZ three_CRD A.M._AV0 and_CJC I_PNP ever-so-delicately_AV0 touch_VVB the_AT0 plastic_NN1 lid_NN1 on_PRP the_AT0 store-bought_AJ0 cake_NN1 and_CJC crinkle_NN1 noises_NN2 reverberate_VVB for_PRP half_DT0 a_AT0 minute_NN1 ._SENT 
In_PRP summary_NN1 :_PUN I_PNP AM_VBB OLD_AJ0 ._SENT And_CJC instead_AV0 of_PRF fighting_VVG it_PNP ,_PUN I_PNP 'm_VBB leaning_VVG into_PRP it_PNP ._SENT So_AV0 bring_VVB on_PRP the_AT0 bags_NN2 of_PRF Werther_NP0 's_POS Originals_NN2 ,_PUN having_VHG a_AT0 strong_AJ0 opinion_NN1 about_PRP how_AVQ to_TO0 fold_VVI fitted_AJ0 sheets_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC writing_VVG in_PRP cursive_AJ0 ._SENT I_PNP know_VVB ,_PUN I_PNP know_VVB ._SENT Calligraphy_NN1 is_VBZ making_VVG a_AT0 comeback_NN1 as_PRP a_AT0 relaxing_AJ0 adult_NN1 activity_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC if_CJS you_PNP 're_VBB out_AVP here_AV0 writing_VVG whole-ass_AJ0 letters_NN2 to_PRP friends_NN2 in_PRP cursive_AJ0 ,_PUN you_PNP are_VBB ,_PUN at_PRP the_AT0 very_AV0 least_AV0 ,_PUN pre-menopausal_AJ0 aka_NN1 your_DPS puss_NN1 puss_NN1 needs_VVZ a_AT0 Ricola_NP0 and_CJC a_AT0 cup_NN1 of_PRF Throat_NN1 Coat_NN1 tea_NN1 to_TO0 stay_VVI lubed_VVN up_AVP ._SENT But_CJC back_AVP to_PRP the_AT0 matter_NN1 at_PRP hand_NN1 ._SENT 
Despite_PRP all_DT0 the_AT0 thoughts_NN2 that_CJT pop_VVB into_PRP my_DPS head_NN1 pre-sex_AJ0 ,_PUN there_EX0 's_VBZ one_PNI that_CJT reigns_VVZ supreme_AJ0 ._SENT Prior_AJ0 to_PRP British_AJ0 Baekoff_NP0 ,_PUN almost_AV0 every_AT0 time_NN1 since_CJS I_PNP started_VVD having_VHG sex_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP would_VM0 think_VVI ,_PUN Please_AV0 do_VDB n't_XX0 sit_VVI on_PRP my_DPS bed_NN1 in_PRP your_DPS outside_AJ0 clothes_NN2 ,_PUN please_AV0 do_VDB n't_XX0 sit_VVI on_PRP my_DPS bed_NN1 in_PRP your_DPS outside_AJ0 clothes_NN2 ,_PUN please_AV0 do_VDB n't_XX0 sit_VVI on_PRP my_DPS bed_NN1 in_PRP your_DPS outside_AJ0 clothes_NN2 ,_PUN as_CJS if_CJS it_PNP 's_VBZ an_AT0 incantation_NN1 that_CJT would_VM0 magically_AV0 make_VVI my_DPS suitor_NN1 of_PRF the_AT0 moment_NN1 suddenly_AV0 be_VBI mindful_AJ0 of_PRF the_AT0 germs_NN2 that_CJT his_DPS clothing_NN1 is_VBZ harboring_AJ0 and_CJC put_VVB a_AT0 pin_NN1 in_PRP the_AT0 passion_NN1 for_PRP a_AT0 few_DT0 minutes_NN2 so_CJS he_PNP could_VM0 take_VVI off_AVP what_DTQ he_PNP 's_VBZ wearing_VVG ,_PUN fold_VVB it_PNP all_DT0 neatly_AV0 ,_PUN then_AV0 wash_VVB his_DPS hands_NN2 before_PRP coming_VVG to_PRP bed_NN1 ._SENT 
Now_AV0 ,_PUN I_PNP suspect_VVB this_DT0 whole_AJ0 "_PUQ threat_NN1 of_PRF outside_AJ0 clothes_NN2 contaminating_VVG household_NN1 furniture_NN1 "_PUQ is_VBZ ,_PUN to_TO0 put_VVI it_PNP lightly_AV0 ,_PUN a_AT0 cultural_AJ0 thing_NN1 because_CJS "_PUQ Please_AV0 do_VDB n't_XX0 sit_VVI on_PRP my_DPS bed_NN1 in_PRP your_DPS outside_AJ0 clothes_NN2 "_PUQ is_VBZ a_AT0 directive_NN1 I_PNP 've_VHB said_VVN to_PRP almost_AV0 every_AT0 white_AJ0 being_NN1 entering_VVG my_DPS space_NN1 ._SENT White_AJ0 parents_NN2 ._SENT White_AJ0 friends_NN2 ._SENT White_AJ0 dogs_NN2 ._SENT That_DT0 said_VVD ,_PUN when_CJS it_PNP comes_VVZ to_PRP men_NN2 ,_PUN race_NN1 does_VDZ n't_XX0 necessarily_AV0 matter_VVI ._SENT It_PNP seems_VVZ that_CJT for_PRP all_DT0 men_NN2 ,_PUN particularly_AV0 the_AT0 straight_AJ0 ones_NN2 ,_PUN this_DT0 fear_NN1 that_CJT I_PNP have_VHB is_VBZ n't_XX0 top_AJ0 of_PRF mind_NN1 for_PRP them_PNP ,_PUN although_CJS if_CJS a_AT0 Black_AJ0 dude_NN1 is_VBZ on_PRP the_AT0 receiving_AJ0 end_NN1 of_PRF this_DT0 request_NN1 ,_PUN he_PNP 's_VBZ not_XX0 surprised_AJ0 ._SENT He_PNP simply_AV0 responds_VVZ with_PRP some_DT0 variation_NN1 on_AVP ,_PUN "_PUQ Yep_ITJ ,_PUN got_VVD it_PNP ._SENT My_DPS grandma_NN1 used_VVD to_TO0 say_VVI this_DT0 to_PRP me_PNP all_DT0 the_AT0 time_NN1 when_CJS I_PNP was_VBD growing_VVG up_AVP ._SENT "_PUQ And_CJC if_CJS you_PNP 're_VBB still_AV0 not_XX0 convinced_AJ0 that_CJT this_DT0 is_VBZ a_AT0 cultural_AJ0 request_NN1 because_CJS you_PNP do_VDB n't_XX0 have_VHI enough_DT0 empirical_AJ0 data_NN0 aka_NN1 no_AT0 friends_NN2 of_PRF color_NN1 ,_PUN then_AV0 I_PNP will_VM0 appease_VVI you_PNP by_PRP chalking_VVG it_PNP up_AVP to_PRP being_VBG a_AT0 Robinson_NP0 special_AJ0 ._SENT 
Now_AV0 ,_PUN I_PNP gave_VVD you_PNP a_AT0 sneak_NN1 peek_NN1 into_PRP who_PNQ Ma_NP0 and_CJC Pa_NP0 Robinson_NP0 are_VBB as_PRP people_NN0 in_PRP the_AT0 previous_AJ0 essay_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC that_DT0 amuse-bouche_NN1 is_VBZ n't_XX0 enough_AV0 ._SENT Oh_ITJ ,_PUN how_AVQ I_PNP wish_VVB you_PNP could_VM0 spend_VVI some_DT0 time_NN1 with_PRP them_PNP ,_PUN but_CJC that_DT0 is_VBZ n't_XX0 in_PRP the_AT0 cards_NN2 because_CJS they_PNP have_VHB zero_CRD interest_NN1 in_PRP meeting_VVG anyone_PNI new_AJ0 for_PRP the_AT0 rest_NN1 of_PRF their_DPS lives_NN2 ._SENT I_PNP mean_VVB ,_PUN they_PNP treated_VVD an_AT0 all-expenses-paid_AJ0 trip_NN1 to_TO0 meet_VVI Michelle_NP0 Obama_NP0 like_CJS it_PNP was_VBD an_AT0 offer_NN1 to_TO0 shovel_VVI cow_NN1 dung_NN1 on_PRP Old_AJ0 McDonald_NP0 's_POS farm_NN1 ,_PUN so_CJS you_PNP 're_VBB foolin_NP0 '_POS yourself_PNX if_CJS you_PNP think_VVB my_DPS parents_NN2 will_VM0 view_VVI hanging_VVG out_AVP with_PRP you_PNP as_CJS anything_PNI other_AJ0 than_CJS precious_AJ0 time_NN1 they_PNP could_VM0 spend_VVI driving_VVG to_PRP and_CJC from_PRP a_AT0 Redbox_NN1 kiosk_NN1 to_TO0 rent_VVI a_AT0 DVD_NN1 ._SENT Yes_ITJ ,_PUN my_DPS brother_NN1 hooked_VVD them_PNP up_AVP with_PRP a_AT0 Netflix_NP0 account_NN1 ._SENT Yes_ITJ ,_PUN I_PNP got_VVD them_PNP HBO_NP0 Max_NP0 ._SENT Yes_ITJ ,_PUN they_PNP pay_VVB for_PRP Hulu_NP0 ._SENT But_CJC apparently_AV0 ,_PUN it_PNP 's_VBZ not_XX0 enough_AV0 and_CJC they_PNP need_VVB to_TO0 waste_VVI gas_NN1 and_CJC pollute_VVB the_AT0 planet_NN1 so_CJS they_PNP can_VM0 get_VVI the_AT0 latest_AJS direct-to-video_NN1 John_NP0 Cena_NP0 movie_NN1 ._SENT Honestly_AV0 ,_PUN I_PNP wanna_NN1 tell_VVB on_PRP them_PNP to_PRP Greta_NP0 Thunberg_NP0 so_CJS she_PNP can_VM0 give_VVI them_PNP a_AT0 stern_AJ0 talking-to_NN1 about_PRP how_AVQ they_PNP 're_VBB contributing_VVG to_PRP climate_NN1 change_NN1 ,_PUN so_CJS they_PNP will_VM0 stop_VVI going_VVG to_PRP Redbox_NN1 to_TO0 rent_VVI wack_NN1 movies_NN2 ._SENT But_CJC I_PNP digress_VVB ._SENT The_AT0 point_NN1 is_VBZ my_DPS parents_NN2 are_VBB delightful_AJ0 and_CJC you_PNP will_VM0 never_AV0 meet_VVI them_PNP ,_PUN so_AV0 the_AT0 next_ORD best_AJS thing_NN1 is_VBZ me_PNP sharing_VVG three_CRD key_AJ0 facts_NN2 that_CJT 'll_VM0 give_VVI you_PNP deep_AJ0 insight_NN1 into_PRP Phillip_NP0 and_CJC Octavia_NP0 Robinson_NP0 ._SENT 
Number_NN1 one_CRD ,_PUN they_PNP love_VVB keeping_VVG track_NN1 of_PRF how_AVQ long_AJ0 it_PNP 's_VHZ been_VBN since_CJS they_PNP were_VBD last_ORD sick_NN1 the_AT0 way_NN1 an_AT0 alcoholic_NN1 counts_VVZ the_AT0 days_NN2 of_PRF their_DPS sobriety_NN1 ._SENT No_ITJ matter_NN1 how_AVQ much_DT0 I_PNP remind_VVB my_DPS mom_NN1 and_CJC dad_NN1 that_CJT this_DT0 information_NN1 is_VBZ n't_XX0 worth_PRP bragging_VVG about_AVP ,_PUN that_CJT no_AT0 chip_NN1 awaits_VVZ them_PNP to_TO0 mark_VVI their_DPS achievement_NN1 ,_PUN they_PNP 'll_VM0 find_VVI a_AT0 way_NN1 to_TO0 work_VVI it_PNP into_PRP conversation_NN1 ._SENT 
"_PUQ Mom_NN1 ,_PUN I_PNP 'm_VBB having_VHG trouble_NN1 with_PRP my_DPS taxes_NN2 ._SENT Can_VM0 you_PNP download_VVI your_DPS accountant_NN1 wisdom_NN1 into_PRP me_PNP real_AV0 quick_AJ0 ?_SENT "_PUQ 
"_PUQ Well_AV0 ,_PUN it_PNP 's_VBZ funny_AJ0 you_PNP mention_VVB 1099_CRD independent_AJ0 contractor_NN1 forms_NN2 ..._PUN "_PUQ 
"_PUQ I_PNP mean_VVB ,_PUN I_PNP did_VDD n't_XX0 —_PUN "_PUQ 
"_PUQ Because_CJS it_PNP 's_VHZ been_VBN 1_CRD ,_PUN 099_CRD days_NN2 since_PRP influenza_NN1 last_ORD felled_VVN me_PNP ._SENT "_PUQ 
Secondly_AV0 ,_PUN the_AT0 parental_AJ0 units_NN2 are_VBB incredibly_AV0 giving_VVG and_CJC selfless_AJ0 people_NN0 ._SENT A_AT0 present_NN1 from_PRP them_PNP is_VBZ usually_AV0 the_AT0 item_NN1 you_PNP mentioned_VVD months_NN2 ago_AV0 that_CJT you_PNP since_AV0 forgot_VVD about_AVP ,_PUN but_CJC they_PNP never_AV0 did_VDD ._SENT When_CJS the_AT0 family_NN1 fell_VVD on_PRP hard_AJ0 times_NN2 while_CJS I_PNP was_VBD in_PRP high_AJ0 school_NN1 ,_PUN my_DPS mom_NN1 walked_VVD several_DT0 miles_NN2 to_PRP and_CJC from_PRP work_NN1 every_AT0 day_NN1 because_CJS they_PNP decided_VVD that_CJT losing_VVG their_DPS car_NN1 due_AJ0 to_PRP being_VBG behind_AV0 on_PRP payments_NN2 was_VBD better_AJC than_CJS pulling_VVG me_PNP out_AVP of_PRF private_AJ0 prep_AJ0 school_NN1 halfway_AV0 through_PRP junior_AJ0 year_NN1 ._SENT And_CJC as_CJS many_DT0 parents_NN2 were_VBD having_VHG to_TO0 deal_VVI with_PRP the_AT0 reality_NN1 of_PRF homeschooling_VVG their_DPS children_NN2 while_CJS working_VVG from_PRP home_NN1 during_PRP Covid-19_NP0 ,_PUN my_DPS dad_NN1 volunteered_VVD to_PRP homeschool_NN1 my_DPS charmingly_AV0 precocious_AJ0 niece_NN1 to_TO0 help_VVI lessen_VVI the_AT0 stress_NN1 my_DPS brother_NN1 and_CJC sister-in-law_NN1 had_VHD due_AJ0 to_PRP their_DPS demanding_AJ0 jobs_NN2 ._SENT I_PNP know_VVB that_CJT saying_VVG "_PUQ Feelings_NN2 are_VBB n't_XX0 facts_NN2 ,_PUN "_PUQ but_CJC I_PNP feel_VVB like_PRP my_DPS parents_NN2 are_VBB fucking_AV0 amazing_AJ0 and_CJC there_EX0 's_VBZ no_AV0 convincing_VVG me_PNP that_DT0 is_VBZ n't_XX0 one_CRD of_PRF the_AT0 purest_AJS and_CJC truest_AJS facts_NN2 ._SENT 
And_CJC ,_PUN finally_AV0 ,_PUN the_AT0 third_ORD piece_NN1 of_PRF information_NN1 to_TO0 complete_VVI this_DT0 sketch_NN1 of_PRF my_DPS parents_NN2 is_VBZ their_DPS unwavering_AJ0 belief_NN1 that_CJT there_EX0 should_VM0 be_VBI a_AT0 deep_AJ0 divide_NN1 between_PRP the_AT0 outside_AJ0 world_NN1 and_CJC the_AT0 holy_AJ0 cleanliness_NN1 of_PRF their_DPS home_NN1 ._SENT Growing_VVG up_AVP ,_PUN there_EX0 was_VBD never_AV0 this_DT0 bipartisan_AJ0 ,_PUN reaching-across-the-aisle_AJ0 ,_PUN "_PUQ both_DT0 sides_NN2 of_PRF the_AT0 argument_NN1 are_VBB valid_AJ0 ._SENT "_PUQ To_PRP them_PNP ,_PUN outside_AV0 is_VBZ a_AT0 hellscape_NN1 full_AJ0 of_PRF unhygienic_AJ0 people_NN0 and_CJC trifling_AJ0 surfaces_NN2 whose_DTQ sole_AJ0 reason_NN1 for_PRP existence_NN1 is_VBZ to_TO0 disrupt_VVI the_AT0 harmony_NN1 they_PNP 've_VHB painstakingly_AV0 created_VVN ._SENT Since_CJS I_PNP can_VM0 remember_VVI ,_PUN after_PRP each_DT0 week_NN1 of_PRF us_PNP coming_VVG and_CJC going_VVG from_PRP work_NN1 ,_PUN school_NN1 ,_PUN extracurricular_AJ0 activities_NN2 ,_PUN parties_NN2 ,_PUN dates_NN2 ,_PUN and_CJC study_NN1 groups_NN2 ,_PUN my_DPS parents_NN2 would_VM0 do_VDI a_AT0 deep_AJ0 clean_NN1 of_PRF THE_AT0 ENTIRE_AJ0 HOUSE_NN1 ,_PUN including_PRP dusting_VVG ,_PUN mopping_VVG ,_PUN and_CJC washing_VVG the_AT0 baseboards_NN2 ._SENT This_DT0 is_VBZ a_AT0 task_NN1 that_CJT ,_PUN to_PRP this_DT0 day_NN1 ,_PUN they_PNP still_AV0 carry_VVB out_AVP like_PRP clockwork_NN1 every_AT0 seven_CRD days_NN2 ._SENT 
Just_AV0 to_TO0 do_VDI a_AT0 quick_AJ0 study_NN1 in_PRP contrasts_NN2 ,_PUN after_PRP eight_CRD months_NN2 of_PRF quarantining_NN1 in_PRP our_DPS apartment_NN1 ,_PUN Baekoff_NP0 and_CJC I_PNP hired_VVD cleaners_NN2 to_TO0 get_VVI our_DPS home_NN1 back_AVP on_PRP track_NN1 ._SENT Once_CJS they_PNP were_VBD finished_VVN ,_PUN they_PNP told_VVD him_PNP how_AVQ dusty_AJ0 our_DPS apartment_NN1 was_VBD ._SENT Admittedly_AV0 ,_PUN that_DT0 's_VBZ mostly_AV0 my_DPS fault_NN1 because_CJS he_PNP 's_VBZ very_AV0 neat_AJ0 and_CJC I_PNP 'm_VBB a_AT0 slob_NN1 kebab_NN1 ,_PUN but_CJC they_PNP ai_NN0 n't_XX0 know_VVI that_DT0 !_SENT All_AV0 they_PNP knew_VVD was_VBD they_PNP spent_VVN the_AT0 previous_AJ0 four_CRD hours_NN2 wishing_VVG they_PNP were_VBD wearing_VVG eye_NN1 goggles_NN2 because_CJS the_AT0 amount_NN1 of_PRF dust_NN1 kicked_VVD up_AVP made_VVD them_PNP feel_VVB like_CJS they_PNP were_VBD in_PRP that_DT0 sandstorm_NN1 scene_NN1 from_PRP Mission_NN1 :_PUN Impossible_AJ0 —_PUN Ghost_NN1 Protocol_NN1 ._SENT While_CJS they_PNP were_VBD annoyed_AJ0 ,_PUN they_PNP were_VBD n't_XX0 stupid_AJ0 ,_PUN so_CJS they_PNP basically_AV0 waited_VVD until_PRP the_AT0 wire_NN1 payment_NN1 and_CJC tip_NN1 went_VVD through_AVP like_PRP a_AT0 heist_NN1 and_CJC then_AV0 ,_PUN with_PRP some_DT0 bass_NN1 in_PRP their_DPS voices_NN2 ,_PUN they_PNP low-key_AJ0 cussed_VVN us_PNP out_AVP with_PRP such_DT0 pinpoint_AJ0 accuracy_NN1 that_CJT it_PNP felt_VVD as_CJS though_CJS these_DT0 three_CRD Russian_AJ0 queens_NN2 took_VVD ESL_NP0 specifically_AV0 to_TO0 tell_VVI my_DPS boyfriend_NN1 and_CJC me_PNP that_DT0 the_AT0 air_NN1 quality_NN1 in_PRP our_DPS apartment_NN1 was_VBD n't_XX0 suitable_AJ0 for_PRP their_DPS precious_AJ0 lungs_NN2 !_SENT 
